Friday, March 31, 2006



People complain about the FBI spying on Americans , butt , it's always unclear why , in the reality of the crime in this country.
The answer is simple. The FBI was back up to the Secret Service with murdering President Kennedy. Today , the FBI keeps a constant vigil looking for those who know the truth. Meanwhile , when the FBI has nothing better to do , you can find them at their favorite haunt at

Face the truth here. Ever since the American government murdered President Kennedy , the American people have been afraid of their American government


The President Bush Club

Are'nt you glad you voted for Bush ? Don't you wish everyone had ?


City of Franklin Judge Franks

Many people living in Franklin are aware that elections are coming up. Judge Franks is once again running for re-election. Judge Franks , NOW there's a oxy-moron in Franklin's law


Chancellor Gee Googles Google

Despite warnings from the Vanderbilt Computer Center , Chancellor Gee , at the advice from Chairman Thackston , went thru with Googling Google.
Chairman Thackston , Vanderbilt Engineering School , upon realizing Vanderbilt was without leadership or ownership , bravely stepped up and announced he would gladly take Gee's place until he was found.

Wednesday, March 29, 2006



Is'nt it interesting how Jane Fonda's popularity stays high. You know , Tokyo Rose was raked over the coals , yet Hanoi Jane is a celebrity. My how this country has changed.


Dick Cheney shoots down Eagle

Las Vegas , Nevada - BVD News learned , while Air Force One was flying over Nevada , the Vice President took President Bush downstairs to the loading compartment to put in some skeet practice. Cheney was teaching Bush how to launch clay pidgeons.
With the loading door open , Bush would launch the pidgeons. Feeling cocky , Cheney had Bush launch 3 clays at once. At the same moment a F-15 Eagle escort flew along side to investigate the smoke. The 3 clays went into the jet engine's air intake , causing the aft section of the aircraft to explode. The pilot ejected safely and was found drunk with a million dollars in chips and being escorted by 3 Ho's at the Sand Palace.
The Vice President swears that he had only one beer before take off , and the shotgun was empty with the safety on after the explosion.
Just the same , President Bush , being a veteran fighter pilot , had a " kill " painted on the side of Air Force One.

Later at a press conference with Bush in California , the subject of shooting down the Eagle came up.

Bush : The pilot ejected safely and was OK
Press : What do you mean by he was OK ?
Bush : His wife saw the pictures of him with the Ho's , well , that was a confirmed kill


President Bush baby picture

Someone has put up some pictures of President Bush during his early years in Maine


FRANKLIN POLICE and Traffic Court

There was a time Franklin Police Officers were on the honor system , and they filled out their own time sheets. One day , several officers were caught padding those time sheets. One example was being in traffic court for several hours , when in fact , they were no where near to be found. Soooo , the supervisor now does their time sheets for them.
Hey Jerry , are you saying dishonesty among Franklin Police officers lead to the demise of a legal traffic court in the City of Franklin ?
That was part of it , yes.
Question : If the people of Franklin , had the mentality of Americans during the Revolutionary War , would this type of law be tolerated ?
Note : This was reported in the Review Appeal

Tuesday, March 28, 2006


In the Dungeon

Here's a really old joke

Two guys are chained to the wall deep beneath a castle for God only knows how long. One day , the dungeon master walks up to one guy and places a medal on his lapel and walks away. The other guy looked jealously on and asked , " Is that for perfect attendance ?"


FRANKLIN POLICE traffic stop one night

Here is a page from the Franklin Police History book
While working in a auto repair shop , it was late and a friend came in needing work done. I was able to get parts and did the work.
Finishing the work , I watched my friend get into their car , while I was parked across the street.
Suddenly a Franklin Police car flies up to me out of no where with the baby blues on. The officer tells me I drove like a bat out of hell through a red light and he wants my liscence like right now.
I told him that could'nt have been me , my engine is'nt turned on , the keys are here in my hand. The officer yelled , " SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH OR YOUR GOING TO JAIL ! ! ! ! " My friend watched the whole thing being terrified from the tone of the officer's voice.
In those days , the City of Franklin had a real traffic court , and the ticketing officer has to appear. Since this officer failed to show , I was let go.
Want to know more about this officer ? Read on.


