Thursday, January 31, 2008
That Damn Jay Johnson
BVD : Good Golly Miss Molly
Jerry : What ?
BVD : The paper says JJ received only 2 evaluations in 6 years.
Jerry : No , no , no , now look it here , a critique is not an evaluation. Their are just using a fancy word to say , JJ did'nt accomplish anything to be evaluated on.
BVD : Hm , for some reason , that makes sense. How 'bout that compensation package ?
Jerry : Yeah , how bout that. If it were me , and it ain't , I would give his compensation to all of the city employees. All that talk about trying to find money to give them a pay raise while Wetmore gets 39 % , man 'o man , I think the money problems with raises got found. Are you sure this Wetmore's name is'nt Wantmore ? This has got to be a misspelling.
BVD : Ha ha ha Well , JJ evaluated him ass being an exceptional professional , does that translate to something like , " head up my ass " ?
Jerry : Hah ha ha ha , oh that's a good one. That would explain 39 % would'nt it ?
BVD : Yup
Jerry : Hm. I wonder why it's sooo important for Wantmore to take JJ's spot ? Is there something to find in JJ's office that needs to be dealt with ?
BVD : You mean evidence of wrong doing ?
Jerry : Do the math.
BVD : Ole JJ wants to look for another administrative position , in another little town , so he can get back to fucking people and asks this city , not to make any derogatory remarks about him.
Jerry : Hah ha ha. In this town ? Good luuuuuck on that one.
BVD : Hmmm , , , , That word - derogatory. In JJ's case , would that be like , telling the truth ?
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Franklin , Tennessee - while Jerry worked on his work , BVD read today's paper to him.
I see Franklin's government has slacked off on some of their ordinances for restaurants , the Cracker Barrel now has silver ware.
Oh WOW Man ! The Alexander Ford Family is having a Ford tuff tire sale , complete with a special Ford tuff warranty , backed by Alexander himself.
I see Franklin Police Officer/Detective Coreereo is still trying to find a home for his police dog.
Hey man , The City of Franklin is still looking for an attorney !
The God Is Gone
BVD : Oh man , where do you get this stuff ?
Jerry : Oh , you know me , I'll never tell. Ya know , Franklin's problems are'nt over , on the subject of Jay Johnson being gone.
BVD : Hmmmm , what do you mean ?
Jerry : Look around this city , look at the employees , look at the management. What do you see ?
BVD : Paranoia
Jerry : That's right , and why do you think that is ?
BVD : I assume you're gonna tell me.
Jerry : Well , , , , do ya want me to ?
BVD : Oh please , please , please tell me.
Jerry : Oh alright , JJ has a net work of cronies that have told him every little tit for tat. Talk to anyone and they'll tell you , the walls have ears , JJ knows everything. How do you think that came about ? A crony network. That's how. Now , look at JJ. He's gonna walk out the door with a cool million dollar severance package. Now , take a look at his cronies. They get nuthin , I mean , they gonna get nuthin. Now , how would you feel , seeing JJ walking out with a cool million while you , the crony , getz nuthin , after being a loyal stooge to this guy for , how many years ? Yeah , Franklin's problems with JJ are'nt over yet.
BVD : Well , JJ is a fair guy , I mean , He's gonna share that million , aint he ? You know , share the wealth , so to speak.
Jerry : Hmmm ? ! ? , are you putting something extra in your can that you're not sharing with me ?
BVD : ( winks at Jerry ) I'll never tell. heh heh heh
Jerry : Yeah , I know , and you were'nt gonna share either , were ya ?
BVD : So , you know so much , why are things the way they are in Franklin?
Jerry : You sure know how to ask the hard questions don't ya ?
BVD : ( giggles , and chugs some more )
Jerry : It's like this. Jay Johnson figured out , how to sponge money without anyone seeing him do it. Look around this town. Have you wondered how some building projects got thru the system while other projects did'nt ? Have you wondered what the real deal was over the electric company ? If JJ had got his hands on the power company , he would have all those electrical service lines buried. Do you have any idea how much money would pass thru the city's system to accomplish that ? JJ knows how to sponge off some of that excess and funnel it into his pocket.
