Monday, June 28, 2010
THACKSTON FINDS CURE FOR FEMALE PROBLEMS
Vanderbilt University - BVD News - Leave it to Chairman Thackston , Vanderbilt School of Engineering , to find a way to deal with female problems.
Over the years , Thackston has had many problems with women , from incompetence to being intimately impotent , giving Thackston the impossible ability to satisfy. Finally , with the assistance of Professor MaHeHaHa , help for Thackston and the Vanderbilt community ass a whole , has been found.
After years of having Betty LaDay boss Thackston around in his own Damn office , MaHeHaHa came to the rescue with new and improved biometric research findings. Thackston and MaHeHaHa , together , spent a lot of next years departmental money to research and find a solution to help women like Betty , get over their problems of pushing Thackston around.
"When my wife , she get out of hand , I push the reset and she takes off her clothes and starts belly dancing " said Professor MaHeHaHa , " This is so wonderful for me. " He continued ass Thackston looked on , unsure about what he was seeing.
There are rumors Thackston and MaHeHaHa will share in a Humanitarian Award from Vanderbilt Med School and perhaps get another research grant from the new and improved , Vanderbilt Chancellor's Office and of course , from the smiling Chancellor Zeppos himself.
Friday, June 25, 2010
SPEECE DESTROYS ENGINEERING SCHOOL
Vanderbilt University - The School of Engineering disappeared in a ball of fire Thursday night when another of Professor Speece's research experiments went boom. Speece's life work has been studying human waste and converting it into bio-chemical weapons. His experiments have been the ridicule of everyone including the Vanderbilt Medical Center , whose professionals have wondered about his medieval practices. " There's no reason for doing research in this archaic manner. " said one medical researcher who didn't want his name given.
Professor Bowers was devastated ass his brass bed was also destroyed in the explosion. " Now where am I supposed to go to advise the co-eds ?" he wondered.
The reason for Speece's failure in this research project is still under investigation at this time. Metro's fire Marshall was slinging his fire axe at anyone he suspected of being an engineering professor ass this was not the first time he had to come out and put out some silly assed professor's nonsense. " This silly assed nonsensical Shit has got to stop . " he exclaimed , " Why can't anything be done about him ? The man is a menace to everyone including his own self. "
Chairman Thackston replied , " Speece is my friend , I hired him , and besides , you can't fire him because I gave him tenure , if he wants to blow up the place , then he can. "
Speece later remarked , " Now that those dead bodies have been destroyed , I won't have to worry about sneaking into the Anatomy Department tonight. "
Nashville , Tennessee - in today's Tennessean , The Tennessee Department of Safety is being sued for seizing "illegal" immigrant IDs and returning them in a unreadable state.
Having personally seen these IDs for myself , I can honestly say , that I've never seen one that was readable. I was told , to get a replacement would cost 500 dollar$ which they were unwilling to fork over since it was a print job anyway.
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Put Thackston On A Rail
Cumberland University - BVD News - just when you thought it was all a joke , the truth comes out about Chairman Thackston.
The only real reason for Cumberland to take in Thackston is because he brought his own paper 'n pencils to the job , that he had removed from his office at Vanderbilt University.
Chairman Thackston brought with him many problems , both personal and private. His problems have caused more problems than those already in existence before he came to Cumberland.
"His method of dealing with a problem is to cause 5 more to take it's place" , said one Anonymous person who feared for his job for talking out of turn. "I mean like even our recruiters are familiar with that "Moron" from Vanderbilt"
"The best thing to do is fire his ass and move forward into a better future for all of us." , he said.
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
The White House - General McChrystal is gone. Good Bye ! It's been fun.
Around the world , the news media is racing to see who gets on Google first
It is difficult to imagine his words spoken don't belong to a jacked up first semester frat boy who has discovered his new status affords him all the girls he can handle and suffers from the delusion that his 'winning streak' will never end.
Well , it ended. Oh Damn!
CHAIRMAN THACKSTON , A NO BRAINER
Vanderbilt University - BVD News for The HUSTLER , While at the doctor , getting new hair transplants , a strange piece of cloth was found protruding from the crown area atop Chairman Ed Thackston head. When his doctor pulled on the cloth , more cloth appeared. Thackston mental status increasingly diminished ass more cloth was pulled outward. After the doctor had pulled out about nine centimeters , Thackston's ability to speak had stopped and the mechanical sound of a spring breaking was noted (Boing)
Chairman Thackston was immediately transported to Vanderbilt's Radiology Department for CT , OT , PT , MRI , and the Department for Inner Lights.
All tests confirmed , Chairman Thackston's inner cranium is hollow.
Professor Art from the Vanderbilt Medical School , was called in for his consultant services who exclaimed , " Why am I here , can't anyone see this dummy's cranium is hollow ? It's just like an empty crock pot . Why are you wasting my time ? You'll be getting my bill ."
Doctor Morris , Vanderbilt Hospital , confirmed this ass a possible positive to conclude , that Chairman Thackston inability to think , which explains his physiological tendencies of being a Moron. Although totally not conclusive , Dr. Morris stated the results look favorable to his analysis and further tests were not needed.
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Just Tell It Like It Is General
Rolling Stone Magazine - General McChrystal let his guard down and shot from the hip with his point of view.
Note: Now that the general has eaten his words and passed out the apologies , SEC DEV has recalled him back from Afghanistan and to come on down to THE PENTAGON to discuss this matter in person. Heh heh heh
Just think of all the politics it takes to make general these days. OUCH ! I've got an idea - since President Obama needs time off to play golf some where far far away from the oil spill , put McChrystal in charge of dealing with it :)
Here's the Rolling Stone article , enjoy:
This article originally appeared in RS 1108/1109 from July 8-22, 2010.
'How'd I get screwed into going to this dinner?" demands Gen. Stanley McChrystal. It's a Thursday night in mid-April, and the commander of all U.S. and NATO forces in Afghanistan is sitting in a four-star suite at the Hôtel Westminster in Paris. He's in France to sell his new war strategy to our NATO allies – to keep up the fiction, in essence, that we actually have allies. Since McChrystal took over a year ago, the Afghan war has become the exclusive property of the United States. Opposition to the war has already toppled the Dutch government, forced the resignation of Germany's president and sparked both Canada and the Netherlands to announce the withdrawal of their 4,500 troops. McChrystal is in Paris to keep the French, who have lost more than 40 soldiers in Afghanistan, from going all wobbly on him.
"The dinner comes with the position, sir," says his chief of staff, Col. Charlie Flynn.
McChrystal turns sharply in his chair.
"Hey, Charlie," he asks, "does this come with the position?"
McChrystal gives him the middle finger.
The general stands and looks around the suite that his traveling staff of 10 has converted into a full-scale operations center. The tables are crowded with silver Panasonic Toughbooks, and blue cables crisscross the hotel's thick carpet, hooked up to satellite dishes to provide encrypted phone and e-mail communications. Dressed in off-the-rack civilian casual – blue tie, button-down shirt, dress slacks – McChrystal is way out of his comfort zone. Paris, as one of his advisers says, is the "most anti-McChrystal city you can imagine." The general hates fancy restaurants, rejecting any place with candles on the tables as too "Gucci." He prefers Bud Light Lime (his favorite beer) to Bordeaux, Talladega Nights (his favorite movie) to Jean-Luc Godard. Besides, the public eye has never been a place where McChrystal felt comfortable: Before President Obama put him in charge of the war in Afghanistan, he spent five years running the Pentagon's most secretive black ops.
