Tuesday, October 31, 2006


It's WHAT ! ? ! ?

Yes folks , it's Halloween time. This is the one day of the year , America's favorite terrorists prisoners get to have the day off. No one gets boiled in oil , no toe nails getting pulled out by the roots , no dicing and slicing fingers for salads and finger food snacks. The guards won't be cutting off ears for souvenirs to send home.
Speaking of home , I've got to get ready for the ghosts and goblins who will be knocking at the door for treats or else.


Kerry vs. Bush

Capital Hill , United States - Jerry Horne wrote this.
Kerry told a joke that got botched up and now President Bush is claiming the American troops in Iraq were slandered. Let's see - Kerry is a real American veteran. Bush is a veteran only on paper. Bush constantly called Kerry a flip flopper during the election. Bush has constantly flip flopped on his decision making on Iraq. It's amazing how fast the Republicans jumped on a chance to divert our attention away from their problems just in time for this election process.
Well , after being LOST for six years , it's about time Bush found something he could agree on with himself. He's still got U.S. stuck in Iraq. And , it's obvious that Bush owes our troops more than just a simple apology after loosing 15,000 weapons that are now being used to kill them.
Let's see , there's no paper trail to document the serial numbers ? Look people , Bush anticipated a civil war and he was going to take sides. He spent our tax $$$$$$$$$ to arm his choice of people fighting in this civil war. However , he had to be careful not to have any evidence pointing to him for helping and arming his favorite side in the event they lost. So , let's get back on track to the reality of things being the way they are , and put aside this silly Kerry nonsense. Bush already has the world laughing at U.S. ass it is.



Franklin , Tennessee - Jerry Horne wrote this. Sometimes you feel like being silly or sarcastic at our American way of life. Then , there are times you don't. Here's one of those moments.
Health care facilities like Pain Management in Antioch , or places like SPECTRUM in Franklin are nothing more than pill mills. About all they do is dispense addictive drugs because you have a pain and they don't know what to do for it.
These places know how bilking the insurance company works , so it's common for them to bill 3 or even 4 times for the same thing during an office visit. Well , here's the kicker. Medicare is tired of being over billed and making over payments , and so , they are presently auditing these pill mills. Their audits thus far have gone back to 2002.
After nit picking everything , Medicare then makes a demand for reimbursements , which these places can't say no to. Now what ? You ask.
These places know if you are working or not. If you are not , they check to see if your spouse is working. If so , they will make an innocent phone call to you and ask for their social security number. When you ask why and what's going on , they say that all they want is your spouse's birthdate , while trying to get their social security number. They won't come forward and tell you why they want this , or they will say something like Medicare now requires this information for their billing system.
Both remarks are lies. What they are doing is to confirm this information so they can garnash your spouse's paycheck , and you won't know it until it's been done. They will do what ever they can to make up for that lost money that they say YOU are now responsible for.
What it all boils down to is that YOU are responsible for their billing mistakes. That's a lie , butt , that's what they will say in a smooth way in some court room. OK. What do you do ?
You get from them an itemized bill showing all visits and all billing claims. Get every piece of information you can. YOU , yes YOU , are not responsible for their billing system or their mistakes. I'm telling you this to keep you from getting burned. These people don't have a conscious , and they don't care who gets burned ass long ass they make their one o'clock tee off.

Monday, October 30, 2006


Limbaugh in Ratings Race with Bush

Rush Limbaugh's ratings took a nose dive over his remarks towards Michael J. Fox and making fun of him having Parkinson's disease.
President Bush barely stepped aside in time when Limbaugh's ratings crashed through the floor beside him. Bush was relieved upon learning that someone who was more popular than him , now had ratings lower than his.
Somehow , President Bush has managed to keep his ratings from being swept under the rug.

Mr. Fox went on record as saying , " Now that the public has spoken how they think , we can now get back on track with our future. "


Direction ?

President Bush sets this nation's course of motion -

Bush : Yeah , here we go , I think I've got this thing finally figured out , yep , the flaps are up
Rumsfeld : What course are we on now ?
Cheney : I don't know , you're the military guy
Rumsfeld : Mr. President , what's our compass course now ?
Bush : Compass course ? I did'nt get that far in flight school. Was it important ?