BVD : Wow oh wow.
Jerry : Yeah , like wow oh wow. Ya know , there's no way to count all the money JJ has put in his pocket. If it were me , I would'nt give him anything for severance.
BVD : How would you do that legally ?
Jerry : He quit did'nt he ? He submitted his leaving in writing did'nt he ? AND , he did get away with giving the Waste Manager nothin when he leaft did'nt he ? Yep , there's a legal angle in there and JJ knows what it is. Besides , what's good for others should be just ass good for JJ , himself. Give him nuthin and if he don't like it , let 'em eat cake.
BVD : OK , mister know it all , what about the police department ?
Jerry : What about it ? I'm sure jackie will figure something out.
BVD : No , no , no. I'm asking , what would be the first thing you would do with Franklin Police ?
Jerry : That's a very simple question to answer. I would go in , unannounced , during shift change and I would have everyone present , submit a drug screen.
BVD : Oh mannnnnnnnn. I know you , you can see a person on drugs without that screen.
Jerry : Yup , That screen would clean house in just one day.
BVD : Hah ha ha , ohhh bummer , my drink 'z gon dry , ya got another ?
Jerry : ( winks and smiles while he tosses another can ) Incoming !
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
The Chief's First Day on the JOB
Officer Coreeroe : Hey chief , with JJ gone , can I still have sex with minors ? What about JJ's sexual education agenda , that won't change , right ?
Officer Richards : Hey ! Watch it , I was in line here first ! ( shoves Officer Peobels aside ) Hey CHIEF , I can still beat up people , can't I ?
Detective Dixon : Ha Ha ha , hey , uh , um , ah , chief , I don't hav ta answear da phone , duh I ?
Officer Peobels : Wah ahh ! Richards , you asshole ! Hey CHIEF ! Yeah , I'm tal'n ta YOU ! This asshole hit me agin.
Tim Taylor : Well golly gee wow , look at you chief , I think this is the first time I've ever seen you without a clown suit on ? Oh , yeah , by the way , can I have my job back ? I promise to be good. I mean , I'll be reeeeal gooood !
Officer Richards : Damn Peobels , you 'r 1 ugly bitch !
Officer Peobels : What ? Chief , HEY YOU , CHIEF ! ! Richards the asshole just called me a bitch again.
Officer Richards : Well it's true ! Ha Ha Ha
Sgt. Smithson : ( looks to Officer Spearnock ) don't worry about a thing my man , we can still go around stealing what ever we want. Ole jackie does'nt have a clue what goes on in this department anyway. heh heh heh
Chief jackie : ( finally stands up ) People , I want to thank all of you for coming here today , . . . . . .
Blast From the Past
Monday, January 28, 2008
America's State of Union
So let's look at the bigger picture , like America , for example. President Bush has given Americans a 12 TRILLION DOLLAR DEBT , and he has no worries about paying it back. That responsibility goes to the next president , Ha Ha Ha. It's amazing how many idiots praise Bush for his wars , while Bush himself , cannot give US A reason , for why we are fighting.
A 12 TRILLION DOLLAR DEBT is not leadership , that's criminal. Hm , perhaps Bush has something in common with Johnson , eh ? US Americans have all we need to impeach Bush , butt , we don't have the balls. We can kick ass , of those who do not have stealth airplanes or aircraft carriers , butt , we just can't kick Bush's tiny and pathetic little ass. Why ? Are we afraid of Cheney's shotgun ?
A country with no money , has no State of Union to worry about anyway , ass foreign investors buy chunks of America , at 20 BILLION dollars a share. Must be nice to have money , since I don't know what money feels like. Having no money , also means you are not strong. Think about it. America has all kinds of nuclear weapons , with all the whistles and bells to deliver them , and yet , Bush has turned America , into the worlds largest yard sale.
