Monday, December 31, 2007

 

Where is Matt ? ?






Franklin , Tennessee - BVD News that's all the gknews to news. The ever popular internet Dancing Fool Matt was arrested in Franklin yesterday , for violating Jay Johnson's NO Dancing In the Streets during Sunshine Law.

Franklin Police in charge of bicycle security , Sgt. Smithson , arrested Matt after being seen , dancing with Franklin's Republicans.

These pictures show Matt dancing at the Jay Johnson Statue Park , Jay Johnson's family burial ground and mounds. And of course , The Church of the Sun God , established by the Reverend Jay Johnson

Matt was unavailable for an interview while he was busy dancing for his food at the county jail. Meanwhile , Jay Johnson was seen consoling his fellow Republicans , after they were subjected to Matt's bodily malfunctions.

Saturday, December 29, 2007

 

EBAY's PAYPAL

OK , I've got questions about using EBAY PAYPAL. I do not use it myself. It's just expensive money that EBAY sells. Usually , a PAYPAL only auction , will bring lower than expected bids because most folks don't want to pay for money , they already have. The costs for using PAYPAL have been going up due to fraud.
However , if you are going to spend a lot of money shopping on EBAY , the lower auction bids may be worth more than the added expense of buying PAYPAL money. It's a sliding scale that will vary from buyer to buyer and the item.
While I have a score of 300 on EBAY , the real problem are the sellers listing an item that haint so. PAYPAL can't do anything for you , other than a refund less shipping. If you have to contact EBAY , to report a dishonest seller , don't expect much from EBAY. Since every transaction on EBAY makes them money anyway , they do not have the initiative to step in and correct the problem. The only time EBAY removes a dishonest seller is after way toooo many complaints. Then , that seller gets another account on EBAY and it's back to business ass usual , all over again.

Friday, December 28, 2007

 

My Christmas Gifts 2007


Franklin , Tennessee - for those who read DTFKA blog , the idea of telling , what was under the Christmas tree came up. So , I thought I would share with my readers , one of my Christmas gifts. Can you guess what it is ? C'mon , give it a try , before cheating and looking at the answer.



It's a Zeppelin with training wheels.

 

Thompson's Brain


Fred Thompson aka presidential hopeful , shows he knows a lot about women , ass he spout off his mouth about them. Now that America's women know how good ole boy Freddie feels about them , I just know , America's women will know who not to vote for.
Not surprisingly , ole Freddie had to duck and cover while seeking help with damage control.
Ole Freddie has made one point about himself , perfectly clear. He is an actor , having played tough parts. His words have always been those , that someone else put into his mouth. Ass our president , he will continue his acting career , playing tough parts and reading from the cue cards.
The scary thing about Thompson ? He says he will continue spending money like Bush has , while working towards a balanced budget. To date , President Bush has spent 12 trillion dollars without making America a better place. Today , I am worse off , than before Bush took office. I do not want to know , how my life will be , after Thompson becomes president.

Thursday, December 27, 2007

 

The Day after Christmas


Franklin , Tennessee - there are several captions for this photo.

1 - I've got what growing out of my head ?
2 - What was in that drink again ?
3 - Dr. Hyde and Baby Jeckyl
4 - This is what happens when mommy sleeps with Santa
5 - I did what last night ?
6 - That's not a light bulb , it's moving to fast

Tuesday, December 25, 2007

 

The Star of Christmas



In today's Tennessean , I've come to realize , the editors have long known about the truth of the Star of Bethlehem. It was no star , or even the alignment of three planets. It was the blinding glare of advertising lights , from the 3 signs , at the only camel crossing in town.
The Christmas story is not about the birth of Christ. It's the story of how commercialism saved our greedy sins , from Christ's bloody redemption.
I want to thank THE TENNESSEAN , for sharing the truth with all of us.
And , I want to thank God for giving us THE TENNESSEAN , for whose advertisements ( no doubt ) guided the 3 wise men across an otherwise , heartless , dark and blackened desert. No doubt , it was from reading those advertised specials and the annual flea market , found only in Bethlehem , that got their attention with some great gift giving ideas , on this auspicious holiday of holidays.