"What's the update on the Kandahar bombing?" McChrystal asks Flynn. The city has been rocked by two massive car bombs in the past day alone, calling into question the general's assurances that he can wrest it from the Taliban.
"We have two KIAs, but that hasn't been confirmed," Flynn says.
McChrystal takes a final look around the suite. At 55, he is gaunt and lean, not unlike an older version of Christian Bale in Rescue Dawn. His slate-blue eyes have the unsettling ability to drill down when they lock on you. If you've fucked up or disappointed him, they can destroy your soul without the need for him to raise his voice.
"I'd rather have my ass kicked by a roomful of people than go out to this dinner," McChrystal says.
He pauses a beat.
"Unfortunately," he adds, "no one in this room could do it."
With that, he's out the door.
"Who's he going to dinner with?" I ask one of his aides.
"Some French minister," the aide tells me. "It's fucking gay."
The next morning, McChrystal and his team gather to prepare for a speech he is giving at the École Militaire, a French military academy. The general prides himself on being sharper and ballsier than anyone else, but his brashness comes with a price: Although McChrystal has been in charge of the war for only a year, in that short time he has managed to piss off almost everyone with a stake in the conflict. Last fall, during the question-and-answer session following a speech he gave in London, McChrystal dismissed the counterterrorism strategy being advocated by Vice President Joe Biden as "shortsighted," saying it would lead to a state of "Chaos-istan." The remarks earned him a smackdown from the president himself, who summoned the general to a terse private meeting aboard Air Force One. The message to McChrystal seemed clear: Shut the fuck up, and keep a lower profile
Now, flipping through printout cards of his speech in Paris, McChrystal wonders aloud what Biden question he might get today, and how he should respond. "I never know what's going to pop out until I'm up there, that's the problem," he says. Then, unable to help themselves, he and his staff imagine the general dismissing the vice president with a good one-liner.
"Are you asking about Vice President Biden?" McChrystal says with a laugh. "Who's that?"
"Biden?" suggests a top adviser. "Did you say: Bite Me?"
When Barack Obama entered the Oval Office, he immediately set out to deliver on his most important campaign promise on foreign policy: to refocus the war in Afghanistan on what led us to invade in the first place. "I want the American people to understand," he announced in March 2009. "We have a clear and focused goal: to disrupt, dismantle and defeat Al Qaeda in Pakistan and Afghanistan." He ordered another 21,000 troops to Kabul, the largest increase since the war began in 2001. Taking the advice of both the Pentagon and the Joint Chiefs of Staff, he also fired Gen. David McKiernan – then the U.S. and NATO commander in Afghanistan – and replaced him with a man he didn't know and had met only briefly: Gen. Stanley McChrystal. It was the first time a top general had been relieved from duty during wartime in more than 50 years, since Harry Truman fired Gen. Douglas MacArthur at the height of the Korean War.
Even though he had voted for Obama, McChrystal and his new commander in chief failed from the outset to connect. The general first encountered Obama a week after he took office, when the president met with a dozen senior military officials in a room at the Pentagon known as the Tank. According to sources familiar with the meeting, McChrystal thought Obama looked "uncomfortable and intimidated" by the roomful of military brass. Their first one-on-one meeting took place in the Oval Office four months later, after McChrystal got the Afghanistan job, and it didn't go much better. "It was a 10-minute photo op," says an adviser to McChrystal. "Obama clearly didn't know anything about him, who he was. Here's the guy who's going to run his fucking war, but he didn't seem very engaged. The Boss was pretty disappointed."
From the start, McChrystal was determined to place his personal stamp on Afghanistan, to use it as a laboratory for a controversial military strategy known as counterinsurgency. COIN, as the theory is known, is the new gospel of the Pentagon brass, a doctrine that attempts to square the military's preference for high-tech violence with the demands of fighting protracted wars in failed states. COIN calls for sending huge numbers of ground troops to not only destroy the enemy, but to live among the civilian population and slowly rebuild, or build from scratch, another nation's government – a process that even its staunchest advocates admit requires years, if not decades, to achieve. The theory essentially rebrands the military, expanding its authority (and its funding) to encompass the diplomatic and political sides of warfare: Think the Green Berets as an armed Peace Corps. In 2006, after Gen. David Petraeus beta-tested the theory during his "surge" in Iraq, it quickly gained a hardcore following of think-tankers, journalists, military officers and civilian officials. Nicknamed "COINdinistas" for their cultish zeal, this influential cadre believed the doctrine would be the perfect solution for Afghanistan. All they needed was a general with enough charisma and political savvy to implement it.
As McChrystal leaned on Obama to ramp up the war, he did it with the same fearlessness he used to track down terrorists in Iraq: Figure out how your enemy operates, be faster and more ruthless than everybody else, then take the fuckers out. After arriving in Afghanistan last June, the general conducted his own policy review, ordered up by Defense Secretary Robert Gates. The now-infamous report was leaked to the press, and its conclusion was dire: If we didn't send another 40,000 troops – swelling the number of U.S. forces in Afghanistan by nearly half – we were in danger of "mission failure." The White House was furious. McChrystal, they felt, was trying to bully Obama, opening him up to charges of being weak on national security unless he did what the general wanted. It was Obama versus the Pentagon, and the Pentagon was determined to kick the president's ass.
Last fall, with his top general calling for more troops, Obama launched a three-month review to re-evaluate the strategy in Afghanistan. "I found that time painful," McChrystal tells me in one of several lengthy interviews. "I was selling an unsellable position." For the general, it was a crash course in Beltway politics – a battle that pitted him against experienced Washington insiders like Vice President Biden, who argued that a prolonged counterinsurgency campaign in Afghanistan would plunge America into a military quagmire without weakening international terrorist networks. "The entire COIN strategy is a fraud perpetuated on the American people," says Douglas Macgregor, a retired colonel and leading critic of counterinsurgency who attended West Point with McChrystal. "The idea that we are going to spend a trillion dollars to reshape the culture of the Islamic world is utter nonsense.
In the end, however, McChrystal got almost exactly what he wanted. On December 1st, in a speech at West Point, the president laid out all the reasons why fighting the war in Afghanistan is a bad idea: It's expensive; we're in an economic crisis; a decade-long commitment would sap American power; Al Qaeda has shifted its base of operations to Pakistan. Then, without ever using the words "victory" or "win," Obama announced that he would send an additional 30,000 troops to Afghanistan, almost as many as McChrystal had requested. The president had thrown his weight, however hesitantly, behind the counterinsurgency crowd.
Today, as McChrystal gears up for an offensive in southern Afghanistan, the prospects for any kind of success look bleak. In June, the death toll for U.S. troops passed 1,000, and the number of IEDs has doubled. Spending hundreds of billions of dollars on the fifth-poorest country on earth has failed to win over the civilian population, whose attitude toward U.S. troops ranges from intensely wary to openly hostile. The biggest military operation of the year – a ferocious offensive that began in February to retake the southern town of Marja – continues to drag on, prompting McChrystal himself to refer to it as a "bleeding ulcer." In June, Afghanistan officially outpaced Vietnam as the longest war in American history – and Obama has quietly begun to back away from the deadline he set for withdrawing U.S. troops in July of next year. The president finds himself stuck in something even more insane than a quagmire: a quagmire he knowingly walked into, even though it's precisely the kind of gigantic, mind-numbing, multigenerational nation-building project he explicitly said he didn't want.