Interview with Dean Galloway

Vanderbilt University , Jerry Horne got to interview the dean of Vanderbilt's School of Engineering , Dean Galloway
Jerry : Thank you so much for your time to talk with me Dean
Galloway : Not a problem. I've got an open door policy. Just come on in and have a seat.
Jerry : When you first arrived , you did'nt waste any time screwing around with people and creating an atmosphere of fear. What was that all about?
Galloway : Tearing down ivory towers. I'm the only one around here allowed to have one.
Jerry : OK. Butt you ran off the best people this school had , not to mention the research and money they took with them
Galloway : Look , everyone here in Vanderbilt's School of Engineering is my ball team. The game is played with my ball. If anyone does'nt like it , there are other places they can go.
Jerry : Why the fear factor ?
Galloway : Fear can be a useful tool. Ha Ha Ha , especially in this place.
Jerry : Hm...what do you mean ?
Galloway : In this environment , I'm GOD ! ! !
Jerry : I see. What about that review board you brought in to look over Chairman Thackston ?
Galloway : That sorry sack of shit is a moron. It took almost 3 years of searching for him a replacement. Everyone East of the Mississippi knew how bad things were in his department and I had to hire another moron who did'nt have a clue what civil engineering was. Then , I had to destroy the information the board had found because if it went public , Vanderbilt would'nt have been able to control the damage. This school ass a hole was so fucked up when I accepted this position , it was no wonder to me ass to why Dean Parrish disappeared so quietly into the night.
Jerry : Are you still monitoring everyone's e-mail ?
Galloway : What do you know about that ?
Jerry : I know Spider told you about the faculty uprising against you since he runs the system. Of course , that was before anybody was aware you could do that , those were the days were'nt they ? Spying on people while they did their internet thing , and they had no clue you were looking at their screen in live time. I also know about the Italian teenagers that hacked your system and classified military related information was compromised. I also know you fired the very people who supported your coming here.
Galloway : Well , that's life
Jerry : Yes , it sure is. I also know " your " Spider was sending the female engineering undergrads , e-mails of a sexual nature. You knew about it because some of the ideas in those messages were yours.
Galloway : ( Gets red faced and does'nt comment )
Jerry : Well , I can see you are definitely from Columbia , Tennessee
Galloway : What do you mean by that ?
Jerry : Columbia is known ass the Mule Capital of Tennessee. You know , a mule , you know , a jackass

Sunday, October 29, 2006


Blogger WINS Again

I just don't know how blogger does it. They work so hard maintaining a screwed up blogg system while telling everyone it's the Republican's fault.
Yep , the good folks at Blogger won the ASS award again. Just in time for the current elections

For those wondering , yes , Dean Gallaoway does know about this award and he gets somewhat upset everytime his ass gets passed over

Saturday, October 28, 2006


The New Fence

Vanderbilt University students showed their support for President Bush's plan for 700 more miles of fence to protect America's border.
Vanderbilt School of Engineering's Freshman Wanda Wade yelled , " De' Fence , De' Fence. "


When English collides With Other Official languages

Hey guys , that's one " D " at the end. Not 2


C'mon 'n Meat The Girls

Bob Corker endorsed a campaign ad for everyone to meat his girls.
Julia : What was dad thinking ?
does'nt want to give her name : I don't have a clue. I just don't know.
Julia : I want to go to my room and hide under my pillow.
does'nt want to give her name : I just want to run away. All those republicans want to put their creepy hands on my body.
Julia : Yeah , did you see the way that one guy looked at me ? I heard him talking about me and he was telling people I'm too old for him.



The news is having another one of it's feeding frenzies over Cheney being pro torture. On this issue , I'm on his side. People don't understand terrorism. It's not a war to see who is leaft standing. It's all about giving pain to those you hate with every fiber of your existence. A terrorist always has a plan B. " If you don't succeed in killing yourself with lots of others , then you try , try , and try again. " This means if you've caught someone who is a known terrorist , then they have time sensitive information. If the only way to get them to talk is to boil their head in oil , then you boil their head in oil. No , you don't kill them.
If you over cook them , well , then you have a no brainer.

Thursday, October 26, 2006


Republicans Cry Foul

Gaylord Entertainment Center , BVD got to speak with U.S. Senate candidate Harold Ford Jr. ( D )
BVD : Mr. Ford , why are the Republicans fussing about your attending a Playboy party that took place over a year ago ?
Mr. Ford : None of the Republicans were invited and that was a private party. Besides , look at it this way. I'm a man and I like women.
BVD : If the Republicans can't get themselves into private parties with women , do you think this might explain why they are spending so much party time with children
Mr. Ford : Oooo , well , you may have a point. Butt , you said it , not me.

Wednesday, October 25, 2006


How Much Weight ?

Nashville , Tennessee - BVD , Nashville's school system is concerned at the weight of student's pants. They are carrying so much , their pants are falling down. BVD asked a student what the problem was to be carrying so much weight.

student : Well , ya see , I've got a gun , some extra bullets , 3 knives , some pocket change I stole from a first grader , a sawed off double barrel shotgun , and I just stole my fourth Ipod this morning. Man , all this weight causes problems.


Well ?

Bagdad , Iraq - General Casey was asked " Who is winning ? " He replied , " I don't know. "
How can this person have made general if he does'nt know anything ? Well , this explains why Bush can't understand what's going on over there.
Now that elections are 2 weeks away , Bush is now talking a time frame for bringing our troops home.
Maybe we should have more elections. That would give our politicians the incentives to get things done in a timely manner.


