AIMLESSLY UNBALANCED

Vanderbilt University - BVD News that's better than anything The Hustler ever put out , associate professor Kenneth Catania has won a cool half million dollars for being a genius with mole brains. Although claiming he's not very smart , that other Tennessean paper said the money proves otherwise. Feeling guilty , Professor Catania came forward and disclosed the truth behind his achievements. Pictured with the professor is a unknown animal life form that Catania found by accident in Vanderbilt 's nuclear power plant located in Vanderbilt Medical Center North basement. Both were interviewed by David Letterman. The creature's I.Q. is a mathematical unknown , mole brains are it's main staple and although it's an illegal , he speaks the English language fluently
Professor Catania later remarked , " By feeding this thing mole brains , I've accumulated a bunch of recipes. Now that I've got this money , I can now become published and travel the world to teach people that mole brains are a culinary delight. "
When asked about his research , Catania responded , " Research ? What research ? I was cooking for this little guy because he was hungry. His favorite foods are mole brains. "