AIMLESSLY UNBALANCED

Vanderbilt University - BVD News , it was disclosed today , that The New and Improved and Recycled Tonight Show host , Jay Leno , was seen at the Vanderbilt University Branscomb Quad, giving undergrads pointers on how to party just in time for 2011 ASCE Conference and The Rites of Spring.
Leno stated off the record , " It's important these kids know how to party hardy. "
Later , Ms. Schit , ASCE president who is also engaged to marry (again) Professor Alan Bowers said , " We are so fortunate to have a celebrity of Mr. Leno's caliber drop by. Now we all know how to drink alcohol excessively , while having a good time. " Ms. Schit also remarked that it was no accident having Jay Leno on campus , this early into the school year , she replied , " Having Mr. Cool Jay Leno here right now , allows him to address the ASCE 2011 Student Conference. Historically speaking , Vanderbilt has always sucked at the ASCE conference and the 2011 conference is'nt going to be any different , so learning how to properly drink alcohol in great quantities in front of the other attending colleges and universities , gives the Vanderbilt students an edge with something to excel at and with bragging rights I might add , in the presence of the other SEC schools. "

Ms. Schit later chuckled , "We'll be the envious talk of the town ass we drink them under the banquet table at this year's ASCE Conference. Everyone else may have all of the prizes , butt this , we can excel at."