Monday, May 24, 2010
The Grim Reaper Gets His Turn
Franklin , Tennessee - BVD News was running scared along with everyone else after learning the Grim Reaper lost his job because of various cut backs due to the Stock Market dump in Europe , the Euro's drop against the Yen and his pension fund failures along with his other vested funding venture loses that occurred , after The Franklin Police Department became officially operational inside their new building in Franklin's new Uptown Business District which caused an unexpected economic blackout in Brentwood
Here's the rest of his story:
Those of you who follow the Stock Market probably noticed already , the Grim Reaper's company stock plummeted as his share holders were unable to dump enough stock investments to avoid a deadly internal economic disaster. Butt what’s the reasoning behind all of this you might ask , after all , death is a consistent , daily business that does'nt take a holiday.
The Reaper, wearing a t-shirt with the word “stress” inside of a nix circle , inside of another nix circle , exited the Franklin Police Headquarters Friday , flanked by his lawyers , amidst the media circus ass he declined to comment at this time , however a lawyer did give a brief statement.
“Mr. Reaper has made a deal with the Williamson County District Attorney , in which he voluntarily forfeited his license to kill. In exchange, no charges will be pressed on two counts of bribery and one count of soliciting a minor. Mr. Reaper has been cooperative throughout the process and has expressed strong remorse for his deadly actions.”
A TENNESSEAN reporter , Mitchille Decline , then proceeded to fake a heart attack , drawing the Reaper’s attention in hopes of getting an on the spot interview
Angry at being faked-out , Mr. Reaper did agree to a private interview , insisting that everything be off the record. After a vast negotiation session and 2 unexpected deaths , the two parties agreed to terms , one quote of his choosing and a list of details behind the charges brought against him.
“Look man , I’ve got kids.” he said. “These are tough economic times for me now. I need money as much as the next guy. And what with the recent economic trends in Franklin these days , business has been dead slow.”
Here’s the deadly breakdown of charges :
Bribery, Charge #1: The Reaper sent his son to the local park with one objective: Push the fatties off the jungle gym. In exchange, his son would receive an allowance raise plus a monthly percentage
Solicitation of a Minor: See Bribery #1.
Bribery, Charge #2: The Reaper traded his priceless collection of antique donut boxes to Chief Moore in exchange for a two-year , three-tsunami deal to occur in locations within Brentwood.
These days , with Mr. Reaper not getting any younger and now broke , he is looking to become a more involved parent , by taking on the role of a stay-at-home Dad. However , to help make ends meet , he has been forced to take on , a part time job at a Mexican Restaurant where he intentionally endangers the patrons by violating health codes.
“Hey man , I’ve got kids you know? And besides , I've got to maintain my skills to kill.” he said.
Pictured above is one of his favorite Halloween haunts
Friday, May 21, 2010
A cowboy appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.
'Have you ever done anything of particular merit?'
St. Peter asked.
'Well, I can think of one thing,' the cowboy offered.
'On a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota , I came upon a gang of bikers who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen. So, I approached the largest and most tattooed biker and smacked him in the face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground. I yelled, 'Now, back off or I'll kick the stuffin' out of all of you!'
St. Peter was impressed, 'When did this happen?'
'Couple of minutes ago.'
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
One Medium Bag Of Cash Please
Monday, May 10, 2010
Angels and Demons
"Vatican laws are there to protect this church and it is in that Spirit I command you to break one of them now."
Wednesday, May 05, 2010
Piranhas To Price Gougers Are On The Loose
Nashville , Tennessee - Opry Mills fish tanks flooded in the great flood this past weekend and now of all things , their Piranhas are on the loose and they have not been fed.
Nope. No kidding here. These guys are reported to have public relation problems similar to our Franklin Police Department.
Meanwhile , people in Nashville are now facing "price gouging" at several stores , including Kroger.
There are reports of prices being 600% above the regular price on food items. Kroger managers are feeling good about their profits right now ass they claim , their supply trucks are not able to get into Nashville.