AIMLESSLY UNBALANCED

Franklin , Tennessee , BVD Bloggtographer - would'nt you jest knowz it , butt , someone jest haad ta azk , what haz becum of Jay Johnson , Franklin 's former city administrator ?

Jay has finally made it to the big times in the cartoon industry. He plays the sheriff on Squidbillies. It seems , after spending all that time ass the leader , of Franklin 's ever so popular Police Department , becoming a cartoon sheriff was just natural for him.

Meanwhile , back at " The City " , despite JJ being fired , his affluential effluence , continues to make The Franklin Police Department , what it still is today. According to the latest word on the grapevine , Chief jackie can not get his " stupid ass " to bed , without first saying his prayers , while wearing his JJ brand pajamas , with his JJ doll comforter , under his arms. Rumor control has it , that JJ even designed a bedtime gown for his " special " woman , that jackie still wears from time to time.

Franklin , Tennessee - BVD Bloggtographer , Franklin Police has a few new faces.

BVD : Have you seen the new recruits ?
Jerry : Nope. Why would I want to
BVD : Oh , just because
Jerry : Have you ever talked to another Franklinite , that had a need for Franklin Police and admitted to it ?
BVD : Um , er , ah , er , well , no actually.
Jerry : Okay , now that you've shown me the picture , just what are the requirements for winning this here Soto award
BVD : Well , it helps if you can sleep on the clock and get away with it. Hee hee hee
Jerry : Hmmm , how about having the public believe you are acting in their best interests
BVD : Oooo , that bites. Okay , how about being able to grease the wheels to get over time pay without doing the time ? Or how about being able to roll a joint without spilling the goods ? Or being good at Brown nosing without showing a ring around the collar ?
Jerry : Hmm , are we trying to upstage each other or are we really being honest about the Franklin Police Department ? I mean , just because an officer would never let on that Franklin is really just a dirty , dishonest and deceitful little ole town. Mmmm , maybe it's their ability to screw people while giving them a warm and friendly smile
BVD : Hmm , those are good points. Do you remember that young black trainee ?
Jerry : Yeah , what about him ?
BVD : He did'nt make it.
Jerry : Why ? Was he too honest , was his soul not for sale or was he just too black for this department ?
BVD : Hmm , I don't know and jackie ain't sayin
Jerry : What ever the reason , Franklin's Police Department still has racial problems.
BVD : Well , having Coffee around did'nt do much to help inspire confidence with black people wearing badges and then those brothers beating up their women did'nt help either. It's interesting how their fellow brother officers looked the other way.
Jerry : Gee , I wonder why ? Could it be , if you wear the badge , you can beat a woman , butt , if you don't , you go to jail ?
BVD : Hmph , Coffee , now that was a few years ago.
Jerry : Yep and people still talk about him too. They just can't seem to move on.
BVD : Well , a little bit of that Coffee does go a loooong way
Jerry : Yeah and having Wisdom within the department did'nt help either
BVD : Oh man , that's a low law blow
Jerry : Yep and just think , Franklin Police can go even lower
BVD : Oooooooo !
Jerry : You think that's low ? I wonder where that recruit's inspiration comes from , Tim Taylor
BVD : Tell me why it is , when we talk about Franklin Police , it seems we are talking politics ?
Jerry : Perhaps it's because we know they are in bed with each other
BVD : That would explain a lot would'nt it
Jerry : You know , sometimes , I think you've been around the police too much.
BVD : ( snickering and snickers some more )
Jerry : " ? " What's so damn funny ?
BVD : ( snickers ) you said ( snickers ) Tim Taylor ( snickering some more )
Jerry : Yeah ( snickers ) I did say that , ( snickers ) did'nt I ( snickers turns into laughter )

Franklin , Tennessee - BVD was watching CNN and started talking.