Franklin Police Officer Assaults Girlfriend

Here is a page from the Franklin Police History book
There was an Franklin Police Officer who enjoyed beating his girl friend. His really big thrill was to give her black eyes. When her eyes healed , he would do it again.
One day , the girl friend had a friend who said enough was enough , and she stood up to him. He proceeded to beat the crap out of her and gave her two black eyes. Then he gave his girl two black eyes and paraded them around his friends.
On a different occasion , this Franklin Police officer gave his girl friend a black eye and showed her off to practically everyone , including his buddies in the Franklin Police Department.
Franklin Police supposedly did nothing because the girl friend would not place charges.
To give you a hint to the officer's identity , his brother is also in the Franklin Police Department



The news is out , GM is circling the drain. After all these years of producing cars with the help of the Japanese. GM's management has finally caught up with reality. Being a Tennessean , I really don't care about GM/SATURN.
When Saturn came to Franklin , everyone was excited about the job prospects. Truth is , it was all lies. Saturn does not hire Tennesseans.
Remember , Tennessee is a right to work state. With Governor Alexander's help , Saturn said " We have the right to work anyone we want. And , with that said , it was all UAW only.
You know , America has spent billions fighting prejudice , and GM comes here and invents a new level based on a person's state of residence. Then , once the UAW folks get settled in , they then call themselves Tennesseans so they can disclaim the truth in Saturn's hiring practices.
Remember Jeff Macatee , channel 4 news anchor ? He was fired for saying " Saturn does'nt hire Tennesseans. " on the 6 o'clock news. Demetria scolded him on camera , " We are'nt supposed to talk about that ! ! ! "
The good things about being a Saturn-UAW employee in Franklin are - drugs at a good price , cheap children for tricks, moonshine , good Ho's , being obove the law , expensive guns , a job for your spouse , and if you really had the juice , you could build a Saturn in your garage.And of course , hunting and fishing without a liscence.
The only good thing Saturn did for Franklin citizens was to increase the cost of living , taxes and houses. Tennesseans be damned. The UAW folks can afford it.


Food for Thought

Look at the 2 chickens. Is this evolution Is this by intelligent design Do you get it


Federal Reserve dot com for Kids

The Federal Reserve has a web site to teach kids financial responsibility. The reserve is part of our government that's 9 Trillion dollars in debt. Is this a Oxy Moron ?

Monday, March 27, 2006



Here's a question.....With Comcast HD TV service and a wide screen TV. What good is the TV , when Comcast only uses half of the TV screen ?

Sunday, March 26, 2006



Needing another MRI , the doctor sent me to VUMC in Nashville. Everything was scheduled and all I had to do for my part was to show up. After waiting 3 hours while the tech took a break , it was my turn. Looking into the barrel , I asked if I would fit. The tech assured me this was not a problem.
Lying down , the tech rammed me home. The bed stopped at my waist while my hands flailed and I screamed in pain. Yep , I was stuck in a small place and no where to go. My arms were pinned to my abdomen which put pressure on my spine. PLEASE , give me MORE ! ! ! ! , I screamed. After being extracated , my BP was 288/146 , yep , I was feeling fine.
Wating another 2 hours to use the larger MRI , it was finally ( again ) my turn. Two nurses set me up for IV to put me down. Their name badge said they had a Masters Degree. They took turns sticking me 14 times. Yep , that's spelled with a Capital F. They stuck me on the bicep , under the wrist , the other wrist , the main vein , and other veins and no IV. You would think with my low " blood " , pressure , they could hit something. Sooo , finally they gave up trying and called for someone who knew how to do IV's. He got it on the first try , and no , he is not a nurse.

