Tuesday, November 30, 2010

 

Obama Drops The Ball Again

President Obama continues doing everything he can to destroy any chance of being re-elected. Of course in my opinion , it's already a done deal.

In his quest to insure losing his bid for re-election , Obama is now putting a lid on pay raises for federal employees. This action is aimed to save the country a mere 28 Billion dollars over the course of a few years to help cut the deficit.

You know , I'm aware "Our" Congress has been Hen-pecked for the last 30 years to rein in their out-of-control spending habits which to this day , they have successfully continued to ignore and now President Obama has the idea of punishing the federal employees for allowing "Our" block heads in Congress to play around with this country's security ass they have been doing.

If the president is really serious about the deficit , he would take real action at the problem , which he won't do.


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When Obama gets serious about the deficit , he can call me. I have the answer to the problem and I can fix it in 4 years.

Monday, November 29, 2010

 

Christmas Is A Special Time Of Year

Franklin , Tennessee - it's Christmas time and with so many people out of work right now , I know most everyone wants to help those in need.

So remember now , while you are out and about with those oh so important shopping chores for the tree , make sure you buy only those products made in China. You would'nt want a China man to lose his job because you bought something made in America would you?

Think about it. Do you really want that on your conscious during this holiday season?

Merry Christmas to you and to all a good cheer

Enjoy!

 

Thackston jr. Lost At Sea

Vanderbilt University - BVD reporting for The HASTLER newspaper - Today , the Vanderbilt community was overcome to learn that Thackston jr. , Director of Langford Auditorium and son of Chairman Thackston , Vanderbilt School of Engineering and who is also the Chairman at Cumberland University in Lebanon , was lost at sea when he bravely abandoned the S.S. Vanderbilt to go for help , during the annual Halloween party , when the ship ran dry of alcohol refreshments.
Thackston jr. made his Vanderbilt debut when dad got him the Langford Director's position without a job application or interview. Meanwhile , although his body has not been recovered at this time , his widow remains on board the S.S. Vanderbilt , determined to finish the party cruise , with or without him.
Meanwhile , the multitude of media students at Langford has stated " The show will go on ! " Well , after the party that is.
Chancellor Zeppos stated , " I'm sure his wife will make an excellent replacement. After all , the students know more about running Langford than that junior guy anyway. In the meantime , I've told her to stay with the ship for ass long ass her cute little ass can take it. " video

Thursday, November 25, 2010

 

Christmas Shopping Goes High Tech

Christmas shopping will never be the same again. Check out this NBC news story. Just think of all the money you can save with these toys.


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Tuesday, November 23, 2010

 

Get Behind The Mule

With more people out of work these days , life gets harder and people become more difficult to cope with. Here's a tune to lift your spirits while you let the Atheists go on without you.

Enjoy


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Monday, November 22, 2010

 

THE TEXAN

Here's an old joke that many people don't get.

Once upon a time , a Texan went to New York on business. While bar hopping , he met a rather nice " Ho ". During their conversation , she asked about the six-shooters he was packing. He drew them out of their holster and twirled them around and neatly slid them back into place. " Don't you ever take them off ? " she asked. " No , of course not , you just never know when I'll need them . " he replied.
Well , you know , one thing leads to another , and the Texan just could'nt stand it any longer , and the Ho took him up to her place around the corner.
Once in bed , things started going the way things go in bed. " Hey , can't you take them guns off , they are rubbing me raw. " complained the Ho. " NO Ma'm ! " said the Texan as he dismounted her , standing and towering high up above her , he pulls out the guns , twirls them around , and slides them neatly back into place. " You just never know when I'll need them. "
Sooo , experimenting with different positions , the Ho finally made herself comfortable by riding him on top.
Things were going pretty well when all of a sudden , a man bursts into the room and slaps the Ho off the Texan and up against the wall.
The Texan pulls out his six shooters and points them at the man , drawing back the hammers he says " Put her back. "

Friday, November 19, 2010

 

