Thursday, July 02, 2009
Homeland Security Hits Pay Dirt
BVD : Sir , how did you know there was money in there ( watching money pouring out , from a hole in a column )
Ray : We did'nt. However , satellite imagery clearly showed US , that something was indeed inside these " hollow " columns , giving US the impression , that Franklin Police may be preparing for WW III. I mean , just look at these columns , would you ? They are after all , large enough to house the latest , state of the art missiles from Korea or even Iran and these columns would make excellent , covert missile silos. I mean , just look at these things would ya ? These are the largest Greek columns I've ever seen. Who would have thought that these columns might be used to hide a missile in plain public sight ? Soooooo , we decided to come on over and have a look , you know what I mean ?
BVD : Yes sir , I know what you mean
Ray : Good. I see we are on the same page. ( a loud bang startles everyone to attention ) Damn it Mike , how many times have I got to remind you to shout it out before you do that ?
Mike : Oh , hi Ray , giggling , did'nt see you standing over there :) giggles some more ( a loud chinking sound starts coming from the column ass a river of coins hits the concrete )
BVD : Woooooooooow , you mean there's money in that one too ?
Ray : Sure looks like it , don't it ( looks on dumb founded , as money flows out from the second column ) I've never seen anything like this before.
BVD : Oh my Lord. Are all of these columns full of money ?
Ray : Well , I don't know yet , butt we are sure gonna find out. Satellite imagery shows , that every one of these columns , are full of something
Everyone is suddenly shocked and in awe , ass Jay Johnson steps out of a limo from nowhere , escorted by his Franklin police department with lots of sporting guns , Nazi boots on motorcycles , lights , sirens , spotlights panning about , people dressed in black and wearing dark sunglasses , armored vehicles with gun barrels in every port , a helicopter above with searchlights panning across the ground and lots and lots of more sporting guns , blindingly reflecting the sunlight.
Jay Johnson : O Kay everyone ! Stand back from there. I'm in charge now. ( looks at the money on the ground and starts pulling his hair out ass the pile of money continues growing ass if reaching for the sky ) My MONEEEEEEY ! AAAAAAAAAAH ! ! ! ! MY MONEY ! ! ! ! ! Oh my God ! ! ! ! ! What are you people doing to my money ?
BVD : Your money ? What makes this mess , your money ?
Jay J0hnson : What do you mean ? It's mine alright , I put it there for safe keeping. Yeah , it's mine all right , now you just stand back from it ya hear ? It's MINE ! ! ! ! !
Ray : Well , it's mine now. ( steps up face to face with Jay Johnson ) It's against the law to hide money in a Greek column :)
Jay Johnson : What do you mean , it's against the law ? Don't you know who I am ?
Ray : No and I don't really care. This money is now impounded. In other words , it's all mine right NOW !
Jay : Well , You will care to know who I am , after I have your stupid ass arrested. Chief ? Now where'd he go this time ? Why does that little fat fart of a bald headed bastard boy always disappear , when I need him the most. Hey Chief jackie , GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE and arrest this guy for me. He's trying to steal our money
Chief jackie : Our money ? ( looks on dumb founded ) You've never said it was " our's " before
Jay : Oh well , heh , heh , heh. Just an over sight my friend , heh , heh , heh , just an over sight , now arrest his ass. GOT THAT ?
Chief jackie : I can't boss. This guy is Homeland Security
Jay : What ? Well-ll-lll , this is Franklin , thank you very much and Damn it all to Hell ! I own this Fucked up one horse of a little town and that means I own everyone and everything in it and that means I own you too. I've spent my life , Fucking everyone to get this far and I'm not about to fall backwards. Now then , if you can't arrest him , then shoot him.
Chief jackie : I can't shoot him , boss. That would be against the law. Besides , I don't have a gun , remember ? I can't get a permit.
JJ : WHAT DO YOU MEAN AGAINST THE LAW ? I AM THE LAW IN THIS TOWN DAMN IT , DAMN IT , DAMN IT ALL TO HELL , I AM THE LAW ! ( his face is all purplely and about to burst ) DO ASS I SAY and DO IT NOW !
Chief jackie : I , I , I , can't boss. He out ranks me
Jay Johnson : Heee what ?
Chief jackie : He out ranks me. I can't arrest him
Jay Johnson : Oh ? What is he ? Some kind of an associate path ? Well , no problem. You are now hereby promoted to the rank of " High Enough " to arrest his ass. ( with those words , fighter jets suddenly fly over with the Screaming Eagles appearing from out of the clouds , screaming " Death From Above ". On the ground , from Ft. Knox , The MARINES with their Abrams , surround the situation )
Ray : Those would be mine. ( smiling arrogantly ) Any questions ?
Chief jackie : ( looks at JJ like it's the last time they will ever be together again ) If only you had allowed me to order that missile from China
Jay Johnson : Hmm , whaaaat ? Did'nt I tell you ?
Chief jackie : Tell me what ?
Jay Johnson : ( quietly whispers ) The fourth column , it's in the fourth column.
Chief jackie : ( his eyes aglow with love and affection for his boss ) Oh wooooooow. You do have the launch codes , right ? ( talking quietly )
Jay Johnson : Launch codes ? What's that ?