Interview with Dean Viellette ( PAVE )

Vanderbilt University , School of Engineering - Jerry Horne , since PAVE only runs for six weeks a year during the summer and Dean Viellette gets a paycheck for fiftyfive weeks a year , the Dean was able to make time for a quickie interview.
BVD : Thank you for seeing me. May I call you John ?
JOHN : Sure , everyone else does , or I'm called Doc V , of course other people call me other names and sometimes other things , Ha Ha Ha
BVD : You sure have come a long way with PAVE. What's your secret to success
John : Well , you have to have two faces and be a damned good liar. I only make friends with those who I can use or abuse to help me reach an objective. When it's reached , fuck 'em. I don't share the spotlight with others , regardless of how much work they put in to help me to get here.
BVD : Some people have mentioned this is really just a place for some young and tender pussy during the summer. Any truth to that ?
John : Is this Vanderbilt ?
BVD : I'll bet Professor Bowers enjoys this time of the year
John : Oh please , don't mention that name , Oh God , I can't deal with him right now
BVD : OK. Why do you get more pay than others around here ?
John : In accordance with Joe B's monetary philosophy , I'm worth it.
BVD : I'm told PAVE can be pretty difficult to get into because of it's popularity , any way I could get my niece in ?
John : Sure , there are several ways , my back pocket is just one of them. Is she a virgin ? Ha Ha Ha , I'm not kidding , Ha Ha Ha
BVD : So , you do make exceptions ?
John : Look , there are 80 openings. That's it. Not one more after that. Alumni hound me because they feel Vanderbilt owes someone in their family a Vanderbilt education , faculty hound me because they need a baby sitter for the summer , I get eleven thousand applicants every year that are'nt worth a damn. Now , what's your point ?
BVD : I think you just made it. Moving on , is it true you saved the engineering school from financial disaster ?
John : Yes , actually it is. One year , Vanderbilt jerked up enrollment money and the student body was literally cut in half because those folks did'nt have the funds. PAVE can get you into this engineering school and sometimes I can even help with some scholarship money. Ya see , PAVE helps to suck in the buisness , like a vacuum cleaner , PAVE makes the rounds sniffing for dollars.
BVD : And it works.
John : It WORKS ! ! ! Ha Ha Ha


The Mockery

Michael J. Fox gave an interview mentioning stem cell research. During this time , he was shaking due to Parkinsans. Rush Limbaugh showed his ass by imitating him and calling him a fraud.
How about these two guys trade places and let's see how limbaugh likes having Parkinsans


Religious Ceremony Ends Joyously

World wide , BVD Bloggtographer overheard this remark - Hey dad , now that Ramadan is over , can I go out and kill some American infidels ?

Tuesday, October 24, 2006


He's Baaaaaaaaaaaaack

Former Tennessee Governor Alexander has once again circled the wagons for the Republican vote. For those who remember , while he governed Tennessee , Alexander enabled incompetent teachers to get bigger raises while entrenching them from being fired.
In doing this , he created a huge block of Republican votes. Since then , Tennessee's education status ass a whole has gone down the drain. Butt , the Republicans had a bunch of votes they could count on.
Now that President Bush has made a fool out of this country , the Republicans are running scared and scattered. Leave it to Alexander to rally round the flag and once again circle the wagons to keep the Republican vote from running away.

BVD : If you leave education alone to those who educate , Tennessee just might be able do better. Education is no place for politics. The math has never added up , words get misspelled , and the english language takes a beating.


Where's the money

Hollywood , there was a discussion about Knight coming out of the closet. During the discussion , it was stated that Gays make bigger paychecks than " normal " people. WOW ! !
That must be one hell of a Glory Hole ! ! !

BVD : Hey , Yo , yeah you Mr. Knight , pull your pants back up. I don't want to see where you keep your money. Hey dude , I'm being serious. Aw geez , don't bend over like that. Don't show me the money !


Ya Missed Out

Franklin , Tennessee , Jerry Horne - there was an unannounced blogger meat this weekend. We fired up the grill and rotisseried several birds that were freshly shot in the back yard.
Everyone had happy bellies.

Thursday, October 19, 2006


Franklin's KoolAid

Franklin , Tennessee , Jerry Horne - if you missed reading the KoolAid blog yesterday , you missed out on remarks about Franklin Police. Take a click and go on over to look at Saturday the 14th. You'll see what people have to say. It's amazing how brave some remarks are since the person refuses to give their name.
Once upon a time , Tim Taylor made some really crass remarks to me about his fellow police officers. Today , nothing has changed in that department. Yes , Franklin Police are with CALEA. However , it has nothing to do with officer excellence. It's all about joining forces with political organizations.
Franklin Police have a lot of problems , and jay johnson and mayor miller don't care. And , the people of Franklin get to pay for it all.
If a person claims to be a police officer , they have to identify themselves. Since those officers did'nt do that , I reckon they are'nt really police officers. Unless of course , Moore put his foot down telling his people they can't read the KoolAid.

Tuesday, October 17, 2006


Guess Whoooooo

Vanderbilt University - BVD , Vanderbilt's Chancellor Gee got up on stage with this mysterious woman , during one of his extravagant parties ( employees not invited ) and said , " You'll never guess who I caught smoking pot in the ladies room. "
BVD : Ah , Mr. Chancellor , what were you doing in the ladies room ?

