AIMLESSLY UNBALANCED

Vanderbilt Trauma - you know how some people like to talk about other people and yesterday was just another one of those talking days , when people having nothing better to do , were talking about other people. Some how some where , the universal conversation turned to assholes.
People were asking each other , where do they come from ? Why are they here ? Are they the real aliens everyone worries about ? Are assholes the prelude to an invasion ? Are terrorists really assholes ? Which one does Dick Cheney qualify ass , a terrorist , an asshole or just a plain ole stuck up rectum?

Listening to this , I remembered stories about the Vanderbilt Trauma Manager , Sarah Hutchison. Before becoming the manager , Sarah was considered , by many of her peers , to be an excellent nurse , while working in emergency medicine. Butt , when the " Trauma Manager " position became open , her job performance went to shit and she was rumored to have been engaging in various sex acts with the suits. Apparently , she gives really good snow cones , per the gossip channel in Surgery 1B.

Well , wouldn't you know it , Sarah was hired in , ass the new Trauma Manager , with the former manager walking out the door stating , " He had had enough Vanderbilt Bullshit , enough Vanderbilt Crap and enough Vanderbilt Diarrhea , to outlast many lifetimes , over and over and enough over again. "
And then , one fine day , while sitting in her shiny , new manager's office , Sarah was heard , screaming her lungs out. The scene seen , was pieces of feces , covering the walls , her computer , the door and even on the people who came to help her. People could not stand up straight , for the shit on the floor or for the shit on their shoes and a scene hiding behind her desk , Sarah was seen , skulking and hunkering , down in a corner , her eyes big and bright and filled with fright , until finally , Sarah stopped screaming and began babbling to God about her rectum. " Pleeease God , oh please " , she begged. " Don't SHIT on me any more. Please , I'll do anything you want. " , she cried. " Please , God , please , don't SHIT on me again. Please God , oh please. " , she begged. " Please don't let my rectum, SHIT on me again. Oh please God , stop this SHIT. " , ass she cried , she continued her begging. " Please God , oh please , please help me , please make my rectum stop. I can't , I cannot , oh PLEASE PLEASE oh God , I just can not stand , any more of my own SHIT. " , she stated obtusely arrogant.

God did not answer her , perhaps the stench was just too over whelming. Instead , her rectum reared it's ugly little ass and said , " I'm the boss from now on. You hear me ? I'm the " Brains " around here. Now , you give me any more problems and I'll SHIT all over you again. Understand ? " Sarah nodded her pathetic little head in fearful submission , giving in to her rectum's demands ass her ass immediately traded places with her brain , which was cowering in the deep dark recesses where light nor even smells can not go. Yes , her ass was the boss now.

And from that day forward , Sarah has been a total asshole , to anyone and to everyone , including cats , the dogs and even the beaver tails. Hell , not even her lesbian lovers at work , or her neighbor's husbands at home , or even the dying Trauma patients , were exempt , from Sarah 's rectum's raging fits. Ass it threw shit in all directions , it farted ass it cried and so Sarah , let everyone in her little world know , that ass the world turned , her asshole turned too and since her ass was more important than patient care , she would not hesitate , to shit on anyone , who did not kiss her ass or suck her toes and she was good to her word on that !

Upon learning what kind of manager Sarah turned out to be , Vanderbilt immediately bestowed upon her , a well deserved 13 % pay raise , twice a year , with bonus incentives.

Now then , does this help answer those nagging questions about , " Where do assholes come from ? "