Wednesday, March 31, 2010

 

Thackston Getz Rejected



Vanderbilt University Medical Center - BVD , Chairman Thackston , Vanderbilt School of Engineering , was suffering from severe dejection rejection. BVD got the only interview.
BVD : Chairman Thackston , what's with these blue lights ?
CT : Those are black lights. They bring out the blue in you.
BVD : What's this rejection thing you are so dejected about ?
CT : The Med Center was doing experimental brain cell injections into monkeys to boost their intelligence....................
BVD : OK , and what does this have to do with you ? You're with Vanderbilt Engineering.
CT : Yeah , well , Doctor Morris from the Vanderbilt Trauma Center said I would be the perfect donor to give the brain cells........
BVD : Wow. That's great Mr. Chairman , that's quite an honor. Butt , why are you so moody ?
CT : Because those monkeys demonstrated they already possess a superior intellect by rejecting my brain cells

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

 

VANDERBILT UNIVERSITY Dean Stammer


Vanderbilt University Campus - BVD News reporting instead of THE HUSTLER this time.
BVD's very own Jerry was sent to a loud and unscheduled noise in front of frat row to check out the happenings. The first person Jerry saw was Dean Stammer , from the Civil Engineering Department , getting down like this was the last days of earth.
Jerry : What's the party all about ?
Stammer : We wanted to party. Who needs a reason ?
Jerry : You sure look happy.
Stammer : You bet I'm happy. I just got a 15% pay raise.
Jerry : Say what ? ! ?
Stammer : Vanderbilt raised fees by 15% for next year
Jerry : Wait , Vanderbilt has the lowest tuition raises for any university in the SEC
Stammer : That's true , butt I said fees , not tuition. I'm paid thru student complaint fees. Those fees went up 15% and for some reason , my pay went up 15% with it. Is'nt that great ?
Jerry : Wait , thru the Freedom of Information Act for Vanderbilt , I learned you're paid 1,348,000$ , and you are telling me you just got a 15% pay raise ?
Stammer : YEP ! ! Me and my new Mercedes are worth it !
Jerry : I thought pay raises were 5% capped
Stammer : True again , butt , I'm not a professor any more. I'm a dean now , with political and Chancellor connections. Besides the Vanderbilt employee rules and handbook don't apply to me.
Jerry : Wow , you sure can dance.
Stammer : You bet cha ! You should see me in a Toga. I don't wear nothing under it. The co-eds go wild seeing me that way. They call me " Stammer , The Hammer "
Jerry : It sure is nice of you to cover this party.
Stammer : Get a reality check man. I'm using student rec fees for this

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

 

VANDERBILT UNIVERSITY SIGN PROBLEM FIXED


Vanderbilt University - BVD News reporting for THE HUSTLER , spoke with a Vanderbilt undergrad spokesman who wished to not be identified. BVD learned there was a problem with signs disappearing all around campus.
Totally by accident , the signs were found in the dorms all around campus. It seems , the cleaning lady woke up one morning to clean the dorms just in time for spring break. Vanderbilt road signs were seen being used to cover holes in the dorm walls , game boards , beer bottle bowling score cards , golf frisbee , carpet repair , wash boards , mobile texting , body armour , food trays , emergency signal mirrors , even furniture.
" Yep , those signs are pretty tuff stuff , they make great chairs and tables. Much better quality than the typical , broken dorm stuff they put in your room before the semester starts. " , stated one undergrad.
When BVD asked about these new signs , the spokesman replied , " Yes , all the new signs will say the same thing. Besides , most of our students have been here 6 years while earning a 4 year degree. If they don't know where everything is by now , too bad. "
BVD asked about the ASCE steel bridge and was told , " Well , you know how ASCE is. "
None of the new signs have disappeared at this time.

 

America's Health Care Bill Is Just Another Problem

Nashville , Tennessee - Vanderbilt Medical Center - people still don't get it. The health Care Reform Bill that President Obama and his cronies have passed is not a good deal for "US" taxpayers. Why? Because we (US) get to pay for it all in the end. Ass in the Whazoo end. And no , the proctologist won't be any of help either (although we will get to pay for that too)

Let's see what the people at Vanderbilt are really saying , since Vandy is a huge Penis supporter of this bill:

A statement from Chancellor Zeppos and Vice Chancellor for Health Affairs Jeffrey Balser begins, “Vanderbilt University supports the comprehensive health care reform legislation pending before Congress.”

Look , the only reason Vanderbilt supported this bill is simply because , someone else gets to pay for it , while Vanderbilt gets a tax break for using it. Vanderbilt has become an expert at spending other people's money while getting a tax ride , all at the same time.

