Friday, March 31, 2006
The FBI
People complain about the FBI spying on Americans , butt , it's always unclear why , in the reality of the crime in this country.
The answer is simple. The FBI was back up to the Secret Service with murdering President Kennedy. Today , the FBI keeps a constant vigil looking for those who know the truth. Meanwhile , when the FBI has nothing better to do , you can find them at their favorite haunt at Bondage.com
Face the truth here. Ever since the American government murdered President Kennedy , the American people have been afraid of their American government
The answer is simple. The FBI was back up to the Secret Service with murdering President Kennedy. Today , the FBI keeps a constant vigil looking for those who know the truth. Meanwhile , when the FBI has nothing better to do , you can find them at their favorite haunt at Bondage.com
Face the truth here. Ever since the American government murdered President Kennedy , the American people have been afraid of their American government
The President Bush Club
Are'nt you glad you voted for Bush ? Don't you wish everyone had ?
City of Franklin Judge Franks
Many people living in Franklin are aware that elections are coming up. Judge Franks is once again running for re-election. Judge Franks , NOW there's a oxy-moron in Franklin's law
Chancellor Gee Googles Google
Despite warnings from the Vanderbilt Computer Center , Chancellor Gee , at the advice from Chairman Thackston , went thru with Googling Google.
Chairman Thackston , Vanderbilt Engineering School , upon realizing Vanderbilt was without leadership or ownership , bravely stepped up and announced he would gladly take Gee's place until he was found.
KING KONG on KIRKLAND TOWER
Some April Foolers stole the Nashville Zoo's latest attraction and placed it on Kirkland Hall's bell tower last night.
Kong , a 50 foot neon night light , was intended to be the BIG draw for spring events at the zoo.
However , Kong's placement on Kirkland's bell tower , lit up downtown Vandyland , causing the co-eds on the lawn to scatter. The frats and sororities were at a lose of where to go to continue Pledge Week.
Meanwhile , VUPD was last seen scattering and screaming like a bunch of cock roaches when a light bulb is turned on.
Wednesday, March 29, 2006
HANOI JANE
Is'nt it interesting how Jane Fonda's popularity stays high. You know , Tokyo Rose was raked over the coals , yet Hanoi Jane is a celebrity. My how this country has changed.
Dick Cheney shoots down Eagle
Las Vegas , Nevada - BVD News learned , while Air Force One was flying over Nevada , the Vice President took President Bush downstairs to the loading compartment to put in some skeet practice. Cheney was teaching Bush how to launch clay pidgeons.
With the loading door open , Bush would launch the pidgeons. Feeling cocky , Cheney had Bush launch 3 clays at once. At the same moment a F-15 Eagle escort flew along side to investigate the smoke. The 3 clays went into the jet engine's air intake , causing the aft section of the aircraft to explode. The pilot ejected safely and was found drunk with a million dollars in chips and being escorted by 3 Ho's at the Sand Palace.
The Vice President swears that he had only one beer before take off , and the shotgun was empty with the safety on after the explosion.
Just the same , President Bush , being a veteran fighter pilot , had a " kill " painted on the side of Air Force One.
Later at a press conference with Bush in California , the subject of shooting down the Eagle came up.
Bush : The pilot ejected safely and was OK
Press : What do you mean by he was OK ?
Bush : His wife saw the pictures of him with the Ho's , well , that was a confirmed kill
With the loading door open , Bush would launch the pidgeons. Feeling cocky , Cheney had Bush launch 3 clays at once. At the same moment a F-15 Eagle escort flew along side to investigate the smoke. The 3 clays went into the jet engine's air intake , causing the aft section of the aircraft to explode. The pilot ejected safely and was found drunk with a million dollars in chips and being escorted by 3 Ho's at the Sand Palace.
The Vice President swears that he had only one beer before take off , and the shotgun was empty with the safety on after the explosion.
Just the same , President Bush , being a veteran fighter pilot , had a " kill " painted on the side of Air Force One.
Later at a press conference with Bush in California , the subject of shooting down the Eagle came up.
Bush : The pilot ejected safely and was OK
Press : What do you mean by he was OK ?
Bush : His wife saw the pictures of him with the Ho's , well , that was a confirmed kill
President Bush baby picture
Someone has put up some pictures of President Bush during his early years in Maine
FRANKLIN POLICE and Traffic Court
There was a time Franklin Police Officers were on the honor system , and they filled out their own time sheets. One day , several officers were caught padding those time sheets. One example was being in traffic court for several hours , when in fact , they were no where near to be found. Soooo , the supervisor now does their time sheets for them.
Hey Jerry , are you saying dishonesty among Franklin Police officers lead to the demise of a legal traffic court in the City of Franklin ?
That was part of it , yes.
Question : If the people of Franklin , had the mentality of Americans during the Revolutionary War , would this type of law be tolerated ?
Note : This was reported in the Review Appeal
Hey Jerry , are you saying dishonesty among Franklin Police officers lead to the demise of a legal traffic court in the City of Franklin ?
That was part of it , yes.
Question : If the people of Franklin , had the mentality of Americans during the Revolutionary War , would this type of law be tolerated ?
Note : This was reported in the Review Appeal
Tuesday, March 28, 2006
In the Dungeon
Here's a really old joke
Two guys are chained to the wall deep beneath a castle for God only knows how long. One day , the dungeon master walks up to one guy and places a medal on his lapel and walks away. The other guy looked jealously on and asked , " Is that for perfect attendance ?"
Two guys are chained to the wall deep beneath a castle for God only knows how long. One day , the dungeon master walks up to one guy and places a medal on his lapel and walks away. The other guy looked jealously on and asked , " Is that for perfect attendance ?"
FRANKLIN POLICE traffic stop one night
Here is a page from the Franklin Police History book
While working in a auto repair shop , it was late and a friend came in needing work done. I was able to get parts and did the work.
Finishing the work , I watched my friend get into their car , while I was parked across the street.
Suddenly a Franklin Police car flies up to me out of no where with the baby blues on. The officer tells me I drove like a bat out of hell through a red light and he wants my liscence like right now.
I told him that could'nt have been me , my engine is'nt turned on , the keys are here in my hand. The officer yelled , " SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH OR YOUR GOING TO JAIL ! ! ! ! " My friend watched the whole thing being terrified from the tone of the officer's voice.
In those days , the City of Franklin had a real traffic court , and the ticketing officer has to appear. Since this officer failed to show , I was let go.
Want to know more about this officer ? Read on.
While working in a auto repair shop , it was late and a friend came in needing work done. I was able to get parts and did the work.
Finishing the work , I watched my friend get into their car , while I was parked across the street.
Suddenly a Franklin Police car flies up to me out of no where with the baby blues on. The officer tells me I drove like a bat out of hell through a red light and he wants my liscence like right now.
I told him that could'nt have been me , my engine is'nt turned on , the keys are here in my hand. The officer yelled , " SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH OR YOUR GOING TO JAIL ! ! ! ! " My friend watched the whole thing being terrified from the tone of the officer's voice.
In those days , the City of Franklin had a real traffic court , and the ticketing officer has to appear. Since this officer failed to show , I was let go.
Want to know more about this officer ? Read on.
Franklin Police Officer Assaults Girlfriend
Here is a page from the Franklin Police History book
There was an Franklin Police Officer who enjoyed beating his girl friend. His really big thrill was to give her black eyes. When her eyes healed , he would do it again.
One day , the girl friend had a friend who said enough was enough , and she stood up to him. He proceeded to beat the crap out of her and gave her two black eyes. Then he gave his girl two black eyes and paraded them around his friends.
On a different occasion , this Franklin Police officer gave his girl friend a black eye and showed her off to practically everyone , including his buddies in the Franklin Police Department.
Franklin Police supposedly did nothing because the girl friend would not place charges.
To give you a hint to the officer's identity , his brother is also in the Franklin Police Department
There was an Franklin Police Officer who enjoyed beating his girl friend. His really big thrill was to give her black eyes. When her eyes healed , he would do it again.
One day , the girl friend had a friend who said enough was enough , and she stood up to him. He proceeded to beat the crap out of her and gave her two black eyes. Then he gave his girl two black eyes and paraded them around his friends.
On a different occasion , this Franklin Police officer gave his girl friend a black eye and showed her off to practically everyone , including his buddies in the Franklin Police Department.
Franklin Police supposedly did nothing because the girl friend would not place charges.
To give you a hint to the officer's identity , his brother is also in the Franklin Police Department
SATURN don't hire TENNESSEANS
The news is out , GM is circling the drain. After all these years of producing cars with the help of the Japanese. GM's management has finally caught up with reality. Being a Tennessean , I really don't care about GM/SATURN.
When Saturn came to Franklin , everyone was excited about the job prospects. Truth is , it was all lies. Saturn does not hire Tennesseans.
Remember , Tennessee is a right to work state. With Governor Alexander's help , Saturn said " We have the right to work anyone we want. And , with that said , it was all UAW only.
You know , America has spent billions fighting prejudice , and GM comes here and invents a new level based on a person's state of residence. Then , once the UAW folks get settled in , they then call themselves Tennesseans so they can disclaim the truth in Saturn's hiring practices.
Remember Jeff Macatee , channel 4 news anchor ? He was fired for saying " Saturn does'nt hire Tennesseans. " on the 6 o'clock news. Demetria scolded him on camera , " We are'nt supposed to talk about that ! ! ! "
The good things about being a Saturn-UAW employee in Franklin are - drugs at a good price , cheap children for tricks, moonshine , good Ho's , being obove the law , expensive guns , a job for your spouse , and if you really had the juice , you could build a Saturn in your garage.And of course , hunting and fishing without a liscence.
The only good thing Saturn did for Franklin citizens was to increase the cost of living , taxes and houses. Tennesseans be damned. The UAW folks can afford it.
When Saturn came to Franklin , everyone was excited about the job prospects. Truth is , it was all lies. Saturn does not hire Tennesseans.
Remember , Tennessee is a right to work state. With Governor Alexander's help , Saturn said " We have the right to work anyone we want. And , with that said , it was all UAW only.
You know , America has spent billions fighting prejudice , and GM comes here and invents a new level based on a person's state of residence. Then , once the UAW folks get settled in , they then call themselves Tennesseans so they can disclaim the truth in Saturn's hiring practices.
