AIMLESSLY UNBALANCED

Franklin , Tennessee - BVD News Bloggtographer interviewed Kevin , with The City of Franklin Leaf Recycling Program Department. ( note : BVD wrote this article without pay , to show Congress , expenses were being cut , while qualifying for the 5 Billion dollar Blogg Bailout Program being expedited by The White House , to save this and other blogs from going under , before President Bush leaves his office )

BVD : Good morning Kevin. Thank you so much for seeing me
Kevin : Aaaaaand a Good Mornin' to you 2 there big guy. Where would you like to start ? I can get you on a truck if you like. That way , you can see for yourself , how deadly dangerous this work environment is for our dedicated employees.
BVD : Oooooh , that's alright , no thank you , please , can we do our talking right here in your plush office. Oh hey , is that an original Vanity Vangoe Toe on your wall ?
Kevin : Why yes , , , , yes it is. You have a good eye there. Do you appreciate the fine arts ?
BVD : Why yes , I just adore expensive artwork and I see you do ass well. Did the city pay for this ?
Kevin : Hmmmm no. The taxpayers did of course. This city never pays for anything. I would think you would know that. Now , what's on your mind today ?
BVD : Ass you know , a controversy has sprung up about your recycling leaf collections program. I have some pictures here and was hoping you would help out my readers by clarifying what leaves get collected for recycling and which ones do not.
Kevin : I see , well , , , , , let's get started , shall we ?

BVD : Ok now , this picture shows 5 different piles of leaves. Why won't you pick them up ?
Kevin : Simple. You see that painted mark on the street ? That's where my line of responsibility ends.
BVD : Butt , those citizens pay both city AND county taxes. How can you sit there and talk to me about some line on some street ? These piles are on the same street. What's a few feet matter ?
Kevin : Look , it's my job to recycle leaves , I have nothing to do with taxes , OK ? . . . . .Look , I have 3 guys on 1 truck and they have 1 rake amongst them. I'm not going to have my crews worked to death , understand ?
BVD : I would think there would be more than 1 rake for 3 men.
Kevin : Yeah , well , someone has to drive the truck. How would it look , to have the driver with a rake in his hand while driving the truck ? Besides , the driver is the only 1 on the crew , who has finished the required mandatory training for this department , before picking up a rake
BVD : Can't the driver lay the rake aside while he drives ?
Kevin : What ? And have some one steal it ? Are you crazy ?
BVD : Hmmmm. Well , don't you have other trucks and crews ?
Kevin : Well of course we do Silly. What's your point ?
BVD : " sigh " , OK , let's move on.

BVD : ( shows the next picture ) Ok , , , , now. What's wrong with this pile of leaves ?
Kevin : They are not piled up on the curb. You see ? We don't do yards.
BVD : Hmm , OK , yeeaaaah , I see it now.

BVD : ( moving on to the next picture ) Why won't you pick up this pile of leaves ?
Kevin : Pile of leaves ? Where ? Please show me the pile of leaves in this picture , will you please .
BVD : ? Hmm ? You don't see the pile in this picture ?
Kevin : Ha ha ha ha , Ok , Ok , OK BVD. My , you ARE a funny guy. Ok , now look closely here. That's not a pile of leaves.
BVD : It's not ?
Kevin : Nope , not at all
BVD : What is it then ?
KJevin : That's a leaf puddle.
BVD : That's a what puddle ?
Kevin : That's a leaf puddle. Look and you'll see for yourself what I'm talking about , you see , for a pile of leaves to qualify ass a pile of leaves , the pile of leaves must stand 3 feet tall piled up. OK ? Now , , , , your picture clearly shows this pile of leaves to be spread out over the length of the street and THAT my boy , does not qualify for a " pile of leaves "
BVD : Does this pile of leaves , I mean , puddle of leaves qualify for anything ? I mean , is'nt there anything you can do for the homeowner ?
Kevin : Well of course there's something I can do. It's part of my many responsibilities to report any criminal act with leaves I see and this certainly looks like it qualifies ass a criminal act.
BVD : Why are these leaves on the street a criminal act ?
Kevin : It's against any criminal law , for leaves to be on the street.
BVD : What ? And just why is that ?
Kevin : Leaves tend to bunch and pile up with their own kind. This can lead to some form of left over , left sided terrorist act of leaves , thus becoming an accident with criminal intent , in other words , it would be a leafy accident.

BVD : ( sighs and moves on to the next picture ) What's wrong here ? I see the stick , butt , why won't you pick up them leaves ? I mean , just look at them leaves. They appear to be perfectly normal and ripe for the picking , just look at those colors. Tell me these leaves are not ready for harvesting.
Kevin : Well BVD , I'm sure they are ready ass you suggest , BUTT , do you see that stick ?
BVD : Hmm , yes , , , hmmmm , , so ?
Kevin : Sticks are well known for harboring snakes. I will not hazard an employee for any reason and that includes the possibility of snake bite.
BVD : I did'nt know Franklin had a snake bite problem
Kevin : It does'nt , butt , I'm not going to let my people take the chance just the same.