Saturday, September 29, 2007


New Bush Poll

BVD News - The Republican Party is worried about the upcoming presidential election and took a poll to see how much damage , President Bush was doing. To their surprise and for the first time in 8 years , President Bush's approval ratings went up.

Friday, September 28, 2007


Bullet Removal , How To

Franklin , Tennessee , BVD News - with Franklin Police shooting and/or killing people , BVD was asked , " Is it possible to remove your own bullets , since I can not afford bullet removal insurance ? " And , with that question , BVD went to interview , fired and retired , former CID Lt. and Franklin Police Chief wanna be , Sargent Tim Taylor , to get the answers.
BVD : Thank you Mr. Taylor for seeing me.
Tim Taylor : Sure thing BVD. So , you want to know all about the fine art , of removing your own bullets ?
BVD : Yes Sir. My readers want to know.
TT : I got to hand it to you BVD. You always come thru for your readers. I know , because I read your stuff all the time. So , here we go. The first thing to do , after getting shot , is go home to Momma. Remember when you were little ? Your Mother somehow knew everything anout taking care of wounds.
BVD : Well yeah , she comes from the Bronx.
TT : Uh huh. Let's move on. I have asked The Franklin Police Crime Investigation and Re Enactment Unit , to perform a bullet removal for us.
Little Boy : Mom , Oh MOM ! I've been shot again !
Mom : OK. My Little Boy , just go and bend over the sink , just like you did the last time , remember ?
LB : OK Momma. Butt , this time , how about tending to the right hole. OK ?
Momma : Giggles. OK son ( laughing ) and playfully tugs on his ear.
LB : Oooooo MOMMA ! Not that hole. - his mom gets an ice pack and places it over the wound to numb the area.
Mom : OK son. Hold this ice pack in place while I go and get your favorite bullet removal knife.
She finds the knife and hands it to him. Very gently , Little Boy takes the knife and probes it into the wound. Wiggling and twisting , the knife looks around inside for the bullet. Finding it , Little Boy pries the knife blade up , pulling out minute pieces of tissue , the bullet falls out with a kinky clinky kind of metallic sound , ass it bounces around in the sink. His mother takes the knife away.
Mom : I'll just heat it up to a nice cherry color of red for you. Do you remember those cherries son ?
Little Boy : I sure do Momma. They tasted a little salty , butt they were sure tasty good.
Mom : OK son , do you remember when you stole that money from that mean ole drug dealer ?
LB : I sure do Momma. He caught up with me and gave me a chainsaw enema that I'll never forget.
Mom : Well son , when I put this red hot knife on your wound , you're gonna remember those feelings again. And the son does remember , ass the blade makes a sizzling sound while permeating the air with the smell of burning flesh.
Little Boy : OH YEAH. I REMEMBER NOOOOW ! ! ! ! !
Mom : OK son. Hey , hey , hey , what's the matter ? She looks into his tear filled eyes. What's my big boy crying about ?
LB : Because now , you are gonna waste some really good whiskey.
Mom : That's right. Would you prefer I use the rubbing alcohol ?
Little Boy : Uh no , the whiskey is a lot smoother and does'nt hurt ass bad.
Mom : Are you saying one chainsaw enema is enough for one day ? Winking at him :)
LB : Yeah Mom , something like that.
Mom : OK. You look pretty good. The bleeding has mostly stopped.
LB : Good job Ma , you've always done me good quality work.
Tim Taylor : Now , all you do , to wrap this up , is to get some sterile bandages or something clean to dress the wound. You can even boil some rags. Also , when wrapping the wound , remember not to wrap too tightly or you will cut off the blood supply and even crush some important nerves. And that's all there is to it BVD .
BVD : Thank you Tim. I knew you had answers for anything. Um , is there any whiskey left ?
TT : Unfortunately no. And one more thing. Remember to keep in mind to minimize blood lose. Otherwise , you would die and inherit a worm farm. Heh heh heh .

