Thursday, June 30, 2011

 

Conan Decrees " SIZE MATTERS "

Franklin , Tennessee - BVD bloggingtographer - 4,000 miles away in Lost Angels , California , The Tonight Show hosting an audience with Conan , could hear Franklin's judges , quibbling over their choice of readily available sizes of Greek columns. And so it was , that Conan decided to show off to the judges , that he really was , " The ONE , the ONLY , THE MAN " , by demonstrating that " His " size , is all that really matters. And to do it , he personally brought , his very own signature series , NBC stage with his very own personable and one-of-a-kind , special statue that Egypt had made especially just for him , while visiting the pyramids.

Later , Conan boldly stated , " I am all the night time TV that matters to this world , so let them judges judge me now. " Later again , after the applause had died down , Conan added , " There's no way those judges can measure up to me. Just look at this. I am AWESOME ! "



video
video courtesy NBC

Jerry : Wow O WoooowwwW man , did you see Conan's statue ?
BVD : Yeah ( yawn ) , what about it ?
Jerry : Well , geeee , I had'nt realized you were so excited about it. The crowd I mean , listen at that crowd , would'nt you want someone to think of you in some kind of big way ?
BVD : I do have someone who thinks of me being big in a particular kind of way and they do think about it all the time. Heh , heh , heh Besides , that's just Conan. Since when was the last time you saw me get excited over Conan
Jerry : Oh , of course , I'm sure
BVD : Besides , there's a China sticker on the butt of that thing. You can see Conan remove it when the camera pans around back
Jerry : ( carefully watches the rerun ) Oh man , that's the front of that Damn thing , not the back. How could you not notice ? Hey , wait a just a Fracking minute. What's Conan doing to that statue ? Back that up again in slo-mo this time.
BVD : Whooooops :)

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

 

The New World Order

Frankilin , Tennessee - The New World Order is alive and well and using Microwave technology against so called desinters. You know , people like me who talk about things in a sarcastic manner while getting my ideas from the truth of reality .

It's been said that America would be taken over without firing one shot and it's already happened without America realizing it. People continue talking in a hush like manner wondering what the future will bring but it's too late.

The Pentagon finally got AFRICOM up and running in it's effort to be prepared to fight any war on any ground around the world. America is the only country with global preperation for such a global conflict. Why and what do they know that we don't?

Good Luck people. You've got a new boss. Have you noticed President Obama is doing things behind closed doors? Have you noticed he has already traveled more than any other president aboard Air Force One? There's a reason for it.

The New World Order is here and now. I don't know how brave it is going to be but I'm sure "WE" won't like what they tell "US". This 15 Trillion dollar debt thing is'nt going away and they ran up the tab. This is what happens when a society does not use it's CONSTITUTION to run their government.

Enjoy

 

Messin' With Sasquatch

One point about a successful commercial is the ability to entertain. This one surely does that "1" thing. Jack Link's beef jerky is a trucker's favorite.
Enjoy



video

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

 

Find The Squirrel


Franklin , Tennessee - BVD News had nothing probably much more important to do with himself and set off to be out and about the City of Franklin in search of a story and low 'n behold , he found one.

Can you help Raz find the squirrel?

Monday, June 27, 2011

 

The Best Hotel in Town

Franklin , Tennessee - have you ever wondered who has the best hotel in Franklin? I went looking and found you can spend all the money you want to on a room or you can go the cheap route and go Best Western or Ramada.

Best Western is by far the better place over Ramada. You'll find the rooms are better , the beds are not hard ass a rock , check in is easy and you get a full breakfast bar with the room plus a morning paper and don't forget the friendly people. Keep in mind , you should expect the Best Western to fill up quickly.

Over at Ramada you'll find the couch is busted with your ass sitting on the floor. The bed is hard ass a rock and the chairs are shaky. The breakfast bar can upset your tummy and there's no morning paper. And don't forget the Cranky long haired blonde Desk Clerk and those potato chips that are 3 months out of date. The price is comparable to Best Western. By the way , I did ask if all of the couches in Ramada were in the same condition and I got a frowny face with a nod. The rooms need a "BE CAREFUL" or at least a "ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK" sign on the door before going in. Insurance for the night wouldn't be a bad idea either.

Remember , when you check in , you do have the right to inspect the room before paying. Otherwise , you're stuck with it for the duration.

Yes , there are other cheapie hotels butt these two are the more popular and are on the interstate for making an easy get away.

Now back in my road warrior days , the Best Western was the worst place to stay while Ramada was excellent. In fact Ramada consistantly ranked in the top 3 in the South East Region while the Best Western was consistantly found on the bottom of any list. My how times have changed in 20 short years.

Monday, June 13, 2011

 

Missing Father's Day Fathers


Franklin Tennessee and Williamson County - BVD News , the Sheriff's Department released this photo of the missing Father's Day excursion trip for fathers , on the Harpeth River. Detectives on the case , stated they have no clues at this time , to help determine what happened. There are concerns , this may have been a mass kidnapping and/or robbery. The empty canoes were found near Manchester. Several families had booked their dads on this trip , hoping to give them something to remember , as they grow older in their years.