Saturday, March 25, 2006



One of the favorite party tricks , on a saturday night , the undergrads bet to see who could walk and chew gum while sticking out their tounge



Here's another page from the Franklin Police History book.
There was a call one night about noisey gun shots fired. Dispatch does their job. Two police cars are rushing to the scene , racing to see who will be first on the scene and have their picture on the front page of the Review Appeal.
The two cars crash into each other , requiring both cars to be towed. Both officers were OK and enjoyed a good laugh. Oh yeah , about those noisey gun shots. The noise was a few firecrackers. Meanwhile , some drivers , being ticketed at the time , were let go while those officers took up the race.

Friday, March 24, 2006


President Bush Book Signing Today

The HUSTLER learned that President Bush will sign his new book at the Wall on RAND from 11 to 2 Anyone wanting to purchase the book needs to be there early since there is only one copy.



Vanderbilt University Police Department SWAT Team got it's first official call when a sniper was reported on the roof of Kirkland Hall.
A baby feline known as " Kitty Kitty " had escaped from the Vanderbilt Medical Center Animal Experiment Labratory , because she was tired of being tied up and fed up with the RAND BRAND burgers and fries student meal deal experiment. Using Kirkland's chimes megaphone , Kitty Kitty made her demands known all over campus. " Give me Meow Meow Mix , I want it NOW ! "
Chancellor Gee , in an effort to avoid the Vanderbilt SWAT Team from getting hurt , was able to talk Kitty Kitty down with a Bow Tie cookie covered with Meow Meow Mix sprinkles and a bowl of milk.
" She's really a sweet little Kitty Kitty " said Gee during an interview , while Kitty Kitty mauled his shin bone demanding more cookies and milk.


President Bush Speaks Out

I did'nt say there was WMDs in IRAQ. Saddam told me there was WMDs in IRAQ

Thursday, March 23, 2006


City of Franklin Global Outreach Program

In an effort to creatively create more taxes to prevent raising current taxes , Jay Johnson , City of Franklin , City of Franklin Director and City of Franklin Administrator in Charge of the City of Franklin , has announced new taxes on knives and forks used for eating inside the City of Franklin city limits. Mr. Johnson said , " China is a world leader on taxation without representation. It is in Franklin's best interests to keep up with them. "
When asked if the City of Franklin intends to build up it's military , Mr. Johnson replied , " That's not necessary , the City of Franklin's hiearchy owns the City of Franklin Police Department which is paid for with taxes from the City of Franklin city residents. Ass long ass those people continue to pay their traffic ticket taxes peacefully , we will continue to operate at the current levels of the City of Franklin Police Department , militarily speaking.


President Bush learns his ABC's


JADA SMITH pushes Wicked Jada

Hollywood - In an interview with BVD News , Jada Smith , wife of Will Smith , talked about her metal CD.
" I'm banging away , giving away a part of my soul into my music. Butt , this is really not me anyway. " said Jada.
BVD asked , " Then whose soul do you have ? "
Pictured is Jada doing her KISS imitation


Desperate Housewives and Milkyway

While bitch slapping the remote keys , I noticed there's no difference between Desperate Housewives and a Milkyway commercial in fast forward

Wednesday, March 22, 2006


BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN , lesson learned





FRANKLIN , TN - Today , Jay Johnson , Franklin City Director , answered questions regarding the Franklin Police Stalker within the Franklin Police Department.
Johnson : So , in accordanance with Florida laws , our stalker , having been found bi - polar by a Florida doctor , will not face charges , and he is expected to return to his normal duties tonight.
BVD : What's Florida got to do with this police officer ? This is Tennessee
Johnson : The law in this country is one big happy family. State border lines have nothing to do with the law.
BVD : OK , so what will happen to the officer's little black book ?


