Thursday, December 25, 2008


Holiday Trimmings 2008

Franklin , Tennessee - BVD took a stroll around the 'hood and brought back these pictures of the holiday trimmings on the houses

BVD : JERRY , Hey JERRY ! Jest luuk 't all the tinsel on these trees
Jerry : Hmmm , man , that aint tinsel
BVD : ? What ?
Jerry : I'm sorry to be the one to break it to you , butt , that aint tinsel
BVD : What is it then ? It's all so pretty and decorative white looking
Jerry : That's toilet paper ( TP for short )
BVD : Why would someone decorate their trees with decorative toilet paper for Christmas ?
Jerry : Well , ass you know , Franklin Police think like thieves and so , they are busy with looking into everyone's cars , looking for Christmas gift taking ideas. Maybe these paranoid people feel the police are also looking into their homes. So anyway , when the police leave a crap on the lawn , ( that's to show they've been there ) , here's free TP for the taking , instead of them using their cold bare hands or ( God forbid ) , having to go inside the house to steal some TP
BVD : Ooooo , wow , now that's a thoughtful gift giving idea for the person who wants to take everything they see in sight
Jerry : Ya know what , ya might want to wash your hands after shaking their hand. Just to be safe.
BVD : Yeah , ummm , got cha

Wednesday, December 24, 2008


Merry Christmas 2008

Franklin , Tennessee - BVD and I truly wish everyone a Happy Holiday Season. This year's Christmas may well be the last , as we remember it from Christmases past. Now that President Bush has run this country into the economic gutter. All of the time spent with family and friends becomes even more cherished

We both are afraid , that after Bush leaves office , this country's economic stability will collapse into urban strife. Perhaps that's why Bush changed the law , to allow the president in office , to order the US ARMY , to legally march on civilians and shoot them for the purpose of putting down rioting in the streets , for food.

Now do you understand why police have machine guns and YOU don't.

Now do you understand , why the US ARMY has put so much emphasis on learning urban warfare ? Iraq was their training facility.

Now go and enjoy being with those you love the most. Do it now while you can. AND , tell them you love them.

Merry Christmas to ALL ! !
from BVD and Jerry


Changes in a Veteran's Funeral

Franklin , Tennessee - BVD was talking about a veteran's funeral he had attended

BVD : I did not know , a veteran would not get a 21 gun salute. I thought that was a part of giving respect to the person for their love and service to this country
Jerry : Well , yes it is , butt , this country cannot afford the bullets at this time , because of the 12 Trillion dollar lunch tab , his leaders have run up
BVD : Ya know what ? I'll bet you a 6-pack , if that shoe had killed President Bush , HE would have gotten a 21 gun salute
Jerry : That wouldn't surprise me. After all , he is not a veteran :)
BVD : Hmmm , you're right , he aint. So , hmm , why would he get a 21 gun salute ?
Jerry : Hmm , perhaps , by aiming a little low , they can make sure he's gone for real and not faking it. What d'ya think ?
BVD : Well , how would you know it really was him and not one of his doubles ? I mean , I've never seen a president use a double ass much ass Bush.
Jerry : How do you know that ?
BVD : Bush is the first American president , known to travel abroad and have his shit checked and verified by the Secret Service. You see , while surrounded by armed guards , Bush would only sit on special porta potties , that were equipped with special heaters , that destroyed any evidence , it was " he " who done the deed.
Jerry : ? Butt , why ?
BVD : Because someone could get his DNA and prove that was'nt really him. In fact , there's circumstantial , circumcised evidence that Bush used 2 imposter doubles during his 8 years in office.
Jerry : What ?
BVD : Yep , someone over looked or forgot a circumcised certain something ( or CCS for short ) , or maybe it's just something his family saves and frames to put on the wall
Jerry : Eeeeeew ! Yuck. Hmmm , so when Bush gets a funeral , there will be 63 bullets instead of the usual 21 , am I right ?
BVD : Hmmmm , there would be 3 caskets , let's see , 3 times 21 equals 63 , yep , you're right.
Jerry : Ha ha ha ha , riiiiiiiiiiiiiight !


