AIMLESSLY UNBALANCED

Vanderbilt University , BVD News Bloggtographer - The HUSTLER learned the United States government has been trying to rewrite American history inside Vanderbilt's History Department. HUSTLER's officially unofficially Jerry was on the scene to find out why.
Jerry : What's going on ? What's wrong with American history ?
Dean , Vanderbilt History Department : It's a taxing paranormal complexity , unparalleled to the unparanormal complexities paralled to the oxi moronic chaos within this universe.
Jerry : What ? Is this a Thackston joke ?
Dean : Worse. We are talking taxation to the taxes , for the taxes , because of the taxes , so our government can tax our taxes.
Jerry : I'm really not following you on this.
Dean : Do you remember " No taxation without representation ?"
Jerry : Well , yes , I'm old school.
Dean : Our government is now putting military classification on American history for the purposes of hiding the truth. The NSA co operating with the CIA , who has FBI jurisdiction , under Secret Service guidlines ,and without a warrant , are now pulling early American history books off the shelves and taking them to a safe place , deep beneath the Pentagon , where Americans can't get to them and learn the truth.
Jerry : That's absurd , what's so classified about early American history ?
Dean : Here is a classic classified example. Today , American citizens pay city water taxes to provide water to their homes. Have you seen a water bill lately ? The citizen pays water useage tax , water pipe tax , boundary line tax , county tax , city tax , water meter tax , water flow tax , water pressure tax , county school district tax , city school district tax , city government employee tax , city residence citizen tax , city residence outside the city tax , and even sales tax on the monetary total , plus sales tax on the bottom line.
Jerry : OK , I'm trying to follow what you are saying.
Dean : Did you learn about the " Boston Tea Party " ?
Jerry : Yes , it was a revolt against the British king putting a tax on tea.
Dean : That's right. Well , look around you today. We have a tax on tea , we have taxes on the water to make the tea , there's sales tax on the tea leaves , import ship taxes , in port ship taxes , port authority taxes on the ship , ship container taxes , plus import taxes , customs taxes , transportation taxes , there's even sales taxes on the tea container in your home so you can take it home.
Jerry : Whoa , my head is spinning.
Dean : Now do you understand why our government wants to hide this about our history ?

Vanderbilt averted a near educational nuclear meltdown , when students started removing test files from the Engineering school and stacked them outside Kirkland Hall for a bonfire to protest a lack of MTV on campus. The engineering faculty were gravely concerned about those test files because they act as the control rods on the student's atomic pile. Chairman Thackston stated with alarm , " Without those test files , there's no way to control the nuclear fission inside the student body core. We would have students shooting in all directions out into space even. This would have been more catastrophic than the time Professor Speece flooded the school with human effluent. " ( Thackston kindly asked not to print that last since the state does'nt know about it )
Chancellor Gee , in a flash of brilliance , realized the opportunity to increase the student population. He decreed , "From now on , there will be 12 channels of MTV on campus to choose from , and more importantly , every engineering class can vote on which channel to watch during lectures. "
In a seperate announcement , Gee stated , " This summer , the engineering school will be renovated and upgraded to include a Munchy Mart Beer Dispencer in every classroom and , most importantly , each classroom will have a BIG plasma tv screen to watch MTV during lectures. The Vandy card will be accepted so don't leave your dorm without it. "

Vanderbilt University - BVD News For those who were wondering about all the noise last night , it did'nt come from the Rites of Spring. At 4:20 am , that's morning time , Olin Hall collasped into a pile of rubble.
Vanderbilt built Olin Hall on a area of ground , that Chairman Thackston assured the builders , would take the stress and strain of the urinal shaped building. However , this morning , Thackston re-reviewed his data and discovered , he read the wrong numbers.