Dick Cheney has TEN

Vice President Cheney told the news media he now has ten reasons for staying in the White House. It's a modified Cheney Signature Series WalMart Model 10-shot shotgun


President Bush answers Media Questions

BVD : When will our troops be extracted from IRAQ ?
Bush : You know , the airlines looses luggage everyday. You're asking me when will it be found. I don't know.

Tuesday, March 21, 2006



Here's another page from the Franklin Police
History Book

Before the Thanksgiving Holidays , a really nice vett was crunched in a neighbor's driveway. Franklin Police did their thing , and since the driver was a Franklin Nobody , was promptly taken away in cuffs.
While waiting for the wrecker , a Franklin Police officer removed his weapon , and jokingly pointed it at the car and shot the horse.
The point is , in Tennessee , anyone wanting a gun permit has to have a gun safety class. If you are Franklin Police, gun safety is not a concern under CALEA Accreditation


Veterans medical Care on NBC

NBC news reported that this countries medical care of American Veterans was a working model for the rest of the medical community to follow in providing medical care for everyone.
There's a couple of things Americans don't know about the care Veterans recieve.
Did you know , it takes on average , nine months for a veteran to make a doctor appointment
Did you know , a veteran may have to reschedule several times , their doctor appointment beyond nine months
Did you know , there are IRAQ veterans paying for their medical needs out of their pocket , because they can't wait nine months ( no reimbersement )
Did you know , a veteran has to travel hundreds of miles to get medical care by the VA
Did you know , the VA hospital is not required to give a veteran , the prescriptions , the doctor orders
Did you know , veterans now have to pay for their free VA prescriptions
Did you know , America's government is not responsible for the medical care of the IRAQ wounded , or any other war wounded
Did you know a veteran can not use a hospital unless they pay for it themselves , outside the VA
Did you know , in the Navy , a medical doctor does not need to be a medical anything to practice any medical thing
Did you know , Vanderbilt has an agreement with the VA to use veterans for surgical training for new doctors
Think I'm joking , look in to this for yourself
Is'nt it interesting , NBC , can't tell Americans these facts.

Monday, March 20, 2006


DELL announces more jobs in INDIA

BVD has learned that DELL is going thru with plans to expand production and hire another 10,000 workers in it's India manufactoring operations.
When BVD asked , " Why not do this in Tennessee ? Afterall , the state did give DELL a 10 year tax exempt status , the state even built and paid for , a new manufactoring facility with new corporate offices , an exclusive on/off ramp to I-40 , and the state gave everyone of DELL's importance , their very own personalized State of Tennessee membership for free golf . "
A DELL spokesperson replied , " You're joking right ? Anyone who would give those kind of concessions without asking for something in return is a moron. Everyone in corporate America knows that Tennesseans are nothing more than back in them thar hills , backasswards , sistur ridin , bar foot hillbillies. Just ask NISSAN. "


VANDERBILT UNIVERSITY blows Alternative Energy

Metro Fire & EMS were called to the Engineering School after an explosion took out the Envirnmental labs.
Chairman Thackston , School of Engineering explained , " People were complaining of Professor Speece's effluent smell when some one got the idea that this could be the countries answer to alternative energy technology. Soo...Speece was strapped to the front of a vehicle with an anal suction pipe connected directly to the engine intake.
When asked what caused the explosion , Thackston answered , " We think Speece's affleunt anal effleunce was tooo much for the engine. "
" Speece made his claim to fame by solving Vanderbilt's affleunt effleunce problems by dumping the stuff directly into the School's storm drain outside the laser research building. " , continued Thackston.
" Is'nt that illegal ? " asked BVD
" Yes , butt Speece is tenured , so it does'nt affleuntly matter. " replied Thackston



Today , CNN reported a new record for cobra kissing. However , due to it's sexual implications , CNN chose not to show the actual act.