People's View of Franklin Police

While aimlessly wandering the net , BVD found a Franklin Police forum. Without changing the words or making things up , here's a few remarks from police admirers

From TFA: "Officers will leave "crime prevention cards" on the cars they feel are targets for theft."

Sounds like an invitation to me.

"No Radio" writ on a card
Once served as a practical guard
To stopping a theft.
Now THESE cards are left?
It used to be stealing was HARD.
Police have seen a 15 percent increase in the number of auto burglaries this holiday season.

No shiat? Lets do some math here. With more police patrolling the streets , more crimes are reported. Yep , the math proves it

Now do you feel safer knowing the police are looking at your stuff during Christmas ?

Headline fail + old news = YOU SUCK!

*points and laughs*

I live in Nashville, right next to Franklin. I, for one, find this utterly stupid. Don't they have better things to do than to snoop around in the windows of people's cars?

Now now now , how else do you think Franklin Police would provide Christmas for their families

Poppa Boner: Headline fail + old news = YOU SUCK!

*points and laughs*

Pretty decent headline + not old news, relevant = YOU suck + FAIL = hilarious.

I read a license plate once , that said " I'd rather be shop lifting at Cool Springs "

If I found one of those crime prevention cards on my car, I'd burglarize my own car then sue the police for their part in intentionally making my car a target for crime.

Don't they have better things to do than to snoop around in the windows of people's cars?

I live in Franklin, and that's the way it is. Public servants are expected to serve the public - in whatever way Williamson County sees fit. I think it's a nice (maybe misguided) gesture though. I love living in Franklin, and honestly? No. There's not much else to do.

So , you are saying crime is the favorite past time in Franklin ?

What's next? They look in your home's windows to be absolutely sure that there isn't anything of value left while you're away that might get stolen?

You're brother-in-laws father was 11-years-old? Damn. You MUST be from Tennessee!!!

So , do the criminals split the profits right down the middle ?

I don't know , why don't you ask them ?

Slightly off topic, but this is the only thing that came to mind for me to talk about

Pillsbury: [Motown is hot-wiring a car] Yellow to red!
Motown: What the fark does a Samoan know about hot-wiring a farking car?
Pillsbury: 50,000 cars stolen in Samoa every year.
Motown: Well, a million in Detroit.
Pillsbury: Detroit has 50 million cars. Samoa, 50,000. Every one stolen.

I'm sure the police are enjoying the L & N train set that Franklin Police Detective Black knows what I'm referring to

Sunday, December 21, 2008


Franklin's Leaf Recycling Department Policies

Franklin , Tennessee - BVD News Bloggtographer interviewed Kevin , with The City of Franklin Leaf Recycling Program Department. ( note : BVD wrote this article without pay , to show Congress , expenses were being cut , while qualifying for the 5 Billion dollar Blogg Bailout Program being expedited by The White House , to save this and other blogs from going under , before President Bush leaves his office )

BVD : Good morning Kevin. Thank you so much for seeing me
Kevin : Aaaaaand a Good Mornin' to you 2 there big guy. Where would you like to start ? I can get you on a truck if you like. That way , you can see for yourself , how deadly dangerous this work environment is for our dedicated employees.
BVD : Oooooh , that's alright , no thank you , please , can we do our talking right here in your plush office. Oh hey , is that an original Vanity Vangoe Toe on your wall ?
Kevin : Why yes , , , , yes it is. You have a good eye there. Do you appreciate the fine arts ?
BVD : Why yes , I just adore expensive artwork and I see you do ass well. Did the city pay for this ?
Kevin : Hmmmm no. The taxpayers did of course. This city never pays for anything. I would think you would know that. Now , what's on your mind today ?
BVD : Ass you know , a controversy has sprung up about your recycling leaf collections program. I have some pictures here and was hoping you would help out my readers by clarifying what leaves get collected for recycling and which ones do not.
Kevin : I see , well , , , , , let's get started , shall we ?