Remember Jeff Macatee , channel 4 news anchor ? He was fired for saying " Saturn does'nt hire Tennesseans. " on the 6 o'clock news. Demetria scolded him on camera , " We are'nt supposed to talk about that ! ! ! "
The good things about being a Saturn-UAW employee in Franklin are - drugs at a good price , cheap children for tricks, moonshine , good Ho's , being obove the law , expensive guns , a job for your spouse , and if you really had the juice , you could build a Saturn in your garage.And of course , hunting and fishing without a liscence.
The only good thing Saturn did for Franklin citizens was to increase the cost of living , taxes and houses. Tennesseans be damned. The UAW folks can afford it.
Food for Thought
Look at the 2 chickens. Is this evolution Is this by intelligent design Do you get it
Federal Reserve dot com for Kids
The Federal Reserve has a web site to teach kids financial responsibility. The reserve is part of our government that's 9 Trillion dollars in debt. Is this a Oxy Moron ?
Monday, March 27, 2006
COMCAST HDTV
Here's a question.....With Comcast HD TV service and a wide screen TV. What good is the TV , when Comcast only uses half of the TV screen ?
Sunday, March 26, 2006
VANDERBILT UNIVERSITY MEDICAL CENTER MRI DEPARTMENT
Needing another MRI , the doctor sent me to VUMC in Nashville. Everything was scheduled and all I had to do for my part was to show up. After waiting 3 hours while the tech took a break , it was my turn. Looking into the barrel , I asked if I would fit. The tech assured me this was not a problem.
Lying down , the tech rammed me home. The bed stopped at my waist while my hands flailed and I screamed in pain. Yep , I was stuck in a small place and no where to go. My arms were pinned to my abdomen which put pressure on my spine. PLEASE , give me MORE ! ! ! ! , I screamed. After being extracated , my BP was 288/146 , yep , I was feeling fine.
Wating another 2 hours to use the larger MRI , it was finally ( again ) my turn. Two nurses set me up for IV to put me down. Their name badge said they had a Masters Degree. They took turns sticking me 14 times. Yep , that's spelled with a Capital F. They stuck me on the bicep , under the wrist , the other wrist , the main vein , and other veins and no IV. You would think with my low " blood " , pressure , they could hit something. Sooo , finally they gave up trying and called for someone who knew how to do IV's. He got it on the first try , and no , he is not a nurse.
Lying down , the tech rammed me home. The bed stopped at my waist while my hands flailed and I screamed in pain. Yep , I was stuck in a small place and no where to go. My arms were pinned to my abdomen which put pressure on my spine. PLEASE , give me MORE ! ! ! ! , I screamed. After being extracated , my BP was 288/146 , yep , I was feeling fine.
Wating another 2 hours to use the larger MRI , it was finally ( again ) my turn. Two nurses set me up for IV to put me down. Their name badge said they had a Masters Degree. They took turns sticking me 14 times. Yep , that's spelled with a Capital F. They stuck me on the bicep , under the wrist , the other wrist , the main vein , and other veins and no IV. You would think with my low " blood " , pressure , they could hit something. Sooo , finally they gave up trying and called for someone who knew how to do IV's. He got it on the first try , and no , he is not a nurse.
Saturday, March 25, 2006
VANDERBILT UNIVERSITY PARTY
One of the favorite party tricks , on a saturday night , the undergrads bet to see who could walk and chew gum while sticking out their tounge
FRANKLIN POLICE CRASH TEST DUMMIES
Here's another page from the Franklin Police History book.
There was a call one night about noisey gun shots fired. Dispatch does their job. Two police cars are rushing to the scene , racing to see who will be first on the scene and have their picture on the front page of the Review Appeal.
The two cars crash into each other , requiring both cars to be towed. Both officers were OK and enjoyed a good laugh. Oh yeah , about those noisey gun shots. The noise was a few firecrackers. Meanwhile , some drivers , being ticketed at the time , were let go while those officers took up the race.
There was a call one night about noisey gun shots fired. Dispatch does their job. Two police cars are rushing to the scene , racing to see who will be first on the scene and have their picture on the front page of the Review Appeal.
The two cars crash into each other , requiring both cars to be towed. Both officers were OK and enjoyed a good laugh. Oh yeah , about those noisey gun shots. The noise was a few firecrackers. Meanwhile , some drivers , being ticketed at the time , were let go while those officers took up the race.
Friday, March 24, 2006
VANDERBILT UNIVERSITY Dean Stammer
Vanderbilt Campus - BVD News
BVD's very own Jerry was sent to a loud unscheduled noise on frat row to check out the happenings The first person Jerry saw was Dean Stammer , Civil Engineering Department , getting down like this was the last day of earth.
Jerry : What's the party all about ?
Stammer : We wanted to party. Who needs a reason ?
Jerry : You sure look happy.
Stammer : You bet I'm happy. I just got a 15% pay raise.
Jerry : Say what ? ! ?
Stammer : Vanderbilt raised fees by 15% for next year
Jerry : Wait , Vandy has the lowest tuition raises for any university in the SEC
Stammer : That's true , butt I said fees , not tuition. I'm paid thru student complaint fees. Those fees went up 15% and for some reason , my pay went up 15%. Is'nt that great ?
Jerry : Wait , thru the Freedom of Information Act for Vanderbilt , I learned you're paid 1,348,000$ , and you are telling me you got a 15% pay raise ?
Stammer : YEP ! ! Me and my new Mercedes are worth it !
Jerry : I thought pay raises were 5% capped
Stammer : True again , butt , I'm a dean with political and Chancellor connections. Besides the Vanderbilt employee rules and handbook don't apply to me.
Jerry : Wow , you sure can dance.
Stammer : You bet cha ! You should see me in a Toga. I don't wear nothing under it. The co-eds love me that way. They call me " Stammer , The Hammer "
Jerry : It sure is nice of you to cover this party.
Stammer : Get a reality check man. I'm using student rec fees for this
President Bush Book Signing Today
The HUSTLER learned that President Bush will sign his new book at the Wall on RAND from 11 to 2 Anyone wanting to purchase the book needs to be there early since there is only one copy.
VANDERBILT SNIPER CAPTURED
Vanderbilt University Police Department SWAT Team got it's first official call when a sniper was reported on the roof of Kirkland Hall.
A baby feline known as " Kitty Kitty " had escaped from the Vanderbilt Medical Center Animal Experiment Labratory , because she was tired of being tied up and fed up with the RAND BRAND burgers and fries student meal deal experiment. Using Kirkland's chimes megaphone , Kitty Kitty made her demands known all over campus. " Give me Meow Meow Mix , I want it NOW ! "
Chancellor Gee , in an effort to avoid the Vanderbilt SWAT Team from getting hurt , was able to talk Kitty Kitty down with a Bow Tie cookie covered with Meow Meow Mix sprinkles and a bowl of milk.
" She's really a sweet little Kitty Kitty " said Gee during an interview , while Kitty Kitty mauled his shin bone demanding more cookies and milk.
President Bush Speaks Out
I did'nt say there was WMDs in IRAQ. Saddam told me there was WMDs in IRAQ
Thursday, March 23, 2006
City of Franklin Global Outreach Program
In an effort to creatively create more taxes to prevent raising current taxes , Jay Johnson , City of Franklin , City of Franklin Director and City of Franklin Administrator in Charge of the City of Franklin , has announced new taxes on knives and forks used for eating inside the City of Franklin city limits. Mr. Johnson said , " China is a world leader on taxation without representation. It is in Franklin's best interests to keep up with them. "
When asked if the City of Franklin intends to build up it's military , Mr. Johnson replied , " That's not necessary , the City of Franklin's hiearchy owns the City of Franklin Police Department which is paid for with taxes from the City of Franklin city residents. Ass long ass those people continue to pay their traffic ticket taxes peacefully , we will continue to operate at the current levels of the City of Franklin Police Department , militarily speaking.
President Bush learns his ABC's
JADA SMITH pushes Wicked Jada
Hollywood - In an interview with BVD News , Jada Smith , wife of Will Smith , talked about her metal CD.
" I'm banging away , giving away a part of my soul into my music. Butt , this is really not me anyway. " said Jada.
BVD asked , " Then whose soul do you have ? "
Pictured is Jada doing her KISS imitation
Desperate Housewives and Milkyway
While bitch slapping the remote keys , I noticed there's no difference between Desperate Housewives and a Milkyway commercial in fast forward
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN , lesson learned
POPE blesses PRESIDENT BUSH
FRANKLIN POLICE defends their STALKER
FRANKLIN , TN - Today , Jay Johnson , Franklin City Director , answered questions regarding the Franklin Police Stalker within the Franklin Police Department.
Johnson : So , in accordanance with Florida laws , our stalker , having been found bi - polar by a Florida doctor , will not face charges , and he is expected to return to his normal duties tonight.
BVD : What's Florida got to do with this police officer ? This is Tennessee
Johnson : The law in this country is one big happy family. State border lines have nothing to do with the law.
BVD : OK , so what will happen to the officer's little black book ?
Johnson : So , in accordanance with Florida laws , our stalker , having been found bi - polar by a Florida doctor , will not face charges , and he is expected to return to his normal duties tonight.
BVD : What's Florida got to do with this police officer ? This is Tennessee
Johnson : The law in this country is one big happy family. State border lines have nothing to do with the law.
BVD : OK , so what will happen to the officer's little black book ?
Dick Cheney has TEN
Vice President Cheney told the news media he now has ten reasons for staying in the White House. It's a modified Cheney Signature Series WalMart Model 10-shot shotgun
President Bush answers Media Questions
BVD : When will our troops be extracted from IRAQ ?
Bush : You know , the airlines looses luggage everyday. You're asking me when will it be found. I don't know.
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
FRANKLIN POLICE on Gun Safety
Here's another page from the Franklin PoliceHistory Book
Before the Thanksgiving Holidays , a really nice vett was crunched in a neighbor's driveway. Franklin Police did their thing , and since the driver was a Franklin Nobody , was promptly taken away in cuffs.
While waiting for the wrecker , a Franklin Police officer removed his weapon , and jokingly pointed it at the car and shot the horse.