Saturday, March 18, 2006


President Bush learned from Saddam

Some where in IRAQ , during Operation Swarmer. Col. Johnson gives a media circus interview.
CNN : What can you tell us ?
COL : This operation has been an incredible success , ass you already know.
CNN : Butt we have'nt seen anything
COL : Sure you have , look around. ( points to rubble )
CNN : Col. , that's a house under construction
COL : Well , you get the idea , take a picture of it. Also , we captured six munition caches , used in the manufacture of IED's
CNN : Can we see some of the captured goods ?
COL : Sargeant , bring that item over here , NOW ! ! !
CNN : Col , that's a rock
COL : Sir , I can assure you , that's part of an IED
CNN : Where are the IRAQ troops ?
COL : points to a Hum Vee , " Over there "
CNN : That's it ? That's all of the them ?
COL : Yes , how many were you expecting after three years of training ?
CNN : Can we stay for the night ?
COL : NO , these folks want to go home.
CNN : Col , we still have'nt seen anything
COL : If we start now , I can have you all back in Bagdad in time for lunch. You can enjoy MRE's with the troops.
CNN : Butt , Bagdad is right there , ( pointing ) we can walk it. Besides , we just leaft from there five minutes ago.
COL : Nonsense , you are all under my protection , let's all get on the helicopter. Besides , how would it look if everyone was seen over there , enjoying MRE's , with me standing right here ?



How many people on Comcast were watching tv last night ? This was my picture. I tried for an hour to reach a Comcast service representative. Finally , I got thru to a recording , saying , " Due to high winds , a tree fell on to our Dish. We are waiting for trained Dish technicians to put it back up. We apologize for any missed MTV you may have suffered. "

Friday, March 17, 2006


President Bush and MONEY

I would really hate to be the next president to fill Bush's shoes. There's no money to work with , or to have a budget. What is Bush doing with all those dollars ? I noticed he has asked for money three times this year to fight the war in IRAQ . Where's all those dollars going ? I really don't understand how 60% of a poll said they are comfortable with the present economy. Has anyone noticed Ebay ? There are no bids , or the bidding is down. Now that's a message.

Perhaps the Democrates should let the next election go. They could get caught with out a chair when the money music stops and find themselves taking the blame for Bush's money madness.



Here's something of interest
We all need insurance for home and auto
We all want our insurance rep to be there when doo doo happens
Today , Travelers is considered to be one of the top three worst insurance companies in America. That's a big step from several years ago.
In a nut shell , you want to know that your insurance rep is looking after your interests. Ask if they carry Travelers. If they answer yes , you should consider moving on.
If they answer something like , " I used to , but I dropped them. " Then perhaps you found a good insurance rep.

If you still insist on Travelers insurance , Martin & Zerfoss , located in the Vanderbilt community , will be glad to sell it to you. Phone - 297 8500
When you turn in a claim , GOOD LUCK ! ! !



Tonya Harding was on campus to promote her new book titled , " Basket Weaving. " When asked what her favorite activities were , she replied , " Throwing wrenches at people and partying at Vanderbilt , and being a bouncer at Bruno's.
Pictured is a before and present day Tonya.


President Bush goes Green

Have you noticed President Bush's ears ? Have you noticed the slant backwards ? How did he miss out acting on Lord of the Rings ?

The White House announced today that to discourage the Bird Flu from entering this country , the Statue of Liberty was going to double up her duties as a scarecrow.

In a off the record interview , President Bush was asked why the National Guard was still being used in IRAQ instead of the U S ARMY ? Mr. Bush replied , " The ARMY is still learning from the comic book level. I've asked Congress for 10 billion in emergency educational aid , to take the ARMY to the next educational level which is high school. "
Well , are'nt you bringing the Guard down to comic book level by replacing the depleted Guard ranks with ARMY personnel ?
Mr. Bush , " Of course not , that's why I'm giving the ARMY the Guard's equipment , you see , I'm a strategic thinker and a strategic planner. "
Yes , butt , most of their equipment has been destroyed by IED's.
Mr. Bush , " Not a problem , a little duct tape , some paint , good ass new. "

Finally , President Bush danced a jig on the White House back yard ass it began to rain money. " Look Barabara , it's raining money. I told you I would make the sky turn green. Aint Congress wonderful ? "



President Bush was confident today ass his great idea from NASA was being launched towards higher polls.Unfortunately , there was no fuel on board.
NASA assured President Bush that with funding for a 2 billion dollar robotic fact finding mission to earth , they would find the money for a bottle rocket.