Again:

Zeppos and Balser state , “We believe that health care reform is urgently needed and that this legislation will enhance health security, improve the public health care infrastructure, and reduce the impact of uncompensated care on health care providers such as Vanderbilt.

What does this mean?

It means , taxpayers will cover the tab. And in a few months for you and me (and no more than a few years for everyone else) it means that we’ll be paying the tab (ass usual). What it comes down to is that we’ll pay higher taxes to fund a bigger government program that saves big health care providers like Vanderbilt from having to spend their own money

Now , can you do the math? Because Congress can't figure it out.

Monday, March 22, 2010

 

PROFESSOR HOADLEY




Vanderbilt University - BVD News - Today , at the Vanderbilt cliffs , located inside the Student Rec Center , Professor Pete Hoadley of the Civil/Environmental Engineering Department , called a special press conference to show off his new pet project.
Professor Hoadley said , " I'll be doing a series of crash testing of train vehicles to study what needs to be done to increase the safety for the public in the event of a train crash. "
Ass the professor belted himself in , and blew the train whistle , The HUSTLER asked him about the use of crash test dummies. Professor Hoadley replied , " Don't have any , besides , I can't afford the research money. "

 

Franklin Gang Problem



Franklin , Tennessee - people have been talking about Franklin's Gang problem and what to do about it. So , uh , which Gang problem are people talking about again?

This one?







Or this One?

Friday, March 19, 2010

 

ISS - A Great Science Fair Project Idea




Franklin , Tennessee - with more and more people not having jobs to do , they now have more time on their hands , to spend with the " kids " . A great way to spend some of that time is to track the ISS ( aka , the international space station ) and it's also a great idea for a science fair project.

Last night , several of us got to see ISS again. (yes , again. It's fun) With all of the past cloudy weather , it felt good to get outside today and enjoy the sunshine , the clear night sky and being with people , who are not interested in stealing from you.

So , what's so great about tracking the ISS from Franklin , Tennessee you might ask , wonder , or even ponder ? Simple , ya can see the thing from Franklin , Tennessee , that's why ! Yes folks , ever so often , the ISS orbit brings it over Franklin air space. Yes , really , no joking.

The top picture shows the Soyuz docked on one end. This is the only reliable / viable space vehicle to date for servicing the ISS , while America continues it's outer space program without a manned space program.

The middle picture shows the size of ISS after more modules and solar panels were added this past year and it's not even finished , yet. ( tool bag not included , it's in a orbit all to itself and yes , you can track that )

The bottom picture dates from 1999. Does'nt look like much , does it ?

So , you might ask , " Just how do I go about tracking the ISS ? " Simple , do the Google thing. There are plenty of web sights to check out. My favorite is lizard-tail. Keep in mind , NASA no longer gives the public , correct tracking information , due to their safety / security concerns over Red Necks with shotguns. While other nations do not have the capability of shooting down the ISS , give a Red Neck a shotgun and anything is possible.

Today , the ISS is the 3rd brightest object in the sky over Franklin. That's right folks. ISS is brighter than Venus. Thanks to the last shuttle mission , ISS now has a solar array , larger than a football field.

Thursday, March 18, 2010

 

Vanderbilt Says "NO"

Vanderbilt University Medical Center (aka VUMC) Nashville , Tennessee - by now , people across this land are learning , their medical insurance has changed , without so much ass a , "Oh Golly Gee. I'm soooo sorry to hear that. Ha$ Ha$ Ha$ Ha$ Ha$ ! ! ! ! !

Yep , it's that time of year , when clocks move forward and insurance costs follow suit. Vanderbilt has given insurance companies the "No" word to contract negotiations for price reductions and the insurance companies have said , "No problem" in return and Vanderbilt is finding itself being dropped from various policies.

That's right people , go find another doctor.

What this means is simply this- you can no longer get your health care at Vanderbilt and expect your insurance to cover your costs , ass it has been done in the past. Vanderbilt is a Billion Dollar Monster and it is presently swinging it's weight around

Meanwhile , the rumors are currently running rampant , that Vanderbilt 1 , has been running political members around (at no cost to them) to make sure this country's new health care bill is in Vanderbilt good interest , before President Obama carries the vote to Congress.

Sooooo , what does this mean to you and me , regarding our health care needs? Weeeeell , if you are a Vanderbilt patient , your out of pocket costs will continue to cost more ass Vanderbilt continues to dig ever deeper into your pockets.