BVD : Ok now , this picture shows 5 different piles of leaves. Why won't you pick them up ?
Kevin : Simple. You see that painted mark on the street ? That's where my line of responsibility ends.
BVD : Butt , those citizens pay both city AND county taxes. How can you sit there and talk to me about some line on some street ? These piles are on the same street. What's a few feet matter ?
Kevin : Look , it's my job to recycle leaves , I have nothing to do with taxes , OK ? . . . . .Look , I have 3 guys on 1 truck and they have 1 rake amongst them. I'm not going to have my crews worked to death , understand ?
BVD : I would think there would be more than 1 rake for 3 men.
Kevin : Yeah , well , someone has to drive the truck. How would it look , to have the driver with a rake in his hand while driving the truck ? Besides , the driver is the only 1 on the crew , who has finished the required mandatory training for this department , before picking up a rake
BVD : Can't the driver lay the rake aside while he drives ?
Kevin : What ? And have some one steal it ? Are you crazy ?
BVD : Hmmmm. Well , don't you have other trucks and crews ?
Kevin : Well of course we do Silly. What's your point ?
BVD : " sigh " , OK , let's move on.

BVD : ( shows the next picture ) Ok , , , , now. What's wrong with this pile of leaves ?
Kevin : They are not piled up on the curb. You see ? We don't do yards.
BVD : Hmm , OK , yeeaaaah , I see it now.

BVD : ( moving on to the next picture ) Why won't you pick up this pile of leaves ?
Kevin : Pile of leaves ? Where ? Please show me the pile of leaves in this picture , will you please .
BVD : ? Hmm ? You don't see the pile in this picture ?
Kevin : Ha ha ha ha , Ok , Ok , OK BVD. My , you ARE a funny guy. Ok , now look closely here. That's not a pile of leaves.
BVD : It's not ?
Kevin : Nope , not at all
BVD : What is it then ?
KJevin : That's a leaf puddle.
BVD : That's a what puddle ?
Kevin : That's a leaf puddle. Look and you'll see for yourself what I'm talking about , you see , for a pile of leaves to qualify ass a pile of leaves , the pile of leaves must stand 3 feet tall piled up. OK ? Now , , , , your picture clearly shows this pile of leaves to be spread out over the length of the street and THAT my boy , does not qualify for a " pile of leaves "
BVD : Does this pile of leaves , I mean , puddle of leaves qualify for anything ? I mean , is'nt there anything you can do for the homeowner ?
Kevin : Well of course there's something I can do. It's part of my many responsibilities to report any criminal act with leaves I see and this certainly looks like it qualifies ass a criminal act.
BVD : Why are these leaves on the street a criminal act ?
Kevin : It's against any criminal law , for leaves to be on the street.
BVD : What ? And just why is that ?
Kevin : Leaves tend to bunch and pile up with their own kind. This can lead to some form of left over , left sided terrorist act of leaves , thus becoming an accident with criminal intent , in other words , it would be a leafy accident.

BVD : ( sighs and moves on to the next picture ) What's wrong here ? I see the stick , butt , why won't you pick up them leaves ? I mean , just look at them leaves. They appear to be perfectly normal and ripe for the picking , just look at those colors. Tell me these leaves are not ready for harvesting.
Kevin : Well BVD , I'm sure they are ready ass you suggest , BUTT , do you see that stick ?
BVD : Hmm , yes , , , hmmmm , , so ?
Kevin : Sticks are well known for harboring snakes. I will not hazard an employee for any reason and that includes the possibility of snake bite.
BVD : I did'nt know Franklin had a snake bite problem
Kevin : It does'nt , butt , I'm not going to let my people take the chance just the same.

Friday, December 19, 2008


obez Scams Another Fool

Ebay - I have a list of Un-reputable ebay sellers. AND yes , I've got emails from those stating they wished they had stopped by here first , before bidding.

The thing about " obez " , is the stuff he sells , is made in his garage. In his auction descriptions , he never tells people he makes the item. He just tells you :

" You are bidding on an NR - 1 Submarine Plaque. The emblem is 6 1/4 inches across made of resin with a bronze like finish mounted on a shield oakwood plaque. In good condition "

obez specializes in scamming people , by reproducing Navy plaques in his garage. This Navy plaque sold for 42 dollars , BUTT , don't worry , he will have another made in time for Christmas.