Thursday, March 16, 2006


Space Shuttle Launch Delay

NASA announced today the launch of the space shuttle will be delayed due to the nation being nine trillion dollars in debt. There was no money , in the launch budget , to light up the main tank fuel gauge in the dark. Electrical technicians were going to attempt to rig some spare fibre optic parts from the pilots emergency flashlight to the gauge. However , to do this , NASA would need an additional five billion dollars in emergency funding to buy batteries.


Meanwhile , Back at the MRI

Technician : Jerry ?
Jerry : Yeah , I'm still in here.
Technician : Good , I will start the next round of film which will take about 45 minutes.
Jerry : OK , can I have a burger and fries while I'm waiting ?



BVD sat down with Jerry to learn more about Historic Franklin
Jerry : Did you know Franklin does not have a traffic court ?
BVD : Your joking
Jerry : No , I'm afraid not.You see , to have a court of law , there has to be a judge.Well , a judge costs tooo much , so there's a lawyer to process the process.
BVD : OK , let's say I know this and refuse to pay ?
Jerry : No problem , they confiscate your liscence on the spot.
BVD : Is this legal ?
Jerry : No , butt they are betting you don't know the judge is'nt a judge , they are betting you don't know your rights , and they are confident an attorney won't take your case since this is a violation of your civil rights.
BVD : Why is'nt there a judge again ?
Jerry : Costs tooo much.
BVD : What does a judge make ?
Jerry : A judge in Franklin recieves free housing , free car , a percentage of his take goes into the judge's retirement fund , AND , they don't get tickets , the same courtesy extends to their circle of family and friends.
BVD : So , by having a real judge in court , every time a ticket is dropped , he looses money ?
Jerry : You got it. Besides , a judge can't make a right decision with this monetary advantage of your money , his pocket philosophy , so there's no traffic court judge , and no tickets get dropped.
BVD : So why does'nt someone investigate this , where's the FBI ?
Jerry : This is not an FBI problem , it's a TBI problem. Franklin and the TBI have a political understanding.
BVD : OK , in a article in the Review Appeal , it says the court only brings in 500$ or so a session. So what's the big deal.
Jerry : Let's say on average , Franklin Police ticket about 100 people per session. Just to pay up front and not appear in court because you need to be at work will cost you a basic $55 dollars. When you show up , now you encounter court fees. I'll let you do the math. And , remember , they won't tell you they are adding points to your driver liscence.
BVD : What's that all about ?
Jerry : This raises your insurance rates , which those companies share a percentage with the ticketing agency.
BVD : Does Franklin Police know how this works ?
Jerry : Of course they do. Besides , by going along to get along , their circle of family and friends don't get tickets either.
BVD : OK , let's say I got a ticket , now what ?
Jerry : OK , let's say you have a friend on the inside. Let them know , so they can watch the " inbox " , and they can pull the paper work , schred it so there's no eveidence , no muss no fuss , it's over with , just like that. On the other hand , it's your money , their pocket , just like that.

Wednesday, March 15, 2006


Franklin Police Traffic Stop

Here's a story from the Franklin Police's History Book.
One night a vehicle is pulled over for a burned out headlight. During a conversation with the Franklin Police officer , it was noted the police car had a burned out headlight. When mentioning this , the officer screamed , " If you don't shut up , I'll take you to jail ! " Nuff said , and the officer wrote the ticket.
Welcome to Franklin.


SADDAM the man

Today , Saddam said dury his trial " God made me ruler of Iraq. "
Why are we spending all that money defending this guy ?
Why can't we give him the same justice , he gave to so many thousands ?


