AIMLESSLY UNBALANCED

Franklin , Tennessee - BVD dropped by Jerry's place , after getting a phone call about smoke being scene , coming from his house

BVD : ( walks in and sees Jerry smoken a token ) DUDE ! What 're yah , , , ah , , aaahh , oh yeaah , hmmmm , that's sum guud sheet man. Oh yeah , now I reemember , what 'r yea doin ?
Jerry : Smokin , what's it luuk like I'm ah doin ?
BVD : Oh man , your asshole neighbors see you like this and they'll be callin the copz agiiin
Jerry : So ? Call 'em. Hell , I'll call fur 'em , what'z their number agin' ?
BVD : " ? " You mean you aint a 'feared of them copz arrestin ye fur smoken that token ? Maaaannnn yu aint riiiiight !
Jerry : Oh , I'm right 'al right. Luuk it he'ar , ya see this d'ang ? ( points at a black box )
BVD : ( Looks closer at the box like object ) Hmm , what eez at' d'ang? " koff , koff " ( BVD fans smoke away from his face so he can see and coughs some more )
Jerry : It's a pothead meter. Ya breathe onta d'is pipe and it samples yur breath for " Pot " !
BVD : I thought you had to pee in a bottle to get caught smokin pot.
Jerry : Nope , not any more. Luuk 'it hear , ya see ? Ya don't even hav ta blow into 'dat pipe , it's that's sensative. ( Jerry stands back and blows smoke at the box and the meter registers insane levels of pot )
BVD : Okaaay , soooo , why are you not concerned about getting arrested by the police ?
Jerry : Simple. They come here to arrest me , they steal have to breathe some air , right ? Well , this thang will show , that they too hav been smoken a token and guess what then ? Theeeeeiiiiiiiirrrr the onesz getten BUSTED ! ! ! ! HEH HEh heeeh mmmm oh yeeaah ! " koff , koff ". Gimmie anuthur hit dar , bro , " koff , koff ".
BVD : Um , er , ah , Jerry ? You know the police don't arrest their own kind fur smoken a token.
Jerry : That's right , they won't AND they won't arrest me when this he'ah meter catches 'em tooo. Heh heh heh heh
BVD : Hmmmm , I dunno man. I mean , what will keep them from stealing 'dis d'ang thang ? " Koff koff ".
Jerry : Well , I wish 'em good luck trying. This is military gear with ANG , DLG , PMG aaaannnd it'sz even got encoded GPS. Sooo , let 'em trie. Eeet's survived Iraq and Afghanistan and even America's own desert storm and it ain't been stolen yet. Yeeaah , this 'll 'git 'em guuud , tooo. So , you wanna toke a smoke or 'r yu jesz gonna stand thar 'n watch me enjoye 'dis d'ang ?
BVD : Hmmmm , this is a reel difficulkt da 'ceezion ta make. Hmmmmm. Ooooh , aaaaalllright. Okay , whar 'esz mine ?
Jerry : ( reaches under a Bible ) Freshly rolled too , I jest a 'new yu 'oud a 'b kummin dis a 'way t 'day.
BVD : " puff puff puff , inhales , inhales , inhales " , hmmm , this is sum guuuud shit , man. Soooo , yu hurd , Metro is hiring copsz with possesion records
Jerry : " puff puff puff , inhales , inhales , inhales " , hmmmmmmmmmmm , yeeeeaaaaaah. So ?
BVD : What'sz goin to keep Franklin Police , fum hiring those same potheads ?
Jerry : Hmm , problie nuttin , afta 'all , they hav hired 'dem boy luvers
BVD : ( feeling relaxed and smooth faced , settles down deep into the couch ) Ya know Jerry , now I'z a realiz'in why da copsz always hav their windews down all da time
Jerry : Oh yeah ? Why ?
BVD : Because they hav to keep all dat smoke out ov dare kar !