While on this subject , another ebay scammer is dd-748. This guy buys obez's stuff ( that does'nt sell ) and puts it into his ebay store , " US NAVAL MEMORABILIA'S " and sells it like it's the original real deal.

BVD : OK Jerry , what's with the crap here ? Why are you picking on obez ?
Jerry : Well Mr. Smartass , ass you know , there are those who consider me to be some kind of Guru on Navy plaques. I've been around ebay long enough to know who is who. I also know the real stuff from the fake. Keep in mind , some Navy plaques are rather valuable. obez wants you to know , his items are in , " good condition "
BVD : Hmm , obez has good feedback
Jerry : Yep and it's been said , there's a fool born every minute in this country.
BVD : Ooooooooo
Jerry : You just know , this guy is laughing , every time he goes to the bank.

The NR-1 is a Navy Deep Submergence Vehicle.


Bailing Out The BIG 3

Washington D. C. - BVD slowly shook his head in silent sadness ass President Bush made another one of his Strategic Thinking Initiatives Decisions , or " STIDs " for short.

BVD : Yep , Bush is bailing out GM
Jerry : Butt , wait a minute , it's not a bail out , it's a loan that has to be paid back
BVD : How can they pay it back ? They are out of gas right now ?
Jerry : Hmmm , are you saying Bush is throwing good money away ?
BVD : Good money ? America is 12 Trillion dollars in debt , and going on 15. How good do you think America's dollar bill is ?
Jerry : OK then , if the dollar is so worthless right now , what does it matter , if Bush bails out the auto companies ? I would think Bush would be happy if anyone accepts his billions of worthless dollar bills
BVD : Hmmmm , do you have any idea how many people reading this will understand what you just said ?
Jerry : The Americans won't have a clue what just got said. It's the other countries that have me concerned.
BVD : And why is that ?
Jerry : Because they are smarter than US. Besides , look , the only reason Bush is giving the money , is because he knows they can't pull a rabbit out of their exhausted pipe and so he is just stalling the inevitable , while he continues to loiter around The White House. The BIG 3 will belly up on President Obama's watch and he will be the " ONE " , to catch Hell for it. You see ? Bush is'nt totally stupid.

Thursday, December 18, 2008


26th Marine Expeditionary Unit , Christmas 2008

The Night Before Christmas , has been told 'round the world , in several languages. Here , the 26th Marine Expeditionary Unit , tells this story , while being on the job. Their job never stops , rests or takes holidays. These are the people , who make it possible for US Americans to sleep , while Santa makes his rounds 'round the world , in safety.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008


Conan Creates Jobs Program

NBC studios , New York - NBC's late night show host Conan O'brian stated he had the solution to New York's rising unemployment numbers.

There are no more problems with head phones falling off

The bottom picture is a behind the scenes look at the microphone boom in operation

Conan was unavailable for comment , while he trained his desk microphone handler


Bush's Farewell Address

The White House - BVD was one of the privileged few , to get in , on President Bush's last press conference , ( after handing over his shoes to the Secret Service )

BVD : Mr. Prsident , what's on your mind ass you leave office ?

Well , due to technical difficulties , ( the Secret Service had confiscated all microphones ) the president had to use cue cards.


Your AIG Policy

Not surprisingly , ( this being America , the home of the Scammers / Liars Club , Franklin Police and The Republikan Party ) , people claiming to be insurance salesmen , are scamming people with AIG policies , by telling them their policies are worthless. And THAT is just simple Bullshit.

AIG is an excellent insurance company , that has fallen under sad times , because AIG did'nt fall into someone's lineup , politically speaking. That's the reason so many lies are being told today.

So , what is the truth about AIG today ? I'll tell you , since CNN and NBC won't.
Your AIG policy is safer than State Farm's and you do not have to sue AIG to get action when you most need it. " HEY , WHEN YOU NEED A NEIGHBOR , AIG IS THERE " , while State Farm laughingly awaits you at the court house.
AIG does not have a government bailout deal. It's a LOAN , that must be repaid , or else !
If you have been scammed , you can not get anything done thru The Great State of Tennessee , their insurance watch dog does'nt have any teeth , ( that's why there's a State Farm store on every street corner ) ( you would think I was talking about the state's legal watch dog )
You would be surprised , how many people wished they had AIG medical insurance , after comparing their policy.