BVD : Hey , did you see this about the cop in Texas giving some guy a lot of grief during a traffic stop and the guy was racing to a family member who was dying at the hospital ?
Jerry : Yeah I did. I'm surprised it was'nt a Franklin cop doing that
BVD : Hmm , yeah , good point. Do you know why the police act they way they do ?
Jerry : Are you going to bring up America being afraid of it's own shadow again ?
BVD : Well , now that you mention it , do you understand what's going on with the world's money system ?
Jerry : Explain it to me
BVD : Ass you know , there seems to be some mysterious " Black Hole " , that is swallowing the world's money supply. Look at Bush and the way he acted on the subject. The country is circling the drain and Bush is on vacation.
Jerry : Are you going to make a point here ?
BVD : Yep. All of these accurances are related
Jerry : Say what ?
BVD : Yep. Let's start with Bush. Where was all of that money going ? Billions of dollars went somewhere and no one knows where. So , what's going on ?
Jerry : I dunno , butt , you are going to tell me , right ?
BVD : Riiiiiiiiiiight. Look , the reason Bush was going thru so much money with no one knowing where it was going , was because Bush was bank rolling 2 governments.
Jerry : What ?
BVD : Yeah. You see , there's this other American government , nick named the " Shadow Government ". It's not a real authorized government of America , butt , our politicians are supporting it.
Jerry : Ok , what's it all about ?
BVD : Remember the first President Bush preaching a new world order ?
Jerry : Yes , I do remember that
BVD : Well , this is it. You see , there was a concern about a nuclear strike taking out our government. So , another government was put into place ass a backup. In the event say , CONgress was taken out , this backup government would intervene. The problem is , no country can support 2 governments. Butt , the really scary part about this " Shadow Government " is the simple fact , it does not recognize The Constitution of The United States or even this country's laws. If they take control , slavery would be the job of the day for all of " US ".
Jerry : OK. So , what does this have to do with the cops in Texas ?
BVD : It has to do with every cop in this country. Remember CALEA ? That's why there's a need to marry law enforcement agencies with politicians.
Jerry : Hmmm , you might be on to something here.
BVD : I know I am. Look , why is it , that Madoff guy is getting off so easy ? He has connections. Why was Bush not impeached ? He had connections who killed the motion. Why do police act so badly towards the public ? Because America is failing. That's why. The police know , the public is nothing more than a bunch of scared sheep.
Jerry : What makes you say America is a failure ?
BVD : Simple. How can a country of laws , allow some people to be above the law ? Having laws for someone and not for everyone is dysfunctional. Another example is right here in Franklin. What does it take to be a judge here ?
Jerry : Oh , that's an easy one to answer , " politics " .
BVD : That's right. Why do politics determine who is the judge ? Why do politicians get to ignore the laws ?
Jerry : Hmmmm.
BVD : Look , that little book you have on Franklin Police. That alone proves the fact , that America is a failure. The ideas of being free are now nothing more than a pipe dream. Let's move on to 9/11. That was not a terrorist attack. It was anarchy. Americans did that deed. They used people of other countries to fly those planes. You want more ?
Jerry : Yeah , I want more.
BVD : It took a lawsuit to prove , the American government was behind the killing of Dr. Martin Luther King jr. And , I'll bet you the American government was behind the assassination of President Kennedy. Oswald did'nt put that hole on the forehead of that president.
Jerry : Yeah , that was strange alright.
BVD : Jerry , I don't know where a safe place or a safe country is to live these days. All I know , is that America is dying and there are perverted people in another American government eager to take full control of everyone's lives. And it won't be pleasant when they do.

Vanderbilt University - BVD News , ass this years ASCE Student Conference continues , Vanderbilt University continued to hold it's own place in last place. Ass usual , someone got their hands on some study material for this years ASCE 2009 Mystery Event.

Being unable to find a Vanderbilt professor , BVD once again went to Doc. V. , Dean of the PAVE Program , for the Vanderbilt School of Engineering. When asked about this film , Doc. V. replied , " Vanderbilt 's Civil Engineering students have always prided themselves at being resourceful in finding ways to learn new things. For example , they use test files to pass their classroom exams and in this case , they have this film , showing what this years mystery event is. "

BVD : Butt Doc. V. , is'nt the mystery event supposed to be a mystery ?
Doc. V. : Well of course it is stupid , butt , how can our students have a chance to even compete in this event , if they don't know what it is beforehand ?

