Thursday, September 08, 2011
U.S. Government vs. Vanderbilt University History Department
Vanderbilt University , BVD News Bloggtographer - The HUSTLER learned the United States government has been trying to rewrite American history inside Vanderbilt's History Department. HUSTLER's officially unofficially Jerry was on the scene to find out why.
Jerry : What's going on ? What's wrong with American history ?
Dean , Vanderbilt History Department : It's a taxing paranormal complexity , unparalleled to the unparanormal complexities paralled to the oxi moronic chaos within this universe.
Jerry : What ? Is this a Thackston joke ?
Dean : Worse. We are talking taxation to the taxes , for the taxes , because of the taxes , so our government can tax our taxes.
Jerry : I'm really not following you on this.
Dean : Do you remember " No taxation without representation ?"
Jerry : Well , yes , I'm old school.
Dean : Our government is now putting military classification on American history for the purposes of hiding the truth. The NSA co operating with the CIA , who has FBI jurisdiction , under Secret Service guidlines ,and without a warrant , are now pulling early American history books off the shelves and taking them to a safe place , deep beneath the Pentagon , where Americans can't get to them and learn the truth.
Jerry : That's absurd , what's so classified about early American history ?
Dean : Here is a classic classified example. Today , American citizens pay city water taxes to provide water to their homes. Have you seen a water bill lately ? The citizen pays water useage tax , water pipe tax , boundary line tax , county tax , city tax , water meter tax , water flow tax , water pressure tax , county school district tax , city school district tax , city government employee tax , city residence citizen tax , city residence outside the city tax , and even sales tax on the monetary total , plus sales tax on the bottom line.
Jerry : OK , I'm trying to follow what you are saying.
Dean : Did you learn about the " Boston Tea Party " ?
Jerry : Yes , it was a revolt against the British king putting a tax on tea.
Dean : That's right. Well , look around you today. We have a tax on tea , we have taxes on the water to make the tea , there's sales tax on the tea leaves , import ship taxes , in port ship taxes , port authority taxes on the ship , ship container taxes , plus import taxes , customs taxes , transportation taxes , there's even sales taxes on the tea container in your home so you can take it home.
Jerry : Whoa , my head is spinning.
Dean : Now do you understand why our government wants to hide this about our history ?
Wednesday, September 07, 2011
Vanderbilt University takes EDUCATION to the next LEVEL
Vanderbilt averted a near educational nuclear meltdown , when students started removing test files from the Engineering school and stacked them outside Kirkland Hall for a bonfire to protest a lack of MTV on campus. The engineering faculty were gravely concerned about those test files because they act as the control rods on the student's atomic pile. Chairman Thackston stated with alarm , " Without those test files , there's no way to control the nuclear fission inside the student body core. We would have students shooting in all directions out into space even. This would have been more catastrophic than the time Professor Speece flooded the school with human effluent. " ( Thackston kindly asked not to print that last since the state does'nt know about it )
Chancellor Gee , in a flash of brilliance , realized the opportunity to increase the student population. He decreed , "From now on , there will be 12 channels of MTV on campus to choose from , and more importantly , every engineering class can vote on which channel to watch during lectures. "
In a seperate announcement , Gee stated , " This summer , the engineering school will be renovated and upgraded to include a Munchy Mart Beer Dispencer in every classroom and , most importantly , each classroom will have a BIG plasma tv screen to watch MTV during lectures. The Vandy card will be accepted so don't leave your dorm without it. "
Tuesday, September 06, 2011
OLIN HALL FALLS DOWN
Vanderbilt University - BVD News For those who were wondering about all the noise last night , it did'nt come from the Rites of Spring. At 4:20 am , that's morning time , Olin Hall collasped into a pile of rubble.
Vanderbilt built Olin Hall on a area of ground , that Chairman Thackston assured the builders , would take the stress and strain of the urinal shaped building. However , this morning , Thackston re-reviewed his data and discovered , he read the wrong numbers.
Friday, August 26, 2011
Yes , Springfield , The Simpsons have finaly made a movie. The uproar is that Bart will do the full frontal. Parents lead the protest in Bart showing his parts. I guess after all those diapers , they don't want to see another child's butt parts. Just the same , Bart is a cartoon figure.
BVD got word that Franklin's Jay Johnson got excited at seeing young Bart's parts. Eew !
Meanwhile , ass people get upset with a cartoon figure doing the frontal , at Vanderbilt University , no one got mad ass Professor Bowers did his frontal with the co-eds.
Thursday, August 25, 2011
PROFESSOR BOWERS EXPLODES on LETTERMAN
Vanderbilt's Civil Engineering professor Bowers had an explosive accident during his interview with David Letterman on CBS last night.
Bowers told BVD News , " I don't understand what happened. David was talking to me , when I was distracted by a young lady in the audience. The next thing I knew , the monster exploded. "
BVD was standing behind a plexi glass shield during the interview.
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
PROFESSOR BOWERS POPULAR BOOTH
This years most visited activity booth at Rites of Spring was guessing Professor Bowers' IQ. Most students were guessing in the upper 800s when it was disclosed that Bowers was not a doctor. Although he does have a PHD , he is not a medical doctor.
Armed with this information , students started guessing around 70 and were consistantly winning. In less than an hour , all prizes had been given away.
And , yes , PHD stands for " Piled High and Deep. "