Thursday, December 11, 2008


Watchin Da Police

Cool Springs Galleria in Franklin , Tennessee - there's a thief problem at the mall and BVD got to talk with Beverly , Mall Surveillance Services

BVD : Good morning Beverly , thank you for allowing me in here
Beverly : Good morning to you , BVD , how are ya ?
BVD : Fine , just fine. Tell me , what's going on this time of year ?
Beverly : Well BVD , you can see for yourself , I've got a lot of monitors to monitor over , that in turn , watch over the clients , visiting the stores in this mall
BVD : Wow , this really is a BIG place
Beverly : Yep and that's why we have Franklin Police roving around to help us with our security problems
BVD : Do you really have security problems ? I mean , is this place really under the gun , so to speak ?
Beverly : No , of course not , Silly. The only problems we really have are the dumpster divers and people looking for jobs. I mean like you know , this place is soo boring , we don't even have a gang problem
BVD : Then why so many police officers ?
Beverly : Because they help us spend our Homeland Security dollars AND it's during this time of year , incident reports of theft are on the rise
BVD : Hmmmm , so , in other words , the more police officers you have here , the more thefts are reported ?
Beverly : Hmmm , yeeeaaaah , now that you mention it , hmmmm
BVD : Yeah , I agree , hmmmmm ,

Tuesday, December 09, 2008


Vanderbilt Trauma Performs First Solo Feeding

Vanderbilt Hospital , Trauma Department - Nashville , Tennessee - onboard the only ER in the sky , BVD was enjoying the panoramic view of Downtown Nashville , the place where history was made , when a patient was fed , without using the traditional feeding tube or " spoon " system. BVD got the story from Vanderbilt " Trauma Doc " Morris

" This is GREAAAAT ! " , stated Dr. Morris , who is now , the leading Vanderbilt Trauma Doc , in charge of bathing and feeding the patients. " Now us doctors can get on with more important tasks , like taking a bath for ourselves. " Dr. Morris continued his statement , " After being home on weekends and spending 10 Billion dollars in Congressional Hospital Research Grants in the last year alone , I just cannot believe how simple , this feeding system is. Just look at it. There are no tubes , no bottles , not even a canned machine. And the really nice feature about this feeding system is that no special training is required.
" With this feeding system , we can now have nutritious nutrients , nursing our patients in ways never before thought possible , while being conceived in a hospital environment. This will enable us , to empty more beds faster , by removing the patient in half the time , while allowing us to double their hospital bill. Why , this could enable us to double our Trauma Rauma routine, AND , think about this , GPS is not required ! " , said Morris.
BVD : Why is GPS not needed ?
Morris : Well , for the first time , the food goes straight to the patient's mouth and not into an employee's. In which case , there's no telling where the food goes , once an employee gets their theiven little hands on it. Then GPS will track the movement of the food , thus showing us where the employee went to eat it.
BVD : You mean to tell me , employees are stealing a patient's meal ?
Morris : Well of course they are. Vanderbilt is well known for not paying their employees enough to live on and even less to buy food.
BVD : Then why would someone want to work here ?
Morris : Because of the name Vanderbilt , of course. After all , to be here , means , you make sacrifices
BVD : How can you afford to buy food ?
Morris : Oh , that's easy. I'm not an employee around here , I'm a DOCTOR !

Dr. Morris later remarked , " That's right. This is remarkable , simply remarkable. Where will technology take us next ? "

Dr. Morris holds a Dr. of MD , ID and VD w/IV @ Vanderbilt Hospital Staff Solutions and contributes to articles such ass this , in various magazines around the world and is well known for not bathing and currently holds the hospital record for the longest lasting flatulence.

