AIMLESSLY UNBALANCED

Franklin , Tennessee - BVD Bloggtographer , The City of Franklin Police Department showed off it's newer equipment last Thursday. BVD interviewed Detective Russell " Rusty " Lockard , ( CID Commander in training and future police Chief hopeful )
BVD : Rusty , what exactly is this ?
Rusty : Well BVD , I'll bet you think it's some kind of body armor underwear , butt , it's not. It's actually the latest fashion in chastity belts.
BVD : Ha ha ha ah , Okay , why does a police officer need one of these ?
Rusty : BVD , it's not just a police officer who needs this , it's a FRANKLIN POLICE officer , who needs one of these
BVD : Hmmmm , whaaaat ?
Rusty : Yep. Look , we can't just fire an officer , just because he does wrong. Doing so would send the wrong message to the other officers. So , for now , we are trying out this chastity belt , to see if it helps the officer in difficult situations
BVD : Hmmmm , I see. Umm , er , ah , tell my readers about it please
Rusty : Oh sure thing man. You can easily see the tube at the bottom , that allows the officer to pee. Then there's this wire running up his chest , that's the antennae.
BVD : Antennae ?
Rusty : Yeah , this is equiped with GPS. You see , this thing has a smart card that sends telemetry to our dispatch. The operator can see exactly where the officer is and if there's an erection situation.
BVD : And what if there is an erection situation ?
Rusty : Not a problem , no problem at all. The dispatch operator has an " erection situation emergency red button " , or " ESERB " for short , that can be pushed , which activates an electrical charge into the crotch , which then causes an erection deflation situation to occur.
BVD : A what-a-what ?
Rusty : An erection deflation situation , or , " EDS " for short.
BVD : Rusty , is this thing really necessary ?
Rusty : Necessary ? Unfortunately , yes.
BVD : What makes this so necessary ?
Rusty : Well for starters , ass you know , we have a pedophile on file , who can not be fired for political reasons AND we have other officers who can't keep it in their pants , plus , there's been an increase in vehicle costs , because we've had to disinfect 2 patrol cars already for crabs , during this holiday season alone.
BVD : How do you know the officers put 'em in there ? I mean , couldn't a perp have put them in there ?
Rusty : A perp ? In the driver's seat ? Not likely.