 

She's Special


Pictured is Dutchie , guarding some of Santa's gifts. Think I'm joking , touch that box. C'mon , touch it , I dare ya !

 

Oh Ebay ! Oh EBAy ! ! OH EBAY ! ! !




Now with all the Santas cooling their empty pocket books , let's see how our EBAY shoppers did.
Here are collectible , 1/24 scale Mobile trucks. Their lights and sounds don't work. I intended to use this in a display , butt , the detail looks like cheap plastic , so I won't. Perhaps that's why so many of these collectibles can be found on EBAY.

The Sneaky Pete is a very sought after model from REVELL. The EBAY seller did not pack the parts in this open box and it's now broken junk. This model cannot be built. Butt hey , the decals look good. And no , you do not want to see the feedback , given to this broken lugnut. I would be in fear of Blogger shutting me down for slandering profanity.

On top is a diecast Johnny Lightning Coca Cola truck in 1/24. It's very nice in detail and also heavy. I'll use this in a diorama.

Monday, December 24, 2007

 

This Holiday Season

I've must have been really good , because Santa has already been really good to me and it's not the 25th yet. Today , the postal carrier was suffering from a bad back while bringing to my door , an incredible sack full of goodies with my name on everything. I had one of those rare moments of being speechless. Yep , I lost my vocabulary.
My Holiday gift to everyone traveling on Franklin's roads , is to remember , if you drink and drive and get caught by Franklin Police , ask for a courtesy. Those outside the law get it , so you might ass well get it too. Commander Barnes gave it all the time. He is now retired and I do not know who gives it these days , butt you can be assured , it's being done by his replacement. Franklin Police have a long history of being dysfunctional ass a law enforcement agency. Any law is meaningless , if the law does not apply to everyone. Franklin Police do not have to understand this , since they answer only to Jay Johnson. " Keep him happy , or be fired " That's the only law they know and understand.

I wonder which person within Franklin Police , has the Red Cross Christmas surprise ? Hm , maybe they gave it to Jay Johnson ? It's really nice !

Sunday, December 23, 2007

 

City Hall in Franklin

Franklin City Hall Complex - BVD went to the John and heard someone crying and found Chief jackie again.

BVD : Hey jackie , ( giggling ) c'mon man , er , ah , well anyway , c'mon , what's wrong now ?
Chief jackie : sniff , Oh BVD , I can't stand it any more.
BVD : ? ?
jackie : Well , look it , look at what someone did. The chief points to a stall and BVD checks it out

Twatz da night before XXXmas and lying in bed
was Jay Johnson
with 13 year olds dancing in his head

BVD : Hm , so why are you crying about this ?
Chief jackie : because he thinks more of them than me. Waaaaaaaaaaaah ! ! !

Saturday, December 22, 2007

 

Saara Akaash 4




I've been bombarded with requests for more Saara Akaash episodes. Here is the fourth. There are more posts here. For some reason , people have been taking pictures from this blog. This soap is more popular than had previously been thought.


Sanjana : But you do not half understand.
AOC : Then help me to half understand the half of it all of it to half
Sanjana : I'm having a half baby
AOC : You mean ,
Cactus : Yes , I mean.

Later ,

Monika : Oh Papa , I'm having a baby
AOC : How can you be having a baby , when you are standing right here ?
Monika : Oh Papa , you always know how to smile to make for me
AOC : What about Vikram ?
Monika : Oh Papa , I'm carrying his baby also
AOC : ? But Monika , how can you be carrying another baby ?
Monika : I'm multi tasking Papa. While rubbing AOC's belly , Monika looks up into his face. Papa , are you also having a baby ?