Meanwhile , America's stock market is crashing lower than ever , ass Bush's 12 TRILLION DOLLAR DEBT , goes global , causing all of the world's markets to follow suit. Yep , that's what we all get , for allowing someone to inhabit The White House , after NOT winning the election.
America's State of Union ? It's flat broke and so are WE. In case you don't know it , that " WE " is US.
Thank You , President Bush :(
Sunday, January 27, 2008
EBAY Games to Rip You OFF
Today , it's appalling , at the number of Americans using Ebay , ass a means to squeeze a few extra dollars from people , using the shipping costs to hide fees.
This post answers a lot of questions I've received , about Ebay.
Your invoice for eBay purchases - item # 140197728692, USS James Madison SSBN 627 Belt Buckle NEW IN THE BOX !
From: eBay Member: top40powertrio (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Sent: Fri 1/18/08 9:14 AM
Thank you for your purchase. The total for your item below is US $15.70.
Click Pay Now to confirm shipping, get total price, and arrange payment through: PayPal; money order.
Item # Item Title Qty. Price
140197728692 USS James Madison SSBN 627 Belt Buckle NEW IN THE BOX ! 1 US $6.05
Subtotal: US $6.05
Shipping and handling via US Postal Service Priority Mail:
Shipping insurance (Optional US $1.65): --
Total: US $15.70
Please email me at email@example.com if you have any questions.
If you want to mail your payment, please send it and include a copy of this email to:
P.O. Box 710213
Santee, CA 92071
Thank you again for your purchase.
Saturday, January 26, 2008
In the Office Again
Franklin , Tennessee - BVD was surprised to find the doors to Franklin's Complexing Office Complex open so early in the morning and went in to see if everything was alright. There was crying coming from the hallway Men's Room ( aka the office ) . BVD went in to find Franklin Police Chief jackie crumpled down on the floor , crying.
BVD : Hey chief , are you OK ? What's wrong ?
Chief jackie : sobbing , he's gone , what'll I do ? he's gone , sob , he's gone , he's gone !
BVD : What are you talking about , Chief , who's gone ? BVD hands him used toilet paper to wipe with
Chief jackie : My leader , my God , you know , Jay Johnson , Waaaaaaaaaah ! Oh WHAT WILL I DOoooo ? sobbing , more sobbing. What will become of me ?
BVD : Well Chief , for starters , for the first time in your life , you can now start acting like you are the Chief of Police.
Chief jackie : How'll I do that ? ( sob ) I don't know how to act. I mean , I don't know how to do that , I mean , I've never ever been a chief of anything before. Besides , with JJ running things for me , I've never had anything to do until now and now , I don't know what to do , because I don't know how to do it.
BVD : Well Chief , ready or not , you are the Franklin's Police Chief now. Yep , looks like you've actually been promoted for real this time. Perhaps now would be a good time to remove that clown suit.
Thursday, January 24, 2008
Where's Dat Blogg ?
JJ's secretary : Sir , oh , excuse me chief , did'nt recognize you , ya can't go in right now , he's in a very important meeting. ( her eyes swelled up at the sight before her )
Chief jackie : puff puff , yes , I'm sure he is , butt , he will want to see me anyway.
And the chief pushes his/her self through the door.
JJ and a stranger are looking at the puter screen.
Jay Johnson : Man O Man ! What a set of HOOTERS ! Uh ? Oh chief , I did'nt know we had an appointment right now , I think you know this gentleman from PUTERS 'R 'US , he was just showing me how to view porno on a puter and not get caught. Uh , chief , what are you carri'in , in here ?
Chief jackie : Oh SIR , we be celebratin. I don't know how you did it , butt , you did it !
JJ : ? ! ?
The Chief : That blogg , that God Danged it BLOGG ! It's gone ! Let's celebrate
JJ : What are you talking 'bout ?
The Chief : That Blogg Sir ! That Drinkin Koolaid Blogg is gone sir. Here , get a whif of this , it'll get your juices goin. ( chief jackie puts some marijuana in JJ's face ) Just breathe deep and hold that for a minute while I light this ole girl.
