AIMLESSLY UNBALANCED

Last night a spokesman for the UAE explained the new port contracts and answered questions. During this time several weapons smuggling operations were observed in the background.
The spokesman , who did not want to be identified by name , explained that through an agreement with Thaxton's son , who did not want to give his name , that all transactions had been paid in full , in advance and there was no problem here. Not wanting to cause an international incident which could raise the price of oil in this country , VUPD gave their full attention to the donuts while practicing the new E N T procedures.

Today , Vanderbilt announced a new procedure for examining people's ears , noses , throats and other areas of patient complaints.
For the past 10 years , people have complained about the ever increasing costs of health insurance which has been medically linked to an increase of patient complaints. Ass a way to examine the patient complaint further and deeper , Vanderbilt's very owned med students have developed several new invasive procedures guaranteed to get to the root of the complaining problem.
Pictured is first year med student " 12 Fingers " Smitty , from North Carolina. While probing a rich and famous celebrity cadaver in Vanderbilt's Med School , Smitty fingered and probed an orifice and pulled out a money bag containing one million dollars. Professor Art quickly took credit for the find and for the developement of the new examination procedures.
Smitty explained to the Hustler that these new E N T procedures are not covered under provisional conventional HMO's.

The History Channel has a documentory called " DIGGING FOR THE TRUTH " starring Josh Berstein of the Berstein Bears fame. The problem with the show is they conveniently pass over the truth and/or make lies.
While doing the Nezca Planes , Josh brags about discovering a "new" diagram that has never been found before. Simple searching on the net shows this diagram has been noted many times before by several people. In another show , Josh conveniently passes over important information about the pyramids in Egypt.
The History Channel's proven ability to eliminate the truth has given Vanderbilt reason to extend a invitation to Josh to come to campus and do a show.
Currently , negotiations are still in the works , butt , it is hopeful , Josh and The Truth will be on campus for filming the next years series.
Pictured is Josh playing with one of his Ga' Ould friends.

Did any one see last night's show about UFO's or am I the only one ? It's rather interesting how the History Channel has already shown several shows about how our lives today have been changed due to UFO technology and now , there is a new ( 2005 ) show saying UFO's are property of the U.S. Air Force and UFO's originated from Nazi Germany's secret weapons. And , the Air Force has flown these UFO's into space
If this is the case , why is NASA still using liquid rockets ?
Why can't the space station be serviced from these craft ?
At a rumored 100 million dollars a month for black projects , is this where the monies are going ?
Are the stealth aircraft a diversion from what's realy going on ?
Is this what President Daddy Bush's statements about a NEW WORLD ORDER come from ?
Does this mean the Air Force is responsible for the unexplained UFO abductions ?
Is last night's show intended to divert our thoughts ?
Does this explain why some of Vanderbilt's faculty act the way they do ?
Is this why the Air Force has a space command ?
HHmmmmm................this is toooo much information on one beer.

Today at a special news conference , EMINEM showed off his sex change surgery. When asked why he did it , EMINEM stated " Aw , you like , know how it is. The others are wearing diamonds from their tonsels , tattooes on their dicks , diamonds in their naval , diamonds in their arm pits , or putting 12" clocks on their shoes , I wanted to be different ." The HUSTLER asked about the costs and body parts procurement , EMINEM remarked that information was protected by patient confidentiality.
Meanwhile , Chairman Thackston , who has nothing to do with confidentiality , was talking on the side with HUSTLER and said " the costs were covered by Vanderbilt's student lab fees. "
Ass the conference was ending , someone stated how large the vagina mons were , suddenly , Professor Art , from the anatomy department ( and surgical consultant for this operation ) exclaimed , " OH MY GOD , IT'S ON BACKWARDS ! ! ! "

Today , in an unprecidented announcement , NASA told the world that Vanderbilt will be doing all work on the upcoming URANUS series manned moon shots.
In it's State of Space address , NASA had told President Bush , that for the last 30 years , NASA had been spinning it's rockets on the obsurd. The only way to procure further funding to keep NASA alive was to have a "man in the moon project." The cost was projected to exceed 100 BILLION dollars ( that's spelled with a B ) which was considered cheap when compared to Pentagon spending for one day in the Carribbean.
Vanderbilt announced concurrently , that Chairman Thackston would take charge in this most important project since he was made Chairman of the Engineering School.
Chairman Thackston made his claim to fame when , ass a Vanderbilt grad student , he worked on an important envirnmental research project to determine soil infiltration thru human osmosis. In 30 days , he spent 10 million dollars to prove water flows down hill. Although this had nothing to do with the research , which was inconclusive , Thackston worded the final report in such a way that no one could tell the difference and was thus enviously elevated to Chairman of the Engineering School.
Although initial testing by Thackston has shown 100 BILLION dollars would be a mere drop in the bucket needed, NASA assured Vanderbilt that money was no object.