Last minute note before going to press. All the missing fathers have been found at the 2011 Bonnaroo Concert. Many fathers were seen running for safety , after their wives caught them dancing with the skimpily clad young ladies. There are no photos at this time. No doubt , they will have memories of this weekend for many years to come.

Wait just one minute. What were their wives doing there ?

Saturday, June 11, 2011

 

Young Beans at Bonnaroo 2011

Beans beans They're good for your heart
The more you eat the more you fart
The more you fart the better you feel
So eat some beans at every meal

Here's a favorite campfire song to share with your new found friends at Bonnaroo

 

Bonnaroo 2011






Bonnaroo - BVD is on the scene

Hey , we need to dump this used beer !




I was told Hillbillies did this for tired legs










Woodstock's latest generation of Mud people
















Is this the way to Bonnaroo ?






In case you don't know , she works undercover.

 

Incident at Bonnaroo 2011


Manchester , Tennessee - BVD Bloggtographer reporting on an incident at Bonnaroo 2011 , this is a story the news media will not cover. During a night with high winds , lightning popping all around and the thunder knocking down tents , Sarah Hutchinson , Vanderbilt Trauma Rauma Mauma , aka the Manager , suddenly found herself alone and stranded inside a locked Port-O-Let without food , a man or even paper. Her Trauma Rauma ( pat. pending ) flashlight had died due to having out of Trauma season batteries. By using the stormy lightning flashes to see with , she accidentally fell in while attempting to get out. Only by using her trusty Vanderbilt Victorinox All in One Trauma Rauma Knife , was she able to extricate herself from a Shitty situation. ( and also owing thanks to a lucky lightning strike by waving her knife around inside ) People who saw her , did not ask questions.

BVD : Sarah , what were you doing in that Shitter ?
Sarah : I was looking for Jimmy Hoffa , wanna help ?

Friday, June 10, 2011

 

America's Changing Direction


Franklin , Tennessee - ( because of my family being so disgustedly mistreated recently , I'm now talking about this ) Once upon a time , I over heard a conversation at my former employer. Here's what I remember : ( the military has UAVs , which stands for Unmanned Aerial Vehicle ) one version of this thing ( used by THE MARINES ) , comes in it's own backpack. Put a few parts together and you've got a flying airplane , now , put a camera on board and go find the enemy/target. With this toy plane is a computer , to program the flight path. GPS comes on board using a satellite link , which also enables this to send live pics to both the user and to someone at The Pentagon.

Well , the discussion was about exploring possibilities to make this UAV package smaller and lighter for the soldier in the field. To accomplish this feat , it was decided to use a helmet mounted , eye controllable , " keyboard ". It weighs less than a pound and has a flip down eye screen. The eyeball moves a cursor to program the UAV. ( Currently , quads use a similar system to help them live better , " quality lives " in a wheelchair ) Somewhere in the conversation , the idea of using implants came into the discussion.

Why ? Because the concern over this new change of doing things in the battle field was having someone compromise the mission or possibly make their own personal agenda while using this thing. Soooo , the card idea was explored. Research would be needed , to explore medical procedures and to implement , implant card reception. This way , the soldier can be programed any where and out of sight , The Pentagon deemed necessary. Some how , some where , the original UAV discussion , had dropped out of the conversation and the idea of having an elite special forces , with a card in their brains became the plan of the day.

Everyone was getting very excited , with all of this talk about programming their very own , elite killer soldiers , when the question suddenly came up , " Can this card technology be used on the general population ? " ( that's you and me , they are referring too , do you understand )

Soooo , how do you feel about this idea ? Hmmmm . What I would like to know is why The Pentagon would be asking such questions in the first place. I mean , just because they get 400 Billion dollars a year , to spend just on " Black Projects " , why are they talking about such ideas ? Is The Pentagon making future decisions for " US " now ?

That conversation took place over 10 years ago.

Note : I was horribly threatened at Vanderbilt , about what would happen to my family and me , if I ever mention this to anyone. Well , I don't care any more. Let your family cook under a microwave for a while and let's see how you feel about it.

Thursday, June 09, 2011

 

Vanderbilt Trauma Makes Surgical History


Vanderbilt University Medical Center , Vanderbilt Trauma Department , Nashville , Tennessee - BVD Medical News was there , when Vanderbilt Trauma Doc , Doctor. Morris , PhD , MD , PiLeD , and AiD with a Phys EdD in e minor , developed a scientific eye sight method , by using recycled and implanted , cadaver eyeballs , to observe what the traumatized victim sees , from their trauma bed , while teaching undergrad students , traumatic surgery for traumatic category disorders , that are associated with those traumatic incidents , that lead to missing traumatic brain wave instability improbabilities , in the traumatically traumatized , bean brained victim.

