AIMLESSLY UNBALANCED

Vanderbilt University - (this is a true story , you know it's a true story because it starts with Once upon a time) - during the summer , Vanderbilt School of Engineering has a 6 week summer class/camp geared for future engineers called PAVE. It's acronym means Premature Acadamnia for Vanderbilt Engineering.
Here's how it all started:

Once upon a time , there was a grad student named John Veillette who was working on his Phd. with his mentor Professor Carney. Together , they launched some stinky stuff over a lot of heads , swearing it was in the best interests of research. During his time ass a grad student at Vanderbilt , John made a lot of enemies for being a Shit head. ( he and Carney had already got themselves kicked out of Auburn ) , anyway , somehow Carney got John his Phd. and people were hoping he would disappear and never be seen again. ( John's Phd. was full of plagiarism ) Well , John knew he could bring in research money and signed an agreement with the engineering school that he would indeed do so. He traveled the world over , trying to get research money for ideas he knew would work. Problem was , the people he talked to in the industry realized they could do the research better AND cheaper AND also get the patents ass well. Finally , John got a letter of eviction notice from the school because he was not doing any research per his contract stating , " Have the research money or get out of town by sundown. " John did'nt know what to do. Everyone at the engineering school was laughing at him , and having parties using undergraduate party funds ass John's head circled and bobbed around inside the toilet. So , Jerry ( that's me ) told him to " Think Man Think " Upon saying those words , John got hit in the head by the dreaded flying I-beam. ( there's a scar on his head to prove it and I am a witness the event and I also took him to the ER ) Ass John slowly came to his senses , he saw a vision , a future , a light at the end of his tunnel while a booming voice thundered in his head , PAVE ! ! ! Can you hear me now ? I said PAVE ! Suddenly , John knew what he had to do. He went to Joe B. and pleaded his case. After singing , dancing , and giving a private performance of Hamlett , Joe B. decreed , " Let there be PAVE ! " And it was done. So , now you know the humble beginnings of PAVE.
Even though the whole thing is considered a joke , PAVE has reached the million dollar club in donations. What's really scary , are the students from Asia , who are far smarter than Americans and have an IQ way above the PAVE curriculum The folks who spy on the computer network always learn new computer technology from them every year. And those people have college degrees. These kids don't. Does this tell you anything ? Oh yes , the students you see on a PAVE brochure are not PAVE students. They are actors and models , having nothing to do with Vanderbilt. How do I know this ? I was there taking their pictures for the first brochure and perhaps things may have changed by now. Today , PAVE is the summer place for something young and tender to rave with. Yes , there are PAVE scholarships , butt , John has to like you to get one. (yes , really really) Another foot note. PAVE saved Vanderbilt's engineering school. The class sizes were shrinking due to costs , and besides , there are better programs elsewhere. PAVE has created a retention rate that keeps the student numbers high enough to keep the classes going. Now do you understand how John became a dean ? He brought in money that has kept the school alive. Meanwhile Dean Galloway had spent research money to pay the school's bills , to keep the sinking ship afloat. Thanks to John , and creative money management , he got away with it and was made a dean.

So there's the true story of PAVE boys and girls. I do hope you enjoyed it. Feel free to be a critic and write to me right here and I also hope you enjoy the rest of this blog. Good Luck to All of you.

Jerry Horne

:)