Jay Walking Meets Professor Bowers


Vanderbilt University - Jay Walking was on The Wall at Rand yesterday , with Jay Leno , of NBC , asking the question " Have you ever lied to any body ?"
Would'nt you know it ? Jay Leno bumps into Professor Bowers from The Engineering School. When asked this question , Bowers replied , " Sure , I've lied , many times. "
Leno: " About what ?"
Bowers , " About being married. "
Leno: " What do you mean ? "
Bowers , " Well , I'm presently married to a Vanderbilt co-ed , while going thru a divorce with a Vanderbilt co-ed , I'm presently dating a Vanderbilt co-ed , and I'm on my way to meat another Vanderbilt co-ed. "
Leno: " How old are you ? "
Bowers: " I'm 61 last month. "
Leno: " WOW , you don't look a day over 25. "
Bowers: " Yeah , well , you see , I'm Vanderbilt faculty , and I get all the Botox treatments I want for free . "
Leno: " Is that why you can't stop smiling ? "
Bowers: " Well no , you see , I'm thinking about that co-ed. "
Leno: " Are you lying now ? "
Bowers: " Well , yes , and no . "
Leno: I see. By the way , while you're here , is it true everyone at the engineering school likes Chairman Thackston?
Bowers: They sure do like him. Everyone likes him a lot.
Leno: Are you lying again?
Bowers: Of course. We can't have too much negative truth get out of the school now can we?
Leno: No , I guess not. Some university magazine might pick up the story.
Bowers: Exactly.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

 

There Is Yet Hope For Conan Maybe


Franklin , Tennessee - BVD News - it will not be Tweeted by Sgt. Warner butt it is the majority that rules and Conan O' Brien has won the Franklin Police popularity contest survey for having the most popularly avoidable late night TV show. With the help of late night Franklin Police officers , BVD acquired the 10 best suggestions to help Conan man up his ratings.

Pictured is Conan pointing to his flat lined ratings


1.Maybe give La Bamba a machine gun with a sliding gun barrel to replace his trombone
2. Have Sgt. Warner demonstrate the Tokyo Sand Blaster
3. Saying Conan's name backwards should be on the censored word list
4. The moon should sit behind the desk instead of Conan.
5. Interview the Masturbating Bear as a celebrity guest
6. Conan should hang on the wall instead of the moon.
7. Have more 2 year old flat beer available to the audience and the home viewers.
8. Have a re-enactment of Franklin Police officers arresting those kids on roller skates looking for a safe place to skate during the flood.
9. Catch the Masturbating Bear giving helpful handy tips to Franklin Police officers behind the dumpster at HQ.
10. Interview Conan and ask if his show is really necessary for late night cable

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

 

DONTDATEHIMGIRL.COM


Today , while in a chat room , I got to talk with Tasha Joseph , she is the owner/founder of DONTDATEHIMGIRL.COM.
This is a web site with a data base of about 2800 men who have cheated on women.
While searching thru the names , Professor Alan Bowers of The School of Engineering at Vanderbilt University popped up.
When asked about this , Tasha replied , " I've got to remove his name. The Vanderbilt Attorney's for Silly Assed Nonsense informed me that Bowers has a disease called Tenure , and therefore , his story can not be told here. I just have'nt gotten around to doing that just yet. "
Note : VASN is the Vanderbilt medical acronym for vaseline.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

 

Franklin's 911 Log

Franklin , Tennessee - BVD News - with Jerry showing the people of Franklin that Sgt. Warner is'nt keeping the people completely informed by Twittering everything of important news by omitting Officer Morris arrest , Franklinites have asked for all the Tweets be posted regardless of what Warner Tweets or not. The following is last night's police blotter action not found in the Franklin Police Twitter site

1:08 AM - 911 call , cellulose overload investigation , Chief Moore's wife called complaining her husband said she is fat and was calling her "Fatty" and "Fat Sweet Cheeks". Investigating officers on the scene determined their Chief was correct in his observation

1:17 AM 911 call , pet missing , Chief Moore called to say his cat was missing , answers to the name Kitty Kitty