Even those who support McChrystal and his strategy of counterinsurgency know that whatever the general manages to accomplish in Afghanistan, it's going to look more like Vietnam than Desert Storm. "It's not going to look like a win, smell like a win or taste like a win," says Maj. Gen. Bill Mayville, who serves as chief of operations for McChrystal. "This is going to end in an argument."
The night after his speech in Paris, McChrystal and his staff head to Kitty O'Shea's, an Irish pub catering to tourists, around the corner from the hotel. His wife, Annie, has joined him for a rare visit: Since the Iraq War began in 2003, she has seen her husband less than 30 days a year. Though it is his and Annie's 33rd wedding anniversary, McChrystal has invited his inner circle along for dinner and drinks at the "least Gucci" place his staff could find. His wife isn't surprised. "He once took me to a Jack in the Box when I was dressed in formalwear," she says with a laugh.
The general's staff is a handpicked collection of killers, spies, geniuses, patriots, political operators and outright maniacs. There's a former head of British Special Forces, two Navy Seals, an Afghan Special Forces commando, a lawyer, two fighter pilots and at least two dozen combat veterans and counterinsurgency experts. They jokingly refer to themselves as Team America, taking the name from the South Park-esque sendup of military cluelessness, and they pride themselves on their can-do attitude and their disdain for authority. After arriving in Kabul last summer, Team America set about changing the culture of the International Security Assistance Force, as the NATO-led mission is known. (U.S. soldiers had taken to deriding ISAF as short for "I Suck at Fighting" or "In Sandals and Flip-Flops.") McChrystal banned alcohol on base, kicked out Burger King and other symbols of American excess, expanded the morning briefing to include thousands of officers and refashioned the command center into a Situational Awareness Room, a free-flowing information hub modeled after Mayor Mike Bloomberg's offices in New York. He also set a manic pace for his staff, becoming legendary for sleeping four hours a night, running seven miles each morning, and eating one meal a day. (In the month I spend around the general, I witness him eating only once.) It's a kind of superhuman narrative that has built up around him, a staple in almost every media profile, as if the ability to go without sleep and food translates into the possibility of a man single-handedly winning the war.
By midnight at Kitty O'Shea's, much of Team America is completely shitfaced. Two officers do an Irish jig mixed with steps from a traditional Afghan wedding dance, while McChrystal's top advisers lock arms and sing a slurred song of their own invention. "Afghanistan!" they bellow. "Afghanistan!" They call it their Afghanistan song.
McChrystal steps away from the circle, observing his team. "All these men," he tells me. "I'd die for them. And they'd die for me."
The assembled men may look and sound like a bunch of combat veterans letting off steam, but in fact this tight-knit group represents the most powerful force shaping U.S. policy in Afghanistan. While McChrystal and his men are in indisputable command of all military aspects of the war, there is no equivalent position on the diplomatic or political side. Instead, an assortment of administration players compete over the Afghan portfolio: U.S. Ambassador Karl Eikenberry, Special Representative to Afghanistan Richard Holbrooke, National Security Advisor Jim Jones and Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, not to mention 40 or so other coalition ambassadors and a host of talking heads who try to insert themselves into the mess, from John Kerry to John McCain. This diplomatic incoherence has effectively allowed McChrystal's team to call the shots and hampered efforts to build a stable and credible government in Afghanistan. "It jeopardizes the mission," says Stephen Biddle, a senior fellow at the Council on Foreign Relations who supports McChrystal. "The military cannot by itself create governance reform."
Part of the problem is structural: The Defense Department budget exceeds $600 billion a year, while the State Department receives only $50 billion. But part of the problem is personal: In private, Team McChrystal likes to talk shit about many of Obama's top people on the diplomatic side. One aide calls Jim Jones, a retired four-star general and veteran of the Cold War, a "clown" who remains "stuck in 1985." Politicians like McCain and Kerry, says another aide, "turn up, have a meeting with Karzai, criticize him at the airport press conference, then get back for the Sunday talk shows. Frankly, it's not very helpful." Only Hillary Clinton receives good reviews from McChrystal's inner circle. "Hillary had Stan's back during the strategic review," says an adviser. "She said, 'If Stan wants it, give him what he needs.' "
McChrystal reserves special skepticism for Holbrooke, the official in charge of reintegrating the Taliban. "The Boss says he's like a wounded animal," says a member of the general's team. "Holbrooke keeps hearing rumors that he's going to get fired, so that makes him dangerous. He's a brilliant guy, but he just comes in, pulls on a lever, whatever he can grasp onto. But this is COIN, and you can't just have someone yanking on shit."
At one point on his trip to Paris, McChrystal checks his BlackBerry. "Oh, not another e-mail from Holbrooke," he groans. "I don't even want to open it." He clicks on the message and reads the salutation out loud, then stuffs the BlackBerry back in his pocket, not bothering to conceal his annoyance.
"Make sure you don't get any of that on your leg," an aide jokes, referring to the e-mail.
By far the most crucial – and strained – relationship is between McChrystal and Eikenberry, the U.S. ambassador. According to those close to the two men, Eikenberry – a retired three-star general who served in Afghanistan in 2002 and 2005 – can't stand that his former subordinate is now calling the shots. He's also furious that McChrystal, backed by NATO's allies, refused to put Eikenberry in the pivotal role of viceroy in Afghanistan, which would have made him the diplomatic equivalent of the general. The job instead went to British Ambassador Mark Sedwill – a move that effectively increased McChrystal's influence over diplomacy by shutting out a powerful rival. "In reality, that position needs to be filled by an American for it to have weight," says a U.S. official familiar with the negotiations.
The relationship was further strained in January, when a classified cable that Eikenberry wrote was leaked to The New York Times. The cable was as scathing as it was prescient. The ambassador offered a brutal critique of McChrystal's strategy, dismissed President Hamid Karzai as "not an adequate strategic partner," and cast doubt on whether the counterinsurgency plan would be "sufficient" to deal with Al Qaeda. "We will become more deeply engaged here with no way to extricate ourselves," Eikenberry warned, "short of allowing the country to descend again into lawlessness and chaos."
McChrystal and his team were blindsided by the cable. "I like Karl, I've known him for years, but they'd never said anything like that to us before," says McChrystal, who adds that he felt "betrayed" by the leak. "Here's one that covers his flank for the history books. Now if we fail, they can say, 'I told you so.' "
The most striking example of McChrystal's usurpation of diplomatic policy is his handling of Karzai. It is McChrystal, not diplomats like Eikenberry or Holbrooke, who enjoys the best relationship with the man America is relying on to lead Afghanistan. The doctrine of counterinsurgency requires a credible government, and since Karzai is not considered credible by his own people, McChrystal has worked hard to make him so. Over the past few months, he has accompanied the president on more than 10 trips around the country, standing beside him at political meetings, or shuras, in Kandahar. In February, the day before the doomed offensive in Marja, McChrystal even drove over to the president's palace to get him to sign off on what would be the largest military operation of the year. Karzai's staff, however, insisted that the president was sleeping off a cold and could not be disturbed. After several hours of haggling, McChrystal finally enlisted the aid of Afghanistan's defense minister, who persuaded Karzai's people to wake the president from his nap.