The point is , in Tennessee , anyone wanting a gun permit has to have a gun safety class. If you are Franklin Police, gun safety is not a concern under CALEA Accreditation
Veterans medical Care on NBC
NBC news reported that this countries medical care of American Veterans was a working model for the rest of the medical community to follow in providing medical care for everyone.
There's a couple of things Americans don't know about the care Veterans recieve.
Did you know , it takes on average , nine months for a veteran to make a doctor appointment
Did you know , a veteran may have to reschedule several times , their doctor appointment beyond nine months
Did you know , there are IRAQ veterans paying for their medical needs out of their pocket , because they can't wait nine months ( no reimbersement )
Did you know , a veteran has to travel hundreds of miles to get medical care by the VA
Did you know , the VA hospital is not required to give a veteran , the prescriptions , the doctor orders
Did you know , veterans now have to pay for their free VA prescriptions
Did you know , America's government is not responsible for the medical care of the IRAQ wounded , or any other war wounded
Did you know a veteran can not use a hospital unless they pay for it themselves , outside the VA
Did you know , in the Navy , a medical doctor does not need to be a medical anything to practice any medical thing
Did you know , Vanderbilt has an agreement with the VA to use veterans for surgical training for new doctors
Think I'm joking , look in to this for yourself
Is'nt it interesting , NBC , can't tell Americans these facts.
There's a couple of things Americans don't know about the care Veterans recieve.
Did you know , it takes on average , nine months for a veteran to make a doctor appointment
Did you know , a veteran may have to reschedule several times , their doctor appointment beyond nine months
Did you know , there are IRAQ veterans paying for their medical needs out of their pocket , because they can't wait nine months ( no reimbersement )
Did you know , a veteran has to travel hundreds of miles to get medical care by the VA
Did you know , the VA hospital is not required to give a veteran , the prescriptions , the doctor orders
Did you know , veterans now have to pay for their free VA prescriptions
Did you know , America's government is not responsible for the medical care of the IRAQ wounded , or any other war wounded
Did you know a veteran can not use a hospital unless they pay for it themselves , outside the VA
Did you know , in the Navy , a medical doctor does not need to be a medical anything to practice any medical thing
Did you know , Vanderbilt has an agreement with the VA to use veterans for surgical training for new doctors
Think I'm joking , look in to this for yourself
Is'nt it interesting , NBC , can't tell Americans these facts.
Monday, March 20, 2006
DELL announces more jobs in INDIA
BVD has learned that DELL is going thru with plans to expand production and hire another 10,000 workers in it's India manufactoring operations.
When BVD asked , " Why not do this in Tennessee ? Afterall , the state did give DELL a 10 year tax exempt status , the state even built and paid for , a new manufactoring facility with new corporate offices , an exclusive on/off ramp to I-40 , and the state gave everyone of DELL's importance , their very own personalized State of Tennessee membership for free golf . "
A DELL spokesperson replied , " You're joking right ? Anyone who would give those kind of concessions without asking for something in return is a moron. Everyone in corporate America knows that Tennesseans are nothing more than back in them thar hills , backasswards , sistur ridin , bar foot hillbillies. Just ask NISSAN. "
When BVD asked , " Why not do this in Tennessee ? Afterall , the state did give DELL a 10 year tax exempt status , the state even built and paid for , a new manufactoring facility with new corporate offices , an exclusive on/off ramp to I-40 , and the state gave everyone of DELL's importance , their very own personalized State of Tennessee membership for free golf . "
A DELL spokesperson replied , " You're joking right ? Anyone who would give those kind of concessions without asking for something in return is a moron. Everyone in corporate America knows that Tennesseans are nothing more than back in them thar hills , backasswards , sistur ridin , bar foot hillbillies. Just ask NISSAN. "
VANDERBILT UNIVERSITY blows Alternative Energy
Metro Fire & EMS were called to the Engineering School after an explosion took out the Envirnmental labs.
Chairman Thackston , School of Engineering explained , " People were complaining of Professor Speece's effluent smell when some one got the idea that this could be the countries answer to alternative energy technology. Soo...Speece was strapped to the front of a vehicle with an anal suction pipe connected directly to the engine intake.
When asked what caused the explosion , Thackston answered , " We think Speece's affleunt anal effleunce was tooo much for the engine. "
" Speece made his claim to fame by solving Vanderbilt's affleunt effleunce problems by dumping the stuff directly into the School's storm drain outside the laser research building. " , continued Thackston.
" Is'nt that illegal ? " asked BVD
" Yes , butt Speece is tenured , so it does'nt affleuntly matter. " replied Thackston
CNN REPORTS KISSING COBRA RECORD
Today , CNN reported a new record for cobra kissing. However , due to it's sexual implications , CNN chose not to show the actual act.
Saturday, March 18, 2006
President Bush learned from Saddam
Some where in IRAQ , during Operation Swarmer. Col. Johnson gives a media circus interview.
CNN : What can you tell us ?
COL : This operation has been an incredible success , ass you already know.
CNN : Butt we have'nt seen anything
COL : Sure you have , look around. ( points to rubble )
CNN : Col. , that's a house under construction
COL : Well , you get the idea , take a picture of it. Also , we captured six munition caches , used in the manufacture of IED's
CNN : Can we see some of the captured goods ?
COL : Sargeant , bring that item over here , NOW ! ! !
THUNK ON THE GROUND ! ! ! ! !
CNN : Col , that's a rock
COL : Sir , I can assure you , that's part of an IED
CNN : Where are the IRAQ troops ?
COL : points to a Hum Vee , " Over there "
CNN : That's it ? That's all of the them ?
COL : Yes , how many were you expecting after three years of training ?
CNN : Can we stay for the night ?
COL : NO , these folks want to go home.
CNN : Col , we still have'nt seen anything
COL : If we start now , I can have you all back in Bagdad in time for lunch. You can enjoy MRE's with the troops.
CNN : Butt , Bagdad is right there , ( pointing ) we can walk it. Besides , we just leaft from there five minutes ago.
COL : Nonsense , you are all under my protection , let's all get on the helicopter. Besides , how would it look if everyone was seen over there , enjoying MRE's , with me standing right here ?
COMCAST on the DISH
How many people on Comcast were watching tv last night ? This was my picture. I tried for an hour to reach a Comcast service representative. Finally , I got thru to a recording , saying , " Due to high winds , a tree fell on to our Dish. We are waiting for trained Dish technicians to put it back up. We apologize for any missed MTV you may have suffered. "
Friday, March 17, 2006
President Bush and MONEY
I would really hate to be the next president to fill Bush's shoes. There's no money to work with , or to have a budget. What is Bush doing with all those dollars ? I noticed he has asked for money three times this year to fight the war in IRAQ . Where's all those dollars going ? I really don't understand how 60% of a poll said they are comfortable with the present economy. Has anyone noticed Ebay ? There are no bids , or the bidding is down. Now that's a message.
Perhaps the Democrates should let the next election go. They could get caught with out a chair when the money music stops and find themselves taking the blame for Bush's money madness.
TRAVELERS INSURANCE
Here's something of interest
We all need insurance for home and auto
We all want our insurance rep to be there when doo doo happens
Today , Travelers is considered to be one of the top three worst insurance companies in America. That's a big step from several years ago.
In a nut shell , you want to know that your insurance rep is looking after your interests. Ask if they carry Travelers. If they answer yes , you should consider moving on.
If they answer something like , " I used to , but I dropped them. " Then perhaps you found a good insurance rep.
If you still insist on Travelers insurance , Martin & Zerfoss , located in the Vanderbilt community , will be glad to sell it to you. Phone - 297 8500
When you turn in a claim , GOOD LUCK ! ! !
We all need insurance for home and auto
We all want our insurance rep to be there when doo doo happens
Today , Travelers is considered to be one of the top three worst insurance companies in America. That's a big step from several years ago.
In a nut shell , you want to know that your insurance rep is looking after your interests. Ask if they carry Travelers. If they answer yes , you should consider moving on.
If they answer something like , " I used to , but I dropped them. " Then perhaps you found a good insurance rep.
If you still insist on Travelers insurance , Martin & Zerfoss , located in the Vanderbilt community , will be glad to sell it to you. Phone - 297 8500
When you turn in a claim , GOOD LUCK ! ! !
WHERE IS TONYA ?
Tonya Harding was on campus to promote her new book titled , " Basket Weaving. " When asked what her favorite activities were , she replied , " Throwing wrenches at people and partying at Vanderbilt , and being a bouncer at Bruno's.
Pictured is a before and present day Tonya.
President Bush goes Green
Have you noticed President Bush's ears ? Have you noticed the slant backwards ? How did he miss out acting on Lord of the Rings ?
The White House announced today that to discourage the Bird Flu from entering this country , the Statue of Liberty was going to double up her duties as a scarecrow.
In a off the record interview , President Bush was asked why the National Guard was still being used in IRAQ instead of the U S ARMY ? Mr. Bush replied , " The ARMY is still learning from the comic book level. I've asked Congress for 10 billion in emergency educational aid , to take the ARMY to the next educational level which is high school. "
Well , are'nt you bringing the Guard down to comic book level by replacing the depleted Guard ranks with ARMY personnel ?
Mr. Bush , " Of course not , that's why I'm giving the ARMY the Guard's equipment , you see , I'm a strategic thinker and a strategic planner. "
Yes , butt , most of their equipment has been destroyed by IED's.
Mr. Bush , " Not a problem , a little duct tape , some paint , good ass new. "
Finally , President Bush danced a jig on the White House back yard ass it began to rain money. " Look Barabara , it's raining money. I told you I would make the sky turn green. Aint Congress wonderful ? "
Vanderbilt University takes EDUCATION to the next LEVEL
Vanderbilt averted a near educational nuclear meltdown , when students started removing test files from the Engineering school and stacked them outside Kirkland Hall for a bonfire to protest a lack of MTV on campus. The engineering faculty were gravely concerned about those test files because they act as the control rods on the student's atomic pile. Chairman Thackston stated with alarm , " Without those test files , there's no way to control the nuclear fission inside the student body core. We would have students shooting in all directions out into space even. This would have been more catastrophic than the time Professor Speece flooded the school with human effluent. " ( Thackston kindly asked not to print that last since the state does'nt know about it )
Chancellor Gee , in a flash of brilliance , realized the opportunity to increase the student population. He decreed , "From now on , there will be 12 channels of MTV on campus to choose from , and more importantly , every engineering class can vote on which channel to watch during lectures. "
In a seperate announcement , Gee stated , " This summer , the engineering school will be renovated and upgraded to include a Munchy Mart Beer Dispencer in every classroom and , most importantly , each classroom will have a BIG plasma tv screen to watch MTV during lectures. The Vandy card will be accepted so don't leave your dorm without it. "
NASA helps BUSH
President Bush was confident today ass his great idea from NASA was being launched towards higher polls.Unfortunately , there was no fuel on board.
