Monday, June 28, 2010

 

THACKSTON FINDS CURE FOR FEMALE PROBLEMS


Vanderbilt University - BVD News - Leave it to Chairman Thackston , Vanderbilt School of Engineering , to find a way to deal with female problems.
Over the years , Thackston has had many problems with women , from incompetence to being intimately impotent , giving Thackston the impossible ability to satisfy. Finally , with the assistance of Professor MaHeHaHa , help for Thackston and the Vanderbilt community ass a whole , has been found.
After years of having Betty LaDay boss Thackston around in his own Damn office , MaHeHaHa came to the rescue with new and improved biometric research findings. Thackston and MaHeHaHa , together , spent a lot of next years departmental money to research and find a solution to help women like Betty , get over their problems of pushing Thackston around.

"When my wife , she get out of hand , I push the reset and she takes off her clothes and starts belly dancing " said Professor MaHeHaHa , " This is so wonderful for me. " He continued ass Thackston looked on , unsure about what he was seeing.
There are rumors Thackston and MaHeHaHa will share in a Humanitarian Award from Vanderbilt Med School and perhaps get another research grant from the new and improved , Vanderbilt Chancellor's Office and of course , from the smiling Chancellor Zeppos himself.

Friday, June 25, 2010

 

SPEECE DESTROYS ENGINEERING SCHOOL






Vanderbilt University - The School of Engineering disappeared in a ball of fire Thursday night when another of Professor Speece's research experiments went boom. Speece's life work has been studying human waste and converting it into bio-chemical weapons. His experiments have been the ridicule of everyone including the Vanderbilt Medical Center , whose professionals have wondered about his medieval practices. " There's no reason for doing research in this archaic manner. " said one medical researcher who didn't want his name given.
Professor Bowers was devastated ass his brass bed was also destroyed in the explosion. " Now where am I supposed to go to advise the co-eds ?" he wondered.
The reason for Speece's failure in this research project is still under investigation at this time. Metro's fire Marshall was slinging his fire axe at anyone he suspected of being an engineering professor ass this was not the first time he had to come out and put out some silly assed professor's nonsense. " This silly assed nonsensical Shit has got to stop . " he exclaimed , " Why can't anything be done about him ? The man is a menace to everyone including his own self. "
Chairman Thackston replied , " Speece is my friend , I hired him , and besides , you can't fire him because I gave him tenure , if he wants to blow up the place , then he can. "
Speece later remarked , " Now that those dead bodies have been destroyed , I won't have to worry about sneaking into the Anatomy Department tonight. "

 

Today's News


Nashville , Tennessee - in today's Tennessean , The Tennessee Department of Safety is being sued for seizing "illegal" immigrant IDs and returning them in a unreadable state.

Having personally seen these IDs for myself , I can honestly say , that I've never seen one that was readable. I was told , to get a replacement would cost 500 dollar$ which they were unwilling to fork over since it was a print job anyway.

Thursday, June 24, 2010

 

Put Thackston On A Rail



Cumberland University - BVD News - just when you thought it was all a joke , the truth comes out about Chairman Thackston.
The only real reason for Cumberland to take in Thackston is because he brought his own paper 'n pencils to the job , that he had removed from his office at Vanderbilt University.
Chairman Thackston brought with him many problems , both personal and private. His problems have caused more problems than those already in existence before he came to Cumberland.
"His method of dealing with a problem is to cause 5 more to take it's place" , said one Anonymous person who feared for his job for talking out of turn. "I mean like even our recruiters are familiar with that "Moron" from Vanderbilt"

"The best thing to do is fire his ass and move forward into a better future for all of us." , he said.

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

 

GONE !


The White House - General McChrystal is gone. Good Bye ! It's been fun.

Around the world , the news media is racing to see who gets on Google first

It is difficult to imagine his words spoken don't belong to a jacked up first semester frat boy who has discovered his new status affords him all the girls he can handle and suffers from the delusion that his 'winning streak' will never end.

Well , it ended. Oh Damn!