Vanderbilt University - BVD News , it seems everyone attending this years 2009 ASCE student conference at Vanderbilt got a little bored. No one could find anyone from Vanderbilt to represent their school or the students and no faculty member would step out into the sunlight from fear of melting.

So , " What to do ? " , became the big question and it somehow became this years theme slogan for the 2009 ASCE Student Conference. Doc. V. , Dean of the PAVE summer program for the engineering school got Bangbii , from Thailand , to do her magic tricks , to entertain the 2009 attendees.

When asked about it , Doc. V. replied , " Well , something had to be done. Our students were drowning in their own inability to accomplish nothing. The engineering professors , were their usual busy selves , hiding from the students and Ms. Bangbii is always popular with everyone. She has been able to recruit new students , while maintaining our current student body numbers while keeping them from leaving and going elsewhere. Also , it should be mentioned , during this years ASCE student conference , she has already signed up 28 students , to transfer from 9 other schools , just to attend Vanderbilt's engineering programs next fall. So , while Vanderbilt students suck at engineering , at least they have the best in recruitment and entertainment.

Nashville , Tennessee - The Tennessean reports today , AIG is changing to AGLA. Well DUH guys , where you been all these years ?
AIG has always been AGLA ever since when. Butt , don't tell The Tennessean that , because they want you to know , they are on top of the story.

Yep , just like The Review Appeal newspaper in Franklin , The Tennessean reports the news , just like it happened 2 months ago. Now that's what I call staying on top of things. I wonder if they are aware , President Bush is no longer in The White House. Hhhhmmmmmm. . . . . . . . . .

Vanderbilt University - BVD News , in an attempt to beat the rush on April Fools Day , April Foolers went into over time today , by announcing to the Engineering School , that Dean Galloway had fired Chairman Thackston ( again ). Upon hearing the good news , the Civil department ASCE members shook down Professor Bowers for party money.
Needing stuff to burn for the bon'fire , everyone in the Civil Engineering Department grabbed test files.
Ass the party heated up , the ASCE gang started chanting , " We're FREE , we can now start learning civil engineering instead of using test files. No more being spoon fed duck soup , No more Thackston ! No more POOP !"
BVD asked Professor Speece about Thackston being fired. Speece replied , " Thackston can't be fired. He has a disease called ten yure manure."
BVD then asked "Then what are these kids thinking by burning those test files ?" Speece answered , " Ass usual they're not thinking , they're just burning their chances for graduation. Wanna hot dog ? "
Meanwhile , since NASA was unable to launch the Space Shuttle ( again ) , their astronauts , hearing about the party , came to help celebrate.

Vanderbilt University , School of Engineering - Nashville , Tennessee , BVD News was getting all excited with this years upcoming ASCE competition , when they realized that Vanderbilt had dropped the ball , ( again )

BVD : Jerry , what the Hell is goin on over there ?
Jerry : Well BVD , it's like this. Having a dysfunctional chairman for half a century takes time to heal.
BVD : W-w-w-what ?
Jerry : Yep. Chairman Thackston was about ass dysfunctional ass one can be. There were so many jokes about him that Vanderbilt actually fired his ass , butt , because he suffered from chronic Brain Farts associated with Tenure , he was immediately re-hired , only to be fired again and again and again and yes , again.
BVD : How many times can a person be fired at Vanderbilt ?
Jerry : That depends on the number of friends you have and how much money you have and how much drugs you spread around. You know , the typical Brown Nose routine. Remember Gee ? Things got so bad around here for Thackston , he was last seen with brown rings around his neck.
BVD : Daaaang ! Now THAT's a Brown Noser ! Hey , I was just looking at this years web site for the ASCE 2009 Conference and nothing I click on works. Why not ?
Jerry : You have to remember , you are dealing with Civil engineers. None of them are civil or even computer tolerant. And today , the Vanderbilt Civil Department is chaired by a Chemical engineer. Besides , it's a sure bet , nobody at Vanderbilt knows what's going on any way and that includes finding someone who even knows what a ASCE is. You have got to remember , you are dealing with Vanderbilt engineering , not a Chinese fire drill.
BVD : The Civil department is chaired by a Chemical engineer ? That's absurd !
Jerry : Welcome to Vanderbilt everyone. And PLEASE , don't get lost , while looking for MTSU