JJ : cough cough cough , chief , it this what I think it is ? cough
Chief jackie : Well of course it is , ya can't hav a real celebratin without it.
JJ : Where'd you git this stuff ?
chief jackie : From our property room , of course , you silly.
JJ : Er , ah , chief ( JJ looks at his guest ) is'nt tis against the law ?
chief jackie : Aww , you are so cute when you git silly. Of course it's against da law , butt , we , that's yuin me , we is da law , so what ? Such things never botherd yu befur.
JJ : That's right , butt before , there was'nt any stranger around.
Chief jackie : Who ? Him ? why he haz dun so much fur yu , helpin to fire that dickless manager of shit , over porno , why he kin just joint in , heh heh heh. ( jackie looks at the stranger ) Here boy , light one up , let'z party !
Stranger : Is'nt this illegal ?
chief jackie : Oh of course not. I'm the law and JJ here is Franklin's God. JJ , how di yu mak that blogg go away ?
JJ : ( smiling at the stranger ) I'll never tell
Stranger : ( also smiling from the effects of the smoke ) I don't know what y'all 'r talkin 'bout.
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
You Don't Say
Today's gknews in The Tennessean - Gus Tomlinson , complains about us Americans , to us Americans , that us Americans , are spending more on animal health care , than on us Americans. Yes , animals , you know , them things called pets. Well , so what ? Those things , those animals , are u.s. Americans too , right ?
Let me ask you sumthin , Gus - why is this planet at war today ? The answer is a simple one and since you don't know , I'll tell you. CIA. Do you know , who the CIA are ,Gus ? They are " THE " crazy , religious , u.s. American fanatic extremists , with WMDs. aka : Christians In Action !
Let me ask you another sumthin , Gus - why do so many of us Americans , favor their u.s. pets , over other u.s. Americans ? Here's the short list of reasons why :
Their u.s. pets won't lie to them
Their u.s. pets won't steal from them
Their u.s. pets won't kill them
Their u.s. pets give love when loved
Their u.s. pet won't accuse them of looking at puter porno
OK Gus , have you learned anything , today ? Now do you understand why some of us Americans care more about their real u.s. American friends , than their other " u.s. American friends " ?
Tell you what , Gus , give yourself a u.s. pet and see the love evolve. Try it Gus , you might like it :)
Monday, January 21, 2008
Meanwhile , back in Chief jackie's Office
Franklin , Tennessee - BVD over heard a conversation , in the Chief of Police Office , between Franklin Police Chief jackie and his boss Jay Johnson
JJ : Chief , are you crying again ?
Chief jackie : sniff sniff sniff , yes
JJ : What's wrong now ? Have'nt I told you that I'm a God in this town ? Have you seen anything happen to me yet ?
Chief jackie : sniff , no , of course not , sniff
JJ : OK , now , why are you wearing this clown outfit ? I thought you were going to get rid of it.
Chief jackie : Oh you know me , I always feel better wearing it. This protects me from angry people.
JJ : What in the world has happened now ? Is the sky falling again ? Wait a minute , are you drinking again ?
Chief jackie : No , not yet , well , yes , I am , I don't know , don't ask so many questions at once. I was at the Pull Tight Players play.
JJ : So ?
Chief jackie : Those blogs are exposing the truth about us.
JJ : So ?
Chief jackie : You don't have control over those things.
JJ : Yes , I know that
Chief jackie : What happens when this town realizes , it's all true ?
JJ : Ya got another one of those clown suits ?
Friday, January 18, 2008
The Solution to Pollution
Which brings us to me answering the next simple question - How doez America , fix it's economic melt down ? This is soooo easy to answer. Have President Bush return the 12 trillion dollars he stole. I'll even make it easy for him , by waiving the interest penalties.
See ? Two problems solved at once. Here is simplicity at it's finest.