Sunday, December 16, 2007

 

Butt He iS SUCH a NiCe MaN


Franklin , Tennessee - BVD read today's WAM paper and Knight Stivender wrote about her time spent and relationships made , during the night , with Franklin's official government. She points a personable finger at Williams. Hm , maybe she is in the pornography.
What is scary about JJ's handling of this porno case , is the fact , he said he had Franklin Police look into the pornographic computer. Hm , according to Dick. Black , Franklin Police don't have anyone with computerable knowledge.
Meanwhile , Franklin Police supposedly have 2 special computer detectives , on the prowl for internet pedophiles.
Meanwhile , Jay Johnson does'nt have a problem with Franklin Police officers having an urge for something young and tender. I guess those officers don't use the internet.
OK. Just what is JJ's definition for porno and the law ? Maybe it's all about JJ. Hysterically speaking , when JJ getz pissed off at someone , that person is'nt around for long. OK , what did Williams do , to loose favor ? Well , what did the deputy of chiefs do ? Both men were doing an excellent job , butt , they are now gone. Why ?
Today , Franklin's guvment has become all about JJ. Yeah , you read right. Today , JJ has The City of Franklin , revolving around him. Is there no end to his galactic arrogance ? Of course there is. Take away his Viagraoids and kick his ass onto the street and don't stop kicking it , until his ass is out of town. Let's take a peek into his computer , what d'ya say ?
Is there a bedroom in that boardroom Ms. Knight ? What's that cloud about ? Is that from heavy breathing ?

Friday, December 14, 2007

 

In the John

Franklin , Tennessee , City Office Complex ( formerly the SEARS building ) BVD was washing his hands , when he heard sobbing noises coming from a stall.
BVD : Hey there , are you OK ?
??? : Wah , wah , wah , wah
BVD : Oh c'mon out. Things can't be that bad. C'mon , you can do it
??? : Wah , and more crying , ect
BVD : C'mon , what's wrong
??? : Wah , they're , , , , , th , , th , , , they're gonna f , f , fire 'em
BVD : Fire 'em ? Fire who ? C'mon out and talk to me

The crying drops to a sniffle and Chief jackie walks out. A surprised BVD hands him a hankie , wondering what he was doing in there with a brief case

BVD : What's wrong Chief ?
Chief jackie : Oh , those piss boh ha's want to fire my Jay Johnson
BVD : So ? ( softly giggles ) What's wrong with that ? ( chuckling ) It would be good for this town.
Chief jackie : Yes , , butt , , , butt , , , I mean , , , , , like , , , , , what , , , , , what would become of me ?
BVD : Wellllllll , , , , let's look at it this a way , when JJ gets fired , you will have a police department to call your own

Thursday, December 13, 2007

 

Franklin's Wasted Management

Franklin , Tennessee- BVD saw today's paper and went to talk with Jay Johnson again. Upon arriving , Johnson's door was closed. His secretary allowed him to go on in. Jay Johnson was seen lying back in his chair , humming something.
BVD : Good morning JJ.
Jay Johnson's eyes shot open in a burst of shock. His desk bounced off the floor , someone exclaimed out in pain ass a loud bump was heard , from under the desk. JJ was squirming in his chair while chief jackie came out from under the desk , rubbing his head and wiping his mouth. BVD looked on without saying a word. While jackie walked past him.
BVD : Er , uh , chief , is that pieces of tissue paper on your face ?
The chief brushed himself. In his hand was more paper , dripping with a liquid goo. jackie just smeared more of it , over his face.
JJ : What can I do ya for , BVD
BVD : I read in today's paper , that Franklin Police found 40 porno sites on a city owned computer
JJ : Yes , that's correct.
BVD : How was that accomplished , considering your police department does'nt have anyone , that's computer literate
JJ : Who told you such lies
BVD : Well , both detectives Barnes and Black told me
JJ : Barnes ? Commander Barnes ?
BVD : NO. Barnes says he is no relation
JJ : He better not be. Anyway , goes to show , what they know
BVD : Look , JJ. To get inside a computer and find this kind of information , you would need system access , which a police officer would'nt have
JJ : Oh of course they have access. My police , monitor the city's computer system 24/7
BVD : What ? You're telling me , there are police officers with the city employees' computer information , including their passwords ?
JJ : Of course. Why does this surprise you?
BVD : You're insane. Only the system's management should have that stuff
JJ : What do you mean calling me insane ? I'm this city's administrator and I'll make that call , thank you very much
JJ stood up to attention and stuck his hand inside his jacket , his pants had another fresh wet spot.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