Sororities all across the Vanderbilt campus lowered their members to half mast upon hearing the news that Bluela , the " BLUE WOMAN " had passed away.
Over the past years , the BLUE MEN had tried to co-populate with her , butt failed to get their blue member to penetrate the blue barrier to get to the blue world. Thus , no more blue people were born , ending the blue people period and ending Blue Cross which had no more customers.
Blue Cross is on record they will sue TennCare for cutting them out of political circles which they claim lead to the demise of the blue people population. While Tennesse's politicians fly private charter to Wisconsin for all their hospital needs , including emergency care ( at the cost of Tennessee taxpayers ) , the Blue People had to go to Metro General , who does not accept Blue People with Blue Cross under TennCare Blue provisions according to Governor Bredesen's HMO blue people provisional policies.
Services will be held at Vanderbilt's Langford building , where Thaxton's son resides. It has been rumored that they had a blowing blue relationship.
Bluela was well known on sorority row during the party season. Everywhere she went , the weather would turn blue. Many freshmen were surprised at how well she blew blue and often ignored their classes to spend more time with her while Thackston spent most of his office hours watching from the bushes. Courtisey BVD blue press services

It no longer amazes me how America's dysfunctional mentality has reached around the globe. Has anyone noticed other countries using atheletes from other countries ? All it takes to represent the country of your choice these days is a piece of paper and nothing more. The olympics used to be about countries having their own people to be in the games. Now , countries can buy who ever they want and with enough paper , any athelete can be any nationality according to the highest bidder of human flesh. Now THAT's PROGRESS ! ! !

In Mother Russia , there are large posters commemorating the Cold War. On some of these posters , the observer will notice Mighty MO. HHmmmm...For those who don't know , The MISSOURI was the American soil representative in Tokyo Harbor for the sighning of the Japanese surrender , ending World War II.

The Soviets responded to this mistake by saying " We have similar ships to the MISSOURI , they should have used those for the pictures." Courtesy NBC

Are you tired of wimpy , leaky plastic ? Well be tired no more. Now there's NEW YORK CITY CONDOMS. Their new recycled composites design gives them the ability to resist the most abrassive , dangerous and high heat envirnments. The NYPD uses these for handcuffs. Even NEW YORK's underground Bondage scenes uses these for all types of situations , contraptions , whippings , beatings and holding power. AND , Rednecks no longer have to depend on handmade duct tape wrap arounds. Professionaly endorsed by the man himself. " Not even a lit cigar will burn thru these."

JERRY : I understand you were unaware of the security agreement with the AUE. At the same time , were you unaware of the NSA's Domestic Spying Program of Spying on Americans ?

PRESIDENT BUSH : I can assure you that I'm a strategic thinker , you see , I have a plan.

JERRY : I see , Mr. President , I was noticing you have a dark spot on the left side of your neck and lower face , are you OK ?

PRESIDENT BUSH : HM ? ( rubs his face ) Oh , this , well , accidents happen , I'll put on some more Covergirl " Birdshot Con Sealer " heh heh.

JERRY : May I ask how " this " happened ?

PRESIDENT BUSH : Aaaw , somehow some pidgeons got loose and aimlessly wandered around the Oval Office , you know how the Vice President is. He keeps a regular practice schedule you see , butt hey , I'm also a strategic planner , did I mention that fact to you ?

JERRY : Is this why Osama Bin Lada is camped out in your basement ?

PRESIDENT BUSH : I was not aware of that. My strategic plan is to be kept unawares about anything important.

JERRY : Thank you Mr. President

Folks I know read Field and Stream because it's a good read. There's usually some good humor to be found if you hunt for it. In this issue they made finding the humor easy by placing it into Survival Skills 19 ways to get out alive. Survivalists I know have rolled on the floor ( help me , help me , I can't stop laughing ) . No , I'm not telling what's wrong in the article. Butt hey ! ! ! Enjoy.