Monday, December 08, 2008


Franklin Police Get Newer Equipment

Franklin , Tennessee - BVD Bloggtographer , The City of Franklin Police Department showed off it's newer equipment last Thursday. BVD interviewed Detective Russell " Rusty " Lockard , ( CID Commander in training and future police Chief hopeful )
BVD : Rusty , what exactly is this ?
Rusty : Well BVD , I'll bet you think it's some kind of body armor underwear , butt , it's not. It's actually the latest fashion in chastity belts.
BVD : Ha ha ha ah , Okay , why does a police officer need one of these ?
Rusty : BVD , it's not just a police officer who needs this , it's a FRANKLIN POLICE officer , who needs one of these
BVD : Hmmmm , whaaaat ?
Rusty : Yep. Look , we can't just fire an officer , just because he does wrong. Doing so would send the wrong message to the other officers. So , for now , we are trying out this chastity belt , to see if it helps the officer in difficult situations
BVD : Hmmmm , I see. Umm , er , ah , tell my readers about it please
Rusty : Oh sure thing man. You can easily see the tube at the bottom , that allows the officer to pee. Then there's this wire running up his chest , that's the antennae.
BVD : Antennae ?
Rusty : Yeah , this is equiped with GPS. You see , this thing has a smart card that sends telemetry to our dispatch. The operator can see exactly where the officer is and if there's an erection situation.
BVD : And what if there is an erection situation ?
Rusty : Not a problem , no problem at all. The dispatch operator has an " erection situation emergency red button " , or " ESERB " for short , that can be pushed , which activates an electrical charge into the crotch , which then causes an erection deflation situation to occur.
BVD : A what-a-what ?
Rusty : An erection deflation situation , or , " EDS " for short.
BVD : Rusty , is this thing really necessary ?
Rusty : Necessary ? Unfortunately , yes.
BVD : What makes this so necessary ?
Rusty : Well for starters , ass you know , we have a pedophile on file , who can not be fired for political reasons AND we have other officers who can't keep it in their pants , plus , there's been an increase in vehicle costs , because we've had to disinfect 2 patrol cars already for crabs , during this holiday season alone.
BVD : How do you know the officers put 'em in there ? I mean , couldn't a perp have put them in there ?
Rusty : A perp ? In the driver's seat ? Not likely.

Wednesday, December 03, 2008


Franklin Police Survey IPs

Franklin , Tennessee - the Franklin Police Department wants to know how they are doing. You can log into their website and work out a survey and give your comments on how well they are doing their job. BVD talked with Franklin Police Chief wanna bee , Detective Black

BVD : How's your survey coming along ?
Black : Fine. Just fine.
BVD : Why are you asking questions about a person's income
Black : So we can determine how much to raise fines and tax fees.
BVD : Why can't a person fill this out in person at Headquarters ?
Black : Security reasons and besides , we get your IP in the process
BVD : Is that the real reason ?
Black : Ha ! No , of course not , the real reason is that we just don't want anybody around seeing something we don't want being seen
BVD : Hmmm , Okaaaay. So anyway , why are IPs so important again ?
Black : To help us track down those , who don't like us.
BVD : Have you considered there might be a reason someone does'nt like you ?
Black : Yeah , we know why they don't like us already , we just want to be able to snoop in on them from all angles
BVD : So , why don't some people like you ?
Black : Because we FUCKED 'EM RUTHLESSLY ! ! ! ! HA HA HA HA HA
BVD : Well , I can certainly understand doing that to some criminal Ha ha ha
BLACK : Who said they were criminals ? I did'nt say anything about criminals
BVD : Butt , butt , butt
Black : Look , we have learned how to fuck people from criminals. Criminals have become our friends and mentors. Why would we want to fuck them , they don't fuck us ? Hm ? Why ?
BVD : " ? "


The Search Continues

Franklin , Tennessee - Franklin Police Sgt. Warner is working on a plan , to help find his missing chief.