Thursday, September 27, 2007


6 Billion Dollar Babies

Capital Hill , USA - Congress has it's briefs in a wad over spending money on Iraq , or spend money on baby health in this country. President Bush has vetoed all ideas for giving babies health care and wants more money for his war. Congress cannot understand why Bush is so obtuse towards caring for all those sick babies.
Although I'm not in politics , I can tell you why Bush does not care about baby health programs. There's no set scheme to pocket some of that money , while The Pentagon has rivers , creeks and tributaries over flowing with money.
Now , do you understand Mr. Byrd ? Hey , Mr. Byrd , look up for the camera. No , no , no , Mr. Byrd , the camera is over here , not over there. Can you look up please ?

Wednesday, September 26, 2007


What To Do About Telemarketers

Now that Americans have been told the Do Not Call List is only good for 5 years , telemarketers are having the party of their life. Uncle Sam wants you to verify your name and address. The Do Not Call List is perhaps an ingenious way to achieve this task while verifing who is who during their eves dropping :) Also , remember , the Do Not Call List does not apply to telemarketers outside this country. India is a favorite place for telemarketers now , because their ultra speed communications gear is up and running. They no longer have to wait 5 seconds for their voices to cross the globe.
Telemarketers are going to call anyway , since Congress gave them a loop hole. One of the more deplorable folks is Dealer Services @ 732 807 5611. They want to sell warranty service on a car , you do not have. They are calling folks several times a day , even after 10pm.
AT&T has bought BellSouth and they don't care. AT&T is too busy at the moment putting into place , their cable equipment , so they can get COMCAST's buisness. Yes , the stuff is being installed as you read this.
Sooooooooo , what to do about those telemarketers. Don't let them take you off their calling list. This will verify who you are and your info will be sold to the next telemarketing buisness. Yes , telemarketers sell their lists to other telemarketers , to make another buck. So , just give in and buy what ever they are selling. In the process , give them false information , be sure to inform them , they have the wrong name with your phone number. Maybe it would help to write down all the false garbage you give them , so you will have it for future reference:)
People have screamed , whistled , shouted , cursed , cussed and farted at these assholes and they keep on calling and calling. It's time WE had some fun , don't ya think ? And Oh Yeah , while talking to them , be nice , just be nice while you lie to them :)

Tuesday, September 25, 2007


Bush Speaks to the United Nations

United Nations - BVD News - President Bush gave a speech to the United Nations today , addressing the problems around the world. Later , the President gave folks the opportunity to ask him questions.
Not fully understanding a question being asked in English , Bush replied , " I'm not sure what I said , hmm , now that I've said it. I've been too busy planning my re election. Heh heh heh heh. "


Just Ask For the Money

The Pentagon - Gordon England , Deputy Secretary of Defense has set a goal to raise 60 million dollars for it's combined forces fund. No one is sure what it's for , butt he asked people for money and they gave to their show support for America's fighting men and women.
It's amazing how stupid people are these days , he laughed. President Bush has us in a war , we can't win or even withdraw from. The Pentagon , today , is a river of money , with most of it going into private pockets.
Just ask the people for more and they will give with a smile.

Monday, September 24, 2007


McCain - Go Home ! ! !

If there was a political figure in this country , who knows about a person's rights , that person would be Senator McCain , who wants to take over President Bush's White House. He has out spoken himself about a university inviting Iran's president to visit the United States and give a speech.
McCain says the Iranian president does not belong here and has no rights , talking to anyone over here.
Well , Mr. McCain , what happened to Freedom of Speech ? Whether you like it or not , this country still happens to be , The United States of America. In this country , Freedom of Speech applies to the Iranian president , just ass it does to NeoNazis and even to you. Unfortunately , McCain has fallen into the Bushyism of the Bush Administration. Go home Mr. McCain , you are not presidential material.

Wednesday, September 19, 2007


The Wealthiest Nation ?

