Saturday, April 29, 2006
The Great Pyramid of Giza more questions
Here's an example. There's more than one Ra , there's more than one Rameses , and to add to the confusion , there's more than one time line involved. I'll let you do the math. This problem gets worse when those like President Bush sets out to rewrite history. Remember Constantinople ?
Meanwhile , back at the ranch. The Great Pyramid of Giza was a machine. Not a grave plot for some Egyptian king. This machine was sooooooooo powerful , it was totally dismantled.
People talk about the face blocks being removed for use in another building. That's not entirely true. Those blocks were a component of the machinery. The blocks were removed as part of dismantling the great machine. So , with all these blocks lying around , it made sense to build with them. And no , the people who removed the blocks , are not the same people who used them for building material
I'm surprised there's enough history lying around today to figure this out.
One more tidbit , yes , there are lines and pictures in the desert floor of the nearby areas Hmmm
Vanderbilt Chairman Thackston sees Creature
Chairman Thackston came running up to BVD with a picture of the Branscomb creature
Thackston : See ? It really is a shadow of some sort. I'm going to be famous.
BVD : Where did you take this picture
Thackston : Why , inside of Branscomb of course
BVD : Well , look at those bricks , that's RAND's sidewalk. Have you seen this creature ?
Thackston : Of course I have , look at this picture , that's the creature
BVD : Hm , looks more like your own shadow. Saw another squirrel did we ?
Thackston : Ah , yeah. Um , don't tell Grandma Thackston , OK ?
COMCAST is on a Roll
Friday, April 28, 2006
Windfall Profit Taxes and Other Nonsense
Let's face the truth here. There is no oil shortage or even a reason for the high gas prices. Our politicians are playing the American people to put money in their pocket.
What does the American people do about this ? They re elect the same politicians over and over again
Drilling Alaska will give this country a small drop in the big bucket.
Why can't we drill off the coast of Viet Nam ? There's a huge deposit of oil there. President Johnson put us into Nam because his wife had major investments to exploit that oil. And , it would yeild many more barrels a day than Alaska
Many people over look this one fact when the subject of President Kennedy's murder is mentioned.
Thursday, April 27, 2006
STATE FARM abandons policy holders
BVD : Why have you dropped your policy holders ?
State Farm : We have examined the weather predictions for the upcoming hurricane season and we feel that the threat to our pile of money is too great.
BVD : Those predictions have been out for several months , why drop your policy holders now ?
State Farm : We can't help it , if people want to pay for a bill of goods
BVD : Well , yes , I understand , butt , these people have been paying for flood insurance during the off flood season in good faith. How can you sleep at night ?
State Farm : Simple , their money , our pockets.
BVD : Have you settled the claims from Katrina
State Farm : Ha Ha Ha , I like you , you're funny
Wednesday, April 26, 2006
COMCAST Cable Service
Jerry : I don't have a problem with the internet , it's the cable TV
Comcast : Does your computer have a blue screen
Jerry : The computer is fine , it's the TV that needs fixing
Comcast : Sir , calm down , I'm working on the problem ass best I can
Jerry : I'm fine , if you understood English , perhaps we could get on the same page
Comcast : Sir , is your modem lights working
Jerry : Say what ? The TV does'nt have a modem
Comcast : There's your problem
Cheney POs Rumsfield
Washington - BVD News , Today at a press conference , it was disclosed that Rumsfield was terribly upset with Vice President Cheney.
BVD : What's the Vice President done for you to be so unhappy
Rumsfield : I'm being sued by a 15 year old for illegal wire tapping
BVD : I thought that was the White House
Rumsfield : Yeah , that's the president's doings
BVD : So what's going on
Rumsfield : The president was giving me a list of teenagers that could be drafted into fighting in Irag and Iran , well , Cheney told someone , who told this 15 year old what was going on. Well , now that kid is sueing me for illegal wire tapping , leaking classified information and breach of confidential information of a minor
BVD : What are you going to do
Rumsfield : I told Cheney to take that kid hunting , which he did , butt , he missed , now that kid has body armor and body guards
Comcast Customer Service
Jerry : Yes and no , the VOD does'nt work
Comcast : It will after you pay for it , then we will set it up to your account
Jerry : I was told that's a free service
Comcast : That's correct , it is free after you pay for it
Note : I'm on my 12th box since October 05 and the account has to be reset with every box
Monday, April 24, 2006
The Great Pyramid of Giza
Sunday, April 23, 2006
For those wanting to know more about Tom Cruise , this is the place. It's strangely funny , off the cuff and of course , unbalanced.