This is one of the central flaws with McChrystal's counterinsurgency strategy: The need to build a credible government puts us at the mercy of whatever tin-pot leader we've backed – a danger that Eikenberry explicitly warned about in his cable. Even Team McChrystal privately acknowledges that Karzai is a less-than-ideal partner. "He's been locked up in his palace the past year," laments one of the general's top advisers. At times, Karzai himself has actively undermined McChrystal's desire to put him in charge. During a recent visit to Walter Reed Army Medical Center, Karzai met three U.S. soldiers who had been wounded in Uruzgan province. "General," he called out to McChrystal, "I didn't even know we were fighting in Uruzgan!"
Growing up as a military brat, McChrystal exhibited the mixture of brilliance and cockiness that would follow him throughout his career. His father fought in Korea and Vietnam, retiring as a two-star general, and his four brothers all joined the armed services. Moving around to different bases, McChrystal took solace in baseball, a sport in which he made no pretense of hiding his superiority: In Little League, he would call out strikes to the crowd before whipping a fastball down the middle.
McChrystal entered West Point in 1972, when the U.S. military was close to its all-time low in popularity. His class was the last to graduate before the academy started to admit women. The "Prison on the Hudson," as it was known then, was a potent mix of testosterone, hooliganism and reactionary patriotism. Cadets repeatedly trashed the mess hall in food fights, and birthdays were celebrated with a tradition called "rat fucking," which often left the birthday boy outside in the snow or mud, covered in shaving cream. "It was pretty out of control," says Lt. Gen. David Barno, a classmate who went on to serve as the top commander in Afghanistan from 2003 to 2005. The class, filled with what Barno calls "huge talent" and "wild-eyed teenagers with a strong sense of idealism," also produced Gen. Ray Odierno, the current commander of U.S. forces in Iraq.
The son of a general, McChrystal was also a ringleader of the campus dissidents – a dual role that taught him how to thrive in a rigid, top-down environment while thumbing his nose at authority every chance he got. He accumulated more than 100 hours of demerits for drinking, partying and insubordination – a record that his classmates boasted made him a "century man." One classmate, who asked not to be named, recalls finding McChrystal passed out in the shower after downing a case of beer he had hidden under the sink. The troublemaking almost got him kicked out, and he spent hours subjected to forced marches in the Area, a paved courtyard where unruly cadets were disciplined. "I'd come visit, and I'd end up spending most of my time in the library, while Stan was in the Area," recalls Annie, who began dating McChrystal in 1973.
McChrystal wound up ranking 298 out of a class of 855, a serious underachievement for a man widely regarded as brilliant. His most compelling work was extracurricular: As managing editor of The Pointer, the West Point literary magazine, McChrystal wrote seven short stories that eerily foreshadow many of the issues he would confront in his career. In one tale, a fictional officer complains about the difficulty of training foreign troops to fight; in another, a 19-year-old soldier kills a boy he mistakes for a terrorist. In "Brinkman's Note," a piece of suspense fiction, the unnamed narrator appears to be trying to stop a plot to assassinate the president. It turns out, however, that the narrator himself is the assassin, and he's able to infiltrate the White House: "The President strode in smiling. From the right coat pocket of the raincoat I carried, I slowly drew forth my 32-caliber pistol. In Brinkman's failure, I had succeeded."
After graduation, 2nd Lt. Stanley McChrystal entered an Army that was all but broken in the wake of Vietnam. "We really felt we were a peacetime generation," he recalls. "There was the Gulf War, but even that didn't feel like that big of a deal." So McChrystal spent his career where the action was: He enrolled in Special Forces school and became a regimental commander of the 3rd Ranger Battalion in 1986. It was a dangerous position, even in peacetime – nearly two dozen Rangers were killed in training accidents during the Eighties. It was also an unorthodox career path: Most soldiers who want to climb the ranks to general don't go into the Rangers. Displaying a penchant for transforming systems he considers outdated, McChrystal set out to revolutionize the training regime for the Rangers. He introduced mixed martial arts, required every soldier to qualify with night-vision goggles on the rifle range and forced troops to build up their endurance with weekly marches involving heavy backpacks.
In the late 1990s, McChrystal shrewdly improved his inside game, spending a year at Harvard's Kennedy School of Government and then at the Council on Foreign Relations, where he co-authored a treatise on the merits and drawbacks of humanitarian interventionism. But as he moved up through the ranks, McChrystal relied on the skills he had learned as a troublemaking kid at West Point: knowing precisely how far he could go in a rigid military hierarchy without getting tossed out. Being a highly intelligent badass, he discovered, could take you far – especially in the political chaos that followed September 11th. "He was very focused," says Annie. "Even as a young officer he seemed to know what he wanted to do. I don't think his personality has changed in all these years."
By some accounts, McChrystal's career should have been over at least two times by now. As Pentagon spokesman during the invasion of Iraq, the general seemed more like a White House mouthpiece than an up-and-coming commander with a reputation for speaking his mind. When Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld made his infamous "stuff happens" remark during the looting of Baghdad, McChrystal backed him up. A few days later, he echoed the president's Mission Accomplished gaffe by insisting that major combat operations in Iraq were over. But it was during his next stint – overseeing the military's most elite units, including the Rangers, Navy Seals and Delta Force – that McChrystal took part in a cover-up that would have destroyed the career of a lesser man.
After Cpl. Pat Tillman, the former-NFL-star-turned-Ranger, was accidentally killed by his own troops in Afghanistan in April 2004, McChrystal took an active role in creating the impression that Tillman had died at the hands of Taliban fighters. He signed off on a falsified recommendation for a Silver Star that suggested Tillman had been killed by enemy fire. (McChrystal would later claim he didn't read the recommendation closely enough – a strange excuse for a commander known for his laserlike attention to minute details.) A week later, McChrystal sent a memo up the chain of command, specifically warning that President Bush should avoid mentioning the cause of Tillman's death. "If the circumstances of Corporal Tillman's death become public," he wrote, it could cause "public embarrassment" for the president.
"The false narrative, which McChrystal clearly helped construct, diminished Pat's true actions," wrote Tillman's mother, Mary, in her book Boots on the Ground by Dusk. McChrystal got away with it, she added, because he was the "golden boy" of Rumsfeld and Bush, who loved his willingness to get things done, even if it included bending the rules or skipping the chain of command. Nine days after Tillman's death, McChrystal was promoted to major general.
Two years later, in 2006, McChrystal was tainted by a scandal involving detainee abuse and torture at Camp Nama in Iraq. According to a report by Human Rights Watch, prisoners at the camp were subjected to a now-familiar litany of abuse: stress positions, being dragged naked through the mud. McChrystal was not disciplined in the scandal, even though an interrogator at the camp reported seeing him inspect the prison multiple times. But the experience was so unsettling to McChrystal that he tried to prevent detainee operations from being placed under his command in Afghanistan, viewing them as a "political swamp," according to a U.S. official. In May 2009, as McChrystal prepared for his confirmation hearings, his staff prepared him for hard questions about Camp Nama and the Tillman cover-up. But the scandals barely made a ripple in Congress, and McChrystal was soon on his way back to Kabul to run the war in Afghanistan.