NASA assured President Bush that with funding for a 2 billion dollar robotic fact finding mission to earth , they would find the money for a bottle rocket.
Thursday, March 16, 2006
Space Shuttle Launch Delay
NASA announced today the launch of the space shuttle will be delayed due to the nation being nine trillion dollars in debt. There was no money , in the launch budget , to light up the main tank fuel gauge in the dark. Electrical technicians were going to attempt to rig some spare fibre optic parts from the pilots emergency flashlight to the gauge. However , to do this , NASA would need an additional five billion dollars in emergency funding to buy batteries.
Meanwhile , Back at the MRI
Technician : Jerry ?
Jerry : Yeah , I'm still in here.
Technician : Good , I will start the next round of film which will take about 45 minutes.
Jerry : OK , can I have a burger and fries while I'm waiting ?
Jerry : Yeah , I'm still in here.
Technician : Good , I will start the next round of film which will take about 45 minutes.
Jerry : OK , can I have a burger and fries while I'm waiting ?
VANDERBILT UNIVERSITY LAB RATS
Four escaped lab rats from the VUMC dungeons , were on Jay Leno last night , discussing their lab experiments
Pictured is the human/bat reproduction study
A Homo Sapiens missing link , with the longest body hair
The cloning study of reproducing multiple " Minni Me's " inside a man's abdomen
The Kool Aid Pitcher with bladder problems from a misplaced placement from foley missed it , use abuse
CITY of FRANKLIN TRAFFIC COURT
BVD sat down with Jerry to learn more about Historic Franklin
Jerry : Did you know Franklin does not have a traffic court ?
BVD : Your joking
Jerry : No , I'm afraid not.You see , to have a court of law , there has to be a judge.Well , a judge costs tooo much , so there's a lawyer to process the process.
BVD : OK , let's say I know this and refuse to pay ?
Jerry : No problem , they confiscate your liscence on the spot.
BVD : Is this legal ?
Jerry : No , butt they are betting you don't know the judge is'nt a judge , they are betting you don't know your rights , and they are confident an attorney won't take your case since this is a violation of your civil rights.
BVD : Why is'nt there a judge again ?
Jerry : Costs tooo much.
BVD : What does a judge make ?
Jerry : A judge in Franklin recieves free housing , free car , a percentage of his take goes into the judge's retirement fund , AND , they don't get tickets , the same courtesy extends to their circle of family and friends.
BVD : So , by having a real judge in court , every time a ticket is dropped , he looses money ?
Jerry : You got it. Besides , a judge can't make a right decision with this monetary advantage of your money , his pocket philosophy , so there's no traffic court judge , and no tickets get dropped.
BVD : So why does'nt someone investigate this , where's the FBI ?
Jerry : This is not an FBI problem , it's a TBI problem. Franklin and the TBI have a political understanding.
BVD : OK , in a article in the Review Appeal , it says the court only brings in 500$ or so a session. So what's the big deal.
Jerry : Let's say on average , Franklin Police ticket about 100 people per session. Just to pay up front and not appear in court because you need to be at work will cost you a basic $55 dollars. When you show up , now you encounter court fees. I'll let you do the math. And , remember , they won't tell you they are adding points to your driver liscence.
BVD : What's that all about ?
Jerry : This raises your insurance rates , which those companies share a percentage with the ticketing agency.
BVD : Does Franklin Police know how this works ?
Jerry : Of course they do. Besides , by going along to get along , their circle of family and friends don't get tickets either.
BVD : OK , let's say I got a ticket , now what ?
Jerry : OK , let's say you have a friend on the inside. Let them know , so they can watch the " inbox " , and they can pull the paper work , schred it so there's no eveidence , no muss no fuss , it's over with , just like that. On the other hand , it's your money , their pocket , just like that.
Jerry : Did you know Franklin does not have a traffic court ?
BVD : Your joking
Jerry : No , I'm afraid not.You see , to have a court of law , there has to be a judge.Well , a judge costs tooo much , so there's a lawyer to process the process.
BVD : OK , let's say I know this and refuse to pay ?
Jerry : No problem , they confiscate your liscence on the spot.
BVD : Is this legal ?
Jerry : No , butt they are betting you don't know the judge is'nt a judge , they are betting you don't know your rights , and they are confident an attorney won't take your case since this is a violation of your civil rights.
BVD : Why is'nt there a judge again ?
Jerry : Costs tooo much.
BVD : What does a judge make ?
Jerry : A judge in Franklin recieves free housing , free car , a percentage of his take goes into the judge's retirement fund , AND , they don't get tickets , the same courtesy extends to their circle of family and friends.
BVD : So , by having a real judge in court , every time a ticket is dropped , he looses money ?
Jerry : You got it. Besides , a judge can't make a right decision with this monetary advantage of your money , his pocket philosophy , so there's no traffic court judge , and no tickets get dropped.
BVD : So why does'nt someone investigate this , where's the FBI ?
Jerry : This is not an FBI problem , it's a TBI problem. Franklin and the TBI have a political understanding.
BVD : OK , in a article in the Review Appeal , it says the court only brings in 500$ or so a session. So what's the big deal.
Jerry : Let's say on average , Franklin Police ticket about 100 people per session. Just to pay up front and not appear in court because you need to be at work will cost you a basic $55 dollars. When you show up , now you encounter court fees. I'll let you do the math. And , remember , they won't tell you they are adding points to your driver liscence.
BVD : What's that all about ?
Jerry : This raises your insurance rates , which those companies share a percentage with the ticketing agency.
BVD : Does Franklin Police know how this works ?
Jerry : Of course they do. Besides , by going along to get along , their circle of family and friends don't get tickets either.
BVD : OK , let's say I got a ticket , now what ?
Jerry : OK , let's say you have a friend on the inside. Let them know , so they can watch the " inbox " , and they can pull the paper work , schred it so there's no eveidence , no muss no fuss , it's over with , just like that. On the other hand , it's your money , their pocket , just like that.
Wednesday, March 15, 2006
Franklin Police Traffic Stop
Here's a story from the Franklin Police's History Book.
One night a vehicle is pulled over for a burned out headlight. During a conversation with the Franklin Police officer , it was noted the police car had a burned out headlight. When mentioning this , the officer screamed , " If you don't shut up , I'll take you to jail ! " Nuff said , and the officer wrote the ticket.
Welcome to Franklin.
One night a vehicle is pulled over for a burned out headlight. During a conversation with the Franklin Police officer , it was noted the police car had a burned out headlight. When mentioning this , the officer screamed , " If you don't shut up , I'll take you to jail ! " Nuff said , and the officer wrote the ticket.
Welcome to Franklin.
SADDAM the man
Today , Saddam said dury his trial " God made me ruler of Iraq. "
Why are we spending all that money defending this guy ?
Why can't we give him the same justice , he gave to so many thousands ?
CONAN's Brain Pan
When Conan learned he had been turned down by Vanderbilt Undergrad Admissions for lack of credentials , he showed off his brain pan. " Look. " , " See ?" , " There really is something in here. "
Dean , Vanderbilt Undergrad Admissions replied , " OK , butt , perhaps if that trash can was Black and Gold , instead of blue , we might have made an exception. "
Jay Leno
I was wondering if Jay Leno started something last night. He made the remark about parents having difficulty paying for their kids college because they had bought Starbucks everymorning for the last 20 years.
This mornings CNN stated Starbucks will be giving free coffee today , and for those who can't make it , the Starbucks courtesy coffee van would be on patrol .
Pictured is Jay talking about his visit to Vanderbilt LAMBDA and the days Rand menu was MANWICH
GEORGIA PEACHES
Stupid question : Where do Georgia peaches come from ?
Answer : California.
courtesy NBC
Tuesday, March 14, 2006
Franklin Police has a Stalker
Here is a story from the pages of Franklin Police's history book.
My daughter was working nights at Carmikes. A Franklin Police officer took an interest in her since she was only 16 years old. This officer would follow her home , which was outside the city limits. After she told me what was going on , I would stand in the shadows watching her pull into the drive way with the patrol car on her bumper. The car would then drive away.
One night , the officer pulled her over and with her driver license in his hand , asked her out. When she said no , the officer wrote her a ticket for running a yellow light that did not exist.
I went to Franklin Police Headquarters to talk with the commander , who informed me there was no problem here. I did talk with Tim Taylor , CID , who told me there was no problem here. I was refused access to see the Chief.
Sooo , I went to Jay Johnson , City Administrator , who asked a lot of questions , and I gave a lot of answers. He said he would investigate.
One week later , I met with Jay Johnson again. He said , " I want to thank you for bringing this to my attention. I found there was inproprietary use of police vehicles , and , there was substance to my complaint. However , due to the fact the police department is going thru CALAE accreditation at this time , if I do something with the officer , CALEA would hear about it and could jeopardize Franklin Police becoming CALEA accredited. Therefore , there was nothing he could do. "
Hhmmmm.......
Note : During the investigation , the officer stopped his activities.
My daughter was working nights at Carmikes. A Franklin Police officer took an interest in her since she was only 16 years old. This officer would follow her home , which was outside the city limits. After she told me what was going on , I would stand in the shadows watching her pull into the drive way with the patrol car on her bumper. The car would then drive away.
One night , the officer pulled her over and with her driver license in his hand , asked her out. When she said no , the officer wrote her a ticket for running a yellow light that did not exist.
I went to Franklin Police Headquarters to talk with the commander , who informed me there was no problem here. I did talk with Tim Taylor , CID , who told me there was no problem here. I was refused access to see the Chief.