Vanderbilt University - people have asked me about Vandy's ASCE. OK , here goes. If Vanderbilt gave an award for the most ignored student organization , ASCE would win with no competition. Their professors don't want anything to do with them because it's toooo much work. I stepped up to the plate for a while and they won several awards in competition against other universities. Those same lazy professors got jealous over those awards and took them for themselves so they could pat themselves on their own back for someone else's work.
Today , Vanderbilt's ASCE continues to struggle against the lazy professors and no headway has been made. So , to get around this apathy , the students are plagiarizing their college information for getting employment. The month of March is ASCE time when 20 universities will have at each other on land and water competition. These pics are from t-shirts of the past.

The Vanderbilt student chapter vice president for ASCE was on David Letterman last night to demonstrate this years 2009 winning steel bridge design.
When he discovered he was working on the wrong project , the vice president got a little confused.

Vanderbilt University - This is the time of year when Vanderbilt's ASCE student chapter is preparing to go to the ASCE Competition , where 26 other student chapters will compete in various competitions.
These competitions include - concrete cylinder strength test , concrete canoe racing , how to read a map , survey ( has nothing to do with reading a map ) , mystery event , find a faculty member to represent you , ( has nothing to do with the mystery event ) , balsa bridge , T-shirt , banner , calculating beer absorption , determine how many ASCE members will fit into a hotel room , and of course , the steel bridge.
The HUSTLER officially sent unofficially Jerry to check out this year's 2009 steel bridge , which has already been proclaimed this years winner by the national level ASCE judges , before the competition can begin.

When Jerry asked how a winner could be named so early , he was told , " It's all about the money " .

Vanderbilt University - Although it's the month of March. Vanderbilt 's student chapter of the American Society of Civil Engineers , decided they had worked hard enough plagiarizing and basically doing nothing about the upcoming 2009 ASCE student conference. So , Cathy Schit , president of ASCE , decided to have a ASCE pep rally to boost everyone's attitude for the upcoming Vandy vs. UT football game.
Professor Bowers , who is engaged to President Schit , showed up at the rally and broke the sad news that the football game was last year. In addition , Professor Bowers started reminding everyone about all the work still to be done for the ASCE conference.
Things were looking pretty gloom for the party and partiers when someone mentioned the easy button.
One argument led to another when finally , Professor Bowers caved in , and handed over one million dollars from the Civil Engineering department's budget ( slush fund ) to President Schit to have the EASY button researched . Ms. Schit , having more common sense than Bowers , immediately stuffed the money into her pocket and came forth with her very own EASY button.
In front of an astonished crowd , she pushed the button while making her wish. Although nothing happened , the crowd went wild and the party continued into the next morning.
When asked about her engagement and the money , Ms. Schit replied ," I know a easy mark and EASY money when I see it . Don't tell Bowers. "

It was disclosed today , that Tonight Show host , Jay Leno , had been seen at the Vanderbilt University Branscomb Quad, giving undergrads pointers on how to party just in time for Rites of Spring.
Leno stated off the record , " It's important the kids know how to party. "
Later , Ms. Schit , ASCE president and engaged to marry Professor Bowers said , " We were so fortunate to have a celebrity of Mr. Leno's caliber. Now we all know how to drink alcohol excessively , while having a good time. " Ms. Schit also remarked that it was no accident having Jay Leno on campus , this early into the school year , she replied , " Having Mr. Cool Jay Leno here right now , allows him to address the ASCE 2009 Student Conference. Historicaly speaking , Vanderbilt has always sucked at the ASCE conference and the 2009 conference is'nt going to be any different , so learning how to properly drink alcohol in great quantities , gives the Vanderbilt students something to accell at , in front of the other SEC schools. "

BVD : Hey Jerry , when will CONgress stop with all of this AIG crap ?