 

CHAIRMAN THACKSTON , A NO BRAINER


Vanderbilt University - BVD News for The HUSTLER , While at the doctor , getting new hair transplants , a strange piece of cloth was found protruding from the crown area atop Chairman Ed Thackston head. When his doctor pulled on the cloth , more cloth appeared. Thackston mental status increasingly diminished ass more cloth was pulled outward. After the doctor had pulled out about nine centimeters , Thackston's ability to speak had stopped and the mechanical sound of a spring breaking was noted (Boing)
Chairman Thackston was immediately transported to Vanderbilt's Radiology Department for CT , OT , PT , MRI , and the Department for Inner Lights.
All tests confirmed , Chairman Thackston's inner cranium is hollow.
Professor Art from the Vanderbilt Medical School , was called in for his consultant services who exclaimed , " Why am I here , can't anyone see this dummy's cranium is hollow ? It's just like an empty crock pot . Why are you wasting my time ? You'll be getting my bill ."
Doctor Morris , Vanderbilt Hospital , confirmed this ass a possible positive to conclude , that Chairman Thackston inability to think , which explains his physiological tendencies of being a Moron. Although totally not conclusive , Dr. Morris stated the results look favorable to his analysis and further tests were not needed.

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

 

Just Tell It Like It Is General


Rolling Stone Magazine - General McChrystal let his guard down and shot from the hip with his point of view.

Note: Now that the general has eaten his words and passed out the apologies , SEC DEV has recalled him back from Afghanistan and to come on down to THE PENTAGON to discuss this matter in person. Heh heh heh

Just think of all the politics it takes to make general these days. OUCH ! I've got an idea - since President Obama needs time off to play golf some where far far away from the oil spill , put McChrystal in charge of dealing with it :)

Here's the Rolling Stone article , enjoy:



This article originally appeared in RS 1108/1109 from July 8-22, 2010.

'How'd I get screwed into going to this dinner?" demands Gen. Stanley McChrystal. It's a Thursday night in mid-April, and the commander of all U.S. and NATO forces in Afghanistan is sitting in a four-star suite at the Hôtel Westminster in Paris. He's in France to sell his new war strategy to our NATO allies – to keep up the fiction, in essence, that we actually have allies. Since McChrystal took over a year ago, the Afghan war has become the exclusive property of the United States. Opposition to the war has already toppled the Dutch government, forced the resignation of Germany's president and sparked both Canada and the Netherlands to announce the withdrawal of their 4,500 troops. McChrystal is in Paris to keep the French, who have lost more than 40 soldiers in Afghanistan, from going all wobbly on him.

"The dinner comes with the position, sir," says his chief of staff, Col. Charlie Flynn.

McChrystal turns sharply in his chair.

"Hey, Charlie," he asks, "does this come with the position?"

McChrystal gives him the middle finger.

The general stands and looks around the suite that his traveling staff of 10 has converted into a full-scale operations center. The tables are crowded with silver Panasonic Toughbooks, and blue cables crisscross the hotel's thick carpet, hooked up to satellite dishes to provide encrypted phone and e-mail communications. Dressed in off-the-rack civilian casual – blue tie, button-down shirt, dress slacks – McChrystal is way out of his comfort zone. Paris, as one of his advisers says, is the "most anti-McChrystal city you can imagine." The general hates fancy restaurants, rejecting any place with candles on the tables as too "Gucci." He prefers Bud Light Lime (his favorite beer) to Bordeaux, Talladega Nights (his favorite movie) to Jean-Luc Godard. Besides, the public eye has never been a place where McChrystal felt comfortable: Before President Obama put him in charge of the war in Afghanistan, he spent five years running the Pentagon's most secretive black ops.


"What's the update on the Kandahar bombing?" McChrystal asks Flynn. The city has been rocked by two massive car bombs in the past day alone, calling into question the general's assurances that he can wrest it from the Taliban.

"We have two KIAs, but that hasn't been confirmed," Flynn says.

McChrystal takes a final look around the suite. At 55, he is gaunt and lean, not unlike an older version of Christian Bale in Rescue Dawn. His slate-blue eyes have the unsettling ability to drill down when they lock on you. If you've fucked up or disappointed him, they can destroy your soul without the need for him to raise his voice.


"I'd rather have my ass kicked by a roomful of people than go out to this dinner," McChrystal says.

He pauses a beat.

"Unfortunately," he adds, "no one in this room could do it."

With that, he's out the door.