Sooo , I went to Jay Johnson , City Administrator , who asked a lot of questions , and I gave a lot of answers. He said he would investigate.
One week later , I met with Jay Johnson again. He said , " I want to thank you for bringing this to my attention. I found there was inproprietary use of police vehicles , and , there was substance to my complaint. However , due to the fact the police department is going thru CALAE accreditation at this time , if I do something with the officer , CALEA would hear about it and could jeopardize Franklin Police becoming CALEA accredited. Therefore , there was nothing he could do. "
Hhmmmm.......
Note : During the investigation , the officer stopped his activities.
DONTDATEHIMGIRL.COM
Today , while in a chat room , I got to talk with Tasha Joseph , she is the owner/founder of DONTDATEHIMGIRL.COM.
This is a web site with a data base of about 1800 men who have cheated on women.
While searching thru the names , Professor Bowers popped up.
When asked about this , Tasha replied , " I've got to remove his name. The Vanderbilt Attorney's for Silly Nonsense informed me that Bowers has a disease called Tenure , and therefore , his story can not be told here. I just have'nt gotten around to doing that just yet. "
Note : VASN is the Vanderbilt medical acronym for vaseline.
This is a web site with a data base of about 1800 men who have cheated on women.
While searching thru the names , Professor Bowers popped up.
When asked about this , Tasha replied , " I've got to remove his name. The Vanderbilt Attorney's for Silly Nonsense informed me that Bowers has a disease called Tenure , and therefore , his story can not be told here. I just have'nt gotten around to doing that just yet. "
Note : VASN is the Vanderbilt medical acronym for vaseline.
President Bush's Family Tree
While researching documents in the National Archives , officially unofficially Jerry was trying to get several documents before being conviscated by the Bush administration's efforts to rewrite history by reclassifying
unclassified documents.
Mixed in with the documents was this file.
The Secret Service politely removed all documents from Jerry's possesion before being allowed to leave the building.
CNN's Larry King Secrets Revealed in Upcoming Book
Jerry recieved a fax today , showing the cover of Larry King's new book. While no details were mentioned , it is assumed it will be a hot best seller.
VANDERBILT UNIVERSITY LAMBDA
While doing a search for the Slightly Amusing office complex deep beneath the Sarrat Catacombes Complex , officially unofficially Jerry walked by the LAMBDA offices while the closet doors were open , and saw this.
Jerry asked , " Was'nt this a Dean Potter marketing idea to promote LAMBDA ?"
After getting only smiles and lewd looks , Jerry politely excussed himself to go do the Franklin story.
City of Franklin is changing
City of Franklin aldermen were scouting around , looking for more ways to raise revenue , when they began to notice all the cars parked in drive ways of people's residences.
After a discussion of the eye sore this created , plus calculating all the money the city was loosing thru a lack of parking meters inside the city limits , they came to the conclusion that there was waaay to much economical housing in Franklin.
To combat this problem , the aldermen are planning to implement the eminant domain law ass established by President Bush.
It was revealed today , in the early restructuring stages , there will be a Quicky Mart on every city block to employ the people from India.
When the subject of where the democrates would be relocated after loosing their homes , the aldermen gave no answer , and returned to the buisness of monitoring the city's money flow into their swimming pool.
After a discussion of the eye sore this created , plus calculating all the money the city was loosing thru a lack of parking meters inside the city limits , they came to the conclusion that there was waaay to much economical housing in Franklin.
To combat this problem , the aldermen are planning to implement the eminant domain law ass established by President Bush.
It was revealed today , in the early restructuring stages , there will be a Quicky Mart on every city block to employ the people from India.
When the subject of where the democrates would be relocated after loosing their homes , the aldermen gave no answer , and returned to the buisness of monitoring the city's money flow into their swimming pool.
Monday, March 13, 2006
President Bush vs. The Car Door
Have you ever wondered why Bush does'nt open the door to the limo ? BVD was allowed 2 minutes with the Secret Service for a candid interview.
BVD : So , why does'nt President Bush open the limo door himself ?
Secret Service Special Agent Special Services assigned to the White House on special assignment for especially needy people in the White House Secret Service Special Agent " Bob " : It's like this , President Bush weighs just 86 pounds. The limo door weighs 500 pounds and is spring loaded. If the President opens that door by himself , he will be launched 2 blocks down.
BVD : You're kidding right ?
Bob : Nope , the first and last time Mr. Bush opened that door , we had to extricate him from a mail box from across the street.
Sunday, March 12, 2006
VANDERBILT UNIVERSITY sponsors BROKEBACK RE INACTMENT
HOLLYWOOD - BVD News learned that Vanderbilt Pictures Inc. Esq. & Co. thru mutual co operation with Vanderbilt Lambda-Potter Anal Sole Subsidiary Farm Enterprises and The Vanderbilt-Potter Farm Party Animals Company , will film a re inactment of Brokeback Mountain starring R. Lee Ermy and Conan O' Brien on the Vanderbilt Cliffs this spring.
With discussion of who was going to be on top , R. Lee introduced Conan to a real Marine choke hold complete with real brass knuckles and a real knife.
Both were too busy in the tent for an interview.
FRIST WINS VANDERBILT SHORT STRAW
At a $50,000 dollar a plate fundraiser at Rand for unemployed presidential hopefuls , Senator Frist won the prestigious Vanderbilt Short Straw Award by pulling the short straw.
Secretary of State hopeful , Chairman Thackston said , " We were hoping the Senator would win , we even had short straw bussed in from Missouri to ensure the Senator would'nt pull the wrong straw. "
Senator Frist was too busy manipulating stocks to be available for comment.
Courtesy BVD News
R. LEE in VANDERBILT HOT WATER
R. Lee of Mail Call , was on campus to film the history of Chancelor Gee's rise to power , and the military technology and weapons he used to take Kirkland Hall
After doing an advertisement for Rand brand food on the History Channel , Grandma Thackston burst from the crowd and gave " Gunny " both barrels of how she felt about the language used.
In an effort to maintain civility and keep " Gunny " alive , it was agreed that " Gunny " would clean out a few things before proceeding any further.
Thru Grandma Thackston's efforts , Mail Call now has a PG L rating and the language is now clean enough for the hearing impaired who went blind from watching past episodes.
Grandma Thackston was overheard to tell " Gunny " , " Damn son , your fucking hairy ass cleaned up pretty good , you make me wish I had you for my own son , instead of that damned silly assed moronic ground down pencil dick bald headed fart of a dysfunctional maggot bastard known ass that fucking Edward. "
Saturday, March 11, 2006
DETECTIVE BEARD WILLIAMSON COUNTY SHERIFFS DEPARTMENT
With several complaints being recieved by the Williamson County Sheriffs Department about Detective Beard , Sheriff Headly instigated an immediate investigation.
After an intense one hour of digging for the truth , Mr. Bennett , Williamson County Sheriffs Department Investigative Services put out a two page letter stating , " Mr. Beard is not doing his job. "
What does this mean ? Detective Beard does not have to do his job due to political connections.
Is that it ? Like , is that all ?
Nope. Anyone who lost a court battle based on Det. Beard's testimony can now ask for a new trial , based on this new evidence.
Mr. Bennett and/or Detective Beard can be reached at 790 5558 or 790 5550
After an intense one hour of digging for the truth , Mr. Bennett , Williamson County Sheriffs Department Investigative Services put out a two page letter stating , " Mr. Beard is not doing his job. "
What does this mean ? Detective Beard does not have to do his job due to political connections.
Is that it ? Like , is that all ?
Nope. Anyone who lost a court battle based on Det. Beard's testimony can now ask for a new trial , based on this new evidence.
Mr. Bennett and/or Detective Beard can be reached at 790 5558 or 790 5550
Vanderbilt to become Port Authority of Nashville
Today , the Vandy bubble was saddened to learn that Vandyland , located on West End , will be closing at the end of May.
Mitch Givens , owner , proprietor , ice cream maker , butcher , chief cook and window washer , said ," We lost our lease for refusing to give free lunches to the faculty at the engineering school. "
When The HUSTLER asked what will happen to this prime real estate , Mitch replied , " The home offices for Nashville's Port Authority will be here. "
Mitch Givens , owner , proprietor , ice cream maker , butcher , chief cook and window washer , said ," We lost our lease for refusing to give free lunches to the faculty at the engineering school. "
When The HUSTLER asked what will happen to this prime real estate , Mitch replied , " The home offices for Nashville's Port Authority will be here. "
WEBSTERS a CHANGING
Today's word is COWBOY , which can be substituted with COWPOKE
BUSH TALKS ABOUT THE ARMY 'S FUTURE
In a speech last night , President Bush talked about recruiting needs in this country's future ARMY.
President Bush said , " Today's ARMY can not meet the necessary numbers requirement needed to defend this country and so , being a strategic thinker , I've lowered television standards to 14 year olds. "
Pictured is a World War II battle scene showing Marines using a tank flame thrower on Japanese strongholds.
JERRY , WHAT DID YOU DO IN THE NAVY
BVD got a moment to spend with Jerry and the question of the NAVY came up.
Jerry said , " That stuff is best leaft alone. It's classified. If I tell you , then I can shoot you and it would be legal. "
When BVD changed the subject to this picture. Jerry replied , " It looks like the Greenville may be short on air. If you look close at the conning bridge , there are people wearing rain coats. "
FRANKLIN POLICE on DUI
Do you like to drink and drive ? Are you worried about getting caught and arrested ?
Well , worry no more. Now there's Franklin Police , who give " Courtesies " to those suspected of being drunk while under the influence.
Yep , you read corrcetly. Franklin , Tennessee is THE PLACE to drink and drive while having no worries about being caught and arrested.
BVD : Hey Jerry , what in the hell are you talking about ?
Jerry : Franklin Police gave a courtesy to a guy , who did 4,700 $ damage to a vehicle , not his own , while drinking and taking anesthesia drugs. He was so drunk , his breath was a fire hazard.
BVD : This is a put on , right ?
Jerry : Nope , when asked why this guy was not arrested , Commander Barnes stated " There were no charges brought ass a courtesy ."
BVD : OK , Jerry , what does this mean ?