Monday, October 16, 2006


Interview with Robert Bennett

Franklin , Tennessee - BVD News , Robert Bennett represents Hidden Valley Home Owners Association. It's a very expensive place to live in Williamson county.
BVD : Thank you for your time Mr. Bennett
Bennett : What do you want ? I've got people to fuck over. Time is money.
BVD : I understand you won't allow a farm owner to sell his land
Bennett : Oh , that. Yeah , me and mah friends use that land for deer hunting.
BVD : That's not your land. You and your friends are trespassing and besides , Hidden Valley does'nt qualify ass an association
Bennett : Well , someone has to shoot them things , and Hidden Valley can do ass they please
BVD : Yes , I know , You've gone on his land and shot his cows , you've torn down his fences , built dangerous fires , destroyed private property......
Bennett : Well , when you're ass important a person ass I am , you can do ass you please for pleasure.
BVD : Let's cut thru the chase here , let me get this straight , you have run this farmer out of buisness of producing milk.....
Bennett : Yeah those cows stink !
BVD : He was milking cows long before Hidden Valley was thought of
Bennett : So ?
BVD : Ass I was going to say , you run him out of buisness because you don't like cows.....
Bennett : Yeah , there aint no cow hunting season
BVD : Again , ass I was saying , you run him out of buisness and now you won't allow him to sell his land.
Bennett : Yeah , aint life a bitch. Besides , it's a hell of a big green space.


The New Movie

Franklin , Tennessee , BVD News - There's a new movie out about the Catholic priest who sexually molested children. The rumor mill , is that a Franklin Police officer played the priest. The movie makers wanted ass much realism ass possible and they used his experience to enhance the movie. The word on the street is that Jay Johnson and Mayor Miller were the first in line for the premier

Friday, October 13, 2006


Letterman on Campus

Vanderbilt University , BVD - David Letterman gave various lectures at Branscomb yesterday. One lecture addressed the problem of students falling asleep during class. Letterman said he understood the need to sleep during the day , to be able to party all night.
David Letterman demonstrated the booze snooze kit. It's a complete makeup kit that allows a student to appear awake and alert during class while actually sleeping.
Letterman stated , " I know this works because The City of Franklin's government uses these during important meetings."


Protest at Natchez Trace Parkway

Leiper's Fork , Tennessee , BVD Bloggtographer - Mr. Tom Turkey lead a protest against the development projects along the historic Natchez Trace in Williamson county. Mr. Turkey said , " Humans don't care about the land ass long ass they get the money. My people don't get anything except to be eaten during a holiday to commemorate stealing the local land. Therefore , before we get killed this year , we are getting our voice out to be heard. We want the trace leaft alone. It's only a matter of time for 18 wheelers to be using this road.
BVD : Mr. Turkey , this is a parkway. 18 wheelers are'nt allowed
Mr. Turkey : That's what they said about I - 440 , is'nt it ? Tell me you don't know how two faced your politicians are


What is THAT ?

Franklin , Tennessee - Jerry Horne , it's that time of year , school kids are asked to get tree leaves and identify them. There was a time , you could get 12 different leaves from my yard. Thanks to the neighbors and the quality of life in Franklin , today , you can only get 7.
Do you know what tree this one is ?


Sandra is Gone

Sandra Evans has quit the dancing show , saying her 3 children need her more and that she is in process of a divorce.
BVD : So where's her husband ?
Jerry : He's a politician
BVD : Oh no , well , that explains it.

Wednesday, October 11, 2006


Vanderbilt Expands Student Life Services

Vanderbilt University , BVD News - Frank Gladu , Chancellor of Buisness Services announced that to improve student life on campus , STARBUCKS is coming.
When asked about the 8 dollar price tag for a half a cup , the chancellor responded , " We have some of the richest students in the world , spending their money right here at Vanderbilt. What's 8 dollars to them? Besides , it's not just the coffee , it's also the entertainment and the marijuana. Besides , this is buisness , for every half cup sold , 3 dollars of that 8 dollar price tag goes to me , er , ah , Vanderbilt."


Getting things in hand

NBC Studios , BVD News - Jay leno has always been one for show and tell. Here , he shows how Foley prepared his thing in hand.


American Terrorist Found

United States , Showbiz TV - if you missed it last night. Four year old Sam Adams is the latest terrorist found on American soil. He is not allowed on airplanes. Not even on toy planes. His goal in life he says is to become a terrorist's nightmare. He will undo what they do.

Tuesday, October 10, 2006


Where's THAT Somebody

In case you missed it. Reynolds has stepped forward to apologize for Foley's conduct. He explained he knew what was going on , butt , he thought somebody else was looking into the matter. Therefore , he did'nt do anything. Must be nice to have a somebody to blame. Of course , I've never met the person.


Nuclear Weapons

Jerry Horne - now that North Korea has stated they exploded a nuclear device , it's interesting we can't get evidence the device was indeed nuclear.

America has always been against the spread of nuclear weapons. Lets check out the " club ".

The UK does not have an official nuclear program. The American tax payer gave the UK nuclear weapons , including nuclear powered subs to carry both nuclear missiles and nuclear torpedoes.

France did not agree to any treaties involving nuclear weapons testing , so America joined with them to test nuclear devices in the South Pacific. In return , the American tax payer gave them delivery systems and submarine technology.

Mother Russia has several names , so I'll stick with this one. Her nuclear submarine force sits at anchor. It's nothing more than a radioactive hazard. It is not clear if their missiles will work. She does however have many nuclear devices. Keep in mind , today , Russia has the only reliable space rocket ( outside of ARIAN ) , so , yes , they can launch them using that system.