The media, to a large extent, have also given McChrystal a pass on both controversies. Where Gen. Petraeus is kind of a dweeb, a teacher's pet with a Ranger's tab, McChrystal is a snake-eating rebel, a "Jedi" commander, as Newsweek called him. He didn't care when his teenage son came home with blue hair and a mohawk. He speaks his mind with a candor rare for a high-ranking official. He asks for opinions, and seems genuinely interested in the response. He gets briefings on his iPod and listens to books on tape. He carries a custom-made set of nunchucks in his convoy engraved with his name and four stars, and his itinerary often bears a fresh quote from Bruce Lee. ("There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them.") He went out on dozens of nighttime raids during his time in Iraq, unprecedented for a top commander, and turned up on missions unannounced, with almost no entourage. "The fucking lads love Stan McChrystal," says a British officer who serves in Kabul. "You'd be out in Somewhere, Iraq, and someone would take a knee beside you, and a corporal would be like 'Who the fuck is that?' And it's fucking Stan McChrystal."
It doesn't hurt that McChrystal was also extremely successful as head of the Joint Special Operations Command, the elite forces that carry out the government's darkest ops. During the Iraq surge, his team killed and captured thousands of insurgents, including Abu Musab al-Zarqawi, the leader of Al Qaeda in Iraq. "JSOC was a killing machine," says Maj. Gen. Mayville, his chief of operations. McChrystal was also open to new ways of killing. He systematically mapped out terrorist networks, targeting specific insurgents and hunting them down – often with the help of cyberfreaks traditionally shunned by the military. "The Boss would find the 24-year-old kid with a nose ring, with some fucking brilliant degree from MIT, sitting in the corner with 16 computer monitors humming," says a Special Forces commando who worked with McChrystal in Iraq and now serves on his staff in Kabul. "He'd say, 'Hey – you fucking muscleheads couldn't find lunch without help. You got to work together with these guys.' "
Even in his new role as America's leading evangelist for counterinsurgency, McChrystal retains the deep-seated instincts of a terrorist hunter. To put pressure on the Taliban, he has upped the number of Special Forces units in Afghanistan from four to 19. "You better be out there hitting four or five targets tonight," McChrystal will tell a Navy Seal he sees in the hallway at headquarters. Then he'll add, "I'm going to have to scold you in the morning for it, though." In fact, the general frequently finds himself apologizing for the disastrous consequences of counterinsurgency. In the first four months of this year, NATO forces killed some 90 civilians, up 76 percent from the same period in 2009 – a record that has created tremendous resentment among the very population that COIN theory is intent on winning over. In February, a Special Forces night raid ended in the deaths of two pregnant Afghan women and allegations of a cover-up, and in April, protests erupted in Kandahar after U.S. forces accidentally shot up a bus, killing five Afghans. "We've shot an amazing number of people," McChrystal recently conceded.
Despite the tragedies and miscues, McChrystal has issued some of the strictest directives to avoid civilian casualties that the U.S. military has ever encountered in a war zone. It's "insurgent math," as he calls it – for every innocent person you kill, you create 10 new enemies. He has ordered convoys to curtail their reckless driving, put restrictions on the use of air power and severely limited night raids. He regularly apologizes to Hamid Karzai when civilians are killed, and berates commanders responsible for civilian deaths. "For a while," says one U.S. official, "the most dangerous place to be in Afghanistan was in front of McChrystal after a 'civ cas' incident." The ISAF command has even discussed ways to make not killing into something you can win an award for: There's talk of creating a new medal for "courageous restraint," a buzzword that's unlikely to gain much traction in the gung-ho culture of the U.S. military.
But however strategic they may be, McChrystal's new marching orders have caused an intense backlash among his own troops. Being told to hold their fire, soldiers complain, puts them in greater danger. "Bottom line?" says a former Special Forces operator who has spent years in Iraq and Afghanistan. "I would love to kick McChrystal in the nuts. His rules of engagement put soldiers' lives in even greater danger. Every real soldier will tell you the same thing."
In March, McChrystal traveled to Combat Outpost JFM – a small encampment on the outskirts of Kandahar – to confront such accusations from the troops directly. It was a typically bold move by the general. Only two days earlier, he had received an e-mail from Israel Arroyo, a 25-year-old staff sergeant who asked McChrystal to go on a mission with his unit. "I am writing because it was said you don't care about the troops and have made it harder to defend ourselves," Arroyo wrote.
Within hours, McChrystal responded personally: "I'm saddened by the accusation that I don't care about soldiers, as it is something I suspect any soldier takes both personally and professionally – at least I do. But I know perceptions depend upon your perspective at the time, and I respect that every soldier's view is his own." Then he showed up at Arroyo's outpost and went on a foot patrol with the troops – not some bullshit photo-op stroll through a market, but a real live operation in a dangerous war zone.
Six weeks later, just before McChrystal returned from Paris, the general received another e-mail from Arroyo. A 23-year-old corporal named Michael Ingram – one of the soldiers McChrystal had gone on patrol with – had been killed by an IED a day earlier. It was the third man the 25-member platoon had lost in a year, and Arroyo was writing to see if the general would attend Ingram's memorial service. "He started to look up to you," Arroyo wrote. McChrystal said he would try to make it down to pay his respects as soon as possible.
The night before the general is scheduled to visit Sgt. Arroyo's platoon for the memorial, I arrive at Combat Outpost JFM to speak with the soldiers he had gone on patrol with. JFM is a small encampment, ringed by high blast walls and guard towers. Almost all of the soldiers here have been on repeated combat tours in both Iraq and Afghanistan, and have seen some of the worst fighting of both wars. But they are especially angered by Ingram's death. His commanders had repeatedly requested permission to tear down the house where Ingram was killed, noting that it was often used as a combat position by the Taliban. But due to McChrystal's new restrictions to avoid upsetting civilians, the request had been denied. "These were abandoned houses," fumes Staff Sgt. Kennith Hicks. "Nobody was coming back to live in them."
One soldier shows me the list of new regulations the platoon was given. "Patrol only in areas that you are reasonably certain that you will not have to defend yourselves with lethal force," the laminated card reads. For a soldier who has traveled halfway around the world to fight, that's like telling a cop he should only patrol in areas where he knows he won't have to make arrests. "Does that make any fucking sense?" asks Pfc. Jared Pautsch. "We should just drop a fucking bomb on this place. You sit and ask yourself: What are we doing here?"
The rules handed out here are not what McChrystal intended – they've been distorted as they passed through the chain of command – but knowing that does nothing to lessen the anger of troops on the ground. "Fuck, when I came over here and heard that McChrystal was in charge, I thought we would get our fucking gun on," says Hicks, who has served three tours of combat. "I get COIN. I get all that. McChrystal comes here, explains it, it makes sense. But then he goes away on his bird, and by the time his directives get passed down to us through Big Army, they're all fucked up – either because somebody is trying to cover their ass, or because they just don't understand it themselves. But we're fucking losing this thing."