No , this is not a joke or an attempt at humor. I'm just telling it to you , like it is.

Now , some people actually have enough brain pan to figure out , that someone needs to be asking , why is Vanderbilt behaving so badly , ass in , like a spoiled child? I mean , it's not like Vanderbilt is going broke or anything. The answer to all of this is very simple-Vanderbilt got left out of the fun and profits , when the "US" (ass in our) government was handing out , Billion Dollar Bailouts. Well , think about it people. What else can Vanderbilt be doing , to maintain it's status among the "Big Boys" ?

Meanwhile , Vanderbilt says the cost of health care continues to rise , which in return , Vanderbilt passes those rising costs to "US". It sure is nice of Vanderbilt to fly our elected officials to their needed destinations (The Bahamas) , at no cost to "US" or them , don't ya think?

Of course , this is also the time of year , when those mysterious and hard working Vanderbilt Trolls are busy cursing Vanderbilt name ass they dig more holes to hide all of this extra incoming money. They can't understand , why it is , that Vanderbilt always raises fees during the time of St. Patty's Day celebrations. I mean like , why can't they raise rates during Thanksgiving or maybe even during Christmas time? Well? Why not raise medical rates during the Christmas Holidays? It would surely add to everyone's good will feelings of giving. Don't ya think?

Monday, March 15, 2010

 

PROFESSOR BOWERS Before RITES of SPRING


Nashville , Tennessee -Vanderbilt University -BVD Bloggingtographer - The HUSTLER 's very own unofficially official photographer Jerry , caught this image of Professor Alan Bowers of the Civil Engineering Department , just before this year's Rites of Spring with a fish , on Graduation Lawn trying to spawn.
It seems he's getting over another one of his student/professor marriage failures and he just could'nt wait for next year's "New Fish". (aka Freshmen)
When asked if he had taken his morning after pill , Bowers rolled over on top of his new found mate , and pulled up the covers.

Professor Bowers later stated , " She may be a fish , butt she aint a Bitch."

 

The Devil's Net On the Air Again

People ask , "What's been on the Devil's Net lately."

The last show was a comical rendition of the Early Birds Net with a discussion on growing and cultivating chocolate chip cookies on Mars.

Preview for next week's show - NASA research reaches out to be the first , to put chocolate chip cookies on the moon.

"That's one small cookie for NASA and one giant cookie for mankind"

Saturday, March 13, 2010

 

News From Afghanistan

KANDAHAR PROVINCE. AFGHANISTAN, BVD News , March 13 -- Afghanis Disagree On Who Should Shoot Them - Civilians fleeing the NATO offensive in southern Afghanistan welcomed recent statements by Pentagon officials hinting that ‘don’t ask, don’t tell” will soon be rescinded.

One woman refugee, who only gave her name as Naghma, said, “Of course I never understood the basis of Pub.L. 103-160 (10 U.S.C. § 654). Gay men and women should have the same right as straight soldiers to rain down ordnance on our towns and kill or maim us with their powerful small arms fire.”

But, said her cousin, Laila, “Until gays can marry and achieve full equality, we feel we’re being blown up by second-class Americans, and that just doesn’t feel right.”

After making this statement , The Pentagon went back to the more important business of how to put a woman on a submarine


Friday, March 12, 2010

 

Women On Submarines


The US Navy - sailors everywhere are now talking about The Pentagon's decision , to re-consider their decision , about having women on board submarines. Well , what's taking them so long to decide this time?

Well let's see - there are important questions that remain in need of asking here. For example:

1-where would a woman put her "Welcome Aboard" tattoo? (all jokes aside , real Submariners have this tat where it counts)
2-can women do it deeper than men?
3-can women sing "Take Me Down" in a Bass voice?
4-again , in a submarine , who's on top?
5-why don't they just put Ho's on board and be done with it?
5.a-besides , Ho's are smarter anyway and they do not have a college education
6-can a woman learn to tell direction between right and left inside a submarine , be able to remember it and still find North?
7-now that today's submarines are smaller in size , will women still want to join?
8-Hmmmm , with submarine downsizing , does size really matter to a woman? Will this change their mind about joining?
9-just how does a proper woman properly wear dolphins?
10-will the crew think less of a woman , after being seen in the "Goat Locker" ?
11-will the name "Head" have to be changed?
11.a-sooo , uuuh , what do you say to a woman about the "Head" , in The Navy?
12-will having a woman on board a submarine , change the status of the "Laundry Queen" ?
13-can women really do it better in the "Galley" ?
13.a-are women required to "Mess Crank"?
13.b-will men be required to attend "PMS Sympathy Training"?
14-will the munchie and condom machine have choices and candy flavors , now?
14.a-will the boat's store carry feminine products?
14.b-will the sub's crest be on those products?
14.c-what about costs for advertising? (SSN666 TROJANS for Real Feminine Protection From Real Men and Their Little Submarines)
15-will submarines need to be refitted with Vanity mirrors in the control room?
15.a.a1-can Vanity mirrors be retro fitted to go Red for SpecOps?
15.a-will there be a need for mirrors in the Captain's quarters?
15.b-what about mirrors for the Stern Planes position?
16-did the engineers double check their math , with having women on board submarines , that just one nuclear reactor will be enough to get the job done? (or should the woman need to bring extra batteries. The Pentagon has yet to meet a woman with enough power)
17-should the Navy issue female submariners , re-chargeable batteries? And what about equality for the men?
18-what is the proper designation for "Female Submariner" ? A "Subwomanariner" ?
19-what is the acceptable method of "Pinning Dolphins" on a woman?
19.a-how should a woman wear her dolphins?
20-is there a female weight class , "TDU Weight" ?
21-what is the accepted method that qualifies a woman ass a woman?
22-will female submariners be allowed to grow a beard , the same as the men?
22.a-will female submariners be allowed to grow hair under their armpits?
22.b-will women have to shave along side the men?
23-what will be the authorized color of a female submariner Dolphin pin? Pink? Purple? Tiffany?
24-what kind of specialized training will a female submariner need , to determine the difference between Seamen and a Seaman?
25-can a woman be trained to not dribble during a blow?
25.a-will this dis-qualify her?
26-will submarines be reclassified / re-designated to something other than , The World's Largest Phallic Symbol?
27-will submarines need to be re- painted , in something other than Universal Black , to be appealing to women? (may I suggest Pink)
28-is it sexual harassment to order a woman to "Blow" the submarine to surface?
28.a-what if there's a need for an "Emergency Blow" ? (will it be acceptable to make time for a discussion , before she blows)
29-what are the costs to refit the submarine to accommodate the "Red Light" district?
30-will women be required to "Hot Bunk" ?
31-will submarine doctors need female anatomy training?
32-once qualified , will women be issued penile substitutes?
33-is it sexual harassment to order a woman to "Take Her Down" ?
34-how does a woman surface for air , again?
35-are women allowed to fly the Fair Water Planes?
35.a-are women to refrain from flying , period?
36-are dildos adaptable to the Submarine's hydraulic system or the HyPacs?
36.a-are there dildo prototypes on the drawing board?
36.b-what provisions are needed in an emergency failure?
37-how does a woman qualify on the BCP?
38-is it sexual harassment , when a torpedo is making a "Hot Run" ?
38.a-is it sexual harassment to , "Flood the Main Tube" ?
38.b-if there's an orgy in the Torpedo Room , does that qualify it as an "Astor DisAstor" ?
39-if a woman fails to qualify , can she still wear her Dolphins upside down? (as if she could tell the difference anyway)
40-will there be Female Dolphins for Women only?

So , just how do you approach a woman about submarines? Answer: From behind

Another puzzling question that puzzles The Pentagon - Are the 2 dolphins on the submarine badge really "Gay" ? If not , then where is the little one?

And so she/it goes.

Thursday, March 11, 2010

 

Navy SEALS Do the "Dummy Down"

Did you see what the Navy SEALS are doing these days? Last night on NBC , they told how the retention rate of BUDS training is up 15% by using civilian coaches , instead of Navy SEAL instructors.

Of course , what NBC is'nt telling you , this is doing the "Dummy Down" , so more minorities can get into SEALS. What the Navy and this country is about to learn is what the SEALS themselves, already know , the simple fact is , there is no civilian substitute for the real deal.

SEALS have come a long way from the days of throwing their "Budweiser" away in disgust. How many readers know about that?

By increasing the ranks of SEALS , it is obvious , this country has become the world's worst war mongering nightmare.


video

Other Navy news - The Pentagon has re-evaluated it's stance on allowing women to serve on submarines. No BullShit. They are coming aboard :)

Note: I'll bet you are wondering what is "Dummy Down". Remember how Tennessee in Knoxville , gained better football players? That's the "Dummy Down"

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

 

The Million Dollar Prize

Everyone was jumping on the band wagon screaming and hollering , "Oh , I know , I know , I know". You would think it was the Talking Donkey yelling out his ass again. (yes , again)

What is all of the Hoopla about , you ask? Edmund declared , a one million dollar prize , will be given to the person who can figure out Toyota's car problem.