Pakistan got the bomb , so the American tax payer gave India a nuclear power program with nuclear bombs. So what if they are communist. The border between the two , today continues to be an area of tension. Gun fire and cannons go off almost everyday.

China had a problem with their submarine program and has moved missile systems into Tibet. The mountainous altitude allows for smaller missiles to be needed to launch against America.
They also have a manned space program complete with successes. They have given N. Korea the information , with the help of the American tax payer , a nuclear program.

Israel has no economic platform , so , with the help of the American tax payer , we built them a new 2 billion dollar air force base. Complete with nuclear weapons and delivery systems. Yes , there are missile silos. These weapons need maintenance , so we gave them a nuclear program in the guise of producing electricity.

So , for America being against the spread of nuclear weapons , why have we given so much away to so many ? And , we even paid for it. President Bush tells another country they can't have a nuclear program while the American tax payer spends 100 million a month on military research North Korea knows America ( to date ) has never attacked another country with nucs. With American military forces in Iraq looking for WMDs that don't exist , and bush saying North Korea is evil , how else would you expect them to act ?

Bush is thinking about having war with North Korea. That's why he has pulled thousands of documents from the archives related to the Korean War in the 50's. In those documents , you will find the discussions about using the bomb.

Monday, October 09, 2006


Found It

Narnia , BVD News - after all the controversy over having the Confederate Flag in Franklin 's re enactment , it was discovered the flag was missing. The search was on while Franklin Police scratched it's head , not knowing what to do under Mayor Miller's command. By accident , the flag was found by a little girl.
Lucy : What are you ?
Fawn : I'm a Fawn , what are you ?
Lucy : I'm a girl
Fawn : Hey , are you looking for the flag ?
Lucy : Flag ? What are you talking about ?
Fawn : There's word going around that a Daughter of the Confederacy would come looking for their flag
Lucy : ?
Fawn : You know , the Confederate Flag that was flown during the Battle of Franklin
Lucy : I thought that was a figment of someone's imagination. Besides , in today's Franklin , with all the growth and pushing out the local people , no one knows if the battle really occured , or even find where it did occur if it did at all
Fawn : Well , the flag is really real and Aslon's Army is going to fly it when they do battle with the wicked witch , who thinks he's the Queen of Narnia
Lucy : How can a he be a queen ?
Fawn : Oh you know , Miller , you know , that guy who is called the mayor
Lucy : ?
Fawn : Well , he's a Republican , is'nt he ?


Interview with Professor Speece

Vanderbilt University , Jerry Horne got a moment to spend talking shop with Vanderbilt's School of Engineering Professor Speece
Jerry : Gee , where would you like to begin
Dick : Why not at the beginning
Jerry : Tell us how you got to be here at Vanderbilt
Dick : The other school I was at , wanted me out. Chairman Thackston and I go way back and he brought me here.
Jerry : Just like that ?
Dick : Just like that. No application , no interview. I just walked in the door and took over this office.
Jerry : OK. Butt , it seems you took more than just an office. You've also been giving away a lot of departmental " stuff " and using departmental funds to ship it all over the place , what's going on ?
Dick : Research
Jerry : Is'nt that like stealing ?
Dick : So ? I'm faculty and everything around here belongs to me and I'll do what I want with the " stuff ". If anyone says anything or reports something stolen , I've got a fall guy already picked out.
Jerry : A fall guy ? Is that like a " Go To Guy " ?
Dick : Whatever you want to call him.
Jerry : Why are you dumping raw sewage into the open cistern ? Is'nt that illegal ?
Dick : I'm tenured faculty , what's illegal about it ?
Jerry : Are you aware when people walk by , the smell gets in their clothes and they smell like that for the day ?
Dick : Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Hee Hee Hee ! ! ! ! ( slaps his knee ) Hey , how 'bout those folks in Williamson county building houses on land that does'nt perk ? What do you think about THAT smell ?
Jerry : Let's stay on the subject here. Is it true , you spent 20,000 dollars of departmental money , to publish your book ? A book that other professionals said was a crock of shit ?
Dick : Well , sewage is shit , is'nt it ? Besides , it was important for my career to become published. The faculty and the students should feel grateful to me , that I used their money and resources to publish " MY " book.
Jerry : You've got raw sewage all over the lab. People from the medical center have looked at your work in the lab and they say they've never seen anything so archaic. They said it's not even research
Dick : All people have their own opinions , just like all people have an asshole. Besides , what do medical people know about research anyway ?
Jerry : Getting back to the equipment topic , when do the undergrads get their lab " stuff " back so they can do their lab work for this semester's classes ?
Dick : Like I said before. Everything around here is mine.
Jerry : That equipment was bought for the undergrads using their lab fees so they would have equipment to learn and work with. And yet , you spend it on your research. What are you thinking ?
Dick : No one would give me research money for my research. OK ? I took the department's money and I spent it the way I wanted it spent. I did'nt have equipment to work with , so I took what I found lying around.
Jerry : That was'nt your money to spend and you did'nt pay for that equipment.
Dick : Is there a point in this conversation ?
Jerry : Yes. You just made it.

