AIMLESSLY UNBALANCED

Franklin , Tennessee - the Franklin Police Department has begun a nationwide search for a new police chief. BVD had a word with Sgt. Warner

BVD : Good morning Sarge , how's it hanging ?
Sgt. Warner : Ha ha ha , that's a good one , ha ha ha , everything is hanging just fine , now that it's been laid , ha ha ha ha ha
BVD : Hm ? Laid ?
Warner : Yeah , you know , getting laid. You know , fucking !
BVD : Oh yeah , right , butt , I thought you were married
Warner : I am married , that's why I have a " mistress in distress " on the side. Ha ha ha ha , us police officers have to keep our wits about us , you know
BVD : Riiiiiiiiight. Now then , what's this about finding a replacement for chief jackie ?
Warner : Yep , that's right
BVD : Well ? What can you tell my readers ? How's the search coming along ?
Warner : Right now , it looks like Bin Laden will get the job
BVD : Whaaaaaaaaat ? You're kidding , right ?
Warner : Oh no , nooooo , not at all. You see , the chief and Bin Laden have the same quality things in common , plus the fact , no one around here wants to make any changes , soooo , right now , Bin Laden is the right choice @ the right time
BVD : Mr. Warner , would you please tell my readers , what makes Bin Laden the most popular candidate for the chief's position , I mean , explain it to me like I'm a 3 year old
Warner : Certainly , of course , we are not talking brain surgery here. Chief jackie is a very hard person to find. His office lights are always on , butt no one'z home. Meanwhile , even in his own home , Bin Laden is also just ass hard to find. The only differences between the two , is that jackie has sometimes been spotted , wandering aimlessly around the office complex of the city's Leaf Recycling Department and then , only during the leaf dropping season.
BVD : Thank you for the picture of Bin Laden , why do you not have one of the chief ?
Warner : We have'nt been able to find the chief long enough tooo take his picture and you know what else ? We can't even make a baseball card of him because we can't find him to sign the waver to release him from playing pro ball.
BVD : The chief ? I mean , he plays pro ball ?
Wagner : Well of course. Hey , did I tell you about his stint with the US Marshals ?
BVD : Hm , errrr , ah no , you have'nt
Wagner : Well , I'm not surprised. The job did'nt last very long
BVD : Oh , why not ?
Wagner : They could'nt find him , to tell him , he got the job.
BVD : Oooooooooooo man , ha ha ha , Okaaaaaaay , you got me on that one