McChrystal and his team show up the next day. Underneath a tent, the general has a 45-minute discussion with some two dozen soldiers. The atmosphere is tense. "I ask you what's going on in your world, and I think it's important for you all to understand the big picture as well," McChrystal begins. "How's the company doing? You guys feeling sorry for yourselves? Anybody? Anybody feel like you're losing?" McChrystal says.
"Sir, some of the guys here, sir, think we're losing, sir," says Hicks.
McChrystal nods. "Strength is leading when you just don't want to lead," he tells the men. "You're leading by example. That's what we do. Particularly when it's really, really hard, and it hurts inside." Then he spends 20 minutes talking about counterinsurgency, diagramming his concepts and principles on a whiteboard. He makes COIN seem like common sense, but he's careful not to bullshit the men. "We are knee-deep in the decisive year," he tells them. The Taliban, he insists, no longer has the initiative – "but I don't think we do, either." It's similar to the talk he gave in Paris, but it's not winning any hearts and minds among the soldiers. "This is the philosophical part that works with think tanks," McChrystal tries to joke. "But it doesn't get the same reception from infantry companies."
During the question-and-answer period, the frustration boils over. The soldiers complain about not being allowed to use lethal force, about watching insurgents they detain be freed for lack of evidence. They want to be able to fight – like they did in Iraq, like they had in Afghanistan before McChrystal. "We aren't putting fear into the Taliban," one soldier says.
"Winning hearts and minds in COIN is a coldblooded thing," McChrystal says, citing an oft-repeated maxim that you can't kill your way out of Afghanistan. "The Russians killed 1 million Afghans, and that didn't work."
"I'm not saying go out and kill everybody, sir," the soldier persists. "You say we've stopped the momentum of the insurgency. I don't believe that's true in this area. The more we pull back, the more we restrain ourselves, the stronger it's getting."
"I agree with you," McChrystal says. "In this area, we've not made progress, probably. You have to show strength here, you have to use fire. What I'm telling you is, fire costs you. What do you want to do? You want to wipe the population out here and resettle it?"
A soldier complains that under the rules, any insurgent who doesn't have a weapon is immediately assumed to be a civilian. "That's the way this game is," McChrystal says. "It's complex. I can't just decide: It's shirts and skins, and we'll kill all the shirts."
As the discussion ends, McChrystal seems to sense that he hasn't succeeded at easing the men's anger. He makes one last-ditch effort to reach them, acknowledging the death of Cpl. Ingram. "There's no way I can make that easier," he tells them. "No way I can pretend it won't hurt. No way I can tell you not to feel that. . . . I will tell you, you're doing a great job. Don't let the frustration get to you." The session ends with no clapping, and no real resolution. McChrystal may have sold President Obama on counterinsurgency, but many of his own men aren't buying it.
When it comes to Afghanistan, history is not on McChrystal's side. The only foreign invader to have any success here was Genghis Khan – and he wasn't hampered by things like human rights, economic development and press scrutiny. The COIN doctrine, bizarrely, draws inspiration from some of the biggest Western military embarrassments in recent memory: France's nasty war in Algeria (lost in 1962) and the American misadventure in Vietnam (lost in 1975). McChrystal, like other advocates of COIN, readily acknowledges that counterinsurgency campaigns are inherently messy, expensive and easy to lose. "Even Afghans are confused by Afghanistan," he says. But even if he somehow manages to succeed, after years of bloody fighting with Afghan kids who pose no threat to the U.S. homeland, the war will do little to shut down Al Qaeda, which has shifted its operations to Pakistan. Dispatching 150,000 troops to build new schools, roads, mosques and water-treatment facilities around Kandahar is like trying to stop the drug war in Mexico by occupying Arkansas and building Baptist churches in Little Rock. "It's all very cynical, politically," says Marc Sageman, a former CIA case officer who has extensive experience in the region. "Afghanistan is not in our vital interest – there's nothing for us there."
In mid-May, two weeks after visiting the troops in Kandahar, McChrystal travels to the White House for a high-level visit by Hamid Karzai. It is a triumphant moment for the general, one that demonstrates he is very much in command – both in Kabul and in Washington. In the East Room, which is packed with journalists and dignitaries, President Obama sings the praises of Karzai. The two leaders talk about how great their relationship is, about the pain they feel over civilian casualties. They mention the word "progress" 16 times in under an hour. But there is no mention of victory. Still, the session represents the most forceful commitment that Obama has made to McChrystal's strategy in months. "There is no denying the progress that the Afghan people have made in recent years – in education, in health care and economic development," the president says. "As I saw in the lights across Kabul when I landed – lights that would not have been visible just a few years earlier."
It is a disconcerting observation for Obama to make. During the worst years in Iraq, when the Bush administration had no real progress to point to, officials used to offer up the exact same evidence of success. "It was one of our first impressions," one GOP official said in 2006, after landing in Baghdad at the height of the sectarian violence. "So many lights shining brightly." So it is to the language of the Iraq War that the Obama administration has turned – talk of progress, of city lights, of metrics like health care and education. Rhetoric that just a few years ago they would have mocked. "They are trying to manipulate perceptions because there is no definition of victory – because victory is not even defined or recognizable," says Celeste Ward, a senior defense analyst at the RAND Corporation who served as a political adviser to U.S. commanders in Iraq in 2006. "That's the game we're in right now. What we need, for strategic purposes, is to create the perception that we didn't get run off. The facts on the ground are not great, and are not going to become great in the near future."
But facts on the ground, as history has proven, offer little deterrent to a military determined to stay the course. Even those closest to McChrystal know that the rising anti-war sentiment at home doesn't begin to reflect how deeply fucked up things are in Afghanistan. "If Americans pulled back and started paying attention to this war, it would become even less popular," a senior adviser to McChrystal says. Such realism, however, doesn't prevent advocates of counterinsurgency from dreaming big: Instead of beginning to withdraw troops next year, as Obama promised, the military hopes to ramp up its counterinsurgency campaign even further. "There's a possibility we could ask for another surge of U.S. forces next summer if we see success here," a senior military official in Kabul tells me.
Back in Afghanistan, less than a month after the White House meeting with Karzai and all the talk of "progress," McChrystal is hit by the biggest blow to his vision of counterinsurgency. Since last year, the Pentagon had been planning to launch a major military operation this summer in Kandahar, the country's second-largest city and the Taliban's original home base. It was supposed to be a decisive turning point in the war – the primary reason for the troop surge that McChrystal wrested from Obama late last year. But on June 10th, acknowledging that the military still needs to lay more groundwork, the general announced that he is postponing the offensive until the fall. Rather than one big battle, like Fallujah or Ramadi, U.S. troops will implement what McChrystal calls a "rising tide of security." The Afghan police and army will enter Kandahar to attempt to seize control of neighborhoods, while the U.S. pours $90 million of aid into the city to win over the civilian population.