Saturday, October 07, 2006


Interview with House Speaker Hastert

Washington D. C. to Franklin , Tennessee via satellite - BVD News , the House Speaker Dennis Hastert (R) spoke with BVD
BVD : So , you have decided to take responsiblity for Foley's actions
Hastert : Yes , that is correct
BVD : So , you are stepping down from being the House Speaker
Hastert : NO , I'm not going to do that
BVD : What are you going to do
Hastert : I have told you , I'm taking responsibility
BVD : So , that's it ? Nothing happens ?
Hastert : Look , Foley is getting rehab. What more do you want ?
BVD : I was talking in reference to Foley being a pedophile
Hastert : Look , I was a football coach for young people and it was'nt a problem then. Why should it be one now ? Besides , the boy was 16 years old and this is afterall Washington D. C.
BVD : What will happen to the PAGE Program ?
Hastert : Nothing changes. That program has taught many good Republicans how to get things done here on Capital Hill. Besides , give this country another 20 years of this kind of sex stories and it will become considered normal behavior. Have you noticed how this country no longer looks at marijuana use ass being illegal ? Police departments are now hiring dope users in all areas of law enforcement. Dope use has set record monetary donations at Vanderbilt University
BVD : Are'nt you getting off subject , sir
Hastert : OK , what do you want to talk about next ? How about them Democrats ? They talk about how long I knew about this , how long did they know about this before they leaked this problem to the press. I think they've known about it for a long while and waited for the right moment so ass to do the most damage to the Republican Party.
BVD : And , it's working. It's not like the Republicans would'nt do this to the Democrats , right ?

Friday, October 06, 2006


The Latest E-mail


In a SMALL Town

Franklin , Tennessee - one evening after shift
Commander Barnes : ( inhales ) Man.....that was a hell of a thing you did to assault that EMT
Officer Richards : ( cough ) yeah...oh mannn....( cough ) this is goooood.....he was'nt one of us
Barnes : Oh well...man this is good shit ( inhales )
Richards : What do you think about Metro hiring marijuana offenders ?
Barnes : Franklin Police is a progressive police department. It's just a matter of time before all the police departments across this country follow our lead
Richards : I never thought I'd be smoking shit this good
Barnes : It's just one of the many perks of being a Franklin police officer
Richards : That new guy you hired says he found out the date for that shipment
Barnes : Yeah ? ( inhales )
Richards : He says it's top grade plus
Barnes : Top grade plus ? That's a term used by Vanderbilt. We better find out if that belongs to Vanderbilt. I don't want no beef with the Vanderbilt police. This might be a shipment we should leave alone.
Richards : Oh Maannn , I'm getting a really bad case of the munchies ( inhales )
Barnes : Not a prob bro , look here. ( Lifts up a lid to a box on the floor )
Richards : ( looks inside and sees all kinds of snacks ) Wow oh wow , where'd that come from ?
Barnes : An officer took it from a snack vendor in exchange for not writing a ticket.


Snakes Oh My

It's OK Brian , you can open your eyes now. He's locked up

Here's an update from August

On secong thought , maybe you should close them again. He's free and back on the plane due to a lack of evidence and after all that media feeding frenzy and all those people saying his is guilty.
Hm...I don't suppose he would be talking to Foley anytime soon.....ya know , give him advice , pointers , maybe swap techniques , talk about a few tails.

Thursday, October 05, 2006


A Quiet Conversation

Franklin , Tennessee - Franklin Police Head Quarters
Commander Barnes : There's nothing we can do for Foley
Jay Johnson : Butt there has to be something , there just has to be , he's a Republican for Christ's Sake
Commander Barnes : He has broken the law. It's just that simple.
Jay Johnson : Broken the law ? We ARE the LAW !
Commander Barnes : Foley is not a Franklin resident or even a FOP supporter. He's out of our jurisdiction , it's that simple
Jay Johnson : That snively little 16 year old punk. If I ever find out he's in Franklin. Foley swears to me that it was just a little sex education and nothing else.
Commander Barnes : Well , that's what happens when you are high up the ladder
Jay Johnson : Yeah , I guess so. Hell. We've got officers giving sex education to 16 year olds and I have'nt seen it being a problem yet.
Commander Barnes : ( inhales ) Well , that's the difference between being a Franklin Police officer and being in public office
Jay Johnson : ( exhales ) Yeah , I guess so. Give it time to blow away , the Republicans will rise again.
Commander Barnes : Yeeaaah......that was a good idea of your telling him to get into rehab , that'll buy the Republicans some damage control time


Franklin 's Police Chief Speaks Out

Franklin , Tennessee , BVD News - BVD got to talk with Franklin's Police Chief Jackie Moore about the upcoming Battle of Franklin re enactment.
BVD : Good morning chief
Moore : Good morning , glad to see you
BVD : Let's get down to buisness here chief , what's with your commandment of no guns at this years re enactment
Moore : I'm the law around here. It's ass simple ass that. I said no guns and I mean NO guns.
BVD : After all these years , other police chiefs did'nt have a problem with guns at the re enactment
Moore : President Bush has put back into place , the totaltarianism power of the administrative office of the presidentcy , that was lost under Clinton , I'm just following suit.
BVD : What's that got to do with the gun issue ?
Moore : I am the law in this town and that's THAT ! That's why.
BVD : Well , you give me the feeling that next , you'll have the secret police running around
Moore : Who told you about them ?
BVD : What ?
Moore : I think you should stay here a while. There's some questions I want to ask
BVD : Are'nt you that guy the U.S. Marshals would'nt take because there was a problem with your back ground check ?
Moore : Who's telling you these things , names , I want names !
BVD : Are'nt you the same guy seen at a MVA involving a DUI , and you personaly took that driver home to keep them out of jail ?
Moore : Officer Richards , take this man to our interrogation pit.