Saturday, April 22, 2006
Vanderbilt University Graduation Speech
Gee : This year was a difficult time to think of a speech subject
BVD : How's that ?
Gee : There's so much money floating around here. You would think Vanderbilt was a major oil company
BVD : Well , Vanderbilt is also a major health company
Gee : Yeeaaahhh , ( snickering )
BVD : You were saying about your speech
Gee : Well , I've come to realize how fortunate Vanderbilt people are in the world
BVD : Are you talking about money ?
Gee : Well of course , this is after all , Vanderbilt
BVD : Let me quess , you are going to say something really snobby
Gee : ( big smile on his face ) how could you have quessed
BVD : It was'nt easy
Gee : This year , I'm going to point out that people who can't afford an education , don't get one. While people here , who can afford an education , don't need one.
Friday, April 21, 2006
Vanderbilt University closes Learning Lab
receptionist Barbie : Can I help you ?
BVD : I'd like to talk to someone about the learning lab being shut down
Barbie : I'm sorry , it's Friday , I'm the only one here on Fridays.
BVD : OK , I'll talk to you. Why is the learning lab being shut down ?
Barbie : Well , that's a no brainer question. You see , it's like this. The students don't have time to learn much these days. What with Greek Week , Pledge Week , Freshman Week , Rites to be a Geek Week , Party Week , Rites of LAMBDA Week , LAMBDA Potter Farm Party Week , Rites to be Gay Week , Rites of Fall Week , Rites of Party to Party Week , Rites of Christmas Week for those not Christian , Rites of Four Weeks for Christmas/New Years for Christians , Rites of Spring Week , Senior Week , Rites of Graduation Week , Rites of Summer Week , Mid-Term Summer Vacation Week , August Welcome Aboard Week , Rites of Football Season Week , and Rites of Basketball Season Week . Let's see , did I miss anything ?
BVD : Woow , how do the students have time for tests , study class material , write reports , you know , how do they learn and make grads ?
Barbie : The undergraduate programs have been redesigned to get the students out of the classroom and see the world of Vanderbilt and Vandyland , afterall , there's a lot to see here under the bubble. It's important for everyone to see historic Nashville before it gets gobbled up.
BVD : OK , butt what about classes , grades , studying , all that traditional learning stuff ?
Barbie : Not a problem. The students have Direct TV to Test Files , Direct email to professors in charge of test files , Direct Text Messaging to professors hoarding test files , test file video conferencing , test file Blackberries , Direct Ipod to test files , free MP3 downloads of test file data banks featuring a dancing Garfield , Special Education Professors for students who can't read test files in English , we even have CD's for HD TV test files on the go for those who don't have time to sit down and study , and new for this year , we have cell phone photo test file downloads
BVD : WOW , Now , I'm impressed. What will happen to the learning lab building ?
Barbie : That will be converted to the party hall in case of rain.
Another Bush in the Oval Office ?
Yep , she is a contender , having thrown her Bush into the ring. Her campain will center on having more bush , and less war.
