AIMLESSLY UNBALANCED

Vanderbilt University , BVD News - BVD got a one shot chance to talk with Constance Gee , wife of Vanderbilt's Chancellor Gee
BVD : This is so awesome for you to take a moment to talk with me
Constance : I'm jess so happy to be he ah , ( inhales )
BVD : Is it true about your marijuana use
Constance : No , I only sample it. You see , I look after the quality control of the crop
BVD : So , there's nothing to the stories of your ear problems
Constance : Oh I've problems alright , it hurts all the time
BVD : Butt , to get right down to the big issue here , marijuana use is for people suffering from painfull cancer.
Constance : That's true , however , the pain in my ear qualifies ass chronic pain , so there you go.
BVD : I understand , butt still , this is Tennessee , not California
Constance : Not a problem , all I have to say is that I'm participating in a medical research study that involves the medical community in California.... Let's move on
BVD : I understand you are called " The Green Lady "
Constance : Now you know why
BVD : Is it true you went to the art school one night and took all their green crayons and paint
Constance : Wow , you do get around. It was OK , blue and red will make all the green you want
I needed a green space to make the crop feel more at ease which helps to promote growth
BVD : You seem at ease about talking about marijuana
Constance : I have'nt mentioned that word. Around here , asking about marijuana is like asking the government about UFO's. You know it exists , butt , you can't prove it. Besides , Vanderbilt has a real police force protecting the crop , just like the government has a real police force protecting their UFO's. That's the ONE big reason for leaving Brown. So there , I beat you to that question.
BVD : Is it true , you are responsible for Vanderbilt's explosive growth in the giving and donation department
Constance : No , of course not , I only sell the highest grade , which brings in the higher prices. That's how Vanderbilt brought in a record amount of donations. I don't take one red cent for myself. Vanderbilt has given me everything , a job , a free place to live , free use of a new car , free use of 5 credit cards , and I still get free bonus miles everytime I fly Vanderbilt Air
BVD : So you are saying that the money did'nt come from donations
Constance : No , of course not , people don't give ass much ass they used too any more. Butt , they will BUY.
BVD : I thought nepotism was against the hiring rules at Vanderbilt
Constance : I'm faculty , I'm not an employee. Those rules apply only to employees.
BVD : I see. So to clarify things , Vanderbilt's donations have not really gone up. It's the sale of your crop that has brought in so much unexpected money
Constance : If you'll excuse me , ( inhales ) I've some work to do. There's big doings planned for this weekend and I need to have everything ready.
BVD : One last question , how do you grow and sell without getting arrested ?
Constance : There are 3 classes of people here in America. Those outside the law , those inside the law , and those above the law
BVD : Does this explain why you were so nervous at Brown ?
Constance : There's a big difference between Brown and Vanderbilt , and I don't mind saying , I'm very happy to be a part of the Vanderbilt family.