"Who's he going to dinner with?" I ask one of his aides.

"Some French minister," the aide tells me. "It's fucking gay."

The next morning, McChrystal and his team gather to prepare for a speech he is giving at the École Militaire, a French military academy. The general prides himself on being sharper and ballsier than anyone else, but his brashness comes with a price: Although McChrystal has been in charge of the war for only a year, in that short time he has managed to piss off almost everyone with a stake in the conflict. Last fall, during the question-and-answer session following a speech he gave in London, McChrystal dismissed the counterterrorism strategy being advocated by Vice President Joe Biden as "shortsighted," saying it would lead to a state of "Chaos-istan." The remarks earned him a smackdown from the president himself, who summoned the general to a terse private meeting aboard Air Force One. The message to McChrystal seemed clear: Shut the fuck up, and keep a lower profile

Now, flipping through printout cards of his speech in Paris, McChrystal wonders aloud what Biden question he might get today, and how he should respond. "I never know what's going to pop out until I'm up there, that's the problem," he says. Then, unable to help themselves, he and his staff imagine the general dismissing the vice president with a good one-liner.

"Are you asking about Vice President Biden?" McChrystal says with a laugh. "Who's that?"

"Biden?" suggests a top adviser. "Did you say: Bite Me?"

When Barack Obama entered the Oval Office, he immediately set out to deliver on his most important campaign promise on foreign policy: to refocus the war in Afghanistan on what led us to invade in the first place. "I want the American people to understand," he announced in March 2009. "We have a clear and focused goal: to disrupt, dismantle and defeat Al Qaeda in Pakistan and Afghanistan." He ordered another 21,000 troops to Kabul, the largest increase since the war began in 2001. Taking the advice of both the Pentagon and the Joint Chiefs of Staff, he also fired Gen. David McKiernan – then the U.S. and NATO commander in Afghanistan – and replaced him with a man he didn't know and had met only briefly: Gen. Stanley McChrystal. It was the first time a top general had been relieved from duty during wartime in more than 50 years, since Harry Truman fired Gen. Douglas MacArthur at the height of the Korean War.

Even though he had voted for Obama, McChrystal and his new commander in chief failed from the outset to connect. The general first encountered Obama a week after he took office, when the president met with a dozen senior military officials in a room at the Pentagon known as the Tank. According to sources familiar with the meeting, McChrystal thought Obama looked "uncomfortable and intimidated" by the roomful of military brass. Their first one-on-one meeting took place in the Oval Office four months later, after McChrystal got the Afghanistan job, and it didn't go much better. "It was a 10-minute photo op," says an adviser to McChrystal. "Obama clearly didn't know anything about him, who he was. Here's the guy who's going to run his fucking war, but he didn't seem very engaged. The Boss was pretty disappointed."


 

Interview with Chairman Thackston


This is part of a series of interviews with various Vanderbilt University faculty , to give everyone a small insight into the people that make Vanderbilt what it is today.

Vanderbilt University , BVD News - in a rare moment , Ed Thackston , retired chairman of the Civil Engineering Department , agreed to interview with BVD at his plantation home in Nashville.
BVD : Thank you for having me over Chairman
Thackston : Not at all , no problem at all , what can I do for you today
BVD : How did you become Chairman of the Civil Engineering Department ?
Thackston : Well , it's like this , I had just finished up my thesis in which I actually proved water flows down hill , thus supporting Newton's theory of gravity. At the same time , no one could be found willing to take the Chairman's position , so the job was given to me and I 've been here ever since.
BVD : You 're telling me that you went from grad student to chairman , just like that
Thackston : Yes , I was well liked at the time , and I did bring in millions of government research dollars to study water flow in stagnant ponds.
BVD : OK , moving on , ass you know , there have been some nasty accusations made about you , concerning the way you handled things in Vanderbilt 's Civil Engineering Department.
Thackston : Yes , I know , I've heard about them
BVD: Is it true you complained about your own people doing their job and that you went so far ass to interfere with their duties?
Thackston: Of course I did , this is an engineering school , not an engineering firm. What are these people thinking?
BVD: Butt you also interfered with NSF research money ass well ass other money from outside sources.
Thackston: Damn right I did. Those folks owed me gratuity. It's my Civil Engineering Department , not theirs. Heh heh heh
BVD : Is it true you funneled department money into political pockets for political gain
Thackston : Yes , it started when I helped John J. Hooker run for governor back in the 60's. When that failed , I branched out to other republicans. The final solution plan at one time was for me to become Tennessee 's governor
BVD : So , what happened
Thackston : I was better at funneling money from Vanderbilt , than riding on someone else coat tails.
BVD : Why were 'nt you fired , is'nt that like stealing
Thackston : Well , I have tenure , and of course , I also spread some money around to keep from being fired , so , Joe B. decided to keep me
BVD : Is it true , Galloway fired you more than once?
Thackston : Yes , ha ha ha several times over , butt , he had to rehire me or else
BVD : Now that you are retired , what projects are you really involved in
Thackston : The projects you hear about are just for looking good on paper. I'm actually enjoying my retirement with all the money I've squirreled away here in the house. See......( points to an open closet door )
BVD : Wooooow , that's amazing , so this is what you were working on all these years
Thackston : Yep , heh heh heh , it's all tax free too
BVD : Is it true , that everyone in the Engineering School thinks you're a Moron
Thackston : Yes , butt let me ask you this , if I'm such a Moron , why don't they have a closet full of cash money