When the subject of getting an MRI is mentioned , without a doubt , I'm a veteran. My pile of films weighs more than I do. With a new doctor , I got sent to Vanderbilt at Cool Springs in Franklin for new ( more ) film. I was pleasantly met by the technician who explained everything and asked a lot of questions. And more questions. Did I aimlessly mention the questions. Finally , I was laid to rest and shoved into the barrel. The technician kept a constant vigil checking on my status. " Yep , I'm still in here " , I would reply. Anyway , what's the aimless point I'm making here ? Simple , the equipment is fairly new , and , the really neat part is that you get a disc with all your films on it to take any where you want to go. Wanna know something even neater ? Put the disc into your home puter and look at the films yourself. This is sooooooooooooo coooooool ! ! ! ! And , you can take the disc to whom ever doctor you want to go see for an opinion. And , where ever you go , the disc always goes where you go. There's no reason to go to the doctor without it. AND , NO , you keep the disc. There's no reason for any doctor to keep it. If the doctor wants anything on file , they just make a download from the disc and put the information into your file in the office. Neat , huh ?

Many people know Mr. Beard and yet , so many don't. Perhap's that's part of being a detective. Here's something you might want to aimlessly know. In the past years there were some boys ( brothers ) who are into rap and hiphop and decided to be criminals to prove how cool they are. These boys sold drugs in high school , stole anything they could get their hands on , sold the items from their car trunk , broke into houses , vandalized anything they saw , stole road signs , and , after making their notoriety known , they made a popular rap CD. What's the connection you might aimlessly ask ? Detective Beard knew everything about the boys and did nothing. Yes , nothing. Their father is a big to do in country music and besides , the family is loaded. The boys were caught one night by a patrol officer inside a house they had broken into. ( apparently the arresting officer had not gotten the word to leave them alone ) In court , Judge Franks let them go saying " these boys are not responsible for the envirnment of which they live ". Sooooooooo......we get an election and Headly is the new sheriff. He has an investigation into this matter and had Mr. Bennett write a two page letter explaining that " Det. Beard was'nt doing his job ". What's the point ? Sheriff Headly stated he would fire any employee that was an embarrassment to the department. HHmmmm....I'll let you do the math.
For those of you aimlessly wondering , yes , Beard is the same person in the paper concerning a moonshine still. He had spent an incredible amount of investigative time and resources persuing a non productive moonshine still. Yes , he is on record for saying he was not wanting to arrest anyone , he was more concerned about taking a non productive moonshine still out of production so that no more moonshine could be produced. And , yes ....................Detective Beard is...." still " , on the job. Could this be a political thing ? Williamson County is regarded ass being the Republican Capital of Tennessee.

What's going on over there ? A death penalty is a death penalty. Just do it and get it over with. Where do people get off about not doing their job because it causes unjustifiable pain to someone convicted of torture and murder ? Are people saying it's OK to cause someone pain before you kill them , butt , it's not OK to cause pain to that same person who is convicted of causing a painfull death. Is this a oxy moron ? If killing is wrong , how can a death penalty be right ? I'm not a legal eagle. Why can't we just put away the convicted murderers in some dark place for the duration of their lives and let them die on their own. Since that person did'nt care about the living conditions of those they painfully murdered , then why not give them a taste of their own doing before they die ? Why is this country so dysfunctional ? Don't give me that crap about the bible. We ass a species , were dumped by GOD because we would not follow his rules. So perhaps it does make sense that we cannot follow our own rules. Food for thought , the bible does have a " stoning death " penalty , judge and jury not required. The TEN COMMANDMENTS does include " THOW SHALL NOT KILL ". With some common sense , this is easy to figure this out , butt , it'a amazing how people don't use/have common sense. Perhaps this is where the dysfunction has it's roots.

I suppose COMCAST has problems like most everyone else. Good employees are not easy to find and keep these days. While having service problems , I called almost everyday and it seemed the problems could not be fixed. A service tech even stole some of my wires which disconnected the VCR and also the DVD. WHY ? I don't know , perhaps he needed some parts for his own system since the pieces were high grade. Anyway , call after call and service tech after service tech , and more calls , the person answering my calls got rather sarcastic and blamed me for all my problems. Yes , others in this area had similar problems , butt , this was my fault. The supervisor was going to call me. That was on December 21 , 2005. Today , I'm still waiting for that phone call. Maybe his batteries have died. Knowing COMCAST , maybe he is gone and everything is on automatic. You know how it is. On your way out the door just hit that EASY BUTTON ! ! ! Today , the HDTV channels still don't work. For the record , there's a very nice person named KIM. I give her credit for trying when others did'nt care. ( and they still don't ) I'm still waiting beside the phone. I just know someone is going to call. HHmmmmm , what was that number for DIRECT TV again ?