2:01 AM 911 call , loud noise investigation , Chief Moore called complaining he could not sleep due to loud noises in his bedroom. Investigating officers on the scene found the offensive noise to be his wife eating crackers in bed

3:30 AM 911 call , Chief Moore called to say his cat showed up dragging a dead mouse into the house and a murder investigation was needed. The Chief inquired about the costs involved to blame the murder on someone else

4:30 AM 911 call , Chief Moore asked for an escort to the bank to make a withdrawal. The chief was informed banks are not open at this hour

Monday, November 15, 2010

 

Halloween and Scary Story Contest

Franklin , Tennessee - have you told scary stories by the camp fire? Do you enjoy a good scare on your friends? Of course you have and of course you do , we all have and do. Last night , there was a discussion on the "Devils Net" about scary stories and Halloween. Here's my favorite:


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Wednesday, November 10, 2010

 

Chairman Thackston Ass People See Him

Cumberland University - here's a photo of a younger Chairman Ed Thackston deep in thought. This engineering concept was used to help train him from drinking out of the toilet


Tuesday, November 09, 2010

 

Weather Prayer

With the holidays coming around the bend , there's stories coming out about Atheism being on the march. Why can't they put these stories on hold until after the holidays?

Anyway , I ask myself , where do atheists come from? I think they are a by-product from their background. For example , Mommy and Daddy didn't take 'em to Sunday school or even do child activities with them and much less LOVE them. And when they did take time to pray , there was never a Mercedes to be found sitting in the driveway by morning.

Speaking for myself , I'm not an Atheist and I do know the power of prayer. Here's an historical example of prayer at work: It's The Battle of The Bulge during World War II. German infantry with battle hardened SS units are kicking Allied ass and there's no stopping them in sight. Meanwhile , a record breaking , Mother of all Winter Storms has grounded all aircraft and the weatherman says the situation will continue for another week. The "Screaming Eagles" at Bastogne are getting down to a handful of bullets and a supply air drop is out of the question.

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Monday, November 08, 2010

 

Women Know the Truth


Franklin , Tennessee - BVD News - do you think there's any truth to this?

Friday, November 05, 2010

 

We Should All Be So Lucky

Here's an interview segment with Dick Van Dyke


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VANDERBILT gets NASA MOONSHOT



Vanderbilt University - Today , in an unprecidented announcement , NASA told the world that Vanderbilt University in co-operation with Cumberland University , will be doing all work on the upcoming URANUS series manned moon shots.
In it's State of Space address , NASA had told President Obama , that for the last 30 years , NASA had been spinning it's rockets on the obsurd. The only way to procure further funding to keep NASA alive was to have a "man in the moon project." The cost was projected to exceed 100 BILLION dollars ( that's spelled with a B ) which was considered cheap when compared to Pentagon spending for one day in the Caribbean.
Vanderbilt announced concurrently , that Chairman Thackston would take charge in this most important project ever , since he almost became Tennessee's Governor.
Chairman Thackston made his claim to fame when , ass a Vanderbilt grad student , he worked on an important environmental research project to determine soil infiltration thru human osmosis. In 30 days , he spent 10 million dollars to prove water flows down hill. Although this had nothing to do with the research , which was inconclusive , Thackston worded the final report in such a way that no one could tell the difference and was thus enviously elevated to the status of Chairman of the Engineering School which finally led to his being given the Chairmanship of Cumberland University
Although initial testing by Thackston has shown 100 BILLION dollars would be a mere drop in the bucket needed , NASA assured Vanderbilt that money was no object. NASA realized it was past time to do something now that the last shuttle flight was about to take off , leaving NASA without a way to put a man into space.

Pictured is Thackston preparing one of his many rocket tests during his younger years when he didn't know what he was doing while learning how to spend Millions of research dollars stupidly.

Monday, November 01, 2010

 

3D Halloween

Rachel Ray celebrated Halloween with Pee Wee Herman in 3D. So , if you still have your official Rachel Ray 3D glasses , here's your chance to recycle them. Enjoy


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I think the bat is the coolest part.

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