BVD : Are you sure this will work ?
Sgt. Warner : Well , I dunno , butt I'm getting 2 Billion dollars from Congress to search for him :)
BVD : Well , at least you now have something to do
Warner : Ha ha ha ha , yep , I wuz gettin a mite worreed
BVD : So , with you having something to fill your time with , what's your " Ho " gonna do ?
Warner : Hey , she's a " Mistress " , Okay ? You got that ?
BVD : Of course , titles are important

Tuesday, December 02, 2008


Franklin Police Search For New Leader

Franklin , Tennessee - the Franklin Police Department has begun a nationwide search for a new police chief. BVD had a word with Sgt. Warner

BVD : Good morning Sarge , how's it hanging ?
Sgt. Warner : Ha ha ha , that's a good one , ha ha ha , everything is hanging just fine , now that it's been laid , ha ha ha ha ha
BVD : Hm ? Laid ?
Warner : Yeah , you know , getting laid. You know , fucking !
BVD : Oh yeah , right , butt , I thought you were married
Warner : I am married , that's why I have a " mistress in distress " on the side. Ha ha ha ha , us police officers have to keep our wits about us , you know
BVD : Riiiiiiiiight. Now then , what's this about finding a replacement for chief jackie ?
Warner : Yep , that's right
BVD : Well ? What can you tell my readers ? How's the search coming along ?
Warner : Right now , it looks like Bin Laden will get the job
BVD : Whaaaaaaaaat ? You're kidding , right ?
Warner : Oh no , nooooo , not at all. You see , the chief and Bin Laden have the same quality things in common , plus the fact , no one around here wants to make any changes , soooo , right now , Bin Laden is the right choice @ the right time
BVD : Mr. Warner , would you please tell my readers , what makes Bin Laden the most popular candidate for the chief's position , I mean , explain it to me like I'm a 3 year old
Warner : Certainly , of course , we are not talking brain surgery here. Chief jackie is a very hard person to find. His office lights are always on , butt no one'z home. Meanwhile , even in his own home , Bin Laden is also just ass hard to find. The only differences between the two , is that jackie has sometimes been spotted , wandering aimlessly around the office complex of the city's Leaf Recycling Department and then , only during the leaf dropping season.
BVD : Thank you for the picture of Bin Laden , why do you not have one of the chief ?
Warner : We have'nt been able to find the chief long enough tooo take his picture and you know what else ? We can't even make a baseball card of him because we can't find him to sign the waver to release him from playing pro ball.
BVD : The chief ? I mean , he plays pro ball ?
Wagner : Well of course. Hey , did I tell you about his stint with the US Marshals ?
BVD : Hm , errrr , ah no , you have'nt
Wagner : Well , I'm not surprised. The job did'nt last very long
BVD : Oh , why not ?
Wagner : They could'nt find him , to tell him , he got the job.
BVD : Oooooooooooo man , ha ha ha , Okaaaaaaay , you got me on that one

Monday, December 01, 2008


The City of Franklin City Services

Franklin , Tennessee - BVD and I raked up a rather huge pile of leaves. This is what happened

The City of Franklin leaf pick 'em up crew was working on a pile next door. The people had thrown the leaves down to the bottom of their ditch. The workers did not complain about hiking down and raking all of those leaves up to their suction machine. I mean , that ditch is soo deep , they could have gotten hurt , like a splinter from the rake handle or sumpin. BVD went over to ask them why they had not touched his leaves.

Their response was - " That pile is Soooo BIG , it might break our rake. Ha ha ha ha. Well , I mean , we have just one rake among us 3 working guys. Besides , look man , your property is on the wrong side of our map , which is to say , our rake does'nt reach that far across the grassy leaves. This means , you neeed to call the Williamson County Waste and Leaf Dumping Department to see after your neeeds , in this matter. Okay ? In other words , it's been snowing and the ground is all wet and this truck might sink up to it's axle and mess up your yard , maybe we can get to it next week and the ground will be dry and my supervisor won't be around , to see us do it. "

So , BVD and I raked the pile into the street. This was their reaction.

Yep , that's right. The pile was just too much for them to handle , I mean , that wuz the biggest damn pile they had ever seen in their whole leaf picking career , and so , they hunkered down , hiding behind their capes , hoping they would not be seen doing an illegal " Bat Turn " , in a 4-way intersection , in downtown Main Street Franklin

Yes , this is a prime example of the Gold Star service any citizen can expect here in Franklin , especially upon considering the fact that BVD pays both county AND city citizens taxes , in exchange for the privilege of living in this town.

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