Sooner or later someone will get up to speed and talk about COMCAST internet service. It's FAST ! ! ! . Yes , there's a downside. Hackers just love COMCAST's high speed. They can hack a puter faster'n you can blink. If you are wondering who the big hacker is , this is their IP , 224.0.0.2 . One night COMCAST was totally shut down and when things cleared , your computer was infected. Another fact hackers just love about COMCAST is that here's a company that's easy to take to the cleaners. It's like this , a hacker finds where certain nodes are and then accesses that point thousands of times at the speed of COMCAST. This will shut down the system. Then the hacker ransoms the node for money. Get the point ? Yes , this has happened several times. I would think that's criminal but nothing is heard about an arrest. Why ? It's too embarrassing and the attention would bring in more hackers to the system. So , what has COMCAST done to thwart hackers ? They fired an entire 2nd level tier technicians who could have identified them. Why ? Can we say UNCLE SAM ? You bet , the American government has demanded and recieved total co operation from most internet providers to gain access to watch our internet activities. If you don't comply , UNCLE SAM will sue. So now you know the NSA's little secret. While you are reading this , someone may be watching you read this. In bible school , kids are taught that God is everywhere. Today , it's President Bush.

Comcast is the main tv provider using the cable and/or fiber optic system for Franklin. They continue to raise their rates and even charge the new rate before it goes into effect. You can rest assured your account will be screwed up , you will have problems with reception , their HDTV does'nt work , ( the SUPERBOWL sucked on HD ) and the Daytona Race did'nt work either, everyday the picture will screw up on all channels obove 99. In a 3 month period of complaining and 5 box changes , my reception has not improved and COMCAST does not make account adjustments for loss of service. If you don't like it , there's always DIRECT TV. And remember , when ON DEMAND does not work , it's free anyway. Maybe that's why COMCAST put a ON DEMAND banner on every channel to get you to click on it. By the way , be careful with ON DEMAND. Although it's free , many of the free stuff will cost you and it's very easy to over look that fact when you click OK to watch. Butt remember , it's free. Oh yeah , did I mention it's free ? If you want HDTV service , stay away from COMCAST at this time. It just is'nt worth it. Unless of course you need to impress your friends with wasting money. " Hey everybody , I've got COMCAST HDTV ! ! ! . It does'nt work , butt hey , I've got it ! ! ! ".

Trivia: During the 2006 Winter Olympics , what popular tv show was not seen on COMCAST ?
Jay Leno - he was on DIRECT TV

CNN reported the poem found on Apple's software intended to be found by hackers , like this was something new. Actually , I think Radio Shack's TRS - 80 was the first to incorporate such " words of wisdom " . Does anyone remember those days?

This is the computer that Radio Shack used to creat the " Classroom of the Future ". About 10 years later , Vanderbilt University recreated the classroom using state of the art technology.

One professor was so impressed that he read straight from the textbook. The classroom was way over his head
and he was'nt sure what it was. Besides , it was mostly a
failure since the network was usually broken and the techs
did'nt know how or what to fix.

Trivia: Where was this classroom located ?
The psych building

Trivia: Who was the professor ?
School of Engineering - Dean White

Have you seen the latest in cell phones ? One common fact in America , there is always someone wanting to steal from someone. Today's new cell phone has biometrics. This means there is a fingerprint reader the user swipes to use the phone. ( hhhmmmmmm , " swipes ", is that like stealing ) Also , the user's plastic money is on the phone. Swipe the phone like a debit card and buy fast food , gas , go shopping , play arcades , GOCARTS , ect , ect , ect. The biometrics gives an extra sense of security because only the user has the fingerprint to use the phone and the money. This feature is the same found on laptops. It's just a matter of time before this technology is implanted into everyone at the time of birth. What does this mean ? The next time someone wants to steal your phone and talk for free , they will have to steal the person and put that person's mouth and ear next to their own to talk. Hhhmmm , where's the antenna ?