Jerry : Simple. Laws in this country are made for everyone , not for someone. Franklin is still a part of the United States. Armed with this information , anyone going to court on DUI charges needs to tell the judge they respectfully request a courtesy and that all charges be dropped including any fees. A lawyer not required. It's that simple. Should the judge ask for verification , have them call Commander Barnes.
Franklin Police , 373 - 1295 or 794 - 2513
Hey , why should YOU have to pay for drunkiness , when others don't ?
You tell the law you have the right to be given a courtesy , just like the next person. That's fair and equal treatment. Would'nt you agree ?
Can you imagine what all the DUI defense attorneys will do when they learn of this ? Their bread and butter will be no more.
Can you imagine all the money you'll save ? Not to mention your driver liscence.
Note : The Williamson County Review Appeal can not report this. 794 - 2555
Another note : Tim Taylor , Night Shift Supervisor , was not available for comment , having been promoted to unemployed.
Well , worry no more. Now there's Franklin Police , who give " Courtesies " to those suspected of being drunk while under the influence.
Yep , you read corrcetly. Franklin , Tennessee is THE PLACE to drink and drive while having no worries about being caught and arrested.
BVD : Hey Jerry , what in the hell are you talking about ?
Jerry : Franklin Police gave a courtesy to a guy , who did 4,700 $ damage to a vehicle , not his own , while drinking and taking anesthesia drugs. He was so drunk , his breath was a fire hazard.
BVD : This is a put on , right ?
Jerry : Nope , when asked why this guy was not arrested , Commander Barnes stated " There were no charges brought ass a courtesy ."
BVD : OK , Jerry , what does this mean ?
Jerry : Simple. Laws in this country are made for everyone , not for someone. Franklin is still a part of the United States. Armed with this information , anyone going to court on DUI charges needs to tell the judge they respectfully request a courtesy and that all charges be dropped including any fees. A lawyer not required. It's that simple. Should the judge ask for verification , have them call Commander Barnes.
Franklin Police , 373 - 1295 or 794 - 2513
Hey , why should YOU have to pay for drunkiness , when others don't ?
You tell the law you have the right to be given a courtesy , just like the next person. That's fair and equal treatment. Would'nt you agree ?
Can you imagine what all the DUI defense attorneys will do when they learn of this ? Their bread and butter will be no more.
Can you imagine all the money you'll save ? Not to mention your driver liscence.
Note : The Williamson County Review Appeal can not report this. 794 - 2555
Another note : Tim Taylor , Night Shift Supervisor , was not available for comment , having been promoted to unemployed.
Friday, March 10, 2006
WACKENHUT SECURITY
Last night on NBC News , there was a story about Homeland Security using Wackenhut Security services. Now this is scary. Why ?
Wackenhut is well known for contracting with various companies to supply them with answers to their security and safety needs. However , Wackenhut is also well known for filling those positions with any one they can find , regardless of experience , training , or even certification. Hey , a piece of paper is a piece of paper.
Yes , it is true Wacenhut gives all employees 4 hours of training right up front before going to their assigned locations. However , that training is to inform the new employees of Wackenhut policies and to get them finger printed. And nothing else. ( is'nt it interesting , our politicians don't require finger printing )
On the down side , Wackenhut is known for charging their clients extra for training and pay raises. Wackenhut keeps that extra money to themselves. Yep , it's true.
What does all this mean ? Simple , with Wackenhut , you don't know what you get for people doing safety or security. They may not know what they are doing , not understand english , not have a drivers liscence , may not be old enough to carry a gun.
What's the point Jerry ? Simple , Homeland Security does contract work thru Wackenhut. Now , will you sleep better at night ?
Jerry , how do you know this ?
I worked security/EMT for Saturn. Wackenhut has their contract. And , despite Saturn giving Wackenhut money for pay raises , we did'nt see it. Other people working there , got in thru politics. I was hired because I had a real EMT liscence.
Wackenhut is well known for contracting with various companies to supply them with answers to their security and safety needs. However , Wackenhut is also well known for filling those positions with any one they can find , regardless of experience , training , or even certification. Hey , a piece of paper is a piece of paper.
Yes , it is true Wacenhut gives all employees 4 hours of training right up front before going to their assigned locations. However , that training is to inform the new employees of Wackenhut policies and to get them finger printed. And nothing else. ( is'nt it interesting , our politicians don't require finger printing )
On the down side , Wackenhut is known for charging their clients extra for training and pay raises. Wackenhut keeps that extra money to themselves. Yep , it's true.
What does all this mean ? Simple , with Wackenhut , you don't know what you get for people doing safety or security. They may not know what they are doing , not understand english , not have a drivers liscence , may not be old enough to carry a gun.
What's the point Jerry ? Simple , Homeland Security does contract work thru Wackenhut. Now , will you sleep better at night ?
Jerry , how do you know this ?
I worked security/EMT for Saturn. Wackenhut has their contract. And , despite Saturn giving Wackenhut money for pay raises , we did'nt see it. Other people working there , got in thru politics. I was hired because I had a real EMT liscence.
VANDERBILT UNIVERSITY and ALCOHOL
Did anyone see last nights newscast on WSMV ? A couple was arrested for allowing minors to drink alcohol.
This got me to remembering the scene at a Vanderbilt football game.
Have you been to a Vandy home game ? Did you notice the sky boxes ? Have you been in them during a game ?
When I walked thru , a " chef " was busy cooking. There was even an open bar with a wide varity of alcohol. There were kids of all ages . And , yes , I saw minors pouring their own drinks and of course , drinking them.
Nothing was done about this ? Why ? And of course , VUPD was there. By looking the other way , nothing was seen.
And unexplainably , Vandy has an alcohol problem with the under grads.
BVD got to ask , " Jerry , how do you know this ? "
Jerry , " I was on the ambulance crew. "
This got me to remembering the scene at a Vanderbilt football game.
Have you been to a Vandy home game ? Did you notice the sky boxes ? Have you been in them during a game ?
When I walked thru , a " chef " was busy cooking. There was even an open bar with a wide varity of alcohol. There were kids of all ages . And , yes , I saw minors pouring their own drinks and of course , drinking them.
Nothing was done about this ? Why ? And of course , VUPD was there. By looking the other way , nothing was seen.
And unexplainably , Vandy has an alcohol problem with the under grads.
BVD got to ask , " Jerry , how do you know this ? "
Jerry , " I was on the ambulance crew. "
JAY WALKING
Jay Walking was on The Wall yesterday , with Jay Leno , of NBC , asking the question " Have you ever lied to any body ?"
Would'nt you know it ? Jay Leno bumps into Professor Bowers. When asked the question , Bowers replied , " Sure , I've lied , many times. "
Leno , " About what ?"
Bowers , " About being married. "
Leno , " What do you mean ? "
Bowers , " Well , I'm presently married to a Vanderbilt co-ed , while going thru a divorce with a Vanderbilt co-ed , I'm presently dating a Vanderbilt co-ed , and I'm on my way to meat a Vanderbilt co-ed. "
Leno , " How old are you ? "
Bowers , " I'm 61 last month. "
Leno , " WOW , you don't look a day over 25. "
Bowers , " Yeah , well , you see , I'm Vanderbilt faculty , and I get all the Botox injections I want for free . "
Leno , " Is that why you can't stop smiling ? "
Bowers , " Well no , you see , I'm thinking about that co-ed. "
Leno , " Are you lying now ? "
Bowers , " Well , yes , and no . "
PROFESSOR HOADLEY
Today , at the Vanderbilt cliffs , Professor Hoadley , Civil/Envirnmental Engineering , called a special press conference to show off his new pet project.
Professor Hoadley said , " I'll be doing a series of crash testing of train vehicles to study what needs to be done to increase the safety for the public in the event of a train crash. "
Ass Professor Hoadley belted himself in , and blew the train whistle , The HUSTLER asked him about the use of crash test dummies. Professor Hoadley replied , " Don't have any , besides , I can't afford the research money. "
Thursday, March 09, 2006
NEWS on FRAT ROW
This weeks American Medical Association magazine ( AMA ) stated that they had statistical proof that during Spring Break , that sorority openess was at a all time high and steps needed to be taken to reduce these numbers.
The Boys from frat row strenuously told the AMA to " Shut up ! ".
Professor Bowers , Vanderbilt Civil Engineering , said , " Don't worry boys , sorority row will continue to be open ."
The Boys from frat row strenuously told the AMA to " Shut up ! ".
Professor Bowers , Vanderbilt Civil Engineering , said , " Don't worry boys , sorority row will continue to be open ."
VATICAN NEWS
BVD learned over the API wire , the Catholic priests have given their approval to the Pope for Michael Jackson to compose and write music for all Catholic orphanages.
BUSH BAIL's OUT
Today in a speech to Congress , President Bush begged for 100 billion dollars in emergency funds to help bail him out of legalities with the Port Investors Group.
CHENEY'S LEGAL TO HUNT
BUSH vs. KATRINA
In a live media show down , President Bush has declared that he is fed up with Katrina's madness for wanten destruction. Today , Bush has issued a one billion dollar reward bounty for Katrina. " I don't care if she is dead or alive , I want her brought to justice! " , said Bush.
VANDY SAYS NO CONAN
Today , the HUSTLER learned that Vanderbilt undergrad admissions has said no to Conan O' Brien for the Freshman class of 2008.
Dean of Undergrad Admissions stated , " We must consider the applicant's credentials. Conan does'nt even have a GED. "
Conan , of NBC , had applied for a media communications degree , hoping it would help him make it BIG in television.
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
IT HAPPENS
During a record breaking slow speed car chase , police did the NASCAR on this stupid white boy , who jumped out of his vehicle and ran down hill into a guard rail head first. He quickly got up and ran into the eager arms of awaiting police.
BUSH , ARABS , MAKE MOUNTAIN DEAL
After the public outcry over the UAE port dealings , Bush went looking for more friendly country to sell in Montana.
The White House had no comment at this time.
PROFESSOR BOWERS EXPLODES on LETTERMAN
Vanderbilt's Civil Engineering professor Bowers had an explosive accident during his interview with David Letterman on CBS last night.
Bowers told BVD News , " I don't understand what happened. David was talking to me , when I was distracted by a young lady in the audience. The next thing I knew , the monster exploded. "
BVD was standing behind a plexi glass shield during the interview.