Monday, June 21, 2010

 

Chairman Thackston Receives Award


Vanderbilt University in Nashville , Tennessee- BVD News - Vanderbilt School of Engineering , the former Civil Engineering Chairman Ed Thackston was honored last week , at the Vanderbilt University Club , ass he set the record straight on the number of times he was fired ass Chairman of the Civil Engineering Department.

His boss , Dean Galloway , Vanderbilt School of Engineering , chose not to attend. He alone had only fired Thackston 5 times before someone explained to him about Thackston "Tenure Disease"


Meanwhile , in attendance was Dean Viellette , also of Vanderbilt School of Engineering and Director of PAVE , who couldn't stop laughing , even with his mouth full who later stated for the record , "What a Fucking Moron"

After wards , Vanderbilt University , Chancellor Zeppos stated , "Well , at least that bumbling Bastard's gone. Now he's someone else's problem."

During Thackston tenure at Vanderbilt University , the Civil Engineering Department had become affectionately known ass , "Dysfunction Junction" among the other Ivy League Institutions , who concluded , "The whole place was just a total embarrassment." When ASCE delegates were in town this past Spring , a special luncheon had met at Sarratt that comprised all of the Civil Engineering Department Chairmen from the other schools and universities within the SEC and everyone did agree , it would take Vanderbilt 20+ years , to remove Thackston from it's ass.

Meanwhile , "Ed" Thackston found himself another parachute retirement package ass Chairman for the Board of Trust at Cumberland University in Lebanon , Tennessee

Present president of Cumberland University , Dr. Eaton , had this to say about hiring , "The Moron" , "We took on Thackston because he brought with him , his own paper 'n pencils. He didn't cost us anything up front , butt now , look at the cost. This price aint right."

Note: Because nobody with integrity would accept a vacated position left behind by some common Moron and after 5 years of searching , Dean Galloway finally managed to replace Thackston with a displaced Chemical Engineer who didn't have a clue ass to what being a Civil engineer was about. Besides , Galloway added , "The fool doesn't have to teach anything anyway and with Thackston gone , it's that much more money for me. It's what us engineers refer to ass a M cubed paycheck bonus " :)

Friday, June 18, 2010

 

Afghanistan Is Where The New Money Is

Afghanistan has now been officially declared to be buried in "New Money". This comes not from the traditional news media , butt of all places and things , The Pentagon.

Check this out.


video

Now do you understand why "WE" are bleeding and dieing in Afghanistan?

President Bush would not tell US why we are in Afghanistan , The Pentagon just did.

 

The Blame Game on BP Oil

THE UNITED STATES of AMERICA - did you see Letterman last night? He interviewed Katie Couric and their conversation went to BP and their little problem in our Gulf. Their comments are interesting , to say the least. I mean , how is this oil spill my fault?

The answer to this is rather obvious. The American people are too busy with their own little world to give a Shit about the BIG world. Here's how the BP Oil problem is OUR fault.