Jay Leno

I was wondering if Jay Leno started something last night. He made the remark about parents having difficulty paying for their kids college because they had bought Starbucks everymorning for the last 20 years.
This mornings CNN stated Starbucks will be giving free coffee today , and for those who can't make it , the Starbucks courtesy coffee van would be on patrol .
Pictured is Jay talking about his visit to Vanderbilt LAMBDA and the days Rand menu was MANWICH

Tuesday, March 14, 2006


Franklin Police has a Stalker

Here is a story from the pages of Franklin Police's history book.
My daughter was working nights at Carmikes. A Franklin Police officer took an interest in her since she was only 16 years old. This officer would follow her home , which was outside the city limits. After she told me what was going on , I would stand in the shadows watching her pull into the drive way with the patrol car on her bumper. The car would then drive away.
One night , the officer pulled her over and with her driver license in his hand , asked her out. When she said no , the officer wrote her a ticket for running a yellow light that did not exist.
I went to Franklin Police Headquarters to talk with the commander , who informed me there was no problem here. I did talk with Tim Taylor , CID , who told me there was no problem here. I was refused access to see the Chief.
Sooo , I went to Jay Johnson , City Administrator , who asked a lot of questions , and I gave a lot of answers. He said he would investigate.
One week later , I met with Jay Johnson again. He said , " I want to thank you for bringing this to my attention. I found there was inproprietary use of police vehicles , and , there was substance to my complaint. However , due to the fact the police department is going thru CALAE accreditation at this time , if I do something with the officer , CALEA would hear about it and could jeopardize Franklin Police becoming CALEA accredited. Therefore , there was nothing he could do. "
Note : During the investigation , the officer stopped his activities.


President Bush's Family Tree

While researching documents in the National Archives , officially unofficially Jerry was trying to get several documents before being conviscated by the Bush administration's efforts to rewrite history by reclassifying
unclassified documents.
Mixed in with the documents was this file.
The Secret Service politely removed all documents from Jerry's possesion before being allowed to leave the building.


CNN's Larry King Secrets Revealed in Upcoming Book

Jerry recieved a fax today , showing the cover of Larry King's new book. While no details were mentioned , it is assumed it will be a hot best seller.



While doing a search for the Slightly Amusing office complex deep beneath the Sarrat Catacombes Complex , officially unofficially Jerry walked by the LAMBDA offices while the closet doors were open , and saw this.
Jerry asked , " Was'nt this a Dean Potter marketing idea to promote LAMBDA ?"
After getting only smiles and lewd looks , Jerry politely excussed himself to go do the Franklin story.


City of Franklin is changing

City of Franklin aldermen were scouting around , looking for more ways to raise revenue , when they began to notice all the cars parked in drive ways of people's residences.
After a discussion of the eye sore this created , plus calculating all the money the city was loosing thru a lack of parking meters inside the city limits , they came to the conclusion that there was waaay to much economical housing in Franklin.
To combat this problem , the aldermen are planning to implement the eminant domain law ass established by President Bush.
It was revealed today , in the early restructuring stages , there will be a Quicky Mart on every city block to employ the people from India.
When the subject of where the democrates would be relocated after loosing their homes , the aldermen gave no answer , and returned to the buisness of monitoring the city's money flow into their swimming pool.

Monday, March 13, 2006


President Bush vs. The Car Door

Have you ever wondered why Bush does'nt open the door to the limo ? BVD was allowed 2 minutes with the Secret Service for a candid interview.
BVD : So , why does'nt President Bush open the limo door himself ?
Secret Service Special Agent Special Services assigned to the White House on special assignment for especially needy people in the White House Secret Service Special Agent " Bob " : It's like this , President Bush weighs just 86 pounds. The limo door weighs 500 pounds and is spring loaded. If the President opens that door by himself , he will be launched 2 blocks down.
BVD : You're kidding right ?
Bob : Nope , the first and last time Mr. Bush opened that door , we had to extricate him from a mail box from across the street.