Even proponents of counterinsurgency are hard-pressed to explain the new plan. "This isn't a classic operation," says a U.S. military official. "It's not going to be Black Hawk Down. There aren't going to be doors kicked in." Other U.S. officials insist that doors are going to be kicked in, but that it's going to be a kinder, gentler offensive than the disaster in Marja. "The Taliban have a jackboot on the city," says a military official. "We have to remove them, but we have to do it in a way that doesn't alienate the population." When Vice President Biden was briefed on the new plan in the Oval Office, insiders say he was shocked to see how much it mirrored the more gradual plan of counterterrorism that he advocated last fall. "This looks like CT-plus!" he said, according to U.S. officials familiar with the meeting.
Whatever the nature of the new plan, the delay underscores the fundamental flaws of counterinsurgency. After nine years of war, the Taliban simply remains too strongly entrenched for the U.S. military to openly attack. The very people that COIN seeks to win over – the Afghan people – do not want us there. Our supposed ally, President Karzai, used his influence to delay the offensive, and the massive influx of aid championed by McChrystal is likely only to make things worse. "Throwing money at the problem exacerbates the problem," says Andrew Wilder, an expert at Tufts University who has studied the effect of aid in southern Afghanistan. "A tsunami of cash fuels corruption, delegitimizes the government and creates an environment where we're picking winners and losers" – a process that fuels resentment and hostility among the civilian population. So far, counterinsurgency has succeeded only in creating a never-ending demand for the primary product supplied by the military: perpetual war. There is a reason that President Obama studiously avoids using the word "victory" when he talks about Afghanistan. Winning, it would seem, is not really possible. Not even with Stanley McChrystal in charge.
This article originally appeared in RS 1108/1109 from July 8-22, 2010.
Interview with Chairman Thackston
This is part of a series of interviews with various Vanderbilt University faculty , to give everyone a small insight into the people that make Vanderbilt what it is today.
Vanderbilt University , BVD News - in a rare moment , Ed Thackston , retired chairman of the Civil Engineering Department , agreed to interview with BVD at his plantation home in Nashville.
BVD : Thank you for having me over Chairman
Thackston : Not at all , no problem at all , what can I do for you today
BVD : How did you become Chairman of the Civil Engineering Department ?
Thackston : Well , it's like this , I had just finished up my thesis in which I actually proved water flows down hill , thus supporting Newton's theory of gravity. At the same time , no one could be found willing to take the Chairman's position , so the job was given to me and I 've been here ever since.
BVD : You 're telling me that you went from grad student to chairman , just like that
Thackston : Yes , I was well liked at the time , and I did bring in millions of government research dollars to study water flow in stagnant ponds.
BVD : OK , moving on , ass you know , there have been some nasty accusations made about you , concerning the way you handled things in Vanderbilt 's Civil Engineering Department.
Thackston : Yes , I know , I've heard about them
BVD: Is it true you complained about your own people doing their job and that you went so far ass to interfere with their duties?
Thackston: Of course I did , this is an engineering school , not an engineering firm. What are these people thinking?
BVD: Butt you also interfered with NSF research money ass well ass other money from outside sources.
Thackston: Damn right I did. Those folks owed me gratuity. It's my Civil Engineering Department , not theirs. Heh heh heh
BVD : Is it true you funneled department money into political pockets for political gain
Thackston : Yes , it started when I helped John J. Hooker run for governor back in the 60's. When that failed , I branched out to other republicans. The final solution plan at one time was for me to become Tennessee 's governor
BVD : So , what happened
Thackston : I was better at funneling money from Vanderbilt , than riding on someone else coat tails.
BVD : Why were 'nt you fired , is'nt that like stealing
Thackston : Well , I have tenure , and of course , I also spread some money around to keep from being fired , so , Joe B. decided to keep me
BVD : Is it true , Galloway fired you more than once?
Thackston : Yes , ha ha ha several times over , butt , he had to rehire me or else
BVD : Now that you are retired , what projects are you really involved in
Thackston : The projects you hear about are just for looking good on paper. I'm actually enjoying my retirement with all the money I've squirreled away here in the house. See......( points to an open closet door )
BVD : Wooooow , that's amazing , so this is what you were working on all these years
Thackston : Yep , heh heh heh , it's all tax free too
BVD : Is it true , that everyone in the Engineering School thinks you're a Moron
Thackston : Yes , butt let me ask you this , if I'm such a Moron , why don't they have a closet full of cash money
Monday, June 21, 2010
Chairman Thackston Receives Award
Vanderbilt University in Nashville , Tennessee- BVD News - Vanderbilt School of Engineering , the former Civil Engineering Chairman Ed Thackston was honored last week , at the Vanderbilt University Club , ass he set the record straight on the number of times he was fired ass Chairman of the Civil Engineering Department.
His boss , Dean Galloway , Vanderbilt School of Engineering , chose not to attend. He alone had only fired Thackston 5 times before someone explained to him about Thackston "Tenure Disease"
Meanwhile , in attendance was Dean Viellette , also of Vanderbilt School of Engineering and Director of PAVE , who couldn't stop laughing , even with his mouth full who later stated for the record , "What a Fucking Moron"
After wards , Vanderbilt University , Chancellor Zeppos stated , "Well , at least that bumbling Bastard's gone. Now he's someone else's problem."
During Thackston tenure at Vanderbilt University , the Civil Engineering Department had become affectionately known ass , "Dysfunction Junction" among the other Ivy League Institutions , who concluded , "The whole place was just a total embarrassment." When ASCE delegates were in town this past Spring , a special luncheon had met at Sarratt that comprised all of the Civil Engineering Department Chairmen from the other schools and universities within the SEC and everyone did agree , it would take Vanderbilt 20+ years , to remove Thackston from it's ass.
Meanwhile , "Ed" Thackston found himself another parachute retirement package ass Chairman for the Board of Trust at Cumberland University in Lebanon , Tennessee
Present president of Cumberland University , Dr. Eaton , had this to say about hiring , "The Moron" , "We took on Thackston because he brought with him , his own paper 'n pencils. He didn't cost us anything up front , butt now , look at the cost. This price aint right."
Note: Because nobody with integrity would accept a vacated position left behind by some common Moron and after 5 years of searching , Dean Galloway finally managed to replace Thackston with a displaced Chemical Engineer who didn't have a clue ass to what being a Civil engineer was about. Besides , Galloway added , "The fool doesn't have to teach anything anyway and with Thackston gone , it's that much more money for me. It's what us engineers refer to ass a M cubed paycheck bonus " :)
Friday, June 18, 2010
Afghanistan Is Where The New Money Is
Check this out.
Now do you understand why "WE" are bleeding and dieing in Afghanistan?
President Bush would not tell US why we are in Afghanistan , The Pentagon just did.
The Blame Game on BP Oil
The answer to this is rather obvious. The American people are too busy with their own little world to give a Shit about the BIG world. Here's how the BP Oil problem is OUR fault.
Americans , typically don't vote and show great pride in stating so. This means that bad politicians get re elected. Look at President Bush ass an example. These people are in bed with big oil companies ass President Bush demonstrated by his unnecessary escalation in gas pump prices , just to squeeze a buck from "US".
This whole BP problem may never had to happen if Americans were governing themselves and kicking out those who refuse to do their job for "US" in elected positions.
Today , our politicians have turned public office into their personal office to stuff their pockets at our expense. Ass President Bush also showed , "US" Americans will not govern ourselves. So , now we have this BIG problem in our Gulf because BP didn't give a Shit about doing their job right.