Vanderbilt University Teaches Money
In a press conference last night , billionair CEOs Raymond and McQuire both related their net worth values to what they had learned from Vanderbilt's Joe B. , stating , " We Are worth it. "
When asked about their concerns for Americans paying more for oil , Raymond replied , " So what , out of sight , out of mind. I don't put gas in the limo. "
When asked about the rising costs for Americans to have health insurance , McQuire replied , " So what , I don't mind , they don't matter. Besides , I have free health care for life. "
Thursday, April 20, 2006
Vanderbilt University Eye Exam
New for incoming freshman 2007 hopefuls , is the new eye exam system developed by the Vanderbilt Medical Center. This eye examination came from years of study to determine why so many male students could not differentiate between a cat , a dog , a beaver or a bush. Many thanks was given to Professor Bowers , Vanderbilt Engineering School , for his assistance
Vanderbilt University Showers Towers
The Vanderbilt co-eds had been complaining for years about using the showers after the football team had used them. Chancellor Gee had the new Tower showers installed , after seeing for himself , the conditions the co-eds were living with.
Courtesy , Vanderbilt Hustler Wireless Service
Chrysler Announces New Model Changes
Motor City -BVD News , Chrysler Corporation has announced new model changes for summer production. Ass gas prices continue to escalate , people need to know the status of their wallets in relation to those gas prices.
This new instrumentation is presently special order only , butt we will incorporate this into all models starting with the 2007 model year
COMCAST HD TV , IT'S COMCASTIC
President Bush Makes Personnel Changes
Do You Have Medical Coverage ?
Now that Ma Ma is home , there have been evaluations for her medical needs while recovering. One big item is her need for a Walker. The doctor insists she needs one with training wheels. After 2 months haggling with her insurance company , ( for which she has been employed for 38 years ) , the best they could do was get her a walker with one training wheel.
Now , she goes around in circles , causing problems for her to find the bathroom which keeps moving in circles around her.
Tom Cruise Creates Feeding Frenzy
Another meanwhile , Richard Call , has been found in stable condition at the local ER. Richard is well known for his cooking abilities and his recipes for mouth watering placenta. Unconfirmed reports are the feeding frenzy started with Richard , since his hands and clothing had placenta smell on them from placenta preperation.
Wednesday, April 19, 2006
COMCAST on Demand
Today , the Wallstreet Journal announced that Comcast will expand coverage to the gulf coast. The number one channel requested was the Weather Channel. GOOD LUCK ! ! !
FEMA is on it ! ! !
Today , FEMA assured everyone , things were under control for this years hurricane season.
RELAX , We have stock piled plenty of excuses !
Tom Cruise eats It !
Tom Cruise ate his child's placenta this morning When asked Tom replied " Dang I just followed Richard's instructions , and everything tasted great ! Everything Suris mighty tasty.
Dr. Hoskins explained " By having the unborn under a 24/7 Sonogram , it's just like being in a microwave , heat builds up , and the unborn is slowly cooked. It's very tasty , you should try it. "
Tom later said . " The best part is , I can toss the bones into Franklin's water reservoir "
New TV Show
Tuesday, April 18, 2006
Fishing Franklin's Drinkin Water
Several years ago , yours truly donned SCUBA and went in. The water was warm , being 3 to 4 foot deep. On the cloudy bottom , I found a dead dog ( fresh too ) with a rock tied to it's leg , beer cans ( empty of course ) coke bottles , various food trash , worm buckets , broken fly rod , turds , dead fish , human skull , tire and rim , car tag , gun , human femur , crunched tackle box , bowling trophy , plastic bag with teeth , a sealed evidence bag , sailboat , picture of George Bush , Vandy season tickets , more dead fish , human rib cage , broken toilet , old marriage liscence with ring attached , some fool had their feet in a cement bucket , women's tattered underwear , a man's arm ( fresh too ) , a condom with something in it , dead turtle , a guitar with a finger in the strings , Kroger coupons , a dead frog , used tampons , scuzzy toilet paper , The Review Appeal , an outhouse door , a drain looking thing with a cloud of chunks coming out , a pregnancy test , Gold Easter Egg , K-mart shopping cart , a sign saying Dick Cheney for President , ASI ambulance , and a boot with 2 bones in it .
Upon surfacing , a water employee was yelling at me to get out. " HEY , THAT WATER AIN'T SAFE TO BE IN ! ! ! "
I yelled back , " DID YOU KNOW THERE'S A BODY IN HERE ?
