AIMLESSLY UNBALANCED

Vanderbilt University , Jerry Horne got a moment to spend talking shop with Vanderbilt's School of Engineering Professor Speece
Jerry : Gee , where would you like to begin
Dick : Why not at the beginning
Jerry : Tell us how you got to be here at Vanderbilt
Dick : The other school I was at , wanted me out. Chairman Thackston and I go way back and he brought me here.
Jerry : Just like that ?
Dick : Just like that. No application , no interview. I just walked in the door and took over this office.
Jerry : OK. Butt , it seems you took more than just an office. You've also been giving away a lot of departmental " stuff " and using departmental funds to ship it all over the place , what's going on ?
Dick : Research
Jerry : Is'nt that like stealing ?
Dick : So ? I'm faculty and everything around here belongs to me and I'll do what I want with the " stuff ". If anyone says anything or reports something stolen , I've got a fall guy already picked out.
Jerry : A fall guy ? Is that like a " Go To Guy " ?
Dick : Whatever you want to call him.
Jerry : Why are you dumping raw sewage into the open cistern ? Is'nt that illegal ?
Dick : I'm tenured faculty , what's illegal about it ?
Jerry : Are you aware when people walk by , the smell gets in their clothes and they smell like that for the day ?
Dick : Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Hee Hee Hee ! ! ! ! ( slaps his knee ) Hey , how 'bout those folks in Williamson county building houses on land that does'nt perk ? What do you think about THAT smell ?
Jerry : Let's stay on the subject here. Is it true , you spent 20,000 dollars of departmental money , to publish your book ? A book that other professionals said was a crock of shit ?
Dick : Well , sewage is shit , is'nt it ? Besides , it was important for my career to become published. The faculty and the students should feel grateful to me , that I used their money and resources to publish " MY " book.
Jerry : You've got raw sewage all over the lab. People from the medical center have looked at your work in the lab and they say they've never seen anything so archaic. They said it's not even research
Dick : All people have their own opinions , just like all people have an asshole. Besides , what do medical people know about research anyway ?
Jerry : Getting back to the equipment topic , when do the undergrads get their lab " stuff " back so they can do their lab work for this semester's classes ?
Dick : Like I said before. Everything around here is mine.
Jerry : That equipment was bought for the undergrads using their lab fees so they would have equipment to learn and work with. And yet , you spend it on your research. What are you thinking ?
Dick : No one would give me research money for my research. OK ? I took the department's money and I spent it the way I wanted it spent. I did'nt have equipment to work with , so I took what I found lying around.
Jerry : That was'nt your money to spend and you did'nt pay for that equipment.
Dick : Is there a point in this conversation ?
Jerry : Yes. You just made it.