Monday, January 07, 2008
I've Got It , What Duz I do Now ?
OK , OK , OK - People think I'm a doctor and want to know , " I've got this thing , what do I do about it ? " This virus is a mean little bugger and it's also the first time I've heard , ya can't blame it on Taco Bell.
If ya got it , stay home , don't be a hero. Some people go to work anyway and they spread it around. If you know this person , kill em' immediately , like , right now and burn em' where they lay.
You'll know ya got it when your tummy does'nt feel right. You think you've got a temperature , butt , it's actually cold sweats. There's no fever with this one. In a short time , your tummy will be doing flip flops. In a few more minutes , your heaving your gutz inside out. Now remember , you have two orifices , yep , be prepared for the other end and if you've puked all over the toilet seat , well , there won't be time to wipe it :) I suggest you have a trash can in front of you while you sit because it's going to happen.
Here in Franklin , the new 5 million dollar houses have his and her's toilets , facing close to each other , which means , the rich don't have this problem. Yep , ya can puke and shit at the same time and still hit the target :) ( Of course , the toilets are close enough to make out with eachother , while ya both take a dump. My , my , my. What the rich folks have to do these days just to breed. ) While you're heaving and shitting at the same time , I'll bet you had'nt realized , you were so talented.
OK OK OK - what to do. YA STAY HOME , GOT THAT ? The doctor cannot help you , the hospital cannot help you. Besides , it's only for 72 hours , heh , heh , heh. Your doctor can call your pharmacy , PROMETHAZINE 25MG and you'll want 10 of 'em. These pills will settle your intestines. Let someone do the running for you. I have'nt heard of anyone throwing up , while driving. AND , ya can't shit and drive at the same time either. Also , get 7UP and/or Gatorade. Sip it. Don't drink it. Your body is wringing itself , of all the water it can , to eliminate the intruder. That's why your shit is so watery. In other words , your intestines are taking a bath. You will dehydrate. Just accept it. If you drink , it will come back up. You can go for 72 hours without drinking. Sips and sips and sips , usually don't come back up. If you are lucky and have IV supplies handy , give yourself a bolus of one unit saline. You'll be amazed what that little trick does for you. Beware , if your tummy is still queezy , don't take those pills. You'll just heave 'em back up. This also includes drinking. If your tummy is queezy , don't drink , eeeeeeeeeewwwww ! ! ! ! ! That's why I'm telling you to just sip it.
When you get to feeling better. Try some chicken noodle soup. Remove the chicken bits , eating only the noodles , that's right , don't eat the meat. Drink all the broth you can , without over doing it. You might want to consider making 3 servings out of one can. You won't feel like eating a lot at first. Also , try sucking on some SALTINE crackers. They will put something into your tummy with salt.
For all of you babies out there , don't let your mommy wait on you. You will just pass it on to her. You are a grownup , so act like it and wait on your own damn self.
You will feel tired , sleepy and groggy. Stay in bed or get comfy in your favorite chair. Don't worry about COMCASTIC COMCAST , it's still does'nt work and besides , you're not in the mood to watch tv anyway.
If ya got it , stay home , don't be a hero. Some people go to work anyway and they spread it around. If you know this person , kill em' immediately , like , right now and burn em' where they lay.
You'll know ya got it when your tummy does'nt feel right. You think you've got a temperature , butt , it's actually cold sweats. There's no fever with this one. In a short time , your tummy will be doing flip flops. In a few more minutes , your heaving your gutz inside out. Now remember , you have two orifices , yep , be prepared for the other end and if you've puked all over the toilet seat , well , there won't be time to wipe it :) I suggest you have a trash can in front of you while you sit because it's going to happen.
Here in Franklin , the new 5 million dollar houses have his and her's toilets , facing close to each other , which means , the rich don't have this problem. Yep , ya can puke and shit at the same time and still hit the target :) ( Of course , the toilets are close enough to make out with eachother , while ya both take a dump. My , my , my. What the rich folks have to do these days just to breed. ) While you're heaving and shitting at the same time , I'll bet you had'nt realized , you were so talented.
OK OK OK - what to do. YA STAY HOME , GOT THAT ? The doctor cannot help you , the hospital cannot help you. Besides , it's only for 72 hours , heh , heh , heh. Your doctor can call your pharmacy , PROMETHAZINE 25MG and you'll want 10 of 'em. These pills will settle your intestines. Let someone do the running for you. I have'nt heard of anyone throwing up , while driving. AND , ya can't shit and drive at the same time either. Also , get 7UP and/or Gatorade. Sip it. Don't drink it. Your body is wringing itself , of all the water it can , to eliminate the intruder. That's why your shit is so watery. In other words , your intestines are taking a bath. You will dehydrate. Just accept it. If you drink , it will come back up. You can go for 72 hours without drinking. Sips and sips and sips , usually don't come back up. If you are lucky and have IV supplies handy , give yourself a bolus of one unit saline. You'll be amazed what that little trick does for you. Beware , if your tummy is still queezy , don't take those pills. You'll just heave 'em back up. This also includes drinking. If your tummy is queezy , don't drink , eeeeeeeeeewwwww ! ! ! ! ! That's why I'm telling you to just sip it.
When you get to feeling better. Try some chicken noodle soup. Remove the chicken bits , eating only the noodles , that's right , don't eat the meat. Drink all the broth you can , without over doing it. You might want to consider making 3 servings out of one can. You won't feel like eating a lot at first. Also , try sucking on some SALTINE crackers. They will put something into your tummy with salt.
For all of you babies out there , don't let your mommy wait on you. You will just pass it on to her. You are a grownup , so act like it and wait on your own damn self.
You will feel tired , sleepy and groggy. Stay in bed or get comfy in your favorite chair. Don't worry about COMCASTIC COMCAST , it's still does'nt work and besides , you're not in the mood to watch tv anyway.