Employee replied , " YOU MEAN YOU FOUND OL' JIM ? WE WONDERED WHERE HE WAS . BEEN MISSIN FOR SEVERAL MONTHS NOW "
Monday, April 17, 2006
Vanderbilt University researches Duct Tape
Nashville , Tn - Vanderbilt's Engineering School recieved a 100 million dollar research grant to study duct tape. BVD went to do the story. Upon finding everyone was in the Branscomb basement BVD inquired because BVD readers want to know too.
BVD : Is this the duct tape research ?
Ragi : Well , yes and no , well , you know , sorta.
BVD : ?
Ragi : We are multi tasking. Ya see , we are trying to set test standards to evaluate duct tape strength , we're making a sacrifice , we 're making duct tape clothing accessories for J C Penny's GOTH line , while partying , and having a good time.
BVD : Butt the creature , it 'll get him.
Ragi : That's part of our test parameters. If the creature can't break the duct tape , we will know it's strong enough to be called duct tape. Hey , why are there 2 of you ?
BVD : Have you been drinking ?
Ragi : Is there a creature down here ? HIC ! BURRrrpp ! ! Hmm , Dang those beer farts
Sunday, April 16, 2006
What do Easter Bunnies Do ?
People often wonder , what do Easter Bunnies do in the off season.
They do market research. Here , they are working on next years Easter designer soaps while assisting with
Vandy animal research
How To Drop Gas Prices
Here's an idea. Let Dick Cheney take all the oil CEOs hunting.
This is number 200. I can't believe it. Where has the time gone ?
I reeeealy want to THANK EVERYONE , EVERYBODY , and MOM , for stopping by. AND , if you have'nt noticed , there's no advertisements here. No emails are sold here either.
Speaking of emails , " No , that creature in the Branscomb basement lab has not been caught yet. "
Today's Terror Alert Status is BLUE. This is probably the only day of the year , the Cookie Monster eats something other than cookies.
Saturday, April 15, 2006
Vanderbilt University Branscomb shuts down Labs
There were strange rumors about Branscomb Quad , shutting down the basement labs. BVD went to the scene and found Bill Longwell putting a shaky strangle hold on a shotgun
BVD : Hey Bill , what's going on ?
Bill : BANG ! ( gun goes off ) , Dang It ! ! BVD , don't do that ! !
BVD : Wow , is that a Dick Cheney signature series ?
Bill : You know your guns , this baby has the modified 10 round magazine.
BVD : Why are the labs shutting down ?
Bill : There are'nt enough students using the labs to justify having them. At least that's the story we gave the Vanderbilt community
BVD : Explain
Bill : C'mon. This way. - Bill nervously leads the way to the basement
BVD : Hmm , it's a little warm down here.
Bill : Yeah , Plant Ops can't do anything about it , several A/C technicians have disappeared also.
BVD : Why have'nt you called VUPD ?
Bill : Everytime they send someone over , the person mysteriously appears in a Fairview Police uniform working in Fairview
BVD : Ha Ha , The sign is cute
Bill : Well , it's not cute , it's not a joke , so don't do it
BVD : Huh ?
Bill : I think it's drawn to that smell
BVD : What are you talking about and what's that hanging from the ceiling ?
Bill : That's another dead person. Hm , fresh too , this pool of blood is still wet , that means it may be close. Click Click , Bill chambers a round into the gun
BVD : Aww c'mon , this is'nt Halloween , Look , perhaps if I come back another time , when you are'nt fooling around.....what's that shadow floating around the ceiling ?
Bill : That's it ! ! ! BANG ! ! ! BANG ! ! ! AAAAAAAAAAA ! ! ! IT'S GOT ME ! ! ! HELP ! ! ! Bill drops the gun and disappears around the corner
BVD picks up the gun. " Wow , my very own Dick Cheney signature series shotgun with the modified 10 round magazine from Wally World. " Bill and The Shadow circle around the ceiling
Bill : AAAAAAAAAAA ! ! ! USE THE SILVER BULLETS ! ! !
BVD : OOOOoooooooooo , don't wanna scratch this baby , uh huh.