I've Lost That Luvin Feeling
Well of course he wants a temporary fix. He does'nt want to deal , with repaying his 12 trillion dollar dept and he wants to leave the White House in such a way , that history will blame the next president , for the troubles he leaves behind.
Are'nt you glad you voted for Bush ? Are'nt you just eat up with happiness , with having Bush in the White House , even though he did'nt win his first election ? I'm even more happier , just thinking about the simple fact , President Bush has no accountability with the law. Yep , Executive Privilege means Bush is above the law and he can steal ass much money ass he wants. Is'nt it interesting how all of the news networks won't tell us this. I would like someone in the next news conference with Bush , ask him , what he did with all that money , because the stuff we paid for , is missing in action.
Where did that 12 trillion dollars go ? Why is Bush getting away with petty theft ? Because the American people refuse to run their government , like The Constitution says. And now , we are all paying for our laziness.
Thursday, January 17, 2008
Threats and Vandalism
It's like this , KA and this blog have brought forth the ugly truth about this town and Jay Johnson does'nt like it. Yes , I have proof showing Franklin Police are behind the vandalism and I'm betting JJ is behind the threats.
So , why ? Why are these 2 blogs so threatening to Jay Johnson ? ( Yes , another blog ran into problems also.) Yep , it's more than telling the truth. Look deep into Franklin's money affairs and you will find it. It's called fraud. Plain and simple. Jay Johnson has had his job for so long , he has figured out the ways to divert money into his pockets.
Look at President Bush. Do you really think those 12 trillion dollars went to their designated place ? If so , I own some desirable beach front property here in Williamson county , that I will sell to you at a very good price.
People have noticed Jay Johnson shows up in unexpected places. That's because he wants to see who are his problem children. JJ does'nt like people who rock his boat.
Let me point something out to you. Remember that puter with the porno pics ? How did JJ learn about that in the first place ? The simple answer is in the simple fact , he has spies. I can assure you , he has a network of tattle tales telling him every little tattlable thing. Should his time come , for getting caught , he wants ass much time to dump the evidence ass possible. In the mean time , he plays dirty little tricks , in an effort to stop the truth being told.
To give you an idea about his spy network. I'll bet ya a 20 spot , there's a person telling him , who uses a city puter to read us blogs. He even knows , who uses the library puter to read us blogs. HEY , look behind you , who is that , watching you read this ? Heh heh heh !
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Thank You Mr. Bush
Thanks to Mr. Bush running up a 12 trillion dollar tab , at our expense , he has devalued America's dollar to the point of economic collapse. If you do not understand a 12 trillion dollar debt , do this. Look at that one dollar bill in your pocket. What does it say ? It says " FEDERAL RESERVE NOTE ". That's right , it's not money. America is the only country , that does not use money. The reason for this , is because , America does'nt have any money. America does'nt have anything to back up real money. You say you still cannot understand 12 trillion dollars ? It looks like this on paper - 12,000,000,000,000. Yep , there are that many zero's. Another thing is that Bush has no intentions of repaying that debt. He's leaving that responsibility , for the next president.
Let's look at President Bush and his budgets since 9/11 -
He agrees to and signs a budget with Congress. Then he asks for more billions because he needs it. And he gets it.
Then he agrees to and signs with Congress , a budget. Then he asks for more billions and gets it because he says he will not have to ask for any more.
Yep , he agrees to and signs a budget with Congress. Then asks for more billions and he does'nt get it. So he says he needs emergency money. And he does'nt get it. So , he says our military will run out of beans and bullets because Congress won't act. And he gets it. And this time , he says he will fight Congress , to get a balanced budget.
American's are so naive. The CIA is responsible for 9/11 and Bush knows it. Butt , Bush has sold his soul to someone and he needed The Pentagon's ability to make money disappear , which means he needed a war to get all of those trillions of dollars funneled to his project - What ever it is , it's BIG.
So , while you cannot understand why gas costs soooo much , why people are losing their homes , why the stock market is dropping and why the news is talking about a economic recession , now you know why.