VANDERBILT FRESHMAN HOPEFULS SUCK
Vanderbilt announced that it was becoming more difficult to recruit qualified freshman for the 2010 class and also needed more ways to diversify the student body.
During a Greek Greet and Meat , the suggestion was on the floor to look for talented people out side the box.
Hence , Vanderbilt has decided to use a talent agency in Hollywood to help with recruiting and to make entry into the bubble more expensive.
BEASTI BOYS CONCERT
The " BOYS " manager was sooo pissed when he learned the Beasti Boys had given a free concert to Vanderbilt's Rites of Spring over the weekend.
BVD learned everything was smoothed over when their manager was introduced to sorority row. Yep , it was free.
MARY MORRIS FREED
Last night Chairman Thackston had his friend Mary Morris released from jail and her record expunged of any wrong doing.
When asked to explain , Thackston replied , " MJ has a disease called tenure , so , she can do ass she pleases. " Thackston had nothing more to add , ass he escorted MJ to his car.
Mary Morris had been apprehended for stealing paper clips from the School of Engineering's office.
An investagation into Mary " MJ " Morris' activities found she had a huge pile of stolen Vanderbilt property at her house , and with Vanderbilt inventory tags still on most of the equipment. In addition , " MJ " had a lucrative EBAY buisness and also , was selling thru the local auction companies.
Pictured , the police released videotape of " MJ " robbing the Vanderbilt Quicki Mart at The Village. There will be no charges filed on this and similar occurances.
Tuesday, March 07, 2006
THE BACHELOR PARTY IS OVER
The BVD News got inside word today that it's over between Travis Stark and Sharon B.Stoned. When they signed the ABC contract to appear on the Bachelor tv show , they did'nt read all the way down to the fine print that reads " You 2 , yes , you very 2 , may not see each other forever after the show , and then some depending on the mood of ABC , and/or their affiliates , families , and pets. Which at some time , ABC has the right to renew this contract with out your signatures and/or approval. "
Travis and Sharon were unaware of this during Rites of Spring. There are no pictures here so ass to give the lovebirds some privacy.
Travis and Sharon were unaware of this during Rites of Spring. There are no pictures here so ass to give the lovebirds some privacy.
PROFESSOR BOWERS POPULAR BOOTH
This years most visited activity booth at Rites of Spring was guessing Professor Bowers' IQ. Most students were guessing in the upper 800s when it was disclosed that Bowers was not a doctor. Although he does have a PHD , he is not a medical doctor.
Armed with this information , students started guessing around 70 and were consistantly winning. In less than an hour , all prizes had been given away.
And , yes , PHD stands for " Piled High and Deep. "
VANDERBILT UNIVERSITY THIEF CAUGHT
This morning , at Vanderbilt University , it was announced that Mary Mean Morris , Vanderilt Envirnmental Engineering Department , was apprehended for stealing paper clips from the Civil Engineering Department.
For years , Mary Mean was suspect for the dissapearance of department monies and equipment.
Chairman Thackston would always protect her by saying , " Mary Mean has tenure , which MEANS you can't fire her. "
Thackston was well known for fondling " MJ " in public.
VANDERBILT UNIVERSITY SHOES on CNN
Robin Meade on CNN's morning show talked about shoes. She pointed out important Vanderbilt statistics , that under grad men had an average 57 shoes while the ladies had an average 26 shoes. Robin was at a lose as to why the men had an odd number of shoes.
Vanderbilt spent on average $5,000,000 in one week to investigate these statistics.
When asked why this information was so important , a spokesman replied , " We were told , starting with taxes for the year 2010 , the IRS will be adding a shoe tax for unmarried couples. And we need to know now , for new enrollment guide lines , how many shoes a person should have before we accept them into the Vanderbilt bubble. "
PROFESSOR BOWERS at RITES of SPRING
Vanderbilt University very own officially unofficially photographer Jerry , caught this image of Professor Bowers the morning after Rites of Spring was officially winding down.
When asked if he had taken his morning after pill , Bowers rolled over on top of his mate , and pulled over the covers.
Monday, March 06, 2006
WHAT IS THIS ? ?
The Biomedical engineering department , in partnership with Doc Morris , Vanderbilt Trauma , have begun research into animal integration and interaction with warm water.When asked to explain , Morris stated , " Lots of $$$$$$ from NSF . "
Courtesy BVD News
PROFESSOR BOWERS
This was the look on Bowers face after giving his first co-ed an "A"
PRESIDENT BUSH WINS OSCAR
At the Academy Awards last night , President Bush made presidential history by becoming the first American president to win an Oscar.
There were no other nominations in his catagory.
CHENEY's LOVE MACHINE
Vice President Cheney made the news this morning , having used his love machine for the 5th time this month.
Dr. Walker , founder and director of E-Harmony match makers was pronounced dead by Vanderbilt Trauma Doc Morris. " He suffered excessive and traumatising metal to the heart and brain." stated Morris in a live interview on Vanderbilt Hospital Channel 1 ( VH1 ).
The investagation was taken over by the Secret Service , when Metro Homicide made a match of shotgun pellets with those used by the vice president. " The pellets had the White House seal of approval on them. " said Det. Loveblood of Metro Police. " We were in the process of counting the number of pellets in the body when the Secret Service suddenly showed up during the autopsy , and they put a stop to everything and made off with the body. " continued Loveblood.
The Vice President later said , " I could'nt watch my favorite bird shooting tv show , I could'nt watch my favorite shotgun show , I could'nt even have a beer or two in peace , I could'nt even watch my own quail shooting documentary , the one I star in , with out that guy's commercials butting in , hell , even his commercials have commercials. It's like he was teasing me with all those lovebirds. So , I went down to the studio and had a word with him. Somewhere during the conversation , my shotgun went off by accident. "
When asked why the Secret Service stopped the investagation , Cheney replied , " They were just doing their job protecting me. "
Doc Morris later remarked , " This clearly a hearts and mind issue."
CNN's WOLF with SHARAF on UAE PORT DEAL
How many people were watching Wolf interview Sharaf about the UAE port deal. Sharaf said " The deal will go thru. " He explained the investers were eagerly waiting for their money. This can not be stopped.
Note: It's interesting , CNN has not replayed his remark.
Sunday, March 05, 2006
VANDERBILT UNIVERSITY GETS OSCAR DONATIONS
The Tennessean has reported that this years Academy Awards gift bags are worth 100,000$ , and have been declared taxable income by the IRS. The taxes on the bags have been estamated at 45,000$ apiece.
Spokesman John Pavlik stated " Many celebrities , upon learning the bags were not free this year , have declined to accept them. " Pavlik continued " We were at a loss of what to do when Jerry mentioned that perhaps Vanderbilt could get some use out of them. "
When The Tennessean looked into the matter , it was found that Vanderbilt University is a for profit buisness entity with tax excempt status.
This would explain how Chancelor Gee can make 10,000,000$ a year and still get free housing , free Mercedes , free food , free travel , free hotels , free paychecks and free gifts.
When the question about Vanderbilt employees came up , Vanderbilt's Public Affairs Department said ," Vanderbilt employees are not directly connected to Vanderbilt University and therefore do not qualify under the tax exempt status. "
The Public Affairs Department had no further comment.
Spokesman John Pavlik stated " Many celebrities , upon learning the bags were not free this year , have declined to accept them. " Pavlik continued " We were at a loss of what to do when Jerry mentioned that perhaps Vanderbilt could get some use out of them. "
When The Tennessean looked into the matter , it was found that Vanderbilt University is a for profit buisness entity with tax excempt status.
This would explain how Chancelor Gee can make 10,000,000$ a year and still get free housing , free Mercedes , free food , free travel , free hotels , free paychecks and free gifts.
When the question about Vanderbilt employees came up , Vanderbilt's Public Affairs Department said ," Vanderbilt employees are not directly connected to Vanderbilt University and therefore do not qualify under the tax exempt status. "
The Public Affairs Department had no further comment.
OLIN HALL FALLS DOWN
For those who were wondering about all the noise last night , it did'nt come from the Rites of Spring. At 4:20 am , that's morning time , Olin Hall collasped into a pile of rubble.
Vanderbilt built Olin Hall on a area of ground , that Chairman Thackston assured the builders , would take the stress and strain of the urinal shaped building. However , this morning , Thackston re-reviewed his data and discovered , he read the wrong numbers.
HAVE YOU DONE YOURS ?
NIXON GIVES SEX TOYS LECTURES
For those who have not heard , it's true. The Tennessee government does'nt have anything productive to do , so now they are going thru the process of banning sex toys.
Vanderbilt's own Dean Nixon will host a " Sex Toys " lecture series aimed at educating those who want to know more.
Pictured is Dean Nixon discussing a favorite item on the Vanderbilt campus.
Saturday, March 04, 2006
Ipod STRATEGY
While cruising the blogs , I found this. The Ipod is located in President Bush's john. Now , who was complaining that Mr. Bush was not a strategic planner , and a strategic thinker ?
If this was on Air Force One , would this give new meaning to Ipod on the go ?
CLONING AT VANDERBILT SUCCESSFUL
It was announced today at the Med Center about the latest success in cloning.
Doc Morris said " We've already cloned engineering professors and decided to go to the next level. "
BVD asked if it could speak and Morris replied " Not yet , there may have been tooo much Thackston in the primate primordial primiative ooze , butt , we are still hopeful. Since Bush does'nt know anything about these experiments , Frist was able to get us another 5 billion for research. Currently , we are planning to clone a president that has the ability to think , butt , that project is years away due to problems with gray matter photosynthesis benevolent in Bush's DNA. "
Doc Morris declined comment about cloning Blue People.
VH1'S FLAV ON CAMPUS
FLAV O FLAV from VH1 was on campus passing out clocks. FLAV stated " I've never seen it rain sooo much in one place before. This is just incredible. "
FLAV's HARD UP
VH1's very own FLAV O FLAV continues to walk around hard up with no place to put it. Now , he's passing out clocks to the contestant's mothers.
" I'm in a bad way to do the funkin punkin. " stated FLAV , pointing to his wet pants.
Friday, March 03, 2006
LETTERMAN LECTURES at BRANSCOMB
David Letterman spoke to the student body last night about the Honour System at Vanderbilt.