Friday, April 14, 2006
PRESIDENT BUSH Finds Himself
Thursday, April 13, 2006
Today's Terror Alert Status
FOUND IT ! ! !
Vanderbilt University RAND Stinks
Nashville , TN - Vanderbilt University - A morbid cry was heard about RAND smelling to high Heaven. BVD went to investigate. Arriving in front of RAND , On The Wall , Professor Speece , Vanderbilt Engineering School , was seen cooking hotdogs and burgers. Some 15 feet away , were 2 VUPD bike officers lying on the ground. Their mouths were gapping open with tongues hanging out onto the ground. The bicycle tires were melting , and black liquid was running across the side walk. Vanderbilt's HUSTLER reporters were also seen lying on the ground in similar fashion. BVD decided to remain a safe distance away.
BVD : HEY PROFESSOR , WHAT ARE YOU DOING ? - hollering
Speece : I'M COOKING UP A PICNIC FOR THE KIDS , C'MON OVER IT'S FREE
BVD : ARE THESE PEOPLE DEAD ?
Speece : I DON'T KNOW , BUTT , THEY'LL GET OVER IT
While BVD watched , 2 people wearing HAZMAT suits approached Speece. Within 5 feet , both collasped , desperately trying to remove their hoods. BVD quietly walked away thinking , Wow , that reeally is Speecial Speece Stuff
Tuesday, April 11, 2006
Don't LOOK ! ! ! !
Pain Management and Dr. Erickson
1 - Their MRI machine is ass old ass the hills. The heads sound like they are going to fly off at any second. While in the machine , it feels like being in an earthquake. AND , no , the doctors don't care if it is hurting you. Just shut up and take the pain. Hey , we are pain management , that's why you are here. Also , after the MRI , there's no one to read your film. This gets sent off to another galaxy where those people can't read MRI films either. Meanwhile , your films get lost , and pain management gets to do another MRI. Which means you get another ride on the Earthquake . This is much more fun than Opryland's Floom Zoom , and more painful. One more item of interest , their MRI can not show a ruptured disc. Yep , it's that old. Note - just because a doctor here orders a MRI for you , does not mean you have to be on their machine , butt , they are'nt going to tell you that , since Pain Management wants the useage fees for using their in house MRI machine.
2 - Dr Erickson is a pain management doctor. He does'nt know anything about RSD and does'nt even understand pain management. He's gaining a reputation for jerking people's minds off Oxycontin cold turkey with no regards for withdrawal therapy. Remember , that's not his problem. After all , HE is the doctor. It's sad to say it , his practice is over loaded with complaints . He is not even certified. That's how hard up Pain Management is to find a doctor. Mean while , Dr. Erickson is finding any excuse to discharge patients in an attempt to decrease his patient complaint load. He has even discharged people for narcotics violations for taking a analgesic. Are you seeing a picture here? Also . keep in mind , a doctor can get the patient hooked on drugs , with no responsibility or regards to drug rehab needs.
3 - For those wondering , yes , this is the place Dr. Long established. Yes , he is the drug crazed , gun toting maniac who lost his liscence and practice for pulling his gun on an employee.
4 - OK , I said 3 reasons , I'll give you 4. If you need a MRI , I highly recommend Vanderbilt at Cool Springs. You have your films at the time of leaving and you can take those to any doctor and/or to get a second opinion. Those films go where ever you go. Pretty neat huh ?
Note : If you need a pain doctor , Nashville does have several good ones.
BASIC INSTINCT II makes Headway
Vanderbilt University RAND's year end Sale
Ass this semester winds down , RAND found itself with a huge stock pile of uneaten food. Instead of giving it away , RAND decided it would be better for their pocket and their Vanderbilt image , to sell the stuff at discount prices.
This one is for the Women of the World
While blogging along , I noticed there are lots of sites showing women in various states of dis-dress. I have'nt seen any blog devoted to women , showing men in various states of dis-dress. Soooo , this is for the women of the world. Enjoy
Have you seen Jessica Alba in PLAYBOY ? She got a settlement from Hugh Hefner , for publishing her pictures without her permission. BVD got an interview.