Playing Lotto

Iowa , USA - meet the Iowa couple winners of the $ 200,000,000 lottery. After local , state , and government taxes , Iowa's lottery comission got their penalty payment , leaving these people with a mere $ 67,000,000
There is a report out saying Tennessee has the worst chances of winning the big one. Hmm...... how do they know that ?

Wednesday, October 04, 2006


The City of Ridiculous

Franklin , Tennessee - BVD , this year's Battle of Franklin will be redefined to accomommodate the diverse ethnicity of today's Franklin. Mayor Miller explains: We , that's J. J. and I looked this thing over and we realized there's a problem here , well , OK , problems.
BVD : Please explain. How can you have a battle re-enactment without battle flags or guns
Miller : We are a country of peace , which means Franklin is a city of peace. Today we have all those Mexicans , the Indians ( from India ) , those Muslums are here , and how 'bout them Islam folks. Last week , we got another batch of Iraqi's and let's not forget the black folk's feelings about the Stars and Bars. Our Police Chief says that only his people are now allowed to have any guns in this city. Franklin is changing more and more everyday. Having a battle here just is'nt appropriate any more.
BVD : Why not just cancel the affair all together ?
Miller : If we did that , what reason would the Heritage Foundation have to exist
BVD : I really don't understand all this , I'm surprised you are allowing the tents on your green spaces.
Miller : Well , you are right of course on that issue and we will deal with that next year
BVD : Would you like to explain this in more detail , just so the disappointed folks will understand
Miller : Be glad to. Our boys and girls are dying from bombs being made from leaftovers of the Gulf War. We don't want these outsiders which now make up Franklin's population to learn how the South made gunpowder. Seeing the guns of the era will also give them ideas. And , let's not forget how simple those cannons were. We don't want them learning what a " Bloody Blizzard " is. Afterall , it really has'nt been that long ago , Iraq tried to build the world's largest cannon. And , not to mention the tactics used in the Civil War. Ass you know , the South got sloppy with it's thing about God towards the end of the war. Let's not start another Holy Ji-Had around here.
BVD : Why not tell everyone , The Battle of Franklin is really just a myth and it never really happened.
Miller : What ? You mean rewrite history ?
BVD : President Bush does it. What's stopping you from doing it ?
Miller : May I have your number ? You're giving me some great ideas.

Tuesday, October 03, 2006


Vanderbilt Lifeflight

Vanderbilt University , Jerry Horne reporting. I got asked by a young and upcoming EMT who is presently in Paramedic school about how to get hired on with Vanderbilt's Lifeflight. Instead of answering that question , I decided to tell two stories concerning two employees within Lifeflight.

With ten years dispatch experience with ASI-Waverly , Dana was brought on board to supervise Lifeflight's dispatch department. During her stay at Waverly , she was well known ass the " bitch " and caused many good people to quit. She told lies and changed things while runs were in progress and she had herself a ball screwing things up while screwing with the ambulance crews. She is forward in her sexual wants , making sandwiches is her favorite past time. Having a husband and kids did not stand in the way of her wants. Today , she gets off everytime a dispatch employee gets fired or quits.

Lee was in charge of WMC's ambulance service. She was well known for playing politics and favoritism. WMC became known ass Lee's physic network circle of family and friends ambulance service. For example , an experienced Paramedic was just hired on when he was immediately fired to make room for one of Lee's family members who had just finished EMT school. Without a liscence , he was out there giving medical care on an ambulance. Lee used county money to help him go to Paramedic school. Today , Lee is Lifeflight's Outreach co-ordinator. It's a highly paid gravy job telling other people what to teach at her programs.

There now , I've given you two examples of how to get on board the Lifeflight crew. Good luck.


Don't Forget the Governor's Election

Nashville , Tennessee , WSMV channel 4 , on last night's six o'clock news , Demetria reminded us that Nashville's governor race is heating up


Vanderbilt Creates More Hierarchy

Vanderbilt University , BVD News - at a lose of ideas of what to do with the unexpected windfall of millions from donations combined with the allegations of wrongful expenditures of the chancellor , Vanderbilt has created another level of hierarchy to oversee what to do with all this extra money
Calling themselves the Economic Development and Oversight Group , their tasks will be to oversee other people's budgets.
Their first accomplished task was to build a swimming pool large enough to accomodate the unexpected pile of money lying over in a corner of their offices so they could swim in it.
While covering this story , 10 kilos of nickle bags came from a Mrs. " G " that needed to be moved and fast.
The comment was overheard , " Not a problem , always happy to oblige , that's why we're here to oversee economic developement. "

Monday, October 02, 2006


Interview with Professor Basu

With a new crop of students at Vanderbilt University , everyone here thought it would be a good idea to interview some of Vanderbilt's faculty. Let's go to the Engineering School and see who is in their office.