Sunday, March 12, 2006



HOLLYWOOD - BVD News learned that Vanderbilt Pictures Inc. Esq. & Co. thru mutual co operation with Vanderbilt Lambda-Potter Anal Sole Subsidiary Farm Enterprises and The Vanderbilt-Potter Farm Party Animals Company , will film a re inactment of Brokeback Mountain starring R. Lee Ermy and Conan O' Brien on the Vanderbilt Cliffs this spring.
With discussion of who was going to be on top , R. Lee introduced Conan to a real Marine choke hold complete with real brass knuckles and a real knife.
Both were too busy in the tent for an interview.



At a $50,000 dollar a plate fundraiser at Rand for unemployed presidential hopefuls , Senator Frist won the prestigious Vanderbilt Short Straw Award by pulling the short straw.
Secretary of State hopeful , Chairman Thackston said , " We were hoping the Senator would win , we even had short straw bussed in from Missouri to ensure the Senator would'nt pull the wrong straw. "
Senator Frist was too busy manipulating stocks to be available for comment.
Courtesy BVD News



R. Lee of Mail Call , was on campus to film the history of Chancelor Gee's rise to power , and the military technology and weapons he used to take Kirkland Hall
After doing an advertisement for Rand brand food on the History Channel , Grandma Thackston burst from the crowd and gave " Gunny " both barrels of how she felt about the language used.
In an effort to maintain civility and keep " Gunny " alive , it was agreed that " Gunny " would clean out a few things before proceeding any further.
Thru Grandma Thackston's efforts , Mail Call now has a PG L rating and the language is now clean enough for the hearing impaired who went blind from watching past episodes.
Grandma Thackston was overheard to tell " Gunny " , " Damn son , your fucking hairy ass cleaned up pretty good , you make me wish I had you for my own son , instead of that damned silly assed moronic ground down pencil dick bald headed fart of a dysfunctional maggot bastard known ass that fucking Edward. "

Saturday, March 11, 2006



With several complaints being recieved by the Williamson County Sheriffs Department about Detective Beard , Sheriff Headly instigated an immediate investigation.
After an intense one hour of digging for the truth , Mr. Bennett , Williamson County Sheriffs Department Investigative Services put out a two page letter stating , " Mr. Beard is not doing his job. "
What does this mean ? Detective Beard does not have to do his job due to political connections.
Is that it ? Like , is that all ?
Nope. Anyone who lost a court battle based on Det. Beard's testimony can now ask for a new trial , based on this new evidence.
Mr. Bennett and/or Detective Beard can be reached at 790 5558 or 790 5550


Vanderbilt to become Port Authority of Nashville

Today , the Vandy bubble was saddened to learn that Vandyland , located on West End , will be closing at the end of May.
Mitch Givens , owner , proprietor , ice cream maker , butcher , chief cook and window washer , said ," We lost our lease for refusing to give free lunches to the faculty at the engineering school. "
When The HUSTLER asked what will happen to this prime real estate , Mitch replied , " The home offices for Nashville's Port Authority will be here. "



Today's word is COWBOY , which can be substituted with COWPOKE



In a speech last night , President Bush talked about recruiting needs in this country's future ARMY.
President Bush said , " Today's ARMY can not meet the necessary numbers requirement needed to defend this country and so , being a strategic thinker , I've lowered television standards to 14 year olds. "
Pictured is a World War II battle scene showing Marines using a tank flame thrower on Japanese strongholds.



BVD got a moment to spend with Jerry and the question of the NAVY came up.
Jerry said , " That stuff is best leaft alone. It's classified. If I tell you , then I can shoot you and it would be legal. "
When BVD changed the subject to this picture. Jerry replied , " It looks like the Greenville may be short on air. If you look close at the conning bridge , there are people wearing rain coats. "

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