Americans , typically don't vote and show great pride in stating so. This means that bad politicians get re elected. Look at President Bush ass an example. These people are in bed with big oil companies ass President Bush demonstrated by his unnecessary escalation in gas pump prices , just to squeeze a buck from "US".

This whole BP problem may never had to happen if Americans were governing themselves and kicking out those who refuse to do their job for "US" in elected positions.


video

Today , our politicians have turned public office into their personal office to stuff their pockets at our expense. Ass President Bush also showed , "US" Americans will not govern ourselves. So , now we have this BIG problem in our Gulf because BP didn't give a Shit about doing their job right.

So , how about it America. Ya gonna get off your ass now and tell your government what to do or else? And don't stop there. Let's get the ball rolling and remove those politicians who are in bed with BIG OIL.
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Thursday, June 17, 2010

 

Do You Have Math Skills for PAVE 2010


Vanderbilt University , BVD Bloggtographer for the Vanderbilt Outreach for PAVE Program - OK boys and girls , time for your math renewal license quiz. Quilted Northern Bathroom tissue paper prices have stayed the same. Their competitor , Angel Soft , says they can sell the same paper at a better price and still make a profit. Sooo , Angel Soft's game plan is to sell their paper product at half off the regular price. Butt , this is America , sooooooo , naturally there's a catch. Drop the price in half and you get half of the amount of product you get. Got it ? A roll of Angel Soft measures 4 inches diameter. A roll of Quilted Northern measures 5 inches diameter. Also , one is softer than the other. I'll let you do that particular math on your own.
Now do you understand the math skills needed , to qualify ass a PAVE student attending Vanderbilt University 's School of Engineering ?
P.S. This makes a great screen saver

Note: Remember , you are in America now and with everything you do , you must have a license and that includes having a license to do math.

Good Luck PAVE 2010

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

 

Explosive Containment For PAVE 2010


Vanderbilt University - BVD , people have been asking about the new metal enclosures being installed in the Rest Rooms at the School of Engineering. BVD went to get the scoop for the poop.
Dean Veillette , President for the PAVE Program explained. " Right now , we currently have young people from all over the world , who will be spending their next six weeks in our classrooms. No one really knows for sure , what their eating habits are. So , to protect everyone from possible UFOs , we are asking them to use these explosive containment closets when doing their personal business in our Rest Rooms. "
BVD : Is it true , Professor Speece of the Civil Engineering Department had something to do with these
Dean Veillette : Mmm , weeeeeellll , yes
BVD : Just how safe are these closets
Dean Veillette : Each of these have been thoroughly checked and independently tested , inspected and bear the Special Speece Stuff Seal of Approval , and that's all anyone really needs to know. Ha Ha Ha
BVD: What is this I hear about the police looking into this?
Veillette: Yes , Franklin Police have been looking at this for their new building. It seems some of their officers have been making some rather strong explosive UFO devices after consuming great quantities of beans and pizza with their beer which makes things rather difficult on other folks squatting on the adjacent toilets.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

 

Vanderbilt Gets Busted


Vanderbilt University in Nashville , Tennessee - BVD News - THE TENNESSEAN reported today , that Vanderbilt had come in dead last on the latest list of losers with money.

Historically speaking , Vanderbilt has always been about the money. If you don't have it , you don't belong here. Just go somewhere else. "JUST GO , before I call the dogs!" , is their motto.

In the past , Vanderbilt has never argued about being on some list , just ass long ass Vanderbilt name was on top. Now that Vanderbilt is dead last on some list , they of course , refute the results. Give them time and money , Vanderbilt will be on top of this game ass well.

What's really funny about Meharry , is the simple fact , it's Vanderbilt money that has put them where they are today while Vanderbilt continues to receive little recognition for having saved Meharry , just before being flushed down the toilet.

Today , Meharry continues to be a second rate , something or other kind of a medical school , butt , the students have full access to Vanderbilt , which makes up for everything Meharry lacks. Because of this fact , Meharry students are actually getting a Vanderbilt education at minority rates. (bet you didn't know that)

To add more to the insults , when was the last time you saw a Meharry student jump up and shout , "Thank you Vanderbilt ! "

 

The New RAVE On Campus Is PAVE 2010



Vanderbilt University - BVD , the newest rave party in Nashville is PAVE 2010 . Yes folks , this years summer PAVE 2010 class is now arriving at the Vanderbilt University School of Engineering ( VUSE ) , just in time for the summer session. These young people come from all over the world , and no doubt , will share some of their culture with everyone.