America's next president will inherit a 12 trillion dollar debt. What ever happens , that person will be blamed for Bush's problems. While Bush hides out some where safe , the next president will get the heat for Bush's stealing this country's wealth.
Saturday, January 12, 2008
It's Tax Time
Meanwhile , us Americans , who do not qualify for this free advice , are busy working on those tax forms , making sure there are no taxable errors.
Of course , the biggie thing to fill in the blanks , are the deductible items , that get us a tax refund. Did you know , playing Tennessee's Lottery is tax deductible ? Yep , it sure is. Every time you play , you are making a contribution to Tennessee's education system.
So , even though you loose every time you play , just keep those tickets for tax purposes and watch your refund fund grow.
This Aint Right
Every year , Santa works hard to bring happiness to all us good little kiddies. Then , there are people like those found at Hobby Lobby in Brentwood. Ya see , not all Hobby Lobby stores are the same. In Brentwood , it's Hobby Lobby International. It's completely different from Hobby Lobby in Franklin. The assholes in Brentwood , sold their gift coupons to unsuspecting customers , and did'nt tell them , when asked , their coupons will not work at other Hobby Lobby stores.
The last I heard , the Brentwood store refused to take back these coupons , butt , they would allow the coupon to be used for purchases within their store. Oh what nice people they are.
Thursday, January 10, 2008
In da Office with JJs
BVD : Knocks on the open door while seeing JJ pouring over a huge stack of computer print out.
JJ : Looks up and surprised to see BVD. You are up kinda of early are'nt ya ?
BVD : You know me , I can smell a story
JJ : Hmm , around here I'm sure
BVD : Wow , I've never seen you with so much paper on your desk. He gets out a measure tape , Goooooollly , that's 18 inches of paper , what are you looking for ?
JJ : Oh you know me , I'm always looking for fraud in the city's budget and I'm always looking for places to cut the fat.
BVD : I see and have you found any ?
JJ : Well , I'm sure you've been by Chief jackie's office more than once here lately
BVD : You mean that office where the lights are always on butt , no onez home
JJ : Precisely. I was wondering , since the Chief spends most of his time , in his other office down the hall , how much money will I save , by turning off the lights , to his office up here ?
BVD : Hm.. you mean the chief has gone back to his former office , that's supposed to be the Men's Room , for just us men ?
JJ : That's the one.
BVD : Well then , why not give his office space to someone who really needs an office ? Would'nt that be a better idea ?
JJ : Well yeah , butt , I have'nt appointed anyone , high enough for me to like , to give 'em that space.
BVD : Well , then just turn off the lights. Have you thought about shutting the door and turning off the heating and cooling ?
JJ : Hm , no , I have'nt.
BVD : Well , think about it. How much more will you save ? If the office is'nt being used , and there's no one in there , why run the air ?
JJ : Damn boy , you need to come around here more often , so we can have more of these chats.
A knock at the door startles them , looking up, they see a smiling chief jackie looking in
jackie : Good morning everyone
BVD : " Catch ya later JJ " , and BVD walks out , past a smiling and beaming chief.
JJ : Come on in chief , I wuz just making some changes around here and I wanted you , to be the first , to know about them , he smiled.
Tuesday, January 08, 2008
Two Faced JJ
BVD : So , according to the WAM , that graphic computer is going to get another look over by another party ?
Jerry : Yep , that's what it says and Schroer is even paying for the party.
BVD : Those graphics must be HOT !
Jerry : You know it.
BVD : So , if Jay Johnson is so intent on firing Williams over those graphics , why does'nt JJ fire his own ass for allowing a police officer to have sex with a 13 year old ?
Jerry : I don't know JJ very well. If you look at his history in office , people who fall out of favor with him , don't last very long and besides , he does control the police department.
BVD : Hmm , and what about Tim Taylor ?
Jerry : Like I said , when ya fall out of favor with JJ , your ass is gone.
BVD : So , JJ controls the police , is that why he gave the puter to his own dogs ?