 

Franklin Suspends Suspended Waste Manager

Franklin , Tennessee - BVD News was waiting outside , the closed door meeting , while Franklin suspended the city's suspended Waste Department Manager Williams.
BVD : Good morning Mr. Johnson , hey , you look really tired.
JJ : Yeah , these morning meetings are rough.
BVD : Why the closed door meeting ? Williams turned in his resignation , after you said that would be the end of it.
JJ : Weelllllllll , everyone wanted to look at the pornographic web sites on his computer , in privacy
BVD : Well , that explains the wet spot on your suit. Butt , why the meeting ? Give me the truth for once
JJ : The truth ? I don't know what that is.
BVD : Say what ? You are telling me , that you do not know the difference between right or wrong ?
JJ : Yeah , something like that.
BVD : ??? How can you not know the difference ?
JJ : Look , I'm this city's onliest administrator in this little one horse town. There's nuthin in my job description , that says I have to know these things.

Saturday, December 08, 2007

 

Listening To Christmas


For those who can't get everything done in a day , Christmas will be here tomorrow , Heh , heh , heh , heh !
Santa is busy packing that last cookie into his belly , so the kids will have a jolly 'ole Saint Nick.

One of my favorites during this holiday time , is to crank up the shortwave and listen to the world celebrate. It's amazing , how many countries sing Christmas carols , even though they have no snow or even a winter season.

How does Santa land his sleigh without snow on the roof ? One of these days , I'll ask BVD. He knows everything.

A Christmas game to play , while listening to Christmas music , guess the country and the language.

 

What Life is All About

On the first day , God created the dog and said , " Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks by. For this , I will give you a life span of 20 years. "
The dog said , " That's a long time to be barking , how 'bout only 10 years and I'll give you back the other 10 ? " God agreed to this.

On the second day , God created the monkey and said , " Entertain people , do tricks to make them laugh and I'll give you a 20 year life span. " Monkey looked up to God and said , Acting like a monkey for 20 years is a long time. Let me give you back 10 years like that dog did ? God agreed to this.

On the third day , God created the cow , saying , " You must be in the field with the farmer all day , suffer under the sun , have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. You will live for 60 years. " The cow mooed up at God , saying , " You're giving me a tough life and 60 years at that. What do you say , to letting me live for 20 years and I'll give you back the 40 ? "
Hm... and God agreed to this.

On the fourth day , God created man saying , " Eat , sleep , marry and enjoy life and I'll give you 20 years. " The man looked up to God and said , " Just 20 years ? Could you possibly give me the 40 years the cow returned to you and the 10 from the monkey and adding the 10 from that dog , that would give me 80. Would this be OK ? " God smiled upon the man saying , " Alright , you asked for it. "

So now you know why , the first 20 years of life , we spend it eating , sleeping , playing and enjoying ourselves. Followed by 40 years of slaving , supporting the family , followed by 10 years of doing monkey tricks , entertaining the grand children and we spend the last 10 years , sitting on the porch , barking at everyone.

Now that I've explained " Life " to you , consider it my Christmas gift to you and all who visit here. Please excuse me , while I go and entertain.