Is your rubber ready , Freddie?

Monday, June 14, 2010

 

Vandy Welcomes PAVE 2010


Vanderbilt University - BVD Blogging it together Bloggtoggrapher , this summer's PAVE 2010 class will be making some adjustments , ass they acclimate to their new surroundings. Many PAVE students come from other countries.
The Vanderbilt campus has signs everywhere. Here's the latest from the Vanderbilt LAMBDA student organization
Considering many PAVE students already think that Vanderbilt is Red Neck country , being located in the Deep South ass it is , what do you think they are thinking ass they read this ? Maybe it's a good thing , many of them don't understand English

Friday, June 11, 2010

 

PAVE 2010 Gets Busted

Vanderbilt University - BVD Bloggtographer - PAVE 2010 got busted last night for forgery , lying , underage drunken drinking , having sex with minors and harboring illegals on the Vanderbilt campus.

What started it all was when some government official was looking for anonymous illegal aliens on the College Confidential web site and found this post by CO5991 -


Our son attended the PAVE program in the summer of 2008. It was a
summer of career and collegiate definement for him. The dean, John
Veillette was awe-inspiring. The personal attention he gave to
each student and their family was a gift we will never forget. The
program's rigor challenges a student to think beyond their shell of
adolescents while smoothing out the wrinkles toward maturity,
self-reliance, and sophistication. PAVE was skillfully designed by
Dr. Veillette in 1990 and is taught by him and my other talented
faculty at Vanderbilt University. Our son came home from PAVE with
direction and polish. It was an investment we have declared as
life molding and life changing. Each student and parent we spoke
with at the end of the program had the same sentiment.

A spokesman stated , "How can a parent have a son and faculty at the same time at the PAVE program? There's something very Hokie here and we are gonna find it! "

PAVE President and Director of Operations , Doc V , was not unavailable for comment. Hmmmm

 

American's Don't Care



The wrong person in the wrong family with political ties has finally "Snitched" about the conditions our dead Veterans are being dumped in.

America has never really cared how it treats it's Veterans. The only reason THE TENNESSEAN has told this story is because there was room that needed filling.

America , the greatest country on the planet and this is how Veterans are treated. People had thought these problems were fixed during President Bush's era butt that was only window dressing.

The reason these problems can not be fixed is because the system is designed around a "Red Tape" format that does not allow anything to be done. Not even the Unknown Soldier's crypt can be fixed or replaced ass needed.

"No one cares" , is the Plan of the Day , Everyday

Thursday, June 10, 2010

 

Party Favors PAVE 2010


Vanderbilt University - BVD Bloggtographer , at the Great Greek Greet and Meat for this summer 's PAVE 2010 program , the word had been passed around , there would only be one beverage served per person , to help cut down on drunk drinking during campus hours. These PAVE engineering students solved the problem.

PAVE - it's not just a number any more , it's another year.

Friday, June 04, 2010

 

Carrot Top Has The Solution to Polution

While President Obama drowns in BP's oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico after giving his approval for off shore drilling , Carrot Top took time out from his gig at the Luxor Hotel in Las Vegas , to demonstrate his sure cure all for the common BP problem



video






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Thursday, June 03, 2010

 

Tennessee's Lotto


Franklin , Tennessee - there's a new gamble in town for your money. The prize has already been won right here in Franklin.

Don't you wish that winner was you?

Nope , this one is not a winner

 

The Devil's Net

Franklin , Tennessee - how many people were listening to last night's Devil's Net?

The subject was about credit cards and their interest rates and why they are allowed to do what they do.

Ass it turns out , the discussion , while interesting , was interest rate free with no penalties.

The reason for credit card companies doing what they do is because this country is wreckable and there's no better way to wreck a country , than by wrecking the people. And just think , our Congress agrees with everything they do. Of course , those same credit card companies are very generous to our Congress members electional need$

And yes again , these same Congress members are also beneficiaries of "BIG OIL" companies like BP and Exxon.

Is'nt it interesting what our Congress is doing for US these days

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