So , how about it America. Ya gonna get off your ass now and tell your government what to do or else? And don't stop there. Let's get the ball rolling and remove those politicians who are in bed with BIG OIL.
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Do You Have Math Skills for PAVE 2010
Vanderbilt University , BVD Bloggtographer for the Vanderbilt Outreach for PAVE Program - OK boys and girls , time for your math renewal license quiz. Quilted Northern Bathroom tissue paper prices have stayed the same. Their competitor , Angel Soft , says they can sell the same paper at a better price and still make a profit. Sooo , Angel Soft's game plan is to sell their paper product at half off the regular price. Butt , this is America , sooooooo , naturally there's a catch. Drop the price in half and you get half of the amount of product you get. Got it ? A roll of Angel Soft measures 4 inches diameter. A roll of Quilted Northern measures 5 inches diameter. Also , one is softer than the other. I'll let you do that particular math on your own.
Now do you understand the math skills needed , to qualify ass a PAVE student attending Vanderbilt University 's School of Engineering ?
P.S. This makes a great screen saver
Note: Remember , you are in America now and with everything you do , you must have a license and that includes having a license to do math.
Good Luck PAVE 2010
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Explosive Containment For PAVE 2010
Vanderbilt University - BVD , people have been asking about the new metal enclosures being installed in the Rest Rooms at the School of Engineering. BVD went to get the scoop for the poop.
Dean Veillette , President for the PAVE Program explained. " Right now , we currently have young people from all over the world , who will be spending their next six weeks in our classrooms. No one really knows for sure , what their eating habits are. So , to protect everyone from possible UFOs , we are asking them to use these explosive containment closets when doing their personal business in our Rest Rooms. "
BVD : Is it true , Professor Speece of the Civil Engineering Department had something to do with these
Dean Veillette : Mmm , weeeeeellll , yes
BVD : Just how safe are these closets
Dean Veillette : Each of these have been thoroughly checked and independently tested , inspected and bear the Special Speece Stuff Seal of Approval , and that's all anyone really needs to know. Ha Ha Ha
BVD: What is this I hear about the police looking into this?
Veillette: Yes , Franklin Police have been looking at this for their new building. It seems some of their officers have been making some rather strong explosive UFO devices after consuming great quantities of beans and pizza with their beer which makes things rather difficult on other folks squatting on the adjacent toilets.
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Vanderbilt Gets Busted
Vanderbilt University in Nashville , Tennessee - BVD News - THE TENNESSEAN reported today , that Vanderbilt had come in dead last on the latest list of losers with money.
Historically speaking , Vanderbilt has always been about the money. If you don't have it , you don't belong here. Just go somewhere else. "JUST GO , before I call the dogs!" , is their motto.
In the past , Vanderbilt has never argued about being on some list , just ass long ass Vanderbilt name was on top. Now that Vanderbilt is dead last on some list , they of course , refute the results. Give them time and money , Vanderbilt will be on top of this game ass well.
What's really funny about Meharry , is the simple fact , it's Vanderbilt money that has put them where they are today while Vanderbilt continues to receive little recognition for having saved Meharry , just before being flushed down the toilet.
Today , Meharry continues to be a second rate , something or other kind of a medical school , butt , the students have full access to Vanderbilt , which makes up for everything Meharry lacks. Because of this fact , Meharry students are actually getting a Vanderbilt education at minority rates. (bet you didn't know that)
To add more to the insults , when was the last time you saw a Meharry student jump up and shout , "Thank you Vanderbilt ! "
The New RAVE On Campus Is PAVE 2010
Vanderbilt University - BVD , the newest rave party in Nashville is PAVE 2010 . Yes folks , this years summer PAVE 2010 class is now arriving at the Vanderbilt University School of Engineering ( VUSE ) , just in time for the summer session. These young people come from all over the world , and no doubt , will share some of their culture with everyone.
Is your rubber ready , Freddie?
Monday, June 14, 2010
Vandy Welcomes PAVE 2010
Vanderbilt University - BVD Blogging it together Bloggtoggrapher , this summer's PAVE 2010 class will be making some adjustments , ass they acclimate to their new surroundings. Many PAVE students come from other countries.
The Vanderbilt campus has signs everywhere. Here's the latest from the Vanderbilt LAMBDA student organization
Considering many PAVE students already think that Vanderbilt is Red Neck country , being located in the Deep South ass it is , what do you think they are thinking ass they read this ? Maybe it's a good thing , many of them don't understand English
Friday, June 11, 2010
PAVE 2010 Gets Busted
What started it all was when some government official was looking for anonymous illegal aliens on the College Confidential web site and found this post by CO5991 -
Our son attended the PAVE program in the summer of 2008. It was a
summer of career and collegiate definement for him. The dean, John
Veillette was awe-inspiring. The personal attention he gave to
each student and their family was a gift we will never forget. The
program's rigor challenges a student to think beyond their shell of
adolescents while smoothing out the wrinkles toward maturity,
self-reliance, and sophistication. PAVE was skillfully designed by
Dr. Veillette in 1990 and is taught by him and my other talented
faculty at Vanderbilt University. Our son came home from PAVE with
direction and polish. It was an investment we have declared as
life molding and life changing. Each student and parent we spoke
with at the end of the program had the same sentiment.
A spokesman stated , "How can a parent have a son and faculty at the same time at the PAVE program? There's something very Hokie here and we are gonna find it! "
PAVE President and Director of Operations , Doc V , was not unavailable for comment. Hmmmm
American's Don't Care
The wrong person in the wrong family with political ties has finally "Snitched" about the conditions our dead Veterans are being dumped in.
America has never really cared how it treats it's Veterans. The only reason THE TENNESSEAN has told this story is because there was room that needed filling.
America , the greatest country on the planet and this is how Veterans are treated. People had thought these problems were fixed during President Bush's era butt that was only window dressing.
The reason these problems can not be fixed is because the system is designed around a "Red Tape" format that does not allow anything to be done. Not even the Unknown Soldier's crypt can be fixed or replaced ass needed.
"No one cares" , is the Plan of the Day , Everyday
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Party Favors PAVE 2010
Vanderbilt University - BVD Bloggtographer , at the Great Greek Greet and Meat for this summer 's PAVE 2010 program , the word had been passed around , there would only be one beverage served per person , to help cut down on drunk drinking during campus hours. These PAVE engineering students solved the problem.
PAVE - it's not just a number any more , it's another year.
Friday, June 04, 2010
Carrot Top Has The Solution to Polution
Thursday, June 03, 2010
Franklin , Tennessee - there's a new gamble in town for your money. The prize has already been won right here in Franklin.
Don't you wish that winner was you?
Nope , this one is not a winner
The Devil's Net
The subject was about credit cards and their interest rates and why they are allowed to do what they do.
Ass it turns out , the discussion , while interesting , was interest rate free with no penalties.
The reason for credit card companies doing what they do is because this country is wreckable and there's no better way to wreck a country , than by wrecking the people. And just think , our Congress agrees with everything they do. Of course , those same credit card companies are very generous to our Congress members electional need$
And yes again , these same Congress members are also beneficiaries of "BIG OIL" companies like BP and Exxon.
Is'nt it interesting what our Congress is doing for US these days