AIMLESSLY UNBALANCED

Vice President Cheney made the news this morning , having used his love machine for the 5th time this month.
Dr. Walker , founder and director of E-Harmony match makers was pronounced dead by Vanderbilt Trauma Doc Morris. " He suffered excessive and traumatising metal to the heart and brain." stated Morris in a live interview on Vanderbilt Hospital Channel 1 ( VH1 ).
The investagation was taken over by the Secret Service , when Metro Homicide made a match of shotgun pellets with those used by the vice president. " The pellets had the White House seal of approval on them. " said Det. Loveblood of Metro Police. " We were in the process of counting the number of pellets in the body when the Secret Service suddenly showed up during the autopsy , and they put a stop to everything and made off with the body. " continued Loveblood.
The Vice President later said , " I could'nt watch my favorite bird shooting tv show , I could'nt watch my favorite shotgun show , I could'nt even have a beer or two in peace , I could'nt even watch my own quail shooting documentary , the one I star in , with out that guy's commercials butting in , hell , even his commercials have commercials. It's like he was teasing me with all those lovebirds. So , I went down to the studio and had a word with him. Somewhere during the conversation , my shotgun went off by accident. "
When asked why the Secret Service stopped the investagation , Cheney replied , " They were just doing their job protecting me. "
Doc Morris later remarked , " This clearly a hearts and mind issue."