Franklin , Tennessee - It amuses me every time someone says , " America is the wealthiest nation on earth. " Let's look at the facts here. Today , Americans are losing their homes in record numbers , American's can not afford a home in record numbers , America's Wall Street is on life support , Williamson County's Rescue Squad has to solicit donations in this country's 15th richest county , and while presidential hopeful Fred Thompson preaches Prosperity , President Bush has run this country 10 Trillion dollars into the ground.

Did you know , in America , when a person qualifies for Social Security , they have to wait 2 1/2 years for their first check ?
Did you know , countries like the UAE and Saudi Arabia give their people a yearly check of 80,000 dollars US ? Did you know those countries also pay their college costs ?

Now THAT's a wealthy country !

Thursday, September 06, 2007


Saara Akaash

India - Everybody wants to be entertained and that's where television comes in to play. TV shows come and go and the latest TV hit comes from India. Titled " Saara Akaash " , the show involves 5 pilots in the Indian Air Force , is filmed on a real air base , and has real Russian made , Sukoi aircraft.
The show's ratings has earned itself a green light for another season. Perhaps the high ratings are due to the damsel in constant distress , " Monika " . She is the daughter of the base's AOC , who just happens to also be , an Air Force pilot flying cargo , while her friends fly combat. Monika comes off being a " tuff girl " in uniform who has been shot at , been shot , captured by terrorists , on the run from hostile forces while severely bleeding for her country , with a smile - she safely landed her aircraft while it burned , disarmed a bomb , got saved from a bomb , learned to ride a motorcycle , outsmarted her evil in laws that shot her dog , and she is even a car mechanic , who uses her talents to disable vehicles and hot wire them. Hell , she has been stapled , folded , bolted , stitched up , shut up , pinned up , and she still keeps on going , just like the rabbit.
Another creature feature with the show , is how the English language is portrayed. Since most of the world does not speak Hindi , there are English sub titles. Somebody does not understand English :) Although there are sad , hurt and tear filled eyes , with chins running rivers of salt , the sub titles will bring you down , crying with laughter.
So , if you want to watch TV with a difference and with a heroine in action , now that she has two husbands , Saara Akaash might be just what your heart is yearning for :)

There are more Saara Akaash posts in this blog.

Wednesday, September 05, 2007


The New AT&T

AT&T has taken some lessons from State Farm Insurance , in dealing with their customers. Bellsouth is now AT&T , or is it , AT&T is now Bellsouth ? If you use either company for your home phone , then it does'nt matter.

Need your home phone fixed ? AT&T cannot fix it. That's why they now have a new automated system that takes your information , and in 3 automated days , you get an automated call saying there is no problem , Thank you for using AT&T :)

For those people looking for ways to save money , here's how. Since you already have a cell phone , discontinue your home phone. You don't need both. There's no worry about a teenager tying up the phone while you wait for an important call. There's no need for someone to beep in. Besides , I've had a cell phone for 11 years now and I've never had a telemarketer call me. My home phone gets about 15 telemarketer calls a day and 9 telemarketer calls on Saturday and Sunday :(

And BEST of all. With a cell phone , all your long distance calls are now treated like a local call. My cell phone will get me all 48 states at the local rate. Your home phone still costs you in long distance fees and additional state , local , and Federal taxes to go with the sales tax.

Would you believe , the average home phone user will save money by using their cell phone and by using COMCAST for their internet needs. Yes , I know COMCAST internet is no faster than DSL , butt , I'm talking about saving $$$$$ on my monthly bills. Did you know , COMCAST internet service is 75% more reliable than Bellsouth DSL ? Did'nt know that one , did you ? Now are'nt you glad you stopped by to read my blog ?

Look , this is America. The customer is no longer " The King " , where billion dollar companies are concerned. This means , the customer will no longer get what they pay for. This is the new and approved , corporate strategy for making profits. State Farm only made 60 Billion dollars in 2006 by using that simple rule. Other corporations have taken notice , and now it's like a plague making it's way across this country , from polluted sea , to polluted sea.

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