Merry Christmas

Friday, December 07, 2007

 

Interviewing the City's Administrator

Franklin , Tennessee - BVD read this morning's paper and sought an interview with Jay Johnson.
BVD : Thanks for seeing me without an appointment
JJ : No problem , no problem at all , BVD
BVD : Today's paper said you were having a closed door session about firing the Waste Director
JJ : Yes , that's correct
BVD : Are'nt you the one , who protested against the others , for having closed door meetings
JJ : This city's administrator can't always do the right thing
BVD : Is'nt your screen saver pornographic ( looking at JJ's computer )
JJ : Pornographic material , is in the eye of the beholder and besides , that computer is my personal property
BVD : Since when , do employees bring their own personal computers , to work
JJ : Well , that's not really allowed around here. Everyone uses the computer , the city gives them to do their work with , although taxpayer money bought my computer , I am after all , the only administrator in this one cow town , so I can say , " That computer is mine! " Therefore , no law has been broken

Thursday, December 06, 2007

 

President Bush's Education

While people talk about Bush's wars around the globe , BVD went looking for the truth behind the man. Why does Bush hate people of other cultures and faith ? BVD found some video from President Bush's days of being a young man. I do not know , if this is a Sunday sermon or what.


video

 

American Democracy

I've had a couple e-mails , from distraught readers , saying they don't care for the American democracy and corruption remarks I've made. Fine by me , they can go get their own blogs.
Look at the truth in America's leadership structure. What do you see ?
Americans look to their leaders for leadership. Americans find corruption instead. Foreign leaders have sought leadership and guidance from our Congress. They found corruption instead. America is host to The United Nations. In return , America's CIA has given the world , blood baths , in exchange for $$$$$$$$$ and diamonds.
Have you noticed how quiet the Bush camp has gotten , since Dick Cheney kicked those American voters , out of President Bush's White House ? That's right. Bush re-interpreted the White House mortgage papers and learned , The White House belonged to him , instead of them Americans.
America's political structure looks more like a Mafia organization. There's only one way to differentiate the two. Only one has WMDs.

Wednesday, December 05, 2007

 

That Naughty Question

My readers have asked me , time and time again. How does a lesbian do it ? Well people , ask no more. Everyone knows about Rosie. So here is the answer to that naughty question.
I want to thank COMCASTIC COMCAST for their help on this one.


video

Now that's a sexually happy girl

 

Bush's Personal Emergency

Why is it , every time President Bush and Congress , agree to and sign a budget , a few months later , Bush is having a crisis , needing more emergency money ? In this press speech , Bush is blaming Congress for not giving his military , the needed funds , to carry on. Look at Bush's manner and poise. He is about to bust a gut laughing , while saying Congress will be at fault , when his military , runs out of money. What Bush is not saying , is that the budget for 2008 is already signed and passed.


video

Tuesday, December 04, 2007

 

Vanderbilt Sucks

Vanderbilt University - BVD News was digging thru Vanderbilt's dumpsters and found some old Abernathy surveillance tapes , using the secret sphincter cam with anal iris technology , taken at the former Gee Manor. What is shown , is the black sheep bitch , who shall not be named , from the Gee family , being sucked through the front door.
It had long been rumored , that former chancellor Gee had suffered some kind of loss and had somehow blamed Vanderbilt. Gee would not comment , when asked about this tape.
While no one is certain , why Vanderbilt sucks , the faculty in the ass-stronomy department , think it's because of a vortex , caused by a sucking action , originating from the School of Engineering.
Ray Abernathy , owner of Abernathy Surveillance , has enjoyed a long and very profitable career , at Vanderbilt , using his secret cameras around the Vanderbilt campus.


video

Monday, December 03, 2007

 