Ms. Alba stated , That's not what I personally represent.
BVD : Why did you do the photo shoot ?
Ms. Alba : No comment
BVD : I don't understand , if PLAYBOY is not what you represent , why are you around Hugh Hefner and doing photo shoots ?
Ms. Alba : I saw an old fart with lots of money , I took him for a ride and got away with lots of $$$$ ! !
Monday, April 10, 2006
Meanwhile , at the Hospital
A person very dear to me had some serious operations last week and over the weekend , she was in rehab. This is what I encountered yesterday
It's 6pm. Do you know where you are ? Heh Heh Heh
The Medical Director was making rounds to see how things were going on the floor. " How strange. Since when does management make rounds on a Sunday ? " I thought.
MD : Now that the flu season is over , do you or your friend need flu shots
Jerry : No , butt hey , she has'nt eaten all day. Can . . . .
MD : Not a problem . Just ask the nurse.
Jerry : I did ask this morning and . . . . .
MD : Ask again , I'm sure it's not tooo late for breakfast. ( Looks at his watch )
Jerry : ( pointing across the hall ) That person has had nurses all day , food delivered , PT and OT has worked with her 3 times today. No one has been in here today
MD : All you have to do is ask.
Jerry : I did ask and when no one came , I helped her to the bathroom. AND , I even changed the bed linens
MD : Just ask for a nurse
Jerry : Why does that person get taken care of ( points across the hall ) and nothing gets done in here ?
MD : Well , she is a immigrant ( pointing ) , and your friend has insurance
Jerry : OK , no one has been in here today to give her pain medicine , no one ! ! ( patient in pain , hitting buzzer that does'nt work , a wire dangles from the bed )
MD : Again sir , that's between her and the insurance , however , I'm sure if she asks , she can still get her 8am meds ( looks at his watch , again )
Jerry : Butt , why does that woman across the hall recieve care and my friend does not ?
MD : Sir , that woman is an immigrant , your friend has insurance ( points to the bed )
Jerry : I don't understand this
MD : Do you know what a lawyer is ? Have you heard of attorneys ? If we don't care for the immigrants , we get sued . Your friend has insurance , that woman does not . Now , about those flu shots , I'll cut you a deal , 2 for the price of one
Sunday, April 09, 2006
Vanderbilt University Eavesdropping Program
This has been going on for years. Everyone in the communications buisness has Uncle Sam leaning on them for the purpose of spying on everyone using their system. Even COMCAST does it. Even BellSouth does it.
OK , what about Vanderbilt ? Simple . The phone system on Vanderbilt campus belongs to Vanderbilt. So , Vanderbilt does have a special " room " on Peabody that sucks in the phone calls. Vanderbilt does have people monitoring phone traffic. When on campus , do you call outside by dialing 9 ? That's where your call goes to get outside.
What about the internet ? What about it ? Most Vanderbilt schools have their own system people. Those people do spy on it's useage. At Vanderbilt School of Engineering , the guy called " SPYDER " was well known for sending anonymous emails of sexual content to co-eds. Nothing could be done about him since he had his head up Dean Galloway's ass. On two occasions , SPYDER gave Galloway intel about uprisings from the engineering faculty. These deeds , along with other deeds , got the SPYDER some impressive pay raises and job security. ( See what happens when you talk and tell about other's emails ? ) The SPYDER is also known for playing Hacker on other systems. Yes , it is true the engineering school's system got hacked , butt , that's another story.
Friday, April 07, 2006
VANDERBILT UNIVERSITY MEDICAL CENTER gets PENTAGON RESEARCH
Today , Trauma Doc Morris announced he had successfully aquired the lucrative Pentagon research project known ass Future Kill. The idea for the 5 billion dollar a month research comes from the movie " SOLDIER " , which entails training the soldier of the future , from the time of infancy to adult
Pictured is morning physical training before breakfast and teething rings.
Next , we see jump school in progress
Here , the trainees learn camoflauge
Everyone's favorite is water survival
This is jet pilot selection , which is well known for causing anxiety attacks