AIMLESSLY UNBALANCED

Vanderbilt Hospital , Trauma Department - Nashville , Tennessee - onboard the only ER in the sky , BVD was enjoying the panoramic view of Downtown Nashville , the place where history was made , when a patient was fed , without using the traditional feeding tube or " spoon " system. BVD got the story from Vanderbilt " Trauma Doc " Morris

" This is GREAAAAT ! " , stated Dr. Morris , who is now , the leading Vanderbilt Trauma Doc , in charge of bathing and feeding the patients. " Now us doctors can get on with more important tasks , like taking a bath for ourselves. " Dr. Morris continued his statement , " After being home on weekends and spending 10 Billion dollars in Congressional Hospital Research Grants in the last year alone , I just cannot believe how simple , this feeding system is. Just look at it. There are no tubes , no bottles , not even a canned machine. And the really nice feature about this feeding system is that no special training is required.
" With this feeding system , we can now have nutritious nutrients , nursing our patients in ways never before thought possible , while being conceived in a hospital environment. This will enable us , to empty more beds faster , by removing the patient in half the time , while allowing us to double their hospital bill. Why , this could enable us to double our Trauma Rauma routine, AND , think about this , GPS is not required ! " , said Morris.
BVD : Why is GPS not needed ?
Morris : Well , for the first time , the food goes straight to the patient's mouth and not into an employee's. In which case , there's no telling where the food goes , once an employee gets their theiven little hands on it. Then GPS will track the movement of the food , thus showing us where the employee went to eat it.
BVD : You mean to tell me , employees are stealing a patient's meal ?
Morris : Well of course they are. Vanderbilt is well known for not paying their employees enough to live on and even less to buy food.
BVD : Then why would someone want to work here ?
Morris : Because of the name Vanderbilt , of course. After all , to be here , means , you make sacrifices
BVD : How can you afford to buy food ?
Morris : Oh , that's easy. I'm not an employee around here , I'm a DOCTOR !

Dr. Morris later remarked , " That's right. This is remarkable , simply remarkable. Where will technology take us next ? "

Dr. Morris holds a Dr. of MD , ID and VD w/IV @ Vanderbilt Hospital Staff Solutions and contributes to articles such ass this , in various magazines around the world and is well known for not bathing and currently holds the hospital record for the longest lasting flatulence.