I Was Walking Thru the Court One Day

Franklin , Tennessee - BVD was walking around the court house last Monday , in awe at the money spent , to bring ancient Greece to The City of Franklin. Passing a court room in session , BVD heard Franklin Police Detective Dixon's voice. Looking in the room , Dick. Dixon was on the stand.
Lawyer : So you investigated this crime , without leaving your office ?
Dixon : Yes.
Lawyer : How do you investigate a crime , by staying in your office ?
Dixon : Look , every one of Franklin's detectives , investigates a crime in their own way , using their own individual methods.
Lawyer : Butt , you did admit , you did not go to the crime scene , did I hear you correctly ?
Dixon : Of course you did.
Lawyer : Detective , just what do you do ?
Dixon : Well , I make the coffee....
Lawyer : Is that all you do , make coffee ?
Dixon : No , ha ha ha , of course not. I make the rounds in the office , asking everyone if the coffee is good.
Lawyer : Mr. Dixon , just how do you go about doing your work ?
Dixon : Work ? Hey , when I accepted this job , no one told me , I had to work.

 

Some Don't Get It

While watching Weaponology , an immigrant from the Viet Nam War , remarked , she was doing what she could , to defend American democracy. Well , there's another fool , who came to this country , thinking wrong.
Let's face the truth about America. The presidency is for sale. The person in The White House , is not required , to have an agenda , or to improve this country. They can rerite America's constitution , so they can break the law , under Executive Privilege , while being protected by The Secret Service.
With all these new weapons , being developed by The Pentagon , I wonder how long it will be , before those guns are used on Americans ? All the president has to do , is rerite The Constitution. President Bush got his change approved , giving him authority , to order The United States Army , to march on the capitol. Although that's The National Guard's responsibility , President Bush said , they could'nt do that and fight his war in Iraq , at the same time.
Look at democracy in this country , today , it's full of corruption. Bush has given 10 trillion dollars to his cronies and he still is'nt out of office. Are you doing better , under this Bush administration ? Were you doing better , before this Bush administration ?
President Bush makes you proud to be an American , don't he ?

video

OK , maybe I'm wrong. American democracy is supposed to be corrupt. What was I thinking ?

 

Vanderbilt Trauma Drops Another Patient

Vanderbilt Hospital , Nashville , Tennessee - and BVD News wuz thare - Vanderbilt's Trauma Doc. Morris , lost another patient , Saturday , when he successfully untwisted a patient's spine. His new procedure , involves having scamply clad young girls , dancing on the patient's bed. Only this time , the patient unexpectedly got out of bed on his own and a girl's butt knocked him thru an open window.
" It happens every time. I cure a twisted spine and I lose the patient. Next time , I'm using retired Vanderbilt nurses. I'll bet that keeps the patient in bed. " , remarked Doc. Morris , chuckling.
Vanderbilt police had to discharge their weapons into a flock of buzzards , who were feeding on the patient's carcass at the time of being found by Vanderbilt's Rescue Squad.
The Vanderbilt Trauma floor is 10 stories above ground and plans are being made , to place death markers on the sidewalk , where the former patients have landed. Vanderbilt's interim chancellor was heard to say , that will require a 5% hike in student and hospital patient's fees , due to the high number of deaths occurring , due to the high costs of the markers , associated with Doc. Morris' research , due to twisted spines.
When Doc. Morris was asked , " Why not close the windows before treatment ? " Doc. Morris replied , " What ? Are you crazy and give up all those insurance payments ? " BVD asked for an explanation. The reply was , " With hospital costs going up , we now require everyone , receiving my treatment , to sign over , all of their insurance benefits to me. " BVD looked at the doctor rather oddly. Morris then stated , " Look , I gotta eat , OK ? "

video

Saturday, December 01, 2007

 

More on The Pentagon's Money Woes

President Bush still does'nt get it. The more you shit , the more likely you'll clog up the toilet. Bush has Congress pass his budget needs and then tells them he needs more money , lots more. Well , how many times in a year , does Bush need to pass his " emergency " , monetary needs ? All that money is'nt going into his war. Where is it being funneled to ? For what and to whom ? When will America wake up and impeach his ass ?
We went into Iraq , because Bush told us , there were WMDs. Today , Bush cannot tell us why we are in there. Oh yeah , about that war on terror. You can give a special thanks to our CIA for that one.
video

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