AIMLESSLY UNBALANCED

Vanderbilt averted a near educational nuclear meltdown , when students started removing test files from the Engineering school and stacked them outside Kirkland Hall for a bonfire to protest a lack of MTV on campus. The engineering faculty were gravely concerned about those test files because they act as the control rods on the student's atomic pile. Chairman Thackston stated with alarm , " Without those test files , there's no way to control the nuclear fission inside the student body core. We would have students shooting in all directions out into space even. This would have been more catastrophic than the time Professor Speece flooded the school with human effluent. " ( Thackston kindly asked not to print that last since the state does'nt know about it )
Chancellor Gee , in a flash of brilliance , realized the opportunity to increase the student population. He decreed , "From now on , there will be 12 channels of MTV on campus to choose from , and more importantly , every engineering class can vote on which channel to watch during lectures. "
In a seperate announcement , Gee stated , " This summer , the engineering school will be renovated and upgraded to include a Munchy Mart Beer Dispencer in every classroom and , most importantly , each classroom will have a BIG plasma tv screen to watch MTV during lectures. The Vandy card will be accepted so don't leave your dorm without it. "