When he was finished , the questions being asked , showed that many students did'nt understand , or they just were'nt listening due to Ipod interference.
Mr. Letterman quickly summed up his hour long lecture by simply saying , " Look everybody , this is Vanderbilt , being honest while taking exams , is just like people at CBS knowing they can't watch the NBC winter olympic games , which simply means , who cares. "
EUBANKS ON CAMPUS
Kevin Eubanks of The Tonight Show will be on campus demonstrating the guitar and talking about the music buisness.
One professor from the music school remarked , " He still has'nt learned to play the guitar , but , he makes a lot of money making a lot of noise. "
THACKSTON vs. BOWERS
It was a word game of he said she said that got the cronies of Thackston and Bowers on the ice.
Bowers was trying to explain the birds and the bees to Thackston in a way ass to get him to understand.
Things heated up and the fight was on.
When time was running out on the ice , it looked like Bowers team was going to win. One of Thackston's cronies had a word with Vice President Cheney who confided that thru illegal wire taps , he learned Bowers was'nt wearing a groin protection. Upon learning this , Thackston took Bowers out of the game. This action happened so quickly , the refs did'nt see it.
Ass Bowers was removed from the ice , he hollered at Thackston , " I still know more about co-ed pussy than you !"
SPEECE DESTROYS ENGINEERING SCHOOL
The School of Engineering disappeared in a ball of fire Thursday night when another of Professor Speece's research experiments went boom. Speece's life work has been studying human waste and converting it into bio-chemical weapons. His experiments have been the ridicule of everyone including the Med Center , whose professionals have wondered about his medival practices. " There's no reason for doing research in this archaic manner. " said one medical researcher who did'nt want his name used.
Professor Bowers was devistated ass his brass bed was destroyed in the explosion. " Now where am I supposed to advise the co-eds ?" he wondered.
The reason for Speece's failure in this research project is still under investigation at this time. Metro's fire marshall was slinging his fire axe at anyone he suspected of being an engineering professor ass this was not the first time he had to come out and put out some silly assed professor's nonsense. " This silly nonsence has got to stop . " he exclaimed , " Why can't anything be done about him ? The man is a menance to everyone including himself. "
Chairman Thackston replied , " Speece is my friend , I hired him , and besides , you can't fire him , he's got tenure , if he wants to blow up the place , then he can. "
Speece later remarked , " Now that those dead bodies have been destroyed , I won't have to worry about sneaking into the Anatomy Department tonight. "
BODE DOES THE VANDERBILT
The HUSTLER finally caught up with Bode Miller for an interview. It was'nt easy to talk to him stated Jerry with BVD News. He was constantly on the move. Anyway , HUSTLER followed a path of beer cans , crushed shrubbery , over turned tables , and grooves in the grass from skies.
Bode was found skiing down the foam mountain formed by the beer kegs at Rites of Spring.
When asked for a comment , Bode replied , " Everything I know about drinking , I learned at Vanderbilt , HEY , Give me a push , will ya ? "
BEASTIE BOYS at RITES of SPRING
The Beastie Boys were on campus to celebrate Vanderbilt's Rites of Spring. The Boys were really impressed at Vanderbilt's ability to party down. One member exclaimed , " Wow , what a fantastic place. Where else can you go to get drunk and get laid at the same time ?"
Another member stated , " This is the best party in the entire SEC , I mean where else can you go party , take a 30 minute break to look over a test file , then take a take home test in class , and then get back to the party ? Awsome , just awsome ."
APOLO ANTON at SARRAT
Apolo Anton , of the Winter Olympics 2006 , was at Sarrat to talk about his experiences and answer questions and give insider knowledge of how to graduate from a 4 year program in 6 years. Later , while talking and walking towards the Overcup , Apolo slipped on a banana peeling . Everyone , being in shock at the moment exclaimed " OHNO ! "
BUSH's POPULARITY FALLS
The Hustler had a chance to talk with Chancelor Gee regarding President Bush's falling popularity in the polls. Gee replied " There's a misconception about the 34 percent popularity poll , here at Vanderbilt , it's not 34 percent of the Vanderbilt community , it's actually 34 people out of the entire Vanderbilt community. "
Thursday, March 02, 2006
NIXON IS NEW CHAIRMAN
Vanderbilt put out the welcome matt for Suicide Girls Ms. Nixon yesterday. She will be the new chair for the anatomy department located in the basements basement under the old gym.
Ms. Nixon brings with her a broad knowledge and experience of the male anatomy.
" There is'nt any part of the male species I have'nt cut off or bit off " smiled Ms. Nixon and she said " I've pierced every inch of the male's physical body. Regardless of whether they liked it or wanted it. "
BVD over heard Ms. Nixon saying " So many young men and only one me. " while she toured the Vanderbilt campus last Friday night and looking forward to her own kind of rituals with Rites of Spring.
DONALD TRUMP ON THE WALL AT RAND
Real estate mogul Donald Trump came to Vanderbilt last Monday to do interviews for his upcoming sixth season of THE APPRENTICE while pitching his fifth season. Mr. Trump almost choked on his tie when he learned Vanderbilt costs were over $45,000$ a year for the undergrad programs.
" That's anally insane to pay that much money for a few test files. " , stated Mr.trump , " Butt , I admire Vanderbilt's gall." he continued while smiling.
Everyone was embarassingly devastated when Donald Trump suddenly stood up and addressed the crowd saying " I need people who have common sense and a nose for making money , anyone who would pay $45,000$ for a few test files obviously does'nt need a job or a career. YOU ARE ALL FIRED !"
Meanwhile , several Vanderbilt doctors were seen at Trump's helicopter standing around in a mental state of confusion while holding their golf bags. It seems they thought this was the LifeFlight helicopter which was to take them to Montgomery Bell for their afternoon golf game. Already on board , were Governor Bredeson and Trauma Doc Morris who refused to unlock the doors.
Wednesday, March 01, 2006
CHENEY SHOOTS THE GECKO
This morning , the Vice President's shotgun reportedly went off accidentaly , in the Oval Office , killing Geico's Gecko.
Vice Prseident Cheney explained that he had tripped over his own foot while shooting pidgeons in the Oval Office causing his gun to accidentally go off. The gun barrel was pointed down while he was reloading.
Also , continued Cheney , " For the records , I only had one beer before lunch , one beer for lunch , and ONLY one beer after lunch. "
Meanwhile the Secret Service mysteriously put a stop to all investigations including the autopsy. When the Vice President was asked why , he replied , " With both barrels going off at the same time , and with that amount of birdshot , the only thing leaft was a big hole in the floor and the remains of the tail , which was still wiggling at the time. "
Ass the news media was leaving , Cheney was overheard to say , " Save the tail , I'll use it for fish bait. "
BVD Blue News was also on the scene and asked President Bush about the incident. " I don't know anything about it. I was having coffee with the UAE in the Oval Office at the time. "
Geico's Gecko reportedly was in the White House selling auto insurance.
Later , while standing in the White House backyard , the Vice President remarked off the record , " The President does'nt drive....... , PULL ! "
SHARON STONE GETS BACK TO BASICS
Sharon Stone in Basic Instincs II
She is on record for claiming to be the only actress Hollywood has to pay to keep her clothes on.
Are things really looking that nasty after 14 years ?
U.S. Government vs. Vanderbilt University History Department
Vanderbilt University , BVD News Bloggtographer - The HUSTLER learned the United States government has been trying to rewrite American history inside Vanderbilt's History Department. HUSTLER's officially unofficially Jerry was on the scene to find out why.
Jerry : What's going on ? What's wrong with American history ?
Dean , Vanderbilt History Department : It's a taxing paranormal complexity , unparalleled to the unparanormal complexities paralled to the oxi moronic chaos within this universe.
Jerry : What ? Is this a Thackston joke ?
Dean : Worse. We are talking taxation to the taxes , for the taxes , because of the taxes , so our government can tax our taxes.
Jerry : I'm really not following you on this.
Dean : Do you remember " No taxation without representation ?"
Jerry : Well , yes , I'm old school.
Dean : Our government is now putting military classification on American history for the purposes of hiding the truth. The NSA co operating with the CIA , who has FBI jurisdiction , under Secret Service guidlines ,and without a warrant , are now pulling early American history books off the shelves and taking them to a safe place , deep beneath the Pentagon , where Americans can't get to them and learn the truth.
Jerry : That's absurd , what's so classified about early American history ?
Dean : Here is a classic classified example. Today , American citizens pay city water taxes to provide water to their homes. Have you seen a water bill lately ? The citizen pays water useage tax , water pipe tax , boundary line tax , county tax , city tax , water meter tax , water flow tax , water pressure tax , county school district tax , city school district tax , city government employee tax , city residence citizen tax , city residence outside the city tax , and even sales tax on the monetary total , plus sales tax on the bottom line.
Jerry : OK , I'm trying to follow what you are saying.
Dean : Did you learn about the " Boston Tea Party " ?
Jerry : Yes , it was a revolt against the British king putting a tax on tea.
Dean : That's right. Well , look around you today. We have a tax on tea , we have taxes on the water to make the tea , there's sales tax on the tea leaves , import ship taxes , in port ship taxes , port authority taxes on the ship , ship container taxes , plus import taxes , customs taxes , transportation taxes , there's even sales taxes on the tea container in your home so you can take it home.
Jerry : Whoa , my head is spinning.
Dean : Now do you understand why our government wants to hide this about our history ?
STAPLES MAKES LEARNING EASY
New for the spring semester is the Staples EASY button now being used in the language department. For years , students have been trying to learn Chinese with great difficulty. Professor Bing Ming proudly introduced the students to the EASY button today with the local news media present. " We no longer need flash cards , models , CPU's , PC's , grad student teachers who can't speak english , or even interpreters." smiled Ming." One push on this button and your learning Chinese. "
Vanderbilt voiced concern about losing millions in various grants and funding from different charities which have kept the language department going during difficult times while keeping the Chanceller in a new car every year.
Gee was over heard saying , " I don't know what I'll do now , . . . wait , . . . I got it...! "
THE GREATEST MYSTERY of ALL TIME ?
One of the BIG mysteries of life , " Where is Mystery , Alaska ?"