The interesting thing about all of this , is that Edmund is'nt sure , how to go about having a contest , to give away the money. So , while they figure out a way to have a contest with rules , people are spouting off their asses with probable causes to Toyota's problem. Soooo , while these suggestions are being investigated , Edmund continues buying time with their contest , hoping someone will cough up the cure soon , sooooo , they won't have to cough up their own million dollar prize.

Meanwhile , I've looked over the information available and I've got the cause figured. I thank FORD for their invaluable knowledge and training.

And no , not until I get the money in my dirty , greedy little hands , will I tell what I know. Heh heh heh.

Tuesday, March 09, 2010

 

PayPal Gets Theirs

The past posts , I've talked about everyone's favorite money game in town , PayPal. I recently heard , some Ebay sellers were refusing to accept PayPal payments , butt , I have not seen any evidence , until now.

Ebay seller - "ISOLDIT" , is now stating in their auctions , they will no longer accept PayPal payments over 50 dollar$ , due to excess fee charges.

Ebay seller - "electrojunk" , no longer accepts PayPal. HURRAY for them !

How 'bout that sports fans , some people really do have the balls to take on the Ebay/PayPal Corporate Monster

Was it something I said or was it something PayPal did :)

Wednesday, March 03, 2010

 

Isnt It Interesting

Is'nt it interesting , the American people kicked Saddam's ass ,
while the American people lick Ebay's ass.

They moan and groan about Ebay's crushing policies , butt , they won't hit back.

The idea of hitting Ebay where it hurts , is very simple. Just take all of your money out of your PayPal account and Ebay will lose interest money accrued from "Your" money.

Look , Ebay makes money from fees and PayPal fees. Butt , they also make more money , by using your money like it is a savings account. They make the interest , not you and it's "YOUR" money.

Can you imagine how many dollars Ebay would lose , if everyone took their money out of their PayPal accounts? Do the math and you will see :)

Tuesday, March 02, 2010

 

Getting Back @ Ebay

Ebay Sellers Unit - in case you haven't heard , ESU has started up. It's the Ebay Sellers Unit and they have had it with da 'bay. Here's what they are doing -

Ebay has implemented various rules and regulations on seller's payments for goods rendered. That's right folks. Ebay now has rules , to determine if you get paid for the item you sold on Ebay. If you do not meet Ebay's criteria , you the seller , don't get paid. AND , why yes the seller is required to ship the item anyway , because it's "The Ebay way".

So , what to do?

Being involved with da 'Bay means you WILL/MUST have a PayPal account. Ebay does not want your items being bought with ca$h or other nonsense payments. Butt , the main reason for requiring a PayPal account is the simple fact , Ebay makes money from interest payments , earned from all of the PayPal accounts. We are talking interest from millions of dollar$ , sitting in PayPal ass you read this. Sooooooooo , ESU is now recommending you remove all of your funds from PayPal. That's right , alllllll of it. ESU is not saying to go else where , just empty your PayPal account. When you buy something on Ebay , you then transfer the needed money only (not a penny more) and when PayPal finishes the transaction , you then pay for your item.

IT'S THAT SIMPLE

Look , have you ever wondered why it takes 3 days to transfer your money from the bank to your PayPal account? It's because Ebay makes interest profit off of that transaction also. Have you ever wondered why it takes 3 days to transfer your money from your PayPal account to your bank? It's because Ebay makes interest profit off of that transaction also.

Look , you need to understand that PayPal is all about making money for Ebay. When you have nothing in your PayPal account , Ebay also makes nothing in interest.

PayPal is more than just charging YOU for YOU using your money , it's all about Ebay making money off of YOU !

Yes , it really is that simple.

Monday, March 01, 2010

 

EBAY Strikes Again

Ebay has been very busy these days attacking their sellers ass usual. The latest game is the sale of questionable items.

What in the Hell is a questionable item?

For example: let's say you find a transistor radio from the '60s and you buy it on Ebay. Well , everyone now a days must have their own PayPal account. Ebay now owns PayPal and Ebay also owns all of the gold , so Ebay makes the rules.

Now , what Ebay has started doing , is placing a hold on the payment until the transaction takes place and the buyer is happy. Or 21 days has passed , which ever Ebay decides on , for you , "The Seller" , to maybe , be paid. So what happens if the buyer is'nt happy? You , "The Seller" , are Fucked.

Meanwhile , while Ebay has your payment tied up in limbo , PayPal makes interest off of your money while it sits in their escrow account.

Sweet , eh?

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