During an interview with Trauma Doc Morris , he stated , " This is just the beginning , to a whole new era , in scientific trauma and traumatically related , traumatized injuries needing surgery and for the pursuit of scientific happiness associated with trauma research , intertwined co-connectively with other necessitive medically related excuses , that give doctors , like me for example , more say in handling today 's modern medical problems , that are commonly found , in my dealings with the little people I usually find , lying on my surgical table , while I'm trying to play cards with my favorite nurses. OK ? Look , it's really all about my personal needs you see. I really do need to see , what I'm doing to the patient and this gives me the eyes to do that very thing. "

BVD : So , are these traumatic , traumatizing surgical procedures , similar to the one shown , used on all of your traumatized , bean brained victims ?
Doc. Morris : Oh no , no , nooooo , no , of course not. Traumatic surgeries , like the one shown here , are for the bean brained idiotic victims without insurance. You see , those with insurance can usually afford scalpels.


video

Wednesday, June 08, 2011

 

Philosophy For Everyone

A masterful professor stood on his platform without saying a word. He took out an empty mayonnaise bottle and a bag of golf balls.

He filled all the golf balls into the empty mayonnaise bottle. He then asked the students if they would agree that the empty bottle was now full.

Everyone of course agreed.

After that, the professor took out a cup of small cobblestones from under the table and he slowly poured them into the bottle while shaking it. Soon, the cobblestones filled up all the gap in between the golf balls.

Then, the professor asked the students again if they would agree that the bottle was full?

The students said yes.

Again, the professor took out a cup of fine sand from under the table.

Following the same method, by pouring while shaking the bottle, he filled up the small gap in between the cobblestone with the fine sands.

Professor: “Is the bottle really full now?"

Students: " Yes, it should be full. No more gaps".

Just as the students thought it was over, the professor brought out two cups of coffee from under the table and he slowly poured all the coffee from the cups into the bottle until not a single drop was left.

After pouring the coffee, the professor smiled at the students and said, “Now the bottle is truly full".

The students laughed together with the professor.

Then the professor started his lecture.

"Do you know what I am trying to teach you with my demonstration today?"

"I am using this mayonnaise bottle to tell you a philosophy of life"

"This empty mayonnaise bottle represents our life"

"Golf balls are the major things in our life, such as God, family, children, friends, health and love.

It doesn't matter that life is without those cobblestones and fine sands. But if our life is without the major things above, it will be meaningless.

The small cobblestones will be like "the other things" in our life such as job, house, car, etc.

As for the fine sands, they are just like the small little things in our life, those trivial matters which are not important.

If I began my show by putting the fine sands into the empty mayonnaise bottle first, there would not be any space for golf balls and the cobblestones.

In the same way, if I were to fill the cobblestones in first, there would be no space for the golf balls either.

Just like our life, if you spent all your precious time on those trivial matters, you wouldn't have time to do the important things.

Therefore, we should spend more time on the things which are related to our happiness.

Be with our children more often.
Spend more time for parents, grandparents and other family members.
Pay attention to our health.
Do not worry about the unfinished household chores.
Do not worry about rooms that have not been cleaned up.
Do not worry about not tending the garden.

There will be time for us to do these things.

Give more thoughts to those major and important things in life!

There is only one life.

Life will only be meaningful if we are clear about the importance and priority of things in life.

A student raised up his hand at this point of time

"Professor, what about the two cups of coffee? Do they mean anything?"

"I am glad that you ask the question", answered the professor.

The message from the two cups of coffee for us are,

No matter how full our mayonnaise bottle seems to be, we will always have time for coffee with our friends.

It seems that we are always busy as though the 24 hours we have are not enough.

If you still think that way, please remember the story of the empty mayonnaise bottle and two cups of coffee.

Tuesday, June 07, 2011

 

Confiscating The Bible


Franklin , Tennessee - a concerned Bob Timmerman , wrote The Tennessean about Big Government confiscating everyone's Bible. I four one , don't see it happening and here's why. I'm only 50 years old. That's 1/2 of a century. ( or 50/100 century , for those with an educated degree from Vanderbilt ) Going backwards thru time itself , I can count 14 revised versions of The Bible and that does not include the " Blue Jean " version from LEVI , complete with hip pocket and real brass brads.
Here's my point - we are taught and we are told , The Bible is God's word. Sooooo , why is it , that man revises what The Bible says ? Who are we mortal men thinking we are , by changing what God has said ? The answer is simple " politics ". The Bible gets changed in accordance with the political atmosphere of the moment. In 50 years , changing The Bible 14 times shows a lot of political primate climate change.

Soooo , Mr. Timmerman , I really don't for see anything to worry about , until that is , the political climate gets primate enough to say for you to worry ( and I don't for see that happening in my life time ) , simply because they will merely change The Bible again and again and they'll even do it again , until politics getz it right. You see , using religion is just one avenue for politics to rule the roost while proving their popular acceptance.

Therefore , go forth and find The Bible version revision , you feel politically comfortably stable with and enjoy it in bed. Your rewards will be many times simplified , multiplied and fruitful , while politicians rest easy for another night

Monday, June 06, 2011

 

Wheels of Life


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