Jerry : Yep and that's why there's problems with the graphical evidence. If JJ was an honest man , he would have given the puter to a third party to begin with :)
BVD : Is it true , Franklin Police have an extensive kiddie porn library ?
Jerry : Yup. Here's an interesting question. JJ is not a police officer , yet , he has access to the property room. Why ? He's not a police officer , and yet , he controls the police department. Why ?
BVD : Because Chief jackie does'nt know what to do ?
Jerry : Maybe that's why jackie was hired in the first place. JJ did'nt want anybody interfering with his administratin.
BVD : Another cold one ?
Jerry : You bet.
BVD : This is one town that's eat up with problems.
Jerry : Yup.
BVD : So , who does JJ answer to ?
Jerry : Nobody.
BVD : ? ? ? What do you mean , nobody ? Is'nt JJ a part of Franklin's government ?
Jerry : You would think so , butt , he cannot be re-elected.
BVD : Since when does this country's constitution say government by JJ for JJ ?
Jerry : Ever since the people stopped governing themselves , folks like JJ have stepped in and have taken over.
BVD : Do ya think it's true , JJ gets a car at the expense of Franklin's taxpayers ?
Jerry : I looked over at KA's place and saw his car listed on the sheets
BVD : Why does he get a car and no one else does ? What makes him so special ? Does'nt he get a paycheck like everyone else ?
Jerry : Well ya know the old saying. Power corrupts. JJ has no checks or balances. And , since his car is provided by the taxpayers , it's a sure bet , the maintenance , oil and gas are also covered by Franklin's generous people.
BVD : Let's not forget the insurance and tags.
Jerry : Well , he won't be going through the hassle of getting the car tested , that's for sure. Having the police at his beck and call , it's an easy guess who gets to fill the tank and wash it too.
BVD : He no get no tickets either , I'll bet
Jerry : You know it. No guess work there. Ya don't ticket the boss.
BVD : Another cold one ? Butt really , why does JJ rate a car ?
Jerry : Well ya know , it's like this , JJ is so popular and all , he needs special transportation to get around the crowds , ya know , all those people lining the streets waving and wanting to shake his hand.
Monday, January 07, 2008
The Doctor Is IN
This is a complicated procedure and I'll do my best to explain it , in simplified form :
Step one - turn off the unit , unplug it. Wait 60 seconds. Plug it back in , turn it on. If that does'nt fix it , I recommend " THE DISH "
Step two - Install THE DISH
Step three - enjoy trouble free TV
Step four - have a TV party and invite me , please , please , please !
Here's what COMCAST does'nt want you to know. They are using the MOTOROLA units , which are considered to be the cheapest piece of junk , one could buy. Also , there's a software bug , that to this date , cannot be fixed. So , everytime your box is updated with the current tv programming , the box bug also kicks in :) COMCAST knows this and they've spent so much money buying thousands of these HDTV units with DVR , they cannot buy better units. So , when your unit breaks , you get another repaired unit to replace it. AND , it's a COMCASTIC COMCAST guarantee , your repaired unit will break down in a few months.
I've Got It , What Duz I do Now ?
If ya got it , stay home , don't be a hero. Some people go to work anyway and they spread it around. If you know this person , kill em' immediately , like , right now and burn em' where they lay.
You'll know ya got it when your tummy does'nt feel right. You think you've got a temperature , butt , it's actually cold sweats. There's no fever with this one. In a short time , your tummy will be doing flip flops. In a few more minutes , your heaving your gutz inside out. Now remember , you have two orifices , yep , be prepared for the other end and if you've puked all over the toilet seat , well , there won't be time to wipe it :) I suggest you have a trash can in front of you while you sit because it's going to happen.
Here in Franklin , the new 5 million dollar houses have his and her's toilets , facing close to each other , which means , the rich don't have this problem. Yep , ya can puke and shit at the same time and still hit the target :) ( Of course , the toilets are close enough to make out with eachother , while ya both take a dump. My , my , my. What the rich folks have to do these days just to breed. ) While you're heaving and shitting at the same time , I'll bet you had'nt realized , you were so talented.