Jerry : When AIG gives CONgress their share of the bailout funds. Then and only then , will this Happy Horseshit stop.

The United States of America - is'nt it interesting , at just how brave Americans are ? Look at how they are verbally blasting AIG. WoooW ! ! ! Now THAT'S WHAT I CALL BRAVE.

So , uh , where were all of these " brave " Americans , when President Bush was grinding this country into the ground ?

No response , eh ? ( the sound of crickets )

The American people have the most powerful document on the planet called , " The CONSTITUTION of The UNITED STATES " . This gives the American people , the power to rule over their government. BUTT , President Bush knew , the American people would not use it on him , while he ravaged this planet's economic system to the tune of TRILLIONS of $$$$$. Bush also knew , the American people would not do anything while he got " US " , into a war for the reason of false truths.

Yep , while " The People " were losing their homes , Bush quietly moved into his new mega million dollar ranch.

After 200 years of having the Constitution , there is no record of the American people using it.

Franklin , Tennessee , BVD News - now that City Administrator Jay Johnson has been out of the way for a while , one of his ideas to helping make Franklin a better place to live , has emerged from darkness. Recently found in JJ's former computer , amid the various Gay porno files , is this advertisement , promoting Franklin 's Mass Transit Sympathetic Systems of Systemic Systematic Proportions and Problems Department or just FRAMTSSSSPPD for short and was made in co-operation with Six Flags Entertainment Corporation , Incorporated in Georgia.

Also known ass pet project No. 5 and named , " Framed 6 Times Over " , amongst his inner circle of city friendly colleagues , Jay Johnson had quietly secreted his forwarded administration thru thousands of manly man hours and using city tax dollars that he personally approved for his administration appropriations committee and to also cover his personal administrative over time for his ever enduring over sight , while putting this ad campaign together for The People of The City of Franklin Committee.

This was just one of JJ's better ideas ( before he got fired ) , he had been working on , to help Franklinites cope with the everyday stressful strain of living here and hopefully , to give Chief jackie something to do with himself , in helping to keep him out of sight and out of everyone's mind , during his retirement years

For those wondering who is that bald headed fart driving the bus , it's Ed Thackston , from the Vanderbilt School of Engineering.

Last night on NBC - BVD Bloggtographer - have you seen NBC 's replacement for Conan ? If not , don't worry , you haven't missed any thing important. ( Just a little sleep is all )

The first thing happening , was The Honorable , Mayor Bloomberg of New York , selling the Eiffel Tower to Jimmy , and of course , with the necessary export licenses , to bring it to America.


Followed by the mayor selling Jimmy , the famous , Castle Gray Skull , with of course , the necessary export licenses , to bring it to America.



After the show , Jimmy wined and dined his favorite Congressman , to discuss how America was going to pay for it all.

Franklin , Tennessee - for those people complaining about Comcastic COMCAST and contemplating on getting AT&T service , think about this fact.

COMCAST will answer the phone. COMCAST does have repair trucks and vans , that will come to your house to service their problems.

The new AT&T has a machine to answer the phone. There is usually no one home to take a service/repair call. Contacting AT&T about service related problems is more frustrating than the stock market. You think I'm kidding ? Try the new AT&T internet DSL service and you'll learn a hard lesson.

If you think I'm still joking , try complaining about a lose of phone service. AT&T will tell you how sorry they are , BUTT , they tried to contact you , BUTT , you wouldn't answer the phone.

Hmmm , how can I communicate about a problem with their phone service , when the DSL service is not working ? When AT&T goes off line , they are not playing around. They take a lack of service very seriously , which explains their lack of attitude , concerning their lack of service capabilities.

I'm taking this time to thank Andrew Blake , who just happens to give a shit about customer service.

Andrew , Thank you very much for going out of your way to help me with AT&T 's lackadasical service ineptitude. I'm aware , it's not your job and you took care of " it " any way.

Thank You

Jerry Horne