Professor Basu , Civil Engineering at Vanderbilt University gave an interview with Jerry Horne.
BVD : After all these years , people would think you would be ready to slow down
Basu : Well , yes , of course , butt you see , being a professor here , I have'nt really had anything to do , so I guess you could say , I slowed down a long time ago.
BVD : I understand you finally got some money to prove your statics theory will work on a PC.
Basu : Why yes , I knew it would work all the time. I use my PC right here , everyday doing that very thing and it always works.
BVD : Butt why the need for money for something that already works. Other universities have been doing this for years without spending money
Basu : I'm a Vanderbilt professor , it's part of my job to ask for money to prove that something that works will work.
BVD : Could'nt that money be put to better use
Basu : Of course , butt why do it ? Afterall , this is Vanderbilt. There's so much money around here , no one is quite sure what to do with it all. You can't even walk around Kirkland Hall without stepping in it.


Interview with Constance Gee

Vanderbilt University , BVD News - BVD got a one shot chance to talk with Constance Gee , wife of Vanderbilt's Chancellor Gee
BVD : This is so awesome for you to take a moment to talk with me
Constance : I'm jess so happy to be he ah , ( inhales )
BVD : Is it true about your marijuana use
Constance : No , I only sample it. You see , I look after the quality control of the crop
BVD : So , there's nothing to the stories of your ear problems
Constance : Oh I've problems alright , it hurts all the time
BVD : Butt , to get right down to the big issue here , marijuana use is for people suffering from painfull cancer.
Constance : That's true , however , the pain in my ear qualifies ass chronic pain , so there you go.
BVD : I understand , butt still , this is Tennessee , not California
Constance : Not a problem , all I have to say is that I'm participating in a medical research study that involves the medical community in California.... Let's move on
BVD : I understand you are called " The Green Lady "
Constance : Now you know why
BVD : Is it true you went to the art school one night and took all their green crayons and paint
Constance : Wow , you do get around. It was OK , blue and red will make all the green you want
I needed a green space to make the crop feel more at ease which helps to promote growth
BVD : You seem at ease about talking about marijuana
Constance : I have'nt mentioned that word. Around here , asking about marijuana is like asking the government about UFO's. You know it exists , butt , you can't prove it. Besides , Vanderbilt has a real police force protecting the crop , just like the government has a real police force protecting their UFO's. That's the ONE big reason for leaving Brown. So there , I beat you to that question.
BVD : Is it true , you are responsible for Vanderbilt's explosive growth in the giving and donation department
Constance : No , of course not , I only sell the highest grade , which brings in the higher prices. That's how Vanderbilt brought in a record amount of donations. I don't take one red cent for myself. Vanderbilt has given me everything , a job , a free place to live , free use of a new car , free use of 5 credit cards , and I still get free bonus miles everytime I fly Vanderbilt Air
BVD : So you are saying that the money did'nt come from donations
Constance : No , of course not , people don't give ass much ass they used too any more. Butt , they will BUY.
BVD : I thought nepotism was against the hiring rules at Vanderbilt
Constance : I'm faculty , I'm not an employee. Those rules apply only to employees.
BVD : I see. So to clarify things , Vanderbilt's donations have not really gone up. It's the sale of your crop that has brought in so much unexpected money
Constance : If you'll excuse me , ( inhales ) I've some work to do. There's big doings planned for this weekend and I need to have everything ready.
BVD : One last question , how do you grow and sell without getting arrested ?
Constance : There are 3 classes of people here in America. Those outside the law , those inside the law , and those above the law
BVD : Does this explain why you were so nervous at Brown ?
Constance : There's a big difference between Brown and Vanderbilt , and I don't mind saying , I'm very happy to be a part of the Vanderbilt family.


Bush , is my Hero

I laughed when I saw this picture of President Bush in a flight suit. It is just so not him . Today , Bush continues to change his reasons for attacking Iraq. He continues to be the flip flopper he accused his presidential opponent of being.

If you think about it , I think Bush has watched the movie Independence Day , one time too many


Vanderbilt Gets More NASA Money

Vanderbilt University , BVD News - President Bush has told NASA to return to the moon. Costs are not an option. With that said , representatives from NASA came to Vanderbilt to watch TV. Since the 60's , Vanderbilt has recorded the evening news on all 3 channels. That's a lot of watching TV , AND , we are told they've even got Cronkite's news reports , stated a NASA scientist who did'nt want his name mentioned ass he got more stash from the vending machines.
" Congress destroyed this country's moon transportation system known ass the Apollo Space Program. Today , we start reinventing the wheel so to speak. There's soo much information that has been lost , misplaced , or gone to Moscow. We will need everything we can get our hands on if we are to return to the moon , because we have forgotten how to do it. " said the scientist. " Besides , where else can you go looking at history while enjoying the refer from that same time period ? " he smiled , " The MUNCHIES ! " "Yes " , chimmed in his buddies. " Ya can't toke n' smoke without getting the munchies. " " Boy does this bring back memories of college or what ? " stated another NASA scientist who did not want to give his name while everyone with glassy eyes blindly laughed on.
The costs of reviewing these news casts has not been disclosed at this time.

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