OK OK OK - what to do. YA STAY HOME , GOT THAT ? The doctor cannot help you , the hospital cannot help you. Besides , it's only for 72 hours , heh , heh , heh. Your doctor can call your pharmacy , PROMETHAZINE 25MG and you'll want 10 of 'em. These pills will settle your intestines. Let someone do the running for you. I have'nt heard of anyone throwing up , while driving. AND , ya can't shit and drive at the same time either. Also , get 7UP and/or Gatorade. Sip it. Don't drink it. Your body is wringing itself , of all the water it can , to eliminate the intruder. That's why your shit is so watery. In other words , your intestines are taking a bath. You will dehydrate. Just accept it. If you drink , it will come back up. You can go for 72 hours without drinking. Sips and sips and sips , usually don't come back up. If you are lucky and have IV supplies handy , give yourself a bolus of one unit saline. You'll be amazed what that little trick does for you. Beware , if your tummy is still queezy , don't take those pills. You'll just heave 'em back up. This also includes drinking. If your tummy is queezy , don't drink , eeeeeeeeeewwwww ! ! ! ! ! That's why I'm telling you to just sip it.
When you get to feeling better. Try some chicken noodle soup. Remove the chicken bits , eating only the noodles , that's right , don't eat the meat. Drink all the broth you can , without over doing it. You might want to consider making 3 servings out of one can. You won't feel like eating a lot at first. Also , try sucking on some SALTINE crackers. They will put something into your tummy with salt.
For all of you babies out there , don't let your mommy wait on you. You will just pass it on to her. You are a grownup , so act like it and wait on your own damn self.
You will feel tired , sleepy and groggy. Stay in bed or get comfy in your favorite chair. Don't worry about COMCASTIC COMCAST , it's still does'nt work and besides , you're not in the mood to watch tv anyway.
Saturday, January 05, 2008
I'll bet everyone knows what I'm gonna say next. . . . . . . Yep.
Cause . . . . . . Your gonna get it , your gonna get it , na na na na , your gonna get it :)
Thursday, January 03, 2008
Iowa What ?
Now that Iowa has enjoyed another moment in American history , this time , no one can tell , if Iowans decided anything or on anyone. Every entity that compiles the favorite's percentages , cannot agree on anything. One thing the news people have not reported on is : What is Iowa like ? Since news reporters are too smart to live there and I have , I'll share some tid bits with you.
Iowa has an expensive state tax.
Iowans have been leaving their home state enmass to find work and a better place to live , while Mexicans find work and a better place to live in Iowa everyday.
Iowa's population now has 3 Mexicans for every 1 Iowan leaft standing
When the news reporting teams leave , there will be 9 Mexicans standing , for every white skinned person leaft behind
It's against the law to hire a veteran , despite the state spending money to help vets find work.
A home owner will face a 13% increase in property taxes if there's a fireplace in the home.
California gives their Mexicans , travel money to go to Iowa and stay.
Iowa does not tax food , butt , makes up for it with other taxes.
Iowa is the place , where the rich get richer with political farm subsidies.
Iowa's hog production , is a major air pollution source of methane.
Yes , Pella Windows really do come from Pella , Iowa.
Grenell , Iowa is the town , where the neighbors share their STDs with each other. This town would make a great place for a soap and writers would not be needed.
Iowans favorite past time , is stealing from each other.
Yes , The Eagles are still there.
The Amana colonies , are not all owned by religious fanatics or even Iowans
Yes , the Amana Range comes from Iowa.
Iowa is a whole other country , with open borders and signs saying , " Mexicans Welcome "
In the spring time , mushrooms and bare can be found :)
Wednesday, January 02, 2008
Franklin , Tennessee - sometimes Christmas just ain't fair. Take for example , the most popular gift this year was the ambulance.
While Jody was happy , a unhappy little elf there was.
Dave complained , " All I got was a coffee maker without the coffee."
We should all be so lucky